Dating that Leads to Marriage?

Jet said:
I think I would rather have some of hat cake @Eventhorizon was talking about ;)
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@Jet, from the vibes I'm picking up on, it sounds like you may need to experience love from a real man. Then you might be a bit more positive regarding marriage. ;) I hope you can experience that someday and I'm hoping the best for you!
 
Settling for me, is wanting something less than a commitment of love, passion, and marriage. I may never have it but a girl can dream. :D I don't think marriage is just a piece of paper, and I don't think it's a lost cause. Everyone's experience shapes them. In my experience, living together would be acceptable, but not good enough. It would never offer the stability, comfort, and connection to my partner that marriage would offer. I think not wanting to commit to marriage for fear of all that can go wrong is dooming marriage, not marriage itself. Both people must go into it, and maneuver it with the right attitude, not as a romantic dream that's based on a fairy tale. People change, and people grow. That doesn't mean marriage has to end. It means, there's room for flexibility and adaptability along the way. I've always wanted a companion for life: A husband who is my love, life partner, friend, etc. Idealistic perhaps, but that's vision. Nothing else would be as satisfying, even if I were to accept less. Marriage is not about wanting to be with someone in the moment, for the time being, or for as long as it feels good and everything is great. Marriage is for the long term, thick and thin, through the fire, with burns, etc. It goes far beyond being in a long term relationship. It's a bone deep sacrifice and commitment to one person. And it's not just a piece of paper. If it was, it wouldn't be fought for and valued as highly as it is. It takes far more than two people loving each other to be married. I think most people don't fully understand what marriage is supposed to be about, so they blame if for problems caused by society's mixed messages. Marriage is not the problem, it's how we see it, and how we do or don't prepare for it, that's the real issue.
 
Gist said:
Settling for me, is wanting something less than a commitment of love, passion, and marriage. I may never have it but a girl can dream. :D I don't think marriage is just a piece of paper, and I don't think it's a lost cause. Everyone's experience shapes them. In my experience, living together would be acceptable, but not good enough. It would never offer the stability, comfort, and connection to my partner that marriage would offer. I think not wanting to commit to marriage for fear of all that can go wrong is dooming marriage, not marriage itself. Both people must go into it, and maneuver it with the right attitude, not as a romantic dream that's based on a fairy tale. People change, and people grow. That doesn't mean marriage has to end. It means, there's room for flexibility and adaptability along the way. I've always wanted a companion for life: A husband who is my love, life partner, friend, etc. Idealistic perhaps, but that's vision. Nothing else would be as satisfying, even if I were to accept less. Marriage is not about wanting to be with someone in the moment, for the time being, or for as long as it feels good and everything is great. Marriage is for the long term, thick and thin, through the fire, with burns, etc. It goes far beyond being in a long term relationship. It's a bone deep sacrifice and commitment to one person. And it's not just a piece of paper. If it was, it wouldn't be fought for and valued as highly as it is. It takes far more than two people loving each other to be married. I think most people don't fully understand what marriage is supposed to be about, so they blame if for problems caused by society's mixed messages. Marriage is not the problem, it's how we see it, and how we do or don't prepare for it, that's the real issue.
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I absolutely love this and agree with you 100%. You said exactly what I was thinking throughout these posts and summed it all up rather eloquently if I do say. :)
 
RunDeep said:
Thank you. I have stated that marriage is a two-way street. What am I saying (and perhaps miscommunicated), is that it takes two selfless people to make a marriage work. two people who are willing to make sacrifices for the other and take responsibility for their own actions/choices. Having the victim mentality that "we are all slaves to our natures, biology, human desires, etc." is not the way to look at it. Humans should seek to rise above our weaknesses and strive for what is good, pure, and lovely. Will we be perfect? of course not. I'm not perfect in the slightest. but that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to be the best we can be.
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This really resonated with me. My parents have one of the most amazing relationships I've ever seen. And you know why? They choose to love one another even when it gets shaky and always come out stronger and more in love than before. They've been married for 27 years now are more in love than on their wedding day. They truly are an amazing team and are an inspiration to me and my fiance.

So, don't listen to people who say a beautiful marriage is unrealistic. People like you, @RunDeep, are the kind of people who can change the world because they have a dream and values to strive for.
 
Comet said:
This really resonated with me. My parents have one of the most amazing relationships I've ever seen. And you know why? They choose to love one another even when it gets shaky and always come out stronger and more in love than before. They've been married for 27 years now are more in love than on their wedding day. They truly are an amazing team and are an inspiration to me and my fiance.

So, don't listen to people who say a beautiful marriage is unrealistic. People like you, @RunDeep, are the kind of people who can change the world because they have a dream and values to strive for.
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My parents got married after knowing each other for 3 months...have been married 32 years. Because of hard work, not love. Sure there was love but mostly it was them jointly working towards the same goal.

You sound like the women who speak of the beauty and miracle of childbirth, when that is just not the reality. Just because something can be figuratively (or in the case of childbirth, literally) shitty doesn't make it any less worthwhile.

Oh and changing the world goes a lot easier if you have a solid game plan in addition to just dreams and values. Actual change takes boots on the ground as they say.
 
Jet said:
My parents got married after knowing each other for 3 months...have been married 32 years. Because of hard work, not love. Sure there was love but mostly it was them jointly working towards the same goal.

