Ex not blocking my number

Update!

The one who was doing wrong behind my back made things right. Confessed to everyone and apologized!

Weather she comes back eventually or not.....Well, that’s another whole issue we’ve talked about.

I’m proud of this guy owning his betrayal and setting it straight. It had to be seriously hard and embarrassing. I don’t want him to feel that way.

Regardless, it feels better and our friendship meant enough to him for him to be brave and not run away from this.
 
Skrimpshidy said:
Update!

The one who was doing wrong behind my back made things right. Confessed to everyone and apologized!

Weather she comes back eventually or not.....Well, that’s another whole issue we’ve talked about.

I’m proud of this guy owning his betrayal and setting it straight. It had to be seriously hard and embarrassing. I don’t want him to feel that way.

Regardless, it feels better and our friendship meant enough to him for him to be brave and not run away from this.
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It's always a good feeling when someone owns up to their wrong-doing. Reminds you that not all people are completely controlled by their selfish programming.
 
Skrimpshidy said:
Update!

The one who was doing wrong behind my back made things right. Confessed to everyone and apologized!
Weather she comes back eventually or not.....Well, that’s another whole issue we’ve talked about.
I’m proud of this guy owning his betrayal and setting it straight. It had to be seriously hard and embarrassing. I don’t want him to feel that way.
Regardless, it feels better and our friendship meant enough to him for him to be brave and not run away from this.
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I'm glad this relationship has worked out. My intuition was telling me that he felt as bad about all this as you did and that if given a chance he would confess and apologize for everything. This makes me feel good to know that there are people in this world that will make things right by owning up to their mistakes.

Thanks for sharing. :)
 
Skrimpshidy said:
Update!

The one who was doing wrong behind my back made things right. Confessed to everyone and apologized!

Weather she comes back eventually or not.....Well, that’s another whole issue we’ve talked about.

I’m proud of this guy owning his betrayal and setting it straight. It had to be seriously hard and embarrassing. I don’t want him to feel that way.

Regardless, it feels better and our friendship meant enough to him for him to be brave and not run away from this.
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I echo what everyone else has said here. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes people make dire mistakes. While there's no guarantee that you'll be forgiven or that there won't be consequences, it does take courage to own up to our errors. Good on him. I hope he continues to grow. And I hope that this is another step on your healing journey.
 
Asa said:
Oh, hi!



Poser! :tearsofjoy::wink:

(Now the sarcasm can come out.)



Yeah, I stopped "dressing the part" in my 30s, but looked like I was still 21, so all the kinderpunks kept saying, "Whose this poser?" Funnyyyyy.



I'm going to Hot Topic right now. I need a wallet with a chain.

I've never actually been to a Hot Topic. :openmouth:
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I stopped dressing the part around 24. That’s also when I quit skating. Had kids, job, etc. Typical suburbia nightmare. No wonder I started drinking. Funny I can correlate the exact year I started drinking is the same year I gave up the very thing and lifestyle that was such a huge part of my life.
 
Skrimpshidy said:
I need some opinions please.

My ex is an INFJ. The answer should be pretty clear to me. Though there is a slight pattern.

We broke up previously 4 months ago. She ignored my texts for 2 weeks. Eventually she responded to messages on FB messenger. Then eventually a phone call. It took us a month to get back together.

This time, it’s been 2 1/2 months. 3 weeks ago she blocked me on FB. This is odd because we weren’t friends on FB and her profile is friends only privacy. I wasn’t contacting her on FB or Messenger.

Now, she said she was blocking my number when we broke up. However, we both have iPhones. My messages still say delivered. Obviously my number isn’t blocked. About once a week to every two weeks I got weak and texted her. No response.

One text I told her she has my heart and I will never give up trying to reconcile, at least until she tells me to.

The question is, Why do you think she won’t just tell me to let her go or there’s no chance?
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This sounds like a fucking nightmare where neither of you have the balls to say enough is enough and let it go.

Sorry, but this is absurd. If she says she's blocking you why are you even bothering to message her to check if your messages are going through? WHY are you trying to figure out why she's doing X, Y and Z instead of just being like, ok, this relationship is done and I don't need to be checking for any cracks in the foundation to see if we can weasel our way back through to each other only to break up again and go through this whole fucking circus again!

The question is not why do you think she won't tell you to just let her go. It's why in the world are you bothering to play games instead of just coming to terms with it being done? Why is it you can't respect that she said she was blocking you and just let it be instead of still messaging her? Why is it that you can't just say to yourself look, if she wants to reconcile she will reach out when she feels she wants to talk about it?

I mean... Come on. Sorry but this is toxic. This "old relationship" is dead as you've said. This isn't like shedding skin on a snake and starting over fresh where you're both new and better people and suddenly you're compatible again.
 
SpecialEdition said:
This sounds like a fucking nightmare where neither of you have the balls to say enough is enough and let it go.

