Do INFJ's somehow appear to be cold?

or~

"If I let out my emotions someone might mistake them for a psychotic episode and call an ambulance. I can't afford the medical bills right now :)"
 
I learned at an early age that I needed to protect myself,my inner self, because it hurts so much,I can become physically ill-- Also found that a lot of people don't really want to connect on a really deep level, a lot of them are superfical--which is really annoying-- I just want to have meaningful discussions and they want to talk about how drunk they were that particular weekend-ughh!
so, then I became callous- really I have become like a hermit-- my feelings are hidden and my relationships have really suffered for it, which in turn makes me feel like crap, but I'm so tired of being hurt And I need to be with myself alone and heal. I always feel the need to escape, recharge so to speak-- and my extravert family just doesn't understand that-- But I know you guys understand,right??lol
 
enigma1 said:
I learned at an early age that I needed to protect myself,my inner self, because it hurts so much,I can become physically ill-- Also found that a lot of people don't really want to connect on a really deep level, a lot of them are superfical--which is really annoying-- I just want to have meaningful discussions and they want to talk about how drunk they were that particular weekend-ughh!
so, then I became callous- really I have become like a hermit-- my feelings are hidden and my relationships have really suffered for it, which in turn makes me feel like crap, but I'm so tired of being hurt And I need to be with myself alone and heal. I always feel the need to escape, recharge so to speak-- and my extravert family just doesn't understand that-- But I know you guys understand,right??lol
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I wish I had learned at an earlier age. =/

I was bullied all through school. Still get bullied occasionally, but I've withdrawn in myself more that I used to be when I was younger. I remember when I was about 4 or 5 there was this chinese girl who had just moved to the country and was in my classes and she barely spoke english. Nobody liked her, and they all left her out while playing. I had a group of friends that I played with but I ditched them to hang out with the outcast. I always seem to go for the outcasts, because most of the time they'll understand me more than others just because I've been outcasted so much.

I think I'm getting off topic but that can be easily fixed.
 
enigma1 said:
-- and my extravert family just doesn't understand that-- But I know you guys understand,right??lol
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I know what you mean. Both my parents are ESTJ- very practical, no- nonsense people who care deeply about me and are overprotective. But they completely do not understand on an emotional level. For them, it's like a waste of time to talk about emotional or deeper stuff. Imagine all the growing pains and occasional joys. But despite the differences, I would choose them to be my parents over and over again if I were given a next life. Without them, I may not even turn out to be the way I am.
 
See. I'm glad that you can care about your parents, even though both of them were ESTJ types. My parents were INFJ and ESFJ, but I know that both of them cared about me deeply. I can only imagine that two ESTJ cared about you as well, as well as they knowed how.

No matter what our temperament is, we all care about our children, enough that we teach them what we have to. So that they'll become better persons than we are.

And if that is done, then we'll be OK.

So cheers :)
 
alcyone said:
or~

"If I let out my emotions someone might mistake them for a psychotic episode and call an ambulance. I can't afford the medical bills right now :)"
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haha wow that's so true. he'd probably think I am even stranger if I were to say that heheh
 
I fear coming across as cold very deeply, as I'm very introverted, and most of my thoughts and feelings don't come across naturally. Apparently, as a child, people used to think that I was ignoring them when I was simply trying very hard to come up with an answer to their question. I was often mistaken as someone who was cold, harsh and judgmental: Perhaps this is appearance based, as my Mother, who looks like me, has had similar experiences. People assume she's not very nice until they're around her for a little while, and realize that she's really quite bubbly and silly. She's an ESFP, so I'd say she's the exact opposite of what they believe. That said, it takes longer to get to know me, so I'm often treated accordingly.

That said, I've also been told that I look cold and harsh unless I'm actually laughing or smiling. I'm still trying to get out of the habit of smiling and laughing falsely to remedy this...
 
perfect saying for an Ni dom, especially an INFJ. because of Fe=not letting people see how vulnerable we are..........

"Why so Serious?"
 
Thursday said:
perfect saying for an Ni dom, especially an INFJ. because of Fe=not letting people see how vulnerable we are..........

"Why so Serious?"
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Slight bit of a tangent. I can not STAND it when people are joking around when I am in a serious mood, particuallry when the direct it directly at me.
 
sEth said:
I know I can appear cold and emotionless.. It has taken many years to learn how to block the empathy I feel for others.. Ive been asked... "why dont you open up?" etc.. I dont have the heart to tell them that if I did I would be in tears. (the world is full of pain) I just cant open up a little its all or none. I have to.. I can open up in a dark calm room with one person whom which I trust. Anything more than that and I am bombarded with emotions that seek to teach me what its like to feel like someone else. INFJs will understand what I mean here Im sure. The cold others read off us is IMO blocking. Empathy is a curse sometimes.
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I haven't read the whole thread but wow this is spot on. It's not always empathy though but it's still intensely reactive to external circumstances. I have a lot of personal self-inflicting stuff going on simultaneously and I can't let it get visibly amplified around a swarm of poking triggers. Impenetrable blob of glue trying not to bubble over and whip everyone up in muh chaotic sticky zoo! As inviting as the wilderness of emotions wants to be sometimes, it's definitely waiting to be soothed by a dark room and illuminated by a bright, tranquil moon.
 
