Ex not blocking my number

Skrimpshidy said:
I know I know. I’m a mess.
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Look after your heart. ❤️
I hope it heals in a rapid manner.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

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I'm going to try to approach this with the diplomatic prowess of your average INFJ. :smirk:

You two already broke up once 4 months ago. She ignored you for 2 weeks. Then you got back together the month after. Then 2 and a half months later she breaks up with you again. Now you've been trying to get her back for 3 weeks.

There is no stability or security to your relationship.

Even if you were to get back together now, what's stopping her from leaving you again 2 to 3 months down the line? Nothing. You will experience constant anxiety when you get back together. There will be a massive power imbalance. Cause your gut knows she doesn't value you as much as you value her, and that she isn't as committed as you are. And being with someone who doesn't value you enough kills your self-esteem and self-confidence. That's why you accept this bad treatment in the first place.

Look, I understand you want her back. Your attachment system must be going crazy. The urge to hear from her, to talk to her, must be overwhelming. Your ex is like a drug right now, and you're craving your next hit. And that's okay! That's normal. We evolved that way. So just like drug addicts, you have to quit cold turkey. Block her phone number, block her facebook, and any other means you've used to communicate with her. The first few days you'll be okay. Then after a week or so, you'll feel the urge to text her again. Don't. Write in this thread instead. Write about how much you miss her, about how miserable you are. Then call a friend, go to the movies, drink a beer, whatever you enjoy. And whenever you get the urge to write your ex, you instead write here.
You will see that you can do it, and you'll feel proud of yourself for not giving in.

I would also suggest reading up on attachment styles, if you haven't already. It may help you make sense of what's going on inside of you.

Good luck.
 
April said:
Us INFJs are confusing, especially when we don't know what we want. We can unintentionally lead people on, not wanting to lose that connection just in case we decide later on that we want you back. Although in our mind we don't consciously know this, it's more like we are just unsure and don't know what to do. But that still isn't fair to you. Don't put up with it. If she chooses to ignore you, then let it go, don't read into it. There are ladies out there that need someone like you and you are chasing someone who isn't giving you the time of day. You deserve better. :)

Welcome, and good luck. Learn from this. :)
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Yes! THATS IT!! I just love INFJs that understand themselves. :) {and you too @ruji :tearsofjoy:}
 
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Freaky Chameleon said:
Yes! THATS IT!! I just love INFJs that understand themselves. :) {and you too @ruji :tearsofjoy:}
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Ha ha well I've done plenty of research on INFJs but would you believe I still find myself a mystery? :tearsofjoy: But tremendously less so now... since I found this place. :)

I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. :) If you need to talk there are many people here that actually care, including me. Hugs. <3
 
April said:
Ha ha well I've done plenty of research on INFJs but would you believe I still find myself a mystery? :tearsofjoy: But tremendously less so now... since I found this place. :)

I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. :) If you need to talk there are many people here that actually care, including me. Hugs. <3
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Thanks. I'm doing exactly that :) And evaluating some of my other relationships. I had a door slamming mother. I didn't even know that had a name until I found this forum. I'm working on a thread about how to communicate after a door slam and how I wished she had communicated before just slamming people. But everything is fine now. :)
 
Freaky Chameleon said:
Thanks. I'm doing exactly that :) And evaluating some of my other relationships. I had a door slamming mother. I didn't even know that had a name until I found this forum. I'm working on a thread about how to communicate after a door slam and how I wished she had communicated before just slamming people. But everything is fine now. :)
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Wonderful! Yay! I'm not one to doorslam but I've been tempted to soo many times... the are a few toxic people in my life, ones I should doorslam but I just can't, I'm too forgiving and I still love them, it's weird lol. But I'm sure one day it could happen. I am INFJ after all, it just takes me MUCH longer to get fed up I guess. But enjoy your time here and welcome to our humble abode. <3
 
Try to heal from the lost relationship and let it go. I understand how hard it is. You can't just stop loving someone, and the release of cortisol that causes physical pain during heartbreak is difficult to get past. However, breaking up twice means you are incompatible or that love is not enough to overcome some big issues. It can also feel like someone is the "love of your life" and there will "never be another" after a break-up, when there is someone better suited for you in your future, so try to maintain perspective. Blocking you on FB means she wants distance. Respect that. She hasn't blocked your number because she still cares about you. Caring does not mean she wants to get back together. Right now you are in a position to do the right thing by respecting her and walking away. If you keep trying to contact her despite this huge hint that you should not, she will eventually block your phone number, too, and you will lose her respect, your dignity, and possibly earn the label "creep". This will destroy any chance of having a friendship with her in the future and it could affect your reputation, friendships, and future dating prospects. Walk away. Try to find something to distract you from the heartache.

As for acting like teens: love makes us behave in irrational ways.
 
Let me get this straight: the fact that you're repeatedly keep sending her messages and she's ignoring them isn't the problem; the problem is that she hasn't blocked you yet. You guys got together once before when she had her moment of weakness and she eventually responded to your messages and y'all got back together. THEREFORE, the fact that iPhone delivering your messages is irrefutable proof that she's giving you a chance! You just got to keep feeding her needy messages and pulling the arm until you get your lucky number sevens and maybe you'll get your relationship back.

