Do many people hate the INFJ ability to read others and dig up hidden motivations?

I agree with Anomaly. I don't know many INFJs, but in general Ni in not very smart people can be making wild, baseless assumptions, and no amount of fact exhibiting will change their mind. Always keep that in mind when making judgements. Of course it can also be spot on, but you won't know that until you check your intuition with the facts about that person. Don't be rash.

Apart from that, the one woman I suspect is INFJ, says these insightful things about me and advice sometimes that catch me off guard, but words them in a way that she knows will not be grating or prying. And I really like that, it's very nice. I like that I feel seen by a good person like her. I imagine when she does that to not very good people, they feel intimidated. I'd like to witness that now that I think about it hehehe.
 
Winterflowers said:
this sounds lovely <3
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It is. I don't think people who give you ''tough love'' or ''brutal honesty'' give a crap about you. There are exceptions, but unless you've wronged them or your relationship is complicated, these are usually excuses to be a dick and just say your piece and listen to yourself talk.
Tact when you advice someone, especially unsolicited like this lady does, is essential if you care about them.

I've been guilty of this before and I realised the thing I was ''tough loving'' them about was something I was guilty of myself, or an insecurity. And these are blindspots and hard to see, but not that hard. If we all could see our biases and understand how our perception of everyone and everything is shapped through them, there would be no hate in the world, lol. See, now that would be a subject that should be tought in schools: self-awareness. But who would teach it?
 
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Deleted member 16771 said:
INTJ Perspective:

When I figure something out about someone that they're trying to conceal, or see that their front is disingenuous, I have a habit of calling it out - not in a mean way, just in a matter of fact way, and yeah it ruffles feathers. I'm not referring to forum talk here, but mostly real life. So the 'do people hate' part of the question is not really about making people uncomfortable for knowing their motivations, but for saying it out loud and ruining their night.

E.g. Recently someone was humblebragging to me/us (4 person group) about how 'apartments in the [local city] are soooo cheap! Only £1,000 pcm!'. Now, £1,000 is not 'cheap' - a minimum-wage earner in the UK can manage about £400pcm at a stretch. So I said 'Hahaha! A grand isn't fucking cheap, that's crazy talk.' She went red and backtracked, and then had to leave about ten minutes later. She was wealthy, proud of it, and wanted us to know.

P.S. I'm not proud of this by the way, but it's just a compulsion sometimes. It's like my brain goes 'bullshit!', and I'm like 'yeah! I should say it!'
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thats the filter i keep hearing we are supposed to use , i call bullshit all the time but
come to find out it was all bullshit to hell with a filter thank you
 
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niar said:
It is. I don't think people who give you ''tough love'' or ''brutal honesty'' give a crap about you. There are exceptions, but unless you've wronged them or your relationship is complicated, these are usually excuses to be a dick and just say your piece and listen to yourself talk.
Tact when you advice someone, especially unsolicited like this lady does, is essential if you care about them.
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That has been my experience as well.
Hearing the words "I just say it like it is" is often a sign to me that they have a limited perspective on reality. That doesn't mean their perspective is worthless, though.
To me, Tough Love cuts both ways; it hurts the giver too, because even if necessary it hurts those we love.
But then it also depends on what love means to us, and that is a widely varied thing.


niar said:
See, now that would be a subject that should be tought in schools: self-awareness.
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That isn't something most children are ready to learn. But, we might could teach the tools for finding it. The rest has to be explored through life.

I hope you're well <3
 
Artemisia said:
Does this INFJ "talent" make others feel uneasy around you? Do some people hate you because you can read them and bring up hidden motivations?
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I don't know if infj's can read people better than other types, but they are likely to do it in very different way than the majority. When someone pays attention to you in a way you're not used to, it's most likely a weird experience regardless of what the other person see or think they're seeing. I don't think infjs are very good at interpreting the reactions they get when they've "read" someone, and are quick to fall into the confirmation trap. So I think people can feel uneasy around infj's even though they have nothing to hide.
 
I've noticed people tend to be thrown off guard. But intuition is my default and so in these cases I'm just responding to what seems apparent to me. So I do find myself wondering if I'm underestimating how surface level most people actually are.

Since people's expectations can be unspoken, it creates a particular kind of conundrum where I'm not always sure what people are expecting me to pick up on versus what they are assuming I can't see.

