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Three
- MBTI
- INTJ
So I had a grandfather, his name was Allen. He was born in 1942. He grew up in Pennsylvania, as he was German. His ancestor was William Clauss, he came over from Germany in the 1870's, from a noble family. There's actually a small village named after him. Allen was one of several brothers. His father was very abusive, like extremely. He grew up, and became a police officer. He was one for a while, then quit as he thought the mayor was corrupt. He did a lot of carpentry, and was self-employed. He divorced his crazy, evil wife, well actually separated, and moved to Florida. He had a kid, several, and one would become a crazy sociopath named Danny. Danny was always very delinquent, would set fires when he was angry, and was arrested a lot as a kid. He went into a foster home for a bit. Danny continued to get arrested, and is serving a 30 year sentence right now. He had one kid. Cody. Cody grew up, had severe behavioral problems, and anger issues growing up. Things were very bad. He was kind of out of control. Cody is me. I grew up with a lot of emotions, like giftedly so, and I had so much emotions, I would cry at every little thing. It kind of scared and frightened me, how little emotions people had. I looked at the holocaust, and couldn't believe it. There was a depravity of emotions. I would cry that I was going to die one day. I'm a guy, and very masculine, actually I took a test and scored in the 100th percentile on masculinity out of the 30,000 it was based on, believe it or not. I saw people as just totally emotionless kind of. My grandfather was an INTP, me an INTJ. He was physically abusive, and sexually. He would anger me, and not show enough emotions I would feel. So I was to mean call him mean names, make fun of his disfigurement, tell him I hate hated him and wished he was dead. He was always emotionally dead. So he started crying really bad one day, where he couldn't control it. I knew him for years. He never really seemed to cry. To be fair though I had that happen a lot as a kid, and he would do nothing. My aunt was horribly abusive to me, and he did nothing. Nor anyone else. I would cry uncontrollably as a kid, shaking, growing up. He ended up dying at 65. I was angry at him, for his ignoring me feelings, as well as being complacent during the abuse. It was resentment that never was fully let go of.
He ended up dying on Christmas Eve, 2007. I remember cuddling up next to him, as he was dying, he was thrashing around and stuff occasionally. He said he wanted to see me live to be 18, and then he'd let go. To let him finish raising me, he prayed to god. I loved him. I felt fraternity like nobody else. It hurts me looking back.
Outside thoughts, and perspectives. Advice for memories of the past?
He ended up dying on Christmas Eve, 2007. I remember cuddling up next to him, as he was dying, he was thrashing around and stuff occasionally. He said he wanted to see me live to be 18, and then he'd let go. To let him finish raising me, he prayed to god. I loved him. I felt fraternity like nobody else. It hurts me looking back.
Outside thoughts, and perspectives. Advice for memories of the past?
Of course, maybe you weren't worried about that. But I'm sorry your grandfather was abusive to you! 
You shouldn't blame yourself for lashing out at him and saying hateful things. You had every right to react the way you did, because as a child you knew what he was doing was wrong and threatening to you, and you stood up for yourself. But now that you have seen your grandfather's sensitive side and grew to know him as a man capable of love and vulnerability, you probably feel guilty for not always treating him well. You probably wish you had done more to make his life better so he never would have felt the need to abuse you in the first place. But there is no way you possibly could have known. You have done everything you can, and from your relationship with your grandfather you have learned that all people are capable of being hurt and misguided, and that is why they do horrible things. But you are not responsible for your past. All you can do is be proud that you got through it and be happy that you got to see a side of your grandfather that was loving and compassionate.