Commitment and INFJs. What Gives?

MBTI Addict

MBTI Addict

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Hi all,
Another relationship story here. Hope you don't find it redundant and/or boring, but I guess I'm looking for some empathy from my fellow INFJs.

I met my current boyfriend in a class a year and half ago. I had this moment, during our last class where I thought, "I have to have him." I can't remember the last time that has ever happened. In any case, we end up becoming friends until we hit a point where we spend our entire weekends together. Then, about a month ago, he came out and told me that he liked me more than a friend, and poof, here we are.

I spent so much time working on our friendship and now that I "have" him, I find that my interest is waning. Things are good, we have such a solid foundation of friendship, but it's like, all that motivation I had before to simply kiss him has faded away and now I find that I'm often bored with how comfortable we are with one another.

This comfort is good, I guess. I feel like I've watched too many movies in my lifetime, but I find that I'm itching to leave the comfort for something newer and more exciting. I want more wooing and more romance.

What's the deal? Why can't I be content in this? Is this a problem with commitment? Do any of you guys feel the same way?
 
Personality compatibility is a sensitive issue, especially when everything looks good on the outside. There are some MB types who plainly don't understand the depth of our needs and when that happens I believe we are apt to find ourselves disconnected, numb, robotic, a Stepford Wife,etc. At the same time, you can try to explain your feelings and your needs ... and they just don't get it.

Here's another swing on this, most INFJs crave stability ... and which MB types are the ones to fulfill this need? The same ones who will not be able to connect on a deeper level. It's a catch 22.

I personally believe INFJs NEED to feel so connected to a partner, that they could operate as one person ... in order to be really happy or satisfied. It is a magical relationship. The problem is that those opportunities are few and far between ... and before you know it, life may have passed you by. So your option could go either way, but both having a price. You risk leaving contentment for something that may never fall in your lap ... or you risk passing up a deeper, more meaningful relationship and basically "settle" for a partner that doesn't understand you.

I would advise you to:
1) Prioritize which of your needs is MOST important and then STICK to finding a relationship in that order.
2) Talk to your partner about what you want.
3) Allow the dominos to fall as they may.

The Universe works in mysterious ways. :)
 
What's his type?

What specific traits attracted you to him in the first place?

How's the sex?

What's he doing/not doing that you want more of?
 
Sriracha said:
Personality compatibility is a sensitive issue, especially when everything looks good on the outside. There are some MB types who plainly don't understand the depth of our needs and when that happens I believe we are apt to find ourselves disconnected, numb, robotic, a Stepford Wife,etc. At the same time, you can try to explain your feelings and your needs ... and they just don't get it.

Here's another swing on this, most INFJs crave stability ... and which MB types are the ones to fulfill this need? The same ones who will not be able to connect on a deeper level. It's a catch 22.

I personally believe INFJs NEED to feel so connected to a partner, that they could operate as one person ... in order to be really happy or satisfied. It is a magical relationship. The problem is that those opportunities are few and far between ... and before you know it, life may have passed you by. So your option could go either way, but both having a price. You risk leaving contentment for something that may never fall in your lap ... or you risk passing up a deeper, more meaningful relationship and basically "settle" for a partner that doesn't understand you.

I would advise you to:
1) Prioritize which of your needs is MOST important and then STICK to finding a relationship in that order.
2) Talk to your partner about what you want.
3) Allow the dominos to fall as they may.

The Universe works in mysterious ways. :)
Click to expand...




Sriracha,
You hit the nail on the head about the stability thing. My relationships in the past were never stable (I always had one foot out the door even as I went in), but they were definitely passionate and romantic. This relationship now feels so stable that I can still imagine us together many years into the future, which is something I never entertained with my other relationships.
I will go through your list. Thank you so much for your insight.



Spilled Milk,

What's his type?
INTJ

What specific traits attracted you to him in the first place?
His stability, kindness, directness, intelligence.

How's the sex?
Not as passionate as I'd like it to be.

What's he doing/not doing that you want more of?
He doesn't give me as much physical affection as I need. I'd like him to want to see me more than just a few days a week.
 
Maybe you should test him so that he cheats on you and your trying to win him back will provide some excitement.
 
[video=youtube;qbJOLq5wXwk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbJOLq5wXwk[/video]

What Mr. McFadden is describing is, of course, a male ENTP.

ENTPs are naturally good looking, good at making money, good in the sack, and good with everything they set their mind upon. The only thing you have to do is to keep them excited.
 
Sucks, doesn't it? Being an INFJ feels something like being a Jedi... ya know, minus all the cool stuff! It's like feeling such a strong connection to everything, it's difficult to focus it on one single person without the question of "Is this it, or should I be looking for more" popping up. It's like a nagging sense of duty to "keep going!" despite having everything you want at your fingertips.

Edit - OT a bit, but the only person I've wished dead was an ENTP... sorry, can't explain it :(
 
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