[ENFP] Does she like me? Do you guys ever take a week alone time from someone you love?

MINFJToothFairy said:
Oooooh that is possibly your P in your ENFP talking. Are you okay with a polyamorous setting?

(I'm probably wrong but I'm getting some INTP vibes from you based on the way you interact in this forum).
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Any ENTP vibes possibly? INFJ has identified me as a possible ENTP.

With the Galya and her? Definitely. I'd definitely be up for some polyamorous romance, and not just in bed. As long as it was clear that I was loved, as well as the other girl, absolutely.

Deleted member 16771 said:
Of course, but as @sassafras pointed out, I'm just playing a role in how the community gives out advice here, and it's all clarifying.

Your less favourable reactions to the cynical/negative advice (typically from men who've been hurt by such fickle women) indicates that it isn't what you wanted to hear, but at least you seem more prepared for the worst now.

I wish you all the best :)
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Thank you! I keep thinking of @Deleted member 16771 (you, obviously) and @Pin as negative Nancy's who just want to kill any idea of me being with her, but I forget that you guys are incredibly valuable in keeping us NPs grounded. You two are totally right. It could go either way. Even if I don't want to hear this side of things, I have to.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Lol. I just don't get it, I'm sorry.

I know that I'm 'supposed to' understand it, but I don't. :neutral:
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For purposes of conversation, I think I sort of get it. I once saw this film on netflix about polyamory and it kind of makes sense. But it's not for me. I know monogamy is a social construct and polyamory is possible but good God, I'm having enough trouble finding one lover that sticks as it is. As a believer of minimalism, I doubt quantity trumps quality or that we even need it.
 
This thread is an overthinker's nightmare and I'm trying this new thing called 'simplicity,' so let me break it down this way:

  • OP met a girl online who lives in Moscow
  • OP is moving to Moscow in two months for school. This decision was made prior to meeting the girl online.
  • OP and the girl have a positive romantic connection that presently isn't exclusive
  • OP admits he thinks he likes the girl more than she likes him; although the girl is affectionate otherwise, she hasn't returned his 'I love you's' because she needs to meet him first.
  • Both OP and the girl seem to be on a similar page about dating other people in the meantime
  • OP mentioned that the girl offered to have a threesome with her and her friend, signalling that the girl is at the very least, sexually attracted to OP and open to a more casual connection... and OP said that he's ok with such an arrangement
  • However, OP has not heard from the girl he's interested in because she's presently taking some 'alone' time - which she has done before and is her pattern.
  • OP's original concern was the girl's 'detached therapist' mode and wondering if her criticism of his character was a turn off.
  • Now, however, OP is worried that he's being taken along for a ride and manipulated due to the projections and misgivings expressed in this thread about the level of affection this girl may and may not hold for the OP
My take on this is, is still: wait and see.

Don't blow up any bridges. It's nice to know someone in a foreign country where you're moving to and, at the very least, its obvious that you two are friends and share a sexual attraction. Meet the girl and see if you two will hit it off... and then you can start squaring what to do about the connection and how you two feet.

I know its easier said than done but... try and keep it cool, OP. You mentioned before you're ok with keeping it somewhat open-ended. Unless you really aren't, try to put the worry on ice for now.
 
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First off welcome to the forum! Second, holy forum activities Batman! Take an evening off and you miss an event. Thank you for the recap @sassafras , I gave up and skipped to the end after the 3rd page.

General advice here is be cautious and open. It appears to me like she's not in love, but she enjoys communicating. I don't think she knows yet how she feels. It's normal for me to need recharge time but I am an usually excited to talk to those that I'm romantically interested in. Wait it out, play it safe and just don't end up in bathtub with your organs harvested.
 
I moved across the country for someone I had a connection with online and they ended up not existing.

It was a mess.

I was still able to make my own friendships and life outside of those broken expectations.

Worst case you're being taken on a wild ride by someone who doesn't have any intention of following through with meeting you or being with you romantically. You can still get a lot out of being there.

My advice is to enjoy the possibility of it working out without getting attached to it. Right now she's essentially an idea of a person you have in your head. You'll find out what's up one way or another but try not to agonize over what's going on with her as she is just a sliver in your life experience right now and at the end of the day it doesn't matter that much.
 
MINFJToothFairy said:
Or two guys, two girls?
It's almost as if we're talking about the number of kids you'd want to have.
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Not really into guys much, which changes that situation quite a bit. I also don't think anything more than three people total would ever work for me.
sassafras said:
This thread is an overthinker's nightmare and I'm trying this new thing called 'simplicity,' so let me break it down this way:

  • OP met a girl online who lives in Moscow
  • OP is moving to Moscow in two months for school. This decision was made prior to meeting the girl online.
  • OP and the girl have a positive romantic connection that presently isn't exclusive
  • OP admits he thinks he likes the girl more than she likes him; although the girl is affectionate otherwise, she hasn't returned his 'I love you's' because she needs to meet him first.
  • Both OP and the girl seem to be on a similar page about dating other people in the meantime
  • OP mentioned that the girl offered to have a threesome with her and her friend, signalling that the girl is at the very least, sexually attracted to OP and open to a more casual connection... and OP said that he's ok with such an arrangement
  • However, OP has not heard from the girl he's interested in because she's presently taking some 'alone' time - which she has done before and is her pattern.
  • OP's original concern was the girl's 'detached therapist' mode and wondering if her criticism of his character was a turn off.
  • Now, however, OP is worried that he's being taken along for a ride and manipulated due to the projections and misgivings expressed in this thread about the level of affection this girl may and may not hold for the OP
My take on this is, is still: wait and see.

