Have you ever cut someone out of your life?

mochi

mochi

Permanent Fixture
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INFP
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Mochi would like to listen to your stories, if you wouldn't mind sharing. Any and all types are welcome. Please include why and how everything worked out.

Thank you.
 
I had a friend I stopped talking to and seeing entirely a few years ago..
I think she had mental problems and I didn't know how to deal with it.
She took something that I said, and told someone else the exact opposite of that just to try weave this strange web of deceit where she could pit both people against one another..
Good thing the other person didn't fall for it.
She just got too creepy.

A weird thing is... a long time ago, I used to think a certain member here was her...
They both shared some similar thinking and behavior patterns...kind of borderline characteristics...
I tend to avoid people like that as a result.
 
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My mom.

Too much, too little to late, too...useless.

Can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
Can you free someone who wants to stay-- to be more comfortable inside, even?

So
yeah.
She still tries to enter, but whatever.

The opposite of love isn't hate.
 
acd said:
I had a friend I stopped talking to and seeing entirely a few years ago..
I think she had mental problems and I didn't know how to deal with it.
She took something that I said, and told someone else the exact opposite of that just to try weave this strange web of deceit where she could pit both people against one another..
Good thing the other person didn't fall for it.
She just got too creepy.

A weird thing is... a long time ago, I used to think a certain member here was her...
They both shared some similar thinking and behavior patterns...kind of borderline characteristics...
I tend to avoid people like that as a result.
Click to expand...

Thanks. That's interesting, I was about to remark on how usually when these things happen, the person usually does have some sort of mental problem... I think that's what makes it hard or sad even, because if they didn't have the mental problem, they could be potentially normal (but a lot of the times not as well).

I went through a situation like that too, weird. O w O I also try to be careful about people who I am unsure about. Luckily, I now know how to avoid people who could be cray cray a lot better than I was younger (lololol).

Trifoilum said:
My mom.

Too much, too little to late, too...useless.

Can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?
Can you free someone who wants to stay-- to be more comfortable inside, even?

So
yeah.
She still tries to enter, but whatever.

The opposite of love isn't hate.
Click to expand...

I agree~ Sometimes it's just an acknowledgement that you've tried your best and your life would be better off without that person. That must have been difficult, since it was your mother :c? You have a great resolve. Yeah, sometimes things are better if you try to move on and stay with the people that do make you happy.

Thank you for both of your input. I am kind of going through that with someone right now, it's just hard for me because we've known each other for a long time. She has a lot of mental problems I guess, but she recently did something that was the final straw for me (insulted my family) and I cut her off. I've never cut someone off before in my life, but I actually feel really guilty that I didn't do it sooner (my best friends warned me about her but I was naive because I felt bad for her :c). I don't wish anything bad on her, but I just want to look forward to my new life. I'm glad to hear things do seem to get better with time.
 
Yep, a few!

One was my former best friend. When my ex boyfriend and I broke up, I had the impression she was interested in him. I wasn't especially comfortable with this a week after the break up, but I was prepared to work through it. I asked her if she was interested in him and she denied it. Within a few days, at a party, she attempted to get intimate with him, to which he responded by bringing up his concern for my feelings in the matter. She was heard (by a number of people) to reply "Who cares about her? We can do whatever we want!". I even gave her the opportunity to come clean about that, but she continued to deny everything, at which point I ex-communicated her. To me, friendship is predicated on trust, and I can't meaningfully engage with someone who repeatedly lies to me.

Edit: How did it work out? Well, she tried to reach out to me a number of times afterwards, but consistently avoided any discussion of the reasons for why I stopped talking to her in the first place. Eventually, I told her that I wouldn't respond to any further messages from her, and that's been the last of it. I don't miss her.
 
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R and I met when we were 3 and bumped into each other at a tree outside my church. We became friends almost instantly. From that day on, we always sat together in Sunday school and whenever she stayed for church. She always invited me to her birthday parties and I was there for her when she sat on that blue cupcake that was in one of the chairs for some reason...The stain is still there too. It was an "odd" friendship for about 8 years, because we rarely saw each other more than once a week.

One day, she called me and asked to come over and see me for a bit. I complied and she came and talked with me for a bit and then wanted to leave. This continued until finally, she started staying longer, and by that summer, she spent the day with me Monday-Friday from 7-4, while her mom was at work. I was elated because I finally had someone to sing with me and such. We sang ALL the time, to the point where Enoch and Gershom would come tell us to "shut the fuck up". The first rifts started when she always shot down my singing, telling me that it was awful and that she was a better singer because she was in chorus and I wasn't. She went on endlessly about how awesome her friend A could sing so amazingly though.