This is horrid logic and it's so unhealthy for you, dude. You're only obsessing and prolonging your misery. Every time you send a message and hold out for the hope that you'll get one back is another lash against your heart.

You need to let this go. The fact that this doesn't fit your definition of a doorslam isn't reason enough to keep torturing yourself.
 
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sassafras said:
Let me get this straight: the fact that you're repeatedly keep sending her messages and she's ignoring them isn't the problem; the problem is that she hasn't blocked you yet. You guys got together once before when she had her moment of weakness and she eventually responded to your messages and y'all got back together. THEREFORE, the fact that iPhone delivering your messages is irrefutable proof that she's giving you a chance! You just got to keep feeding her needy messages and pulling the arm until you get your lucky number sevens and maybe you'll get your relationship back.

This is horrid logic and it's so unhealthy for you, dude. You're only obsessing and prolonging your misery. Every time you send a message and hold out for the hope that you'll get one back is another lash against your heart.

You need to let this go. The fact that this doesn't fit your definition of a doorslam isn't reason enough to keep torturing yourself.
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But but... Soul mates!
 
ruji said:
But but... Soul mates!
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When you love someone, let them go. If they come back, let them go again because obviously nobody wanted them and you don't need that negativity in your life

Joking, obviously. But seriously, let people go. After some time has passed. and if your paths cross again, you'll be in a better place to evaluate where you guys stand. That doesn't mean, of course, that you're meant to be*
 
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sassafras said:
When you love someone, let them go. If they come back, let them go again because obviously nobody wanted them and you don't need that negativity in your life
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Joking, obviously. But seriously, let people go. After some time has passed. and your paths cross again, you'll be in a better place to evaluate where you guys stand.
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oh...
 
April said:
Us INFJs are confusing, especially when we don't know what we want. We can unintentionally lead people on, not wanting to lose that connection just in case we decide later on that we want you back. Although in our mind we don't consciously know this, it's more like we are just unsure and don't know what to do. But that still isn't fair to you. Don't put up with it. If she chooses to ignore you, then let it go, don't read into it.
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Totally agree. I was scratching my head that his ex was quickly labeled as some bitch who is playing games. My wife had a really negative relationship with her father who would constantly manipulate her and do really sketchy shit (like using pictures of our kids as fodder for stories of why he couldn't be around at different times with several women who he was having affairs with). She would get fed up with him and ignore him for a few weeks at a time, and he would keep texting her and trying to call, leaving messages that were sometimes hateful and at other times tearful and pleading. She would eventually get roped back in before he would do something else to make her lose it. Well, all the while I was like "Why the fuck haven't you blocked him yet? Is this cycle not predictable enough for you?" She couldn't bring herself to do it because I guess in this day and age, and in her opinion, that symbolized erasing the person from her life, which was something particularly hard for her to do as the person was a family member, though I think that exes and other types of partners (depending on the level of intimacy) can fall into that category as well. Me, I'm like "5 words. Snail mail. Block his ass." Anyway, I don't think that her reluctance to block your number necessarily comes from a bad place, but if she's ignoring you, let her go.
 
April said:
Wonderful! Yay! I'm not one to doorslam but I've been tempted to soo many times... the are a few toxic people in my life, ones I should doorslam but I just can't, I'm too forgiving and I still love them, it's weird lol. But I'm sure one day it could happen. I am INFJ after all, it just takes me MUCH longer to get fed up I guess. But enjoy your time here and welcome to our humble abode. <3
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I've been reading a lot of threads here. And enter mixed sometimes I'll read that they felt like door slamming but didn't go there. And then they try to talk to the other person to work it out. YIKS! DANGER. DANGER. Emotions can heat up and then a verbal dagger can slip. Emotions can also cause confusion in your message. The key is to keep the emotions down. How? Write a letter. I mean nothing electronic -- no email, no messaging. Actual pin to paper. Younger people have probably never ever done this. It feels so different. It slows you thoughts down. It clarifies what you want to say without emotions screwing up your message. An actual letter has so much more personal impact. 10 times more than email. It shows that you really care about the person and the relationship. And written language just comes naturally to INFJs and NFs in general. It's a perfect fit! So after writing the letter just leave it where the person will find it on there own. This is a very none confrontational way to deliver your message. Of course mail it if you don't have a lot of personal contact with the other person. After they have read your letter, you have to wait. You need to wait so they have time to digest what you said and what it all means to them. This could take a day or more. After all that now you can talk to them. Emotions are much more subdued and you both have a basis of understanding to begin the conversation.

And where did I learn all this. From my mother. But she used to let the daggers fly first then sometime later she would write a letter -- maybe. Bad way of handling it.

So anyway thanks for giving me a head start on my thoughts for the thread. :)
 
Because she's being selfish and confused if she really didn't care she would just ignore you (silence speaks loudly). The question is do you want this again because it will happen. My solution, rip the band-aid and get on with your life. It will take time for the chemicals in your brain to deplete, kinda like a cocaine addiction. When you think of her talk to other woman find a new one she's not exclusive (rebound with some hussy). Say this to her "Get on with your life I ain't letting you hold me up" followed by a middle finger. Regain a power position kick the dirt from your feet. -- Don't let people hold you back.
 
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