Sorry, but this is absurd. If she says she's blocking you why are you even bothering to message her to check if your messages are going through? WHY are you trying to figure out why she's doing X, Y and Z instead of just being like, ok, this relationship is done and I don't need to be checking for any cracks in the foundation to see if we can weasel our way back through to each other only to break up again and go through this whole fucking circus again!
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Nah, it's not absurd.

Dude's been in love. Dude acted like a human being. Dude has already had the sober analysis and knows what to do. Dude does not need to be told that he doesn't have 'the balls' or is acting in a manner that is unacceptably unusual ('absurd').

There's a place for 'tough love', sure, but in my opinion you're doing it wrong, lol.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Nah, it's not absurd.

Dude's been in love. Dude acted like a human being. Dude has already had the sober analysis and knows what to do. Dude does not need to be told that he doesn't have 'the balls' or is acting in a manner that is unacceptably unusual ('absurd').

There's a place for 'tough love', sure, but in my opinion you're doing it wrong, lol.
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The intention isn't to be cruel or deliver tough love. I wish someone had slapped a significant amount of sense into me when I was going through something very similar to this. Unfortunately I think people offering kind and supportive responses doesn't always help.

Being forced to really examine what I was doing and why would have saved me a lot of trouble. My approach may or may not be ideal but the OP is welcome to tell me to fuck off their thread and I'd respect that.
 
SpecialEdition said:
The intention isn't to be cruel or deliver tough love. I wish someone had slapped a significant amount of sense into me when I was going through something very similar to this. Unfortunately I think people offering kind and supportive responses doesn't always help.

Being forced to really examine what I was doing and why would have saved me a lot of trouble. My approach may or may not be ideal but the OP is welcome to tell me to fuck off their thread and I'd respect that.
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Oh I don't disagree, I just think that when delivering these kind of truths we ought to be careful about making statements which seem to attack long-term self-esteem and aren't strictly about the situation at hand.

I wouldn't ask you to tone it down, either, as I think these things benefit from a variety of perspectives.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Oh I don't disagree, I just think that when delivering these kind of truths we ought to be careful about making statements which seem to attack long-term self-esteem and aren't strictly about the situation at hand.

I wouldn't ask you to tone it down, either, as I think these things benefit from a variety of perspectives.
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I know I have a certain "style" of presenting my opinions. I do this because I had an INTJ use this approach on me once and it was a pivotal point in my life that actually changed it for the better.

It was painful to receive not because of what he said but because it lead me to a brutal self examination that I may have continued to avoid. Some people had seen me going through this particular situation and not one person was willing to be that direct with me including myself.

It's a risk being so blunt. I know it but I do it to offer a perspective that some people aren't willing to give. It doesn't always go over well but sometimes it's the thing to make a difference. Not always, but sometimes.

I'm not here to damage anyone and I don't even assume that I'm right. It's an invitation to consider what I said and if I'm wrong then that's ok too and I will take that on.
 
SpecialEdition said:
This sounds like a fucking nightmare where neither of you have the balls to say enough is enough and let it go.[QUOTE/]

Neither wanted it to be over at the time. That was found out over 3 weeks ago. Someone sabotaged us and confessed.

Sorry, but this is absurd. If she says she's blocking you why are you even bothering to message her to check if your messages are going through? WHY are you trying to figure out why she's doing X, Y and Z instead of just being like, ok, this relationship is done and I don't need to be checking for any cracks in the foundation to see if we can weasel our way back through to each other only to break up again and go through this whole fucking circus again![QUOTE/]

The circus wasn’t going to be repeated. My problem was corrected. It took loosing some I loved like no other in all my 4 decades of life to correct it.

The question is not why do you think she won't tell you to just let her go. It's why in the world are you bothering to play games instead of just coming to terms with it being done? Why is it you can't respect that she said she was blocking you and just let it be instead of still messaging her? Why is it that you can't just say to yourself look, if she wants to reconcile she will reach out when she feels she wants to talk about it?[Quote/]

I wasn’t playing games. Admittedly some things were done out of desperation. She came back the other times.

This time seemed a little different and confusing. She doesn’t reach out first if there’s a problem. This is an INFJ based forum. I had hoped to hear from other INFJ a different perspective.

Most things were realized and worked through already on this thread.

Now, the confessions of her actually teying to reconcile and work this out, and be by my side getting through the relapse, my confusion made sense. In hindsight.

Imean... Come on. Sorry but this is toxic. This "old relationship" is dead as you've said. This isn't like shedding skin on a snake and starting over fresh where you're both new and better people and suddenly you're compatible again.
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Nothing toxic about it. The old relationship was dead. Love wasn’t. The chance or hope to work things out isn’t toxic. Especially since my intuition was right.

Now, for your piece of mind. And I doo appreciate you trying to help.
I did somethings that did end it all for good.

Now, I’m moving on.

