Do INFJ's somehow appear to be cold?

yea, i'm good for moral support but not anything else... my 2nd ex would tell me if something someone did had bothered her... i was all like, "ok... what do you want me to do about it?"

i think over time, i had realized that i can't do anything about anyone's problems (unless its me, of course), and so i feel helpless

even Coke would tell you that i cannot just listen to her on the phone as she's coughing... i immediately go, "are you ok?"

i try not to be too cold, but like when someone is crying on the other side of the phone, i immediately feel helpless, angry, and agonizing restraint from just hanging up the phone.... i haven't yet though, so i'm good so far there...

as i have gotten older, it had become easier for me to switch from feeling to nothing though, and that helps me rid the helpless feeling... and in turn, help out the person that is troubled... thereby, allowing me to not be as cold or unfeeling...
 
This is true ... I once called him crying at midnight or so because I missed him. He stood on the phone with me for three hours until I was calm and ready to fall asleep. Just recently I called him at 11:30 pm because I was so nervous about starting my new job the next day that I could not sleep; he stayed on the line with me until well past 1:00 am.

I guess you could say it is the equivalent of holding me close while I regain my calm (or steal his) and fall asleep.

and to reward him for these lovely shows of affection ... I hang up when I am having an allergy attack and call him back when its over. :)
 
i agree! i have gotten that feedback from coworkers in the past! i have learned to really watch peoples responses when under a tight deadline 'to get the job done'. i get the response - i have a tendency to run with a challenge without looking back! which is so not the case!! i want to be the support and 'guard/shield' so others don't have to deal with the crap! i try to make for effective learning but on the other hand - it can do the opposite when i'm not careful.

relationships - boy that has been a challenge. my husband has learned (after telling him) that i drift A LOT and not to take it personal. it has worked out GREAT but i have to tell him when i'm reflecting. when i get that 'glare' - i tell him and he says ah.. ok. then that's it.

Motor Jax said:
i always assume more leadership roles than anyone, and ready to tackle any challenges. i've been taken as bossy, just never told that face-to-face, but i can see it in the actions and reactions of others

i have been called 'cold', 'heartless', among other things. it's not something that i do intentional

my 2 ex always called me a 'cold, heartless asshole'... she said that it would just seem to her that i just don't have any emotions. wtf? :shock:

she never took the time to consider that i just internalized everything. and when it was time for a job to get done, i was just too focused for anything else

i have tried to change myself, but even afterwards, i still turn out the same way
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Hah! People misunderstand me all the time like this. My ENFP sister thinks i'm fairly cold and 'dont care what people think' (to the contrary, I do, in spite of external appearances and desire not to). Some people think I look angry when i'm concentrating, or come across as judgemental when i'm perplexed.
i think over time, i had realized that i can't do anything about anyone's problems (unless its me, of course), and so i feel helpless
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Gah! I hate being in this state. I'm usually good at 'thinking' about things, so can often come out with a 'logical next step' or some sort of consolation/affirmation based solution. But its disappointing being in a situation where none of the tools at your disposal will work.
 
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people just say i look angry or emotionless.Most of the time they say i don't have emotions but worrying really, won't make the situation better unless you can do something for that person.
 
Thats also what I think!
 
I don't think I look cold - but I think I can look unapproachable. I try to have a cheery look on my face and I'm usually smiling about something. But then, I'm often thinking about something funny or I'm talking to myself.
 
Yeah...I'm a bitch and proud of it. :m171: Strangely, I think it's the reason my friends are my friends and my boyfriend is my boyfriend. I think my "coldness" is my initial appeal that draws people in.

I've been called "stuck up" a lot. Once people get to know me they realize I'm just a goof ball. But I do have that "frost" when I first meet people.
 
People generally don't see me as "cold"...rather they see me as "quiet".

Both are pretty incorrect.
 
i've been called stuck up so many times. i don't know why, though, when the people who would call me that have never spoken to me.
 
I'm cold to people I don't want to be around. If someone is around me, and there energy bothers me, I will not make eye contact, and if they directly talk to me I will either ignore them, pretend to not notice them, or answer with terminal responses.

Some people also just have personalites that I can not respond to confortably. They may like me and want to be friends, but I have a hard time recpiorcating because I don't really know how to act (well I WOULD, but it goes agients me and I could not do it). Thus it can come across as cold.
 
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Are you seen as a snob?

I do, I find this most perplexing. In my opinion a snob shuns contact from others because he/she thinks that the other person is inferior to them. Which is not the case since I am generally pretty accepting of peoples flaws.

I tend to come off a lot of times as tough minded and heavily introverted because I prefer to use my Ti function to my Fe function, and a lot of people misread that.

My ENFP sister also misinterpets things as snubbing or ignoring her when this is clearly not the case. I do have a bit of an ego though, because I've always wanted to be 'better' or 'stronger', so I constantly am testing myself and adopt a detached attitude as a defense mechanism.
 
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Hey Zero angel. This thread already exist here. I'm gonna merge it.
 
Ah, totally forgot that this thread existed. :mD:
 
I'm not sure how other people see me but if i can imagine the way some people might interpret my actions they think im distant and snobbish. when you're being overloaded with insights and convictions all the time you can't possibly be exerting energy and presence into the world because what's happening in your head is so beyond the banality of the physical moment (usually).
the reason why i dislike going to parties often is because i constantly find it so hard to focus. I'm always sinking into my head, endlessly processing information and coming to conclusions about things people are saying and hidden contexts in relation to myself or each other etc. it drives me nuts. but i think that anyone worth a second thought would see that you're not being cold or mean. you're thinking. problem is a lot of people don't seem to do that these days, and unless you've got a smile pinned on you're face they think you're criticizing them.
and you probably are at that point.
what we need to do is embrace it. this is just how we are.
 
I'm a guy and I've been told this. It's never because I don't care what's going on around me, I just don't feel the need to put myself out there completely. I think SF's might see this as cold and NT's might think we are one of them.
 
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