Corrupt a wish

Granted. You press the button and it asks you to pick up a phone. You abort after twenty questions. The next person in line isn't asked a single question and is off to parts unknown. You try again, but will it be in English? If so, please press one.

I wish I could go to Argentina waterfowling.
 
granted you go and don't come back, it's a one way trip

I wish I had a pet turtle
 
OK, but you must let it follow you around at the grocery store.

I wish I could have taken a few more things with me to Argentina.
 
You did! However, someone framed you for theft by placing stolen goods among your items. Better get out of dodge!

I wish I got more sleep...
 
Granted. Now a prince must find you to awaken you.

I wish my lawn mower was ready.
 
granted, it's ready to break down hahaha

I wish I had a ladder to heaven
 
granted but you're a paraplegic and actually need an elevator

I wish I could read people's thoughts just by looking at them
 
Granted but you are now in an insane asylum because you can't handle knowing what people's true thoughts are.

I wish that people would treat each other with kindness.
 
Granted. You meet a fellow who's nice to you, but he doesn't mean it. Years later, you've started a family together and he suddenly explodes in a fit of rage one day. "YOU LOOK GREAT IN THAT DRESS I BOUGHT YOU" he roars while he proceeds to murder you with an axe and burn your nice house down. He makes sure to clean up the ruin later while muttering to himself "well, it just wouldn't be nice to leave this mess for someone else to clean up..."

I wish I could fluently speak several languages.
 
granted, but now anytime you speak your non-native tongue, people still look at you funny or like you're crazy, even if they know what you're saying.

I wish i could sleep in.
 
Granted. But you sleep in for 90 years, while your body lies there, preserved. You wake up almost a century later to find that everybody you ever cared for, everyone you loved, has died - in fact, everyone has died, except for you. The world succumbed to a nuclear holocaust a decade prior. You find that remarkably, your muscles haven't atrophied, but you're still shaky.

You stumble, slowly, to your feet, look out the window of the skeletal tower you find yourself in. The Earth is littered with ruin, a bleak wasteland riddled with radiation that would make a Geiger counter blush. You crumble to your knees, close your eyes, and collapse onto yourself, heaving chest-wracking sobs.

I wish I had a puppy.
 
Granted, but the puppy chews up your most valued possessions.

I wish I could teleport to wherever I wanted to be
 
granted, but you teleport so slowly that by the time you get there, it isn't where you want to be anymore.

I wish I was more organized
 
Granted. You become so organized that you eventually take over the world and institute a totalitarian regime which cause the stagnation and decay of the entire human race.

I wish I was part of a race of super being.
 
Granted.But nothing changed. You are human ,the one and only being on earth among millions of other species that has the ability to be self - aware .

Now a real wish.
I wish my girl who left me after 9 years a half year ago , would be back.
 
granted she comes back to invite you to her wedding

I wish I had a fortune cookie
 
granted, you crack it open and find a live worm :eek:

I wish I could play the drums
 
You can, but you play to a different beat while the orchestra you are part of is performing live. Everyone starts staring at you, [MENTION=1926]TinyBubbles[/MENTION]

I wish I could go fishing tomorrow.
 
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but your morning poo will be the most relaxing thing you actually get to do. >.<

I wish I could write famous erotica.
 
You can, and do. Your literary brilliance spreads like wildfire and people board themselves up in their homes for total privacy to read your novels, eventually preferring self-pleasure over the task of finding mates. The human species evolves into an asexual being, lacking reproductive organs. There is no longer male or female, only androgynous humanoids that reproduce through spores. Thus, your erotica has become obsolete.

…But that’s what you had intended all along, wasn't it? Tsk tsk…so naughty.


I wish the next poster to have two wishes.
 
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