Even though I’m blocked now. I can still send a letter, email, messages, on Reddit, make a new FB a new FB account and message, have friends and family contact her, show up at her house or her job........but I don’t and I won’t. Know why? That mother fucking shit is toxic as hell! That is what absurd is.

Being a love sick human, even loving someone unrequited is neither absurd nor toxic.
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Skrimpshidy said:
Not 100% no. We both have things to take care of in our lives before anything.

The ignoring and zero communication and me being blocked is 100% his fault. Completely. Now, IF we will have a future it rests squarely on him making it right and confessing what he did.
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I believe having a future rests squarely on whether or not both of you still want to work on it. It is given that you still do, but rest and ask if she feels the same regardless of circumstance. Give her a little time to work things out on her own. Don't worry about the communication barriers. Have faith that when she finds herself capable and if she still finds it necessary, she will reach out to you. :)

Deleted member 16771 said:
No, he just loves her. I don't think it's about some kind of 'wrong with' or weakness.
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Love makes us do foolish things.

ruji said:
I understand that. But someone who has better options could still love her ex, but because of her options, can consider moving on.
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"You give love a bad name."


Deleted member 16771 said:
I know where you're coming from, but injecting feelings of guilt and inadequacy into this cocktail I didn't think was appropriate in this case.

'what's wrong with you'? as if his entire worth is predicated on the ability to 'get women'. I gave that a bit of side-eye @ruji, I'm sorry to say.

Skrimp just needs to get over this chick and move on. He doesn't need feelings of inadequacy thrown in there, too - that's overkill in generating the kind of action that we all know he's got to take, and will plant a seed of doubt in his future that he doesn't need and would not be healthy or productive.
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Very nuanced and sensitive. *Thumbs up

Skrimpshidy said:
Considering she’s had a special place in my heart for 27 years which is more than half my life, it’s way deeper than just familiarity.

Even when we were both married to other people. There wasn’t a time when we didn’t feel each others presence or energy. Even in the years we didn’t have contact. So this situation is very different than just a normal breakup.

I’ve dated several woman in the past few years I’ve been divorced. Those breakups sucked and hurt a little. Moving on and healing is something I know about.
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Maybe it's not how much we've given in the past or not how much we've been through together, but perhaps whether or not it is right or healthier to keep working on carrying it into the future. :)

sassafras said:
My two cents is this:

Things are only as complicated as we make them. If you're trying to move on from someone, talking about your relationship together like some twenty-seven year old epic is not the way to do it. Sure, it's the truth, you lived it, it is a long story with lots of ups and downs, but the understanding here is that it has come to an end. The goal here is to move on. You have to keep that goal in mind and therefore isolate for the reasons why it didn't work out. Or, if you're starting to obsess about that, it's best to maybe not think of this person at all. As soon as they creep into your mind, refocus on something or someone else.

I'm not saying deny that you're feeling hurt. Take some time to talk about it, purge the sadness, but have a cut off date where, after you said everything, cried your tears, punched your pillows or whatever you do to get the feels out of the way, you simply quit her cold turkey. Don't stalk her facebook, read old messages, look at old photos, go to your favourite spots together and listen to your songs to reminisce. And for god sake, don't check to see if the person has unblocked you. Don't romanticize your exes. It doesn't work to get over them.
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Letting go is never easy. I can attest to this but sometimes it helps to accept that moving on and letting go is not only the kindest thing you can do for yourself but also for her.

ruji said:
This thread can't continue. We've said everything that needs to be said.
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A thread can continue for as long as hearts need to grieve. This is the one place we can air out our grievances without a single care whether or not we're being dumb. Let's just flood it with dark humor to aid in the forgetting process. ;)

Skrimpshidy said:
I was kind of thinking that same thing. In himdsight I wish I never started this thread in the first damn place.
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We do what we have to do. Regretting it is pointless. Just hang in there :)
 
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MINFJToothFairy said:
I believe having a future rests squarely on whether or not both of you still want to work on it. It is given that you still do, but rest and ask if she feels the same regardless of circumstance. Give her a little time to work things out on her own. Don't worry about the communication barriers. Have faith that when she finds herself capable and if she still finds it necessary, she will reach out to you. :)



Love makes us do foolish things.



"You give love a bad name."




Very nuanced and sensitive. *Thumbs up



Maybe it's not how much we've given in the past or not how much we've been through together, but perhaps whether or not it is right or healthier to keep working on carrying it into the future. :)



Letting go is never easy. I can attest to this but sometimes it helps to accept that moving on and letting go is not only the kindest thing you can do for yourself but also for her.



A thread can continue for as long as hearts need to grieve. This is the one place we can air out our grievances without a single care whether or not we're being dumb. Let's just flood it with dark humor to aid in the forgetting process. ;)



We do what we have to do. Regretting it is pointless. Just hang in there :)
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Wow!!!! Thank you
 
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