Comfortable sadness...

[Gaze]

Please elaborate as to why you think that is.

ok

Does sadness make us more in tune with reality?

The feeling of happiness can be very addictive. Who wouldn't want to feel good or content. But the need to always feel that things are going well or must always go well can actually provide more rather than less stress to maintain it, increasing the fear or concern of what will happen if we don't maintain a consistent level of happiness or contentment. I think feeling sadness, in some cases, can help to put things in perspective. This doesn't mean that you approach life with sadness or pessimism, hopeless or strive to be happy or at content, but it helps to remember that life involves a balance of good and bad. Sadness allows us to experience a state of discomfort, disappointment, or loss, so that we can appreciate what we have or when we w do have more. There's the sense that life can't always go the way we want or things can't always work out perfectly and that's ok. It can also help us remember not to take things we have for granted as well. This is of course just one perspective on this, others may have other insights to offer on this.

I think both emotions can lend themselves quite nicely to exaggerating certain elements of a situation.

I agree with this. I think when we are are lead by our feelings and emotions, whether positive or negative, we are more likely to perceive situations through the lens of our feelings naturally. If I am sad, and unhappy, and pessimistic about life, choices, prospects, or opportunities, I'm more likely to approach situations with reserve or question about the positive outcomes. Or I may overreact, overdramatize, or experience/respond to a situation as if it is worse than it really is. In addition, anything someone says or does, could be perceived almost immediately in a negative light because this maybe my attitude toward life at a particular point in time. Consequently, I may limit my options further as a result.

 

[NeverAmI]

So if it is just in us to feel worthless, How do you combat that?

I think the best beginning is to show yourself that you are not worthless, without the influence or validation of anyone else. It is justifying 'I' to 'me.' ('I' being the self separate of social context, 'me' being yourself as existing in a social context.) You are not at the hands of anyone else but yourself, even though you may let yourself think that is not the case. Now, this is on a social level, not spiritual, although if you so desire it can extend into that realm. You have the ability to exert your will, there is cause and reaction. What you make of that is how your life will be shaped.

Oh, and you don't owe anyone anything emotionally. The only person that can convince you that you aren't worthless is you.

Of course that doesn't meant to go out on a hedonistic spree or to just go do whatever you like. It must be done in an intelligent manner. You really have to try to create substance separate from a social context.

At least that is my understanding. Then again, I barely have any social context.

 

[Entyqua]

The only problem with this otherwise potent and beautifully written analogy is that you're still painting sadness and happiness as outside influences vying over control over your person. It isn't so much sadness that must be escaped--indeed, it would be foolish to promise that you would never experience it again-- but rather, its the part of yourself that favours sadness that must be confronted and acknowledged. It's important to realize that this internal battle is not separate entities, but rather, made up of the individual whole. You are that darkness as much as you are the light. And you can't really run from or toward yourself, can you? It's when you accept that you are really outside of this battle, as much as you are inside of it, do you gain the freedom that you desire.

I do not mean anything mean spirited by putting this way, of course; I'm only offering up this viewpoint as it might help to get that push out the door

I know that I AM this...I am those dark hands as much as I am the warming light..i wrote the analogy that way because it was how I pictured my battle...Only recently discovering there was a door...LIke was mentioned before I have always had bouts of happiness...but they were always twinged with the sour taste of my sadness, never truly able to fully enjoy them...

I know I will never escape those hands...they will always be there, but perhaps one day I can walk through the darkness, and observe it, instead of being tugged by it.

 

[Entyqua]

I think the best beginning is to show yourself that you are not worthless, without the influence or validation of anyone else. It is justifying 'I' to 'me.' ('I' being the self separate of social context, 'me' being yourself as existing in a social context.) You are not at the hands of anyone else but yourself, even though you may let yourself think that is not the case. Now, this is on a social level, not spiritual, although if you so desire it can extend into that realm. You have the ability to exert your will, there is cause and reaction. What you make of that is how your life will be shaped.

Oh, and you don't owe anyone anything emotionally. The only person that can convince you that you aren't worthless is you.

Of course that doesn't meant to go out on a hedonistic spree or to just go do whatever you like. It must be done in an intelligent manner. You really have to try to create substance separate from a social context.

At least that is my understanding. Then again, I barely have any social context.