Of course, intuition is often purely speculative. You can never know for sure what people are thinking, so sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to ground myself back in the moment and just take people as they present themselves.
 
There's more to be said perhaps.

People in emotional and spiritual distress broadcast it like a lighthouse and often have a very negative I'm not OK view of themselves and the world they live in. But - buried in their shadows, so many of them shine like incredible wild pearls in moonlight, deep where they cannot see it themselves. It's very hard to ignore this as though it wasn't there when we stop to give aid as they bleed emotionally by the side of the street - and it's hard just to pass on by on the other side. Few of us have the skill to do this well, because it's not easy at first to see where someone's shadow borders onto their conscious mind when they are struggling with the darkness. It's very hard not to try and show them the pearl that we can see in their core, and pretend that it isn't there.

We don't see these things out of choice, anymore than folks out in the open can decide not to see daylight after the sun rises. Unless we are very lucky with our parents, no-one is around to spot intuitive feeling types when we are young, and show us how to deal with this sort of thing. INFJs are not a separate species, but we are human too and we aren't perfect - what comes with the type is that your emotions spill all over us and it's near impossible to ignore them, and very hard not to react to what we see and feel rather than what others want us to.

Of course how we interpret what we see and feel about someone else is a mixture of both truth and misconception - which is equivalent to the way everyone processes stuff we see around us all the time with our physical eyes. At least if we articulate it there is a chance of dialogue that can fix things. INFJs won't stop doing this just because it makes others uncomfortable sometimes, though, any more than people can't easily stop using their eyes. All that happens if it gets suppressed is that INFJs carry on seeing these things but don't say anything, which places the relationship into an artificial state.
 
niar said:
I imagine when she does that to not very good people, they feel intimidated. I'd like to witness that now that I think about it hehehe.
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In my experience there are also good people who don't like to feel 'seen'. It can be tricky because an INFJ might kinda want to make them feel seen because they like them, so they have to be careful :sweatsmile:
 
Ren said:
In my experience there are also good people who don't like to feel 'seen'. It can be tricky because an INFJ might kinda want to make them feel seen because they like them, so they have to be careful :sweatsmile:
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I agree. I try to ignore the mental landscape I'm imagining while interacting with people. It feels intrusive, and I also feel responsible for what I'm reflecting back to them (you can't observe something without changing what you're observing). It's kind of like imagining someone that is fully dressed naked, or not looking away if someone is involuntarily naked in front of you. So I try my best to see people as they choose to present themselves. As for me, I can't stand being 'seen' by ENFJs. I can immediately feel how they see everything I usually manipulate in order to feel confident and in control of how I'm being perceived. Triggers my nervous system like crazy.
 
Ren said:
In my experience there are also good people who don't like to feel 'seen'. It can be tricky because an INFJ might kinda want to make them feel seen because they like them, so they have to be careful :sweatsmile:
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After a certain age, you don't mind being 'seen' anymore.

Infjente said:
As for me, I can't stand being 'seen' by ENFJs. I can immediately feel how they see everything I usually manipulate in order to feel confident and in control of how I'm being perceived. Triggers my nervous system like crazy.
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ENFJ's are fun, the powdered-sugar-eye-glasses-world' fun.
 
Are INFJs actually "good at reading" others? It may be like the assertion that old spinsters are good at reading tea leaves.

If anything, INFJs seem to be really oblivious to how much they project.
 
Infjente said:
I agree. I try to ignore the mental landscape I'm imagining while interacting with people. It feels intrusive, and I also feel responsible for what I'm reflecting back to them (you can't observe something without changing what you're observing). It's kind of like imagining someone that is fully dressed naked, or not looking away if someone is involuntarily naked in front of you. So I try my best to see people as they choose to present themselves. As for me, I can't stand being 'seen' by ENFJs. I can immediately feel how they see everything I usually manipulate in order to feel confident and in control of how I'm being perceived. Triggers my nervous system like crazy.
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Yes! You say this well!
I am very private about myself and respect others needs for privacy too.
 
Sometimes Yeah said:
Are INFJs actually "good at reading" others? It may be like the assertion that old spinsters are good at reading tea leaves.

If anything, INFJs seem to be really oblivious to how much they project.
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They're good at picking up moods and navigating these things. It's not like they can read what other people are thinking.

dragulagu said:
For the amusement of the topic: No
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I read you, dragu
 
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