[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

[mintoots]

Did it hurt him when you doorslammed him?

Absolutely. We went through a rough cycle of passive aggression and repressed hate. I still feel guilty about it sometimes but it's just what it is. Now, it's pretty stable. I just don't trust my self enough to ever be friends with him again.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

I have a male best friend that I talk a lot to, too. But we are only friends. I'm sorry dear, it may not necessary mean she likes likes you.

By the way, when you said intimacy online, was this sexual? Because if it was then you might still have a chance because I doubt that INFJs do something sexual with someone they don't like romantically.

Oh, I wasn't implying that meant she liked me. I was just saying we still do talk a lot, at least for me.

Yes, we had a video chat where we...ya know...did stuff... actually, we had many of those. She's sent me nude pictures (she told me she's never done that for anyone else before). We've talked dirty, been intimate, stuff like that. We still are, to be honest.

She's watched me orgasm, I've watched her orgasm. Etc. Etc. Etc

 

[mintoots]

Oh, I wasn't implying that meant she liked me. I was just saying we still do talk a lot, at least for me.

Yes, we had a video chat where we...ya know...did stuff... actually, we had many of those. She's sent me nude pictures (she told me she's never done that for anyone else before). We've talked dirty, been intimate, stuff like that. We still are, to be honest.

Ow... Well i'm kind of conservative, Catholic and all, so I don't know about her. This can't just be rebound sex right? I mean, do INFJs do the rebound thing? I would sort of think this would be somewhat beneath our moral high ground. But that's just me.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Ow... Well i'm kind of conservative, Catholic and all, so I don't know about her. This can't just be rebound sex right? I mean, do INFJs do the rebound thing? I would sort of think this would be somewhat beneath our moral high ground. But that's just me.

No idea. The video chatting stuff was more in the beginning, but I'll still talk about it with her and have no issues, though not as much as we used to. I can still get her horny if I try, and have her admit it.

She also talked about kissing me when I get there, which is less intimate, but for me, considering I've only kissed like 2-3 people in my life, it's very intimate.

 

[mintoots]

No idea. The video chatting stuff was more in the beginning, but I'll still talk about it with her and have no issues, though not as much as we used to. I can still get her horny if I try, and have her admit it.

She also talked about kissing me when I get there, which is less intimate, but for me, considering I've only kissed like 2-3 people in my life, it's very intimate.

Huh. This is truly interesting. Wait it out. By the way, how much would you say you know her?

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Huh. This is truly interesting. Wait it out. By the way, how much would you say you know her?

I would say I know her quite a bit, but how much can you ever really know an INFJ. She told me about abuse in her past, how her boyfriend cheated on her multiple times. She told me about a variety of personality problems she has and how she tries to change them. It's hard for me to judge how well I know her, based on the fact that the connection I have with her is so intense that I feel like I know her very well, while simultaneously having no idea how well I truly know her.

 

[mintoots]

I would say I know her quite a bit, but how much can you ever really know an INFJ. She told me about abuse in her past, how her boyfriend cheated on her multiple times. She told me about a variety of personality problems she has and how she tries to change them. It's hard for me to judge how well I know her, based on the fact that the connection I have with her is so intense that I feel like I know her very well, while simultaneously having no idea how well I truly know her.

Personality problems?

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Personality problems?

How sometimes, she ends up hurting people unintentionally and hates herself for it, and tries to stop doing it. How she sometimes tries to fix people, then realizes how the only person she can ever really improve is herself. Stuff that didn't seem that serious to me.

 

[mintoots]

How sometimes, she ends up hurting people unintentionally and hates herself for it, and tries to stop doing it. How she sometimes tries to fix people, then realizes how the only person she can ever really improve is herself. Stuff that didn't seem that serious to me.

Oh that's serious to the INFJ. We don't usually admit our vulnerabilities unless we feel safe. Hmm. You may have a chance here

But this whole her being in love recently is not a very good sign though

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Oh that's serious to the INFJ. We don't usually admit our vulnerabilities unless we feel safe. Hmm. You may have a chance here

But this whole her being in love recently is not a very good sign though

I'm willing to wait. I just don't think I can stress enough how much she means to me. I think I've made it obvious that she's very important to me.

 

[April]

I have a male best friend that I talk a lot to, too. But we are only friends. I'm sorry dear, it may not necessary mean she likes likes you.

By the way, when you said intimacy online, was this sexual? Because if it was then you might still have a chance because I doubt that INFJs do something sexual with someone they don't like romantically.

I... ahem... wait tho. I have. ONLINE and TEXT only! I don't sleep around, its just like Skype calls and stuff... of course the attraction has to be there, even if only a little. But I'm usually a pretty sexual person, and if single, will engage in some fun whether I like them or not, sometimes. Not a lot, but I have been known to. Anyway, I'm just saying, if she is craving something sexual... she could be getting that from him even if she doesn't like him that much. In fact, it could be a reason she wants to keep him around. Of course, it is WAY better if there are feelings involved, but when horny, those feelings don't HAVE to be there lol.(Can I die now, because I know this makes me sound horrible!)