Don't blow up any bridges. It's nice to know someone in a foreign country where you're moving to and, at the very least, its obvious that you two are friends and share a sexual attraction. Meet the girl and see if you two will hit it off... and then you can start squaring what to do about the connection and how you two feet.

I know its easier said than done but... try and keep it cool, OP. You mentioned before you're ok with keeping it somewhat open-ended. Unless you really aren't, try to put the worry on ice for now.
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Thankfully, at this point, I just don't care...as in, I do, but I'm not bothering to think about it whatsoever. Again, she could never speak to me again, so why would I worry?

I'm just emotionally overwhelmed and incapable of feeling much at the moment. I've been stressing so much the past week that I'm just done with it, and internally, I don't care if she ever comes back. While I know that isn't actually true and if she messaged me right now, I'd be happy (obviously), I think it's just had too much of any of this for right now and needs a break.

I've also totally accepted the fact that she might be fully in love with the other girl and I might just be an unlucky plaything.

That probably makes me sound totally heartless, but I promise that's not what I mean.

What will I do right now, you might ask?

Go the heck to sleep is what I'll do.

EDIT: Back to overthinking, I am. Bad at ignoring problems, Yoda is.
 
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HorsesIncorporated said:
Not really into guys much, which changes that situation quite a bit. I also don't think anything more than three people total would ever work for me.


Thankfully, at this point, I just don't care...as in, I do, but I'm not bothering to think about it whatsoever. Again, she could never speak to me again, so why would I worry?

I'm just emotionally overwhelmed and incapable of feeling much at the moment. I've been stressing so much the past week that I'm just done with it, and internally, I don't care if she ever comes back. While I know that isn't actually true and if she messaged me right now, I'd be happy (obviously), I think it's just had too much of any of this for right now and needs a break.

I've also totally accepted the fact that she might be fully in love with the other girl and I might just be an unlucky plaything.

That probably makes me sound totally heartless, but I promise that's not what I mean.

What will I do right now, you might ask?

Go the heck to sleep is what I'll do.

EDIT: Back to overthinking, I am. Bad at ignoring problems, Yoda is.
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Gosh this thread is a bit overwhelming coming to it cold on its 11th page!!

I agree with the last posts from @sassafras @Daustus and @SpecialEdition. I think you should be very cautious, but that doesn't mean backing out either. It sounds to me like you are at a very early stage in getting to know each other in all honesty. Just don't send your heart on in advance of your move to Russia, and in advance of the relationship, or it might easily get lost or broken. You have a lot less to lose if you don't over-commit your love to a projection of your own hopes in advance of really getting to know each other face to face. Treat this as an adventure and enjoy the ride, wherever it takes you. If she doesn't actually disappear then at the very least you will have a social contact in Moscow who can ease your settling in to your stay there - and it may be a lot more. Just play it cool and roll with the waves.
 
John K said:
Gosh this thread is a bit overwhelming coming to it cold on its 11th page!!

I agree with the last posts from @sassafras @Daustus and @SpecialEdition. I think you should be very cautious, but that doesn't mean backing out either. It sounds to me like you are at a very early stage in getting to know each other in all honesty. Just don't send your heart on in advance of your move to Russia, and in advance of the relationship, or it might easily get lost or broken. You have a lot less to lose if you don't over-commit your love to a projection of your own hopes in advance of really getting to know each other face to face. Treat this as an adventure and enjoy the ride, wherever it takes you. If she doesn't actually disappear then at the very least you will have a social contact in Moscow who can ease your settling in to your stay there - and it may be a lot more. Just play it cool and roll with the waves.
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Honestly, my dominant Ne is going through all of the negative possible scenarios and I hate it. But I like your advice.
 
HorsesIncorporated said:
Honestly, my dominant Ne is going through all of the negative possible scenarios and I hate it. But I like your advice.
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That's inevitable - and you probably have some apprehensions about how you will adapt to living in a new country with its new culture as well. It would be fantastic if you have met someone to share your life with, but even if not it could be a lot of fun spending time together. If she isn't a phantom, like SpecialEdition experienced, she may be happier if your relationship was given more space to develop.
 
John K said:
That's inevitable - and you probably have some apprehensions about how you will adapt to living in a new country with its new culture as well. It would be fantastic if you have met someone to share your life with, but even if not it could be a lot of fun spending time together. If she isn't a phantom, like SpecialEdition experienced, she may be happier if your relationship was given more space to develop.
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Absolutely. I guarantee I'll freak out about it until a day or two before I leave when our plans are concrete, but that's assuming that we talk again.
 
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