The next summer, I saw a bunch of fashion magazines/catalogues a friend had given me years ago, and decided to cut out the people and make them into dolls (since I didn't have any) and invited her to join me, which she did.
She would play along as long as she got to have all the prettiest, talented,smartest, best characters. At this point, she even had an imaginary friend that was essentially supposed to be the "perfect" girl. And she ALWAYS compared her to me, highlighting my shortcomings and devaluing my worth. And I believed her for a while.

Her dad died the next summer and I was there to be her rock, but when she was stable again I was done, done, and done with her.

In short our friendship:
-Was very superficial
-damaged, nearly shattered my sense of self worth and self esteem
 
When control overruled concern,
when pain provoked violence,
when fear fueled apathy,
I never looked back -
not a pet, but a
person.

"Friends". Stepfather. Cousin. Uncle. Lover. Father.
All fell harvested to the same plagues, met the same cold scythe.
They didn't understand that love is a gift, not a price.
 
I try not to but sometimes it is inevitable. If some people are just plan manipulating my emotions and using me for their own benefit, its in my best interest to stop talking to them.
 
I had cut the person whom i felt have played with my feelings. Everytime i try to forgive nd forgst about everything. .. It just goes back. So the thing is i sort of cut her out of my list of good friends. As an enfp, i d k but i could easily forget and move on if i feel i am no use for you anymore because, me as myself is not enough or have disappointed you in some way.
 
I have found it unhealthy around certain people: waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the knife in the back.
Waiting for the same old cycle to happen again and again. I did not cut them out of my life, though I try to avoid them when I can.

Cut one person out of my life. They are still alive, so I will give it a pass talking about it. I actually "signed" them out of my life by signing a document they wanted signed against a deceased person's wishes. The timing was impeccable.
 
I doubted that I would stay in contact with the majority of my early school friends, so I never developed those relationships.
Perhaps a self fulfilling prophecy, but I consider those who managed to keep friends from those times both rare and blessed.

I'm not sure if I regret it, but I think I was realistic, although perhaps a bit bleak and dark for a young whippersnapper.
 
I just did so last week with a friend who I've been close to for several years. I mulled it over for about three years before I was able to do it.

I wish nothing but the best for her, it was just time for me to move on, I'm hugely relieved it's over, but I felt like a giant dick when I did it.
 
Heaps.

When I was younger I did it because we weren't even really friends we were just hanging out because there was no one else. Sometimes we actually were friends but they were holding me back socially, or I thought they were. Sometimes it was because there was a conflict and I didn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes it was because I moved away. Sometimes it was because it was too hard, or because they belonged to a time or place that I wanted to forget. Sometimes they did it to me…

It happens.
 
There is a benefit sometimes...

Sometimes it is better to cut someone out of your life. I had to cut my older brother out of my life. I could not maintain a healthy relationship with him. It would be extremely damaging to me. I don't hate him for what he has done to hurt me, I find hating people has no benefit, but I did benefit from not having him be a part of my life. I was able to start trying to make my life whole again. I wish I could have a good relationship with him, but he has not changed. So, I keep him out of my life.
 
Melisskah said:
I try not to but sometimes it is inevitable. If some people are just plan manipulating my emotions and using me for their own benefit, its in my best interest to stop talking to them.
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I agree. It also varies on a situation-by-situation basis. I don't care for people who try to manipulate my emotions and never take responsibility for their words/actions. It's a sign of immaturity.
 
Whiskers said:
Yep, a few!

One was my former best friend. When my ex boyfriend and I broke up, I had the impression she was interested in him. I wasn't especially comfortable with this a week after the break up, but I was prepared to work through it. I asked her if she was interested in him and she denied it. Within a few days, at a party, she attempted to get intimate with him, to which he responded by bringing up his concern for my feelings in the matter. She was heard (by a number of people) to reply "Who cares about her? We can do whatever we want!". I even gave her the opportunity to come clean about that, but she continued to deny everything, at which point I ex-communicated her. To me, friendship is predicated on trust, and I can't meaningfully engage with someone who repeatedly lies to me.

Edit: How did it work out? Well, she tried to reach out to me a number of times afterwards, but consistently avoided any discussion of the reasons for why I stopped talking to her in the first place. Eventually, I told her that I wouldn't respond to any further messages from her, and that's been the last of it. I don't miss her.
Click to expand...

Serenity said:
R and I met when we were 3 and bumped into each other at a tree outside my church. We became friends almost instantly. From that day on, we always sat together in Sunday school and whenever she stayed for church. She always invited me to her birthday parties and I was there for her when she sat on that blue cupcake that was in one of the chairs for some reason...The stain is still there too. It was an "odd" friendship for about 8 years, because we rarely saw each other more than once a week.

