Do INFJ's somehow appear to be cold?

I have never personally been called cold...I know its something that could be construed as snobby and i have been called that...I have also been told I am way too mature for my age. My eyes show the ages of blah...blah...blah...I get that alot..."They are so deep" people say... I dont like it because it makes me uncomfortable being stared at so I guess that could be construed as cold too. I too am a BIG empath...Today at work there were tempers flaring and raging and i found myself SO ANGRY...I dont know why because when I got home from work and found myself so emotionally exhausted I realized that the problem was so petty...I feed off peoples emotions and it just drained me! Its a curse I tell you... And yes when I am blocking because I just dont need ANY more....I can come accross as cold....I can see where that could be seen.
 
I don't think I come off as cold, but I was told by a co-worker that I have a "distance" about me...not sure what that means. There are facets of my life I generally don't share at work....and if you knew my office you'd see why. Outside work I'm pretty much an open book, but only if relevant conversations arise or I perceive any interest. I have been in far too many conversations in which suface banter was the expectation, not real dialogue, so I've learned to hold back.
 
I appear cold to people I don't know. I have enough going on in my head at all times that I don't even usually take notice of the presence of unfamiliar people. I stop appearing cold as soon as we are actually introduced and have a chance to speak to each other, then I am suddenly warm and friendly. I only continue to be cold if I offer a friendly greeting and get a cold response, in which case the person goes back under my radar and I'll rarely think about them twice.
 
precisely... i agree

at work, i've been called detached, aloof, distant, cold, calm, suspicious (people actually think they ned to keep an eye on me)

i've been told i have a serial-killer look, and the silence... they cannot stand the silence... or me pacing behind them


grrrr... for much of the day at work, i just want to be left alone... and social banter just for the sake of conversation just doesn't interest me...


but then, when i open up to someone, i greet them warmly and i love to joke or tell jokes or funny stories i can devise up in my mind
 
OMG.... I've come home. There are .. sniff sniff... others... out there like me. sniff sniff. wahoo!!!

Okay... my moment of happiness, warmth, and joy, must be packed away for the time being. Must go eat and then do some computer programming. Dang I'm glad I found you guys.
 
moonlight said:
OMG.... I've come home. There are .. sniff sniff... others... out there like me. sniff sniff. wahoo!!!

Okay... my moment of happiness, warmth, and joy, must be packed away for the time being. Must go eat and then do some computer programming. Dang I'm glad I found you guys.
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again that reminds me of Snarf Snarf from ThunderCats

Computer Programing? I know a little bit of adobe flash.

I find it a bit annoying to learn using only online websites.
 
I think the only time people think that I'm being cold is if I'm totally concentrating on doing something, like at work. Aside from that, I'm quite amiable, though my shyness and being embarrassed really easily does get in the way sometimes, but I do my best not to let it do that. It's hard, but it's definitely worth the effort.
 
HenRick said:
moonlight said:
OMG.... I've come home. There are .. sniff sniff... others... out there like me. sniff sniff. wahoo!!!

Okay... my moment of happiness, warmth, and joy, must be packed away for the time being. Must go eat and then do some computer programming. Dang I'm glad I found you guys.
Click to expand...
again that reminds me of Snarf Snarf from ThunderCats

Computer Programing? I know a little bit of adobe flash.

I find it a bit annoying to learn using only online websites.
Click to expand...

I learned a bit in college. The Actionscript stuff... I found a terrific online site that is quite good about teaching things. I have to pay for that but, it's been worth it to me.
 
CokeNut said:
You're a big teddy bear not a serial killer ... ;) :mrgreen:
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that's what i tried to tell them... but they don't listen...
 
Does anyone get asked of they are mad when they are in the 'zone'? I get so internally focused when I am cooking that I have friends ask if I am angry, pissed, upset whatever. They never seem to believe when I tell them that I am not really aware of anything except my cooking.

Come to think of it, anytime I am zoning, someone has to ask what is wrong with me.
 
oooh i get that all the time....Like when im cleaning the house and DH is home hes constantly grabbing at me and I am in the zone and it bursts my zoney bubble and I can just let him have it lol! And yes I get that all the time its usually because I am zoning everything out and really focusing on something!
 