I guess I have always known that...deep down...but to say that to the ten year old that sometimes peeks out of hiding...the little me that doesn't know shes anything but worthless, cuz thats all mommy and daddy ever told her...She doesn't know that no one can make her feel that way...she was taught that mom and dad are law...nothing and no one can undo what they have decreed. be it a beating, a thorough tongue lashing, or other things that I will not derail this thread with...
How do I tell her...That little girl who has shaped so much of my darkness...

How do I remove something that was beaten in so completely...?

EDIT:

I try to see what some of you have said you see in me...I feel unworthy of those words of praise...but I try to see myself as you do...If I get a glimmer of that person, The darkness likes to beat me harder with more doubt...How do you fight back?

 

[NeverAmI]

I guess I have always known that...deep down...but to say that to the ten year old that sometimes peeks out of hiding...the little me that doesn't know shes anything but worthless, cuz thats all mommy and daddy ever told her...She doesn't know that no one can make her feel that way...she was taught that mom and dad are law...nothing and no one can undo what they have decreed. be it a beating, a thorough tongue lashing, or other things that I will not derail this thread with...
How do I tell her...That little girl who has shaped so much of my darkness...

How do I remove something that was beaten in so completely...?

Just hold her hand when she is scared, eventually she will find her own way. She needs to grow.

 

[NeverAmI]

..How do you fight back?

You don't need to fight back; you can exist separate from it. That will help you grow. Someday you may come back to fight, but you will probably find it is not worth your time.

 

[Gaze]

I guess I have always known that...deep down...but to say that to the ten year old that sometimes peeks out of hiding...the little me that doesn't know shes anything but worthless, cuz thats all mommy and daddy ever told her...She doesn't know that no one can make her feel that way...she was taught that mom and dad are law...nothing and no one can undo what they have decreed. be it a beating, a thorough tongue lashing, or other things that I will not derail this thread with...
How do I tell her...That little girl who has shaped so much of my darkness...

How do I remove something that was beaten in so completely...?

EDIT:

I try to see what some of you have said you see in me...I feel unworthy of those words of praise...but I try to see myself as you do...If I get a glimmer of that person, The darkness likes to beat me harder with more doubt...How do you fight back?

Just tell her she's got this awesome woman standing right behind her . . .

http://images.artwanted.com/large/01/12607_202201.jpg

 

[Entyqua]

NAI, I dont think you see this about yourself, but your straight forward approach to dealing with this kind of thing is so refreshing...I cant even think of anything to say because its so obvious and simple...I get that whole "Why didnt I think of that" vibe...because I dont think of these things...I see it as this big scary thing that is too overwhelming, but i fight it every day...and all I have to do is stop fighting, and grow...Im taken aback...

 

[Blind Bandit]

This is so painful for me. It hits home so hard I think I just opened a wound a mile long.

I did this thing this morning. I let sadness take me again. Just when I think I can maintain happiness. Sadness swoops back down and takes me for a loop. And I crawl back into the sadness.

This for me is my core issue. Why I can't move forward and why my life isn't what I want it to be. Because I won't let myself be happy and I refuse to let go of the sadness. I've turned down so much good in my life because of fear and the idea I think subconsciously that I don't deserve to be happy.

I feel like throwing up. I'm making my life hell and I don't know how to stop it. Its like I'm also fighting to these negative thoughts under control. Am I destined to be this sad pathetic heap for the rest of my life. Will this always be this hard to be happy?

 

[Entyqua]

Just tell her she's got this awesome woman standing right behind her . . .

http://images.artwanted.com/large/01/12607_202201.jpg

thanks babe!

 

[NeverAmI]

NAI, I dont think you see this about yourself, but your straight forward approach to dealing with this kind of thing is so refreshing...I cant even think of anything to say because its so obvious and simple...I get that whole "Why didnt I think of that" vibe...because I dont think of these things...I see it as this big scary thing that is too overwhelming, but i fight it every day...and all I have to do is stop fighting, and grow...Im taken aback...

I hope it proves sound advice.

Good luck to you, my friend!

 

[Entyqua]

This is so painful for me. It hits home so hard I think I just opened a wound a mile long.

I did this thing this morning. I let sadness take me again. Just when I think I can maintain happiness. Sadness swoops back down and takes me for a loop. And I crawl back into the sadness.