 

[mintoots]

I'm willing to wait. I just don't think I can stress enough how much she means to me. I think I've made it obvious that she's very important to me.

Well then, good luck folk! I wish you all the best. Oh i hope this would be a happy ending.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Oh boy, I have to be honest: I don't understand either you, or her. The thing I don't understand is the lack of romantic exclusivity. I'm sure that people can have multiple crushes, but I don't understand those who can talk to multiple people romantically/sexually. The fact that her romantic attention can be divided like this at all is all kinds of red flags for me.

The threesome suggestion is her way of psychologically squaring the fact that she's been intimate with other men - if she can see you being romantic with another woman, then she feels less bad about having done the same to you. She's trying to normalise the idea of non-exclusivity. This same thing happened to me after my ex cheated.

I'm sorry, man, but she sounds shady to me, however she feels about you, and I wouldn't trust a woman with psychological makeup like that. You're being strung along as an 'option' in my opinion.

I just want to scream at a wall to be completely honest. Not out of anger, it's no one's fault but my own.

Don't worry - men tend to get attached quicker anyway because we have nothing to lose, and I'd probably be feeling the same as you in your situation.

 

[mintoots]

I... ahem... wait tho. I have. ONLINE and TEXT only! I don't sleep around, its just like Skype calls and stuff... of course the attraction has to be there, even if only a little. But I'm usually a pretty sexual person, and if single, will engage in some fun whether I like them or not, sometimes. Not a lot, but I have been known to. Anyway, I'm just saying, if she is craving something sexual... she could be getting that from him even if she doesn't like him that much. In fact, it could be a reason she wants to keep him around. Of course, it is WAY better if there are feelings involved, but when horny, those feelings don't HAVE to be there lol.(Can I die now, because I know this makes me sound horrible!)

LOL! There, there. We are all animals to a certain degree.

 

[mintoots]

Oh boy, I have to be honest: I don't understand either you, or her. The thing I don't understand is the lack of romantic exclusivity. I'm sure that people can have multiple crushes, but I don't understand those who can talk to multiple people romantically/sexually. The fact that her romantic attention can be divided like this at all is all kinds of red flags for me.

The threesome suggestion is her way of psychologically squaring the fact that she's been intimate with other men - if she can see you being romantic with another woman, then she feels less bad about having done the same to you. She's trying to normalise the idea of non-exclusivity. This same thing happened to me after my ex cheated.

I'm sorry, man, but she sounds shady to me, however she feels about you, and I wouldn't trust a woman with psychological makeup like that. You're being strung along as an 'option' in my opinion.


Don't worry - men tend to get attached quicker anyway because we have nothing to lose, and I'd probably be feeling the same as you in your situation.

I don't want to be a party pooper and I don't like being one of those people who back off on my pompoms but Hos is on to something here. This is the amount of damage that you need to prepare for. If you are still willing, then I wish you all the best.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Oh boy, I have to be honest: I don't understand either you, or her. The thing I don't understand is the lack of romantic exclusivity. I'm sure that people can have multiple crushes, but I don't understand those who can talk to multiple people romantically/sexually. The fact that her romantic attention can be divided like this at all is all kinds of red flags for me.

The threesome suggestion is her way of psychologically squaring the fact that she's been intimate with other men - if she can see you being romantic with another woman, then she feels less bad about having done the same to you. She's trying to normalise the idea of non-exclusivity. This same thing happened to me after my ex cheated.

I'm sorry, man, but she sounds shady to me, however she feels about you, and I wouldn't trust a woman with psychological makeup like that. You're being strung along as an 'option' in my opinion.


Don't worry - men tend to get attached quicker anyway because we have nothing to lose, and I'd probably be feeling the same as you in your situation.

While you may be right, some of those definitely seem like assumptions that you're applying based on your past experiences. Not all of them of course, but some of them

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Also, as I said, I'm already prepared for heartbreak. It's whatever, if it happens, I'll be able to go back out there in a week or two and flirt with other people. Of course I'll still think about her sometimes, and miss her, but flirting with others is how I move on.

 

[HorsesIncorporated]

Hey, she might never message me again anyway! I might be worrying my ass for absolutely no reason. So it's a waiting game now

 

[mintoots]

While you may be right, some of those definitely seem like assumptions that you're applying based on your past experiences. Not all of them of course, but some of them

Oooooh that is possibly your P in your ENFP talking. Are you okay with a polyamorous setting?

(I'm probably wrong but I'm getting some INTP vibes from you based on the way you interact in this forum).

 

[Deleted member 16771]

While you may be right, some of those definitely seem like assumptions that you're applying based on your past experiences. Not all of them of course, but some of them

Of course, but as @sassafras pointed out, I'm just playing a role in how the community gives out advice here, and it's all clarifying.

Your less favourable reactions to the cynical/negative advice (typically from men who've been hurt by such fickle women) indicates that it isn't what you wanted to hear, but at least you seem more prepared for the worst now.

I wish you all the best