:lol: Zoning. Ya it's not something I like my own hubby intruding on. Really annoys me when he does that. When I zone, I'm listening for info from the universe or working something out in my head... trying to see the picture as it were.
 
I got so annoyed with people saying, "What's wrong?" that I'm training myself to have a placid look on my face when I'm in the zone. It's working too!
 
I think when i'm in a completely relaxed state (which I'm in fairly often) my face has a scowl or at least a frown on, I find it weird because it doesn't reflect my emotions at all.
 
I have the same zoning problem. People always ask me what's wrong on and drag me out of my reveries. Very annoying.

But otherwise, like a few others here, I wouldn't say I appear cold to people. I am very shy with people I don't know, but once I'm at ease with them I become very warm and friendly. So people would call me shy, maybe (and still, in general I make efforts), but not cold. A lot of my acquaintances see me as an extrovert, because I am fairly at ease with a group, and though I might not enjoy it a lot, or wish I would be only with the few people I really appreciate, I keep that for myself. Unless I am in the middle of a lot of people I don't know with hardly or no friends and then I can panick and retreat in a corner.

My I isn't very strong though. I understand how INFJs with dominant I can appear colder. My brother is like that. I never even knew he was an INFJ until I sent him a link to the test, because he is so secretive about himself.
 
Shaz- said:
I have the same zoning problem. People always ask me what's wrong on and drag me out of my reveries. Very annoying.

But otherwise, like a few others here, I wouldn't say I appear cold to people. I am very shy with people I don't know, but once I'm at ease with them I become very warm and friendly. So people would call me shy, maybe (and still, in general I make efforts), but not cold. A lot of my acquaintances see me as an extrovert, because I am fairly at ease with a group, and though I might not enjoy it a lot, or wish I would be only with the few people I really appreciate, I keep that for myself. Unless I am in the middle of a lot of people I don't know with hardly or no friends and then I can panick and retreat in a corner.

My I isn't very strong though. I understand how INFJs with dominant I can appear colder. My brother is like that. I never even knew he was an INFJ until I sent him a link to the test, because he is so secretive about himself.
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I am the same way...with my close knit circle of friends i am seen as extroverted only because i am so comfortable being myself with them....but in situation where i don't know anyone I am in a panic as well! Job interviews are the worst!

And WOW you and your brother are BOTH INFJ thats super cool! And rare! My brother is extremely extroverted and social! ...(dont know his type)
 
Stone said:
I think when i'm in a completely relaxed state (which I'm in fairly often) my face has a scowl or at least a frown on, I find it weird because it doesn't reflect my emotions at all.
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Ooh, hate to say this but that sounds like a very INT thing to do, I'm forever noticing I'm frowning for no reason, I'm not upset or annoyed in fact I'm usually perfectly relaxed like you mentioned. I don't realise I'm doing it half the time. I haven't know INFJs to do this so tell me, do others here do this?
 
Lurker said:
Stone said:
I think when i'm in a completely relaxed state (which I'm in fairly often) my face has a scowl or at least a frown on, I find it weird because it doesn't reflect my emotions at all.
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Ooh, hate to say this but that sounds like a very INT thing to do, I'm forever noticing I'm frowning for no reason, I'm not upset or annoyed in fact I'm usually perfectly relaxed like you mentioned. I don't realise I'm doing it half the time. I haven't know INFJs to do this so tell me, do others here do this?
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I do this as well though....and i am definitely NOT an INT....could just be an IN thing....It definitely doesn't reflect my feelings or thoughts...
 
entyqua said:
And WOW you and your brother are BOTH INFJ thats super cool! And rare! My brother is extremely extroverted and social! ...(dont know his type)
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I know, pretty odd. My sis is an INFP. And my other brother an ENTJ.
The funny thing is, both my parents are S :mrgreen:
My third brother is autistic though, and it made me think that the reason we're all Ns (autism = weird N too) might be some kind of genetic combination between my parents. Who knows. It's cool to have N sibling though!
 
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