You sound like the women who speak of the beauty and miracle of childbirth, when that is just not the reality. Just because something can be figuratively (or in the case of childbirth, literally) shitty doesn't make it any less worthwhile.

Oh and changing the world goes a lot easier if you have a solid game plan in addition to just dreams and values. Actual change takes boots on the ground as they say.
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You are certainly correct in that marriage takes hard work and a game plan-- it does-- in addition to love, dreams, values, etc. ;) A balance of everything is key!

@Comet Thank you for the encouragement... You are very very kind! You seem like a wonderful person too. :)
 
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Jet said:
Especially if run isn't the only deep thing he does ;)

Because while sex can not make a relationship, it can definitely break it if people are on different pages.
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Haha oh my. *redface* *cheesy grin* XD
 
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RunDeep said:
You are certainly correct in that marriage takes hard work and a game plan-- it does-- in addition to love, dreams, values, etc. ;) A balance of everything is key!

@Comet Thank you for the encouragement... You are very very kind! You seem like a wonderful person too. :)
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That is all I am saying man. It may not seem like it but I am a hopeless romantic, but that looks different for everyone. From a pragmatic standpoint, plans and compatibility and all that other stuff does not make a love any less, and since that is the case, I just don't understand why so many find it unromantic or a tarnish on love and marriage to take such things into account.
 
RunDeep said:
Haha oh my. *redface* *cheesy grin* XD
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<3 I'm just giving you a hard time man. Had my brother lived he would be your age now so I like to pretend I still have some sisterly advice to dole out to the slightly creeped out young men of the interwebz.
 
Jet said:
<3 I'm just giving you a hard time man. Had my brother lived he would be your age now so I like to pretend I still have some sisterly advice to dole out to the slightly creeped out young men of the interwebz.
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<3 <3 <3 Well I appreciate you looking out for us. XD
 
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Love doesn't have to be realistic. It's love. You can date or marry someone who looks good on paper, and have all the right compatibility, and the right qualities, etc. and yet, have an unhappy marriage. So, no, love doesn't have to follow the rules of practicality to be successful. Depends on the couple. Sometimes, it's just two people deciding they are going to make it work in love even if they don't have everything sorted out. Both just need to be on the same page.

No one can define for someone what an experience of love or marriage will be like.Yes, we can offer advice or experiences, but it's unfair to determine for someone what they will feel about it, even before they'd started their journey. It's always unique despite the imagination. I remember hearing so many things about what you're supposed to feel and think when you're in love, and most of it was never applicable to me when I finally experienced it. It was far removed from what I was told that I should feel and think. If I'd held on to what I'd heard you should feel, I would not have enjoyed the experience as much, because I would have been focusing on ways I was supposed to be disappointed based on what I was told to expect.

So, everyone has the right to experience the things they want in their own time, and on their own terms. You don't have to envision the world, or shooting stars, or perfection. It may simply be finding that person who wants to take the journey with you, and finding new reasons everyday to recommit, so that the journey together, is stronger, as time passes. It was never about having a perfectly in love experiences, but learning from experiences to better understand love.
 
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When I'm dating someone, marriage isn't something I think about, hardly at all (if even any at all). I tend to be more long-term oriented than many of my peers in this instance, and I value someone who is into thinking about what holds in the future. With that said, I think you can still be long-term and committed without "putting a ring on it." This isn't to undermine the sense of depth and loyalty that comes with official marriage vows. It's actually more of a building up on the idea that a relationship can still be meaningful, committed to one another, and valued by both parties without it.

I think marriage can be a great thing and if both sides given a few years or so think it's a smart option/works, then I encourage it. I think what @Jet said earlier about it quite literally doing nothing to change the relationship is a vital piece of info. The simple act of being married doesn't, and shouldn't change the relationship itself. Marriage doesn't "Fix" anything.

Anyways, my 2 cents. :)
~Zafronio
 
My answer hasn't changed.

Because marriage is a serious commitment, I am waiting to do it. However, I would like to meet the person I intend to marry soon because I am not a patient man.

:fuming:

With regards to dating, I just cut to the chase. I'll talk to a woman over the course of a day or two and then ask her out to coffee.

I'm very lazy with regards to dating in the sense that I am not the kind of guy to bring a hundred roses to the door of someone I don't know.

If you want that, "it ain't me you're looking for babe."
 
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Pin said:
My answer hasn't changed.

Because marriage is a serious commitment, I am waiting to do it. However, I would like to meet the person I intend to marry soon because I am not a patient man.

:fuming:

With regards to dating, I just cut to the chase. I'll talk to a woman over the course of a day or two and then ask her out to coffee.

I'm very lazy with regards to dating in the sense that I am not the kind of guy to bring a hundred roses to the door of someone I don't know.

If you want that, "it ain't me you're looking for babe."
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Why do you need marriage so badly? Are you trying to own a woman just to get this woman situation solved?
 
ruji said:
Why do you need marriage so badly? Are you trying to own a woman just to get this woman situation solved?
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Own? No.

I just don't want to have my life be "out of whack," so to speak. The sooner I get married, the sooner I can start a family, the sooner I start a family, the sooner I can have a more active role in my community.
 
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