One day, she called me and asked to come over and see me for a bit. I complied and she came and talked with me for a bit and then wanted to leave. This continued until finally, she started staying longer, and by that summer, she spent the day with me Monday-Friday from 7-4, while her mom was at work. I was elated because I finally had someone to sing with me and such. We sang ALL the time, to the point where Enoch and Gershom would come tell us to "shut the fuck up". The first rifts started when she always shot down my singing, telling me that it was awful and that she was a better singer because she was in chorus and I wasn't. She went on endlessly about how awesome her friend A could sing so amazingly though.

The next summer, I saw a bunch of fashion magazines/catalogues a friend had given me years ago, and decided to cut out the people and make them into dolls (since I didn't have any) and invited her to join me, which she did.
She would play along as long as she got to have all the prettiest, talented,smartest, best characters. At this point, she even had an imaginary friend that was essentially supposed to be the "perfect" girl. And she ALWAYS compared her to me, highlighting my shortcomings and devaluing my worth. And I believed her for a while.

Her dad died the next summer and I was there to be her rock, but when she was stable again I was done, done, and done with her.

In short our friendship:
-Was very superficial
-damaged, nearly shattered my sense of self worth and self esteem
Click to expand...

Wow, I am amazed at how similar your stories are to mine [MENTION=5027]Whiskers[/MENTION] and [MENTION=2873]Serenity[/MENTION]. :O

[MENTION=5027]Whiskers[/MENTION]
Thanks for sharing, especially how you handled her recontacting you, that's very helpful. I am a bit afraid of my friend doing this because she has done it in the past. It's crazy, my friend has done something similar to what your friend did (except with my new boyfriend at the time, who refused her). I forgave her for that, even though she did it again later with another guy that I liked (but nothing happened with), and also spread rumors that I made it up (no one believed her though, because they saw it with their own eyes). I feel so naive... because I think I should have stopped our friendship a long time ago. :c I have no one to blame but myself...

[MENTION=2873]Serenity[/MENTION]
Wow, that does sound like a damaging relationship. :o I am amazed at how patient you were about it, and I'm glad you were strong and smart to get out. I felt the same way about me and my friend's friendship. Things started really well at first, but then as I got to know her true personality I felt drained around her. Also, what is crazy similar is that my friend's father also died (several years back) and I was there for her during that time and after. I guess that's why I could never really let her go, even after she became stable. She constantly used it as an excuse for everything that hurt me (including trying to steal my boyfriend) and other people. I just tried to understand. I guess I just couldn't stop the relationship because she would bring it up at any time to defend herself for doing something even completely unrelated, and I would feel bad for her and give her the benefit of the doubt, even though it happened more than 6 years ago. I just can't stand the emotional draining anymore though. I am going to be strong enough to get myself out of this, thanks for the inspiration.

chulo said:
I never cut people out of my life. There is no advantage to it. Just stay cool with them.

"Sometimes opportunity knocks from a door you left slightly open"
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Hey chulo, I commend you for that statement, I do think that is a great thing to do. I know what you mean, I usually try to live by this rule to be understanding and never really shut the door on anyone. But, it's hard because the thing is sometimes there are people who refuse to be let go, even if it's just by distance. There were several times I tried to not shut that door, but just distance myself, but my friend would demand an explanation why. I tried to set her to acquaintance level once, but she picked up on it and wanted to be super close, not just acquaintances (part of which may be because she is an extrovert, and I am introvert who can go long periods without going out). Unfortunately there's no middle ground for this... That is why I am making the decision I am making.

Rach said:
I just did so last week with a friend who I've been close to for several years. I mulled it over for about three years before I was able to do it.

I wish nothing but the best for her, it was just time for me to move on, I'm hugely relieved it's over, but I felt like a giant dick when I did it.
Click to expand...

Congrats, that was a tough decision I'm sure. I bet it feels like a huge weight off your shoulders, huh? :3 That's how I feel too. Strangely, I dont' feel bad this time; I guess that was what I was afraid of. Now that this friendship is not only hurting me, but also other people I care about (family/friends) I don't feel guilty anymore towards leaving her.

What I do feel guilty about is being so passive during my youth though, I really do blame myself for not being strong enough to do it earlier.
 
PhoenixV said:
Sometimes it is better to cut someone out of your life. I had to cut my older brother out of my life. I could not maintain a healthy relationship with him. It would be extremely damaging to me. I don't hate him for what he has done to hurt me, I find hating people has no benefit, but I did benefit from not having him be a part of my life. I was able to start trying to make my life whole again. I wish I could have a good relationship with him, but he has not changed. So, I keep him out of my life.
Click to expand...

Great words, thank you. <3 I'm sorry to hear that, I know how much tougher it is especially with family. I'm glad your life is better now. :)
 
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