This for me is my core issue. Why I can't move forward and why my life isn't what I want it to be. Because I won't let myself be happy and I refuse to let go of the sadness. I've turned down so much good in my life because of fear and the idea I think subconsciously that I don't deserve to be happy.

I feel like throwing up. I'm making my life hell and I don't know how to stop it. Its like I'm also fighting to these negative thoughts under control. Am I destined to be this sad pathetic heap for the rest of my life. Will this always be this hard to be happy?

Hey bb...welcome to the frey...I know exactly all the feelings you describe...I know I am just as messed up, but if you need to talk, Im here...

 

[Entyqua]

I hope it proves sound advice.

Good luck to you, my friend!

The concept is simple, the execution...well thats another story...its something i will work on though...

 

[Morgain]

This is so painful for me. It hits home so hard I think I just opened a wound a mile long.

I did this thing this morning. I let sadness take me again. Just when I think I can maintain happiness. Sadness swoops back down and takes me for a loop. And I crawl back into the sadness.

This for me is my core issue. Why I can't move forward and why my life isn't what I want it to be. Because I won't let myself be happy and I refuse to let go of the sadness. I've turned down so much good in my life because of fear and the idea I think subconsciously that I don't deserve to be happy.

I feel like throwing up. I'm making my life hell and I don't know how to stop it. Its like I'm also fighting to these negative thoughts under control. Am I destined to be this sad pathetic heap for the rest of my life. Will this always be this hard to be happy?

ow BB, I did the same thing this weekend. I've spend the whole weekend in sadness. But really, there is an end to the tunnel. There is, I can see it! Whenever I'm sad I should examine it and see where the sadness comes from. It is always about me not honouring myself. Trying to fit in and knowing that will never work and not daring to make a statement of my own. But when I do make a statement, when I do accept myself by accepting the feelings I get, the sadness faiths away and peace comes in the place. You are who you are and can be proud of it!

 

[sassafras]

I know that I AM this...I am those dark hands as much as I am the warming light..i wrote the analogy that way because it was how I pictured my battle...Only recently discovering there was a door...LIke was mentioned before I have always had bouts of happiness...but they were always twinged with the sour taste of my sadness, never truly able to fully enjoy them...

I know I will never escape those hands...they will always be there, but perhaps one day I can walk through the darkness, and observe it, instead of being tugged by it.

Ah, I see what you mean. I'm rooting for you!

 

[NeverAmI]

The concept is simple, the execution...well thats another story...its something i will work on though...

Just remember, repitition is key. Fear was normal in my case.

 

[Gaze]

ow BB, I did the same thing this weekend. I've spend the whole weekend in sadness. But really, there is an end to the tunnel. There is, I can see it! Whenever I'm sad I should examine it and see where the sadness comes from. It is always about me not honouring myself. Trying to fit in and knowing that will never work and not daring to make a statement of my own. But when I do make a statement, when I do accept myself by accepting the feelings I get, the sadness faiths away and peace comes in the place. You are who you are and can be proud of it!

This^^^^^

 

[Ecton]

Just remember, repitition is key. Fear was normal in my case.

+1

 

[Entyqua]

Just remember, repitition is key. Fear was normal in my case.

I imagine fear is what has kept me here for so long...fear of change, fear of the unknown...I am sure there are still so many things I have yet to remember. Fear of facing my demons...fear of who I will be at the end...

I have to laugh a little though, because I keep thinking of what to do and all I can think of in repetition is to say to myself "I'm good enough, I'm strong enough, and doggonnit, people like me!"

 

[TinyBubbles]

This is so painful for me. It hits home so hard I think I just opened a wound a mile long.

I did this thing this morning. I let sadness take me again. Just when I think I can maintain happiness. Sadness swoops back down and takes me for a loop. And I crawl back into the sadness.

This for me is my core issue. Why I can't move forward and why my life isn't what I want it to be. Because I won't let myself be happy and I refuse to let go of the sadness. I've turned down so much good in my life because of fear and the idea I think subconsciously that I don't deserve to be happy.

I feel like throwing up. I'm making my life hell and I don't know how to stop it. Its like I'm also fighting to these negative thoughts under control. Am I destined to be this sad pathetic heap for the rest of my life. Will this always be this hard to be happy?

aw thats sad, but thankyou for sharing, i don't think you're destined to be anything you don't want to be. i also think subconsciously alot of people do things that make their situations worse because they believe deep down they don't don't deserve better.