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edit. read the OP wrong.
 
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yeah i think it's weird.

i mean my family says that i don't care about them at all...that i'm selfish...that i'm mean...

but lol i'm not...i help them all the time
i help others the way i would be helped...but i guess not everyone wants to be helped the same way..lol
and anyways...i guess it's all about the fact that we tend to keep our thoughts to ourselves...we're usually shy..and sometimes shyness can be misinterpreted by being arrogent...or rude.because.....if someone kindof internalized all of the stuff we do...i personally would think it would be hard to veiw us correctly
they have mixed feelings about us, they don't know what to expect, and can never figure us out....
 
Do INFJs somehow appear cold?

People close to me--e.g., roomie and b/f--often ask me if I'm angry or sad when my face is in repose, which is odd because inside I'm a cauldron of emotion.

My parenting style, however, was rather bossy. See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESe-AysF9mw.

Yes, it's humorous, but sometimes I wonder why my kids, now grown, remain so close. Part of it was, I was raising two boys from a wheelchair in an environment where children were often removed from the home based on the parent's disability. And luckily, my roomie tempered my bossiness without undermining me.
 
Silently Honest said:
I've been told I look either lethargic, angry, or bored. Funny thing is whenever I've been told I was one of these things I was at the time, or I would be after the person told me.

I've also been told that I have a scary glare, and have been in confrontations because of it. Staring off into space while appearing to be staring someone down. Never fun, as I never see it coming.
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Silently Honest said:
I've been told I look either lethargic, angry, or bored. Funny thing is whenever I've been told I was one of these things I was at the time, or I would be after the person told me.

I've also been told that I have a scary glare, and have been in confrontations because of it. Staring off into space while appearing to be staring someone down. Never fun, as I never see it coming.
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This is sooooo my experience too. I'm often told I look "tired", "angry", "bored", when I'm none of these things.
 
For me personally...

I suspect that I can be appear and behave rather chilly when:

A. I'm super focused on performing (or executing an objective) and it's consuming my life.
B. I'm exhausted. In need of downtime... And a non-editor calls with a Photoshop question..... -_-
C. I'm looking to justify my actions in someway…
D. I'm looking to distance myself from someone without direct confrontation.

Specifically talking point B stands out in my mind.
 
I have been told that I have a cold exterior, very stoic and void of displaying emotions. Actually a ENFJ friend of mine who has seen my warm side...she has told me that I am very hard to read and can appear cold. But I also have a super warm side but it only comes out with time. I also have was I call is a kinda false warm side where I am trying to be visibly kinda and warm with people that I am simply not close too nor feel a connection too. its done to kinda too them,

whats interesting to me is that i have often read that the INFJ is the flip of the INTP:

INTP warm exterior....cold interior
INFJ cold interior .......warm exterior.
but I agree with what many have said that this really is to protect our own hearts from people who are not very caring and also to protect others because ....lets face it....
if you show them you true form...all the pain that you deal with all the shit you see in them and all the TRUTH ....
they would run away screaming.
people cant take it.....But we can :)

I think its very hard for the INFJ male...I mean I have learned to mask a lot of my Fe.... some for me and most for others. its like walking in world made of paper.
 
SeanSquared said:
For me personally...

I suspect that I can be appear and behave rather chilly when:

A. I'm super focused on performing (or executing an objective) and it's consuming my life.
B. I'm exhausted. In need of downtime... And a non-editor calls with a Photoshop question..... -_-
C. I'm looking to justify my actions in someway…
D. I'm looking to distance myself from someone without direct confrontation.

Specifically talking point B stands out in my mind.
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This. I do know I have a very harsh stare and can appear icy. At least until spoken to.
 
The more someone knows me, the less this is the case.

The more at ease I am with someone, the less this is the case.

People never call me cold, however, there is one person who has called me intimidating and at least a couple people who think I don't smile enough/am too serious (which they apparently don't take personally even though I'm only like that around them).

INFJs in general? I think they come across as very warm and friendly (at least the ones I know). Circumstances where they might appear cold are usually ones in which they are uncomfortable or distrusting of those around them. Also, the more energy depleted, the less open and warm they will appear (and that goes for everyone).
 
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