Because connections like the one you describe with him are rare. INFJs are always wanting this deeper connection, most of the time they feel misunderstood and often they are. It is like a shinning light when someone does ‘get us’ and we won’t let go of that easily. However we seek harmony in all our interactions and as such he currently isn’t in a harmonious place, he may feel he will be letting you down as it’s currently not balanced. When things get tough it takes a while to get our head straight. But when that lifts I really think there is a chance.
Help with my VERY stressed INFJ in a relationship
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Janas
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Thank you so much! You have no idea how much you helped me. I don't sleep for one week already and I'm barely functioning because of this. I feel that our love is very special. He used to say it like it feels so amazing, everything he wished for and he never felt like this of met someone like me. That it is for him like a miracle and he is looking where is the catch, because something so good just feels so unreal! Our love is the only thing that keep me going and hoping. I hope it will be stronger than 25 years of marriage and feeling of guilt.
It really is a miracle when these connections find each other - let him find you again.
It’s not the end.
Sleep, eat and take care of yourself. You will be best for each other at your best.
biwaly
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Well I wrote a message according to every message you sent in this thread until the time I sent that message.
He may be an INFJ but he ain't like anyone because every personality is different regardless of MBTI type because MBTI is just about how known functions affects our behaviour and there are a lot of effects that are the sum of our personality like our memories, the DNAs that affects us, etc. therefore MBTI and whatnot are just the tip of the iceberg we call personality so it's really pointless of you to even ask about him to some total strangers. You better ask about him to those who knows him for years. People may not be interested in psychology per se but every people have their own way of understanding others because it's how we evolved as social animals and anyone is likely to understand anyone as they know them all these years.
But if you want to know what would I, a male INFJ, do if I were him I can easily write it because I know myself enough: I would prefer to be with my wife no matter what in the exact way he did. I would only give up on my wife if my wife pushing me away enough to destroy me and I see no light at the end of the tunnel so to continue to exist I will give up on her after I kill her in my mind to cut my emotional connection from her. TBH I wouldn't care about other people romantically if I had a wife but love is stupid so even if I happened to fall in love with someone else when I have a wife I would try to stay with my wife no matter what because of the responsibility I have and I wouldn't care even if it rains rocks that burns. Love may die but my promise to my wife that I'll never leave her won't die until she wants to leave me too. I won't do anything to intentionally hurt my loved ones who I can have a great life with and to be honest leaving them is the worst hurtful action ever in my opinion so I would prefer to be in their life in any way even though they don't realize I'm just behind a tree or something LOL. When I'm part of such a love triangle like he is, I would forget about the other woman who ain't my wife and I of course would focus on my wife even though my heart is with the other woman to avoid hurting feeling that I want to connect with the other woman but that connection is reserved for my wife.
I guess his wife was pushing him away so he wanted to end it just because he couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel which he always wanted to see that light but now his wife made him trust her enough to come back and connect with her again therefore now he sees two lights (you and his wife) and therefore he ain't sure which light will lead him out of the tunnel but he is likely to follow the familiar light who is his wife in which I don't think he'll give up on her when he is connected with his wife again. Someday, when his wife died or she died for him emotionally and if you are available he will come back to you but you better don't hope he'll come back. People change and romantic interest doesn't last. Soul mates? I heard about it too way before these soul mates became each others' enemies.
The thing is they really don't have a stable relationship and he wants to escape so there is a good chance they'll break up just because his wife will leave her especially because he had an affair with another woman and therefore he'll marry you. Women wants love and they won't stay with anyone who doesn't make them feel loved unless they are with their husband for money and whatnot but an INFJ wouldn't stay with anyone who only cares about their money and whatnot. Perhaps she is only interested in his money and after all these happened he may learn if she really loves him or not in which he can easily throw her out of the window (emotionally) if she is only interested in him for his money. He is suffering because he believes she loves him and he doing something wrong to her after all. That's why he wants to fix it and will always return to her as long as he thinks she loves him and he can fix it. Well, we'll see.
Janas
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Thank you very much for your reply. Desperate situation = desperate actions. I don't know his family of friends, only our mutual colleagues so I can't talk to anybody about him like that. All I have left is faith in our love and unique connection.
Janas
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thank you one more time. Due to lack of sleep and exhaustion I forgot to mention that they decided to split up and announce this at their work and to their families. Now they will see how things go from his point but seeing each other occasionally. I have such an urge to contact him because I miss him so much, but I know it is not wise. It's like our and their relationship is broken, but with her he stayed in contact to look if there is any chance to save their marriage.
Timing has so much to do with it all.
I sent a wish out for you to at least get some communication from him - I hope it comes true.
Janas
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Ok so here goes my latest update which is probably the final. Last 2 weeks were pure hell for me, I never have been in so much stress, I can't even work anymore, let alone my health now. Last 2 week I called him a few times. First 2 times I was very supportive and understanding for him and we talked about the situation. The more recent time as I was very tired after 2 weeks of no sleep I told some things that I ment as an observation as such that I know him from work as very decisive man with a strong will and that I don't understand that in a private life and in this situation he is so indecisive, that I'm very surprised by that. I noticed that he didn't like that comment and later I wrote him message about it, just in case that I ment it only as mine out loud thinking nothing more. He ignored my messsage and also my call the next day. Today I finally talked to him again because I'm not able to work and it is stressing me out and I was very surprised to hear that he is angry at me because of what I said. We talked about it for a while and he found it too direct from me en judging because the way i said that.
I said that I'm just so tired and didn't ment to offend him in any way just trying to orientate myself in this hard situation. He told me that it frustrates him when I keep calling to talk about it and that if I wanna know at the moment his choice that it isn't really in my favor. He really wants to give it a try with his wife and with me just keep only necessary work conversations and nothing personal anymore. I said that I really would like to keep a good relationship with him and be able to get along with each other. He said that he knows that this is hard for me and that I'm in pain but have to get myself together. Several times I tried to ease the conversation up and at the end I said that I wont call him again. After that I still sent him an apology and wished him a good weekend. He wished me a good weekend too and to get good rest.
I really needed to call him those time since it was such a shock for me that he just left me like that. I needed to put the pieces together even I knew its not the meaning to call anymore. Now I can't do anything anymore, he is in contact with her every day and doesn't contact me at all. This is exactly what he said 2 weeks ago and first he felt my support and understanding but now I made him angry with my directness.
Is there any advice how can I make this still OK? So he won't be upset with me anymore? I know I lost him definitely for now because he want's to try if there is any chance with her again, but I don't wont him to be angry with me or hate me.
At the end he said that he doesn't want me to think that he is playing with me or that it isn't hard for him and that he thinks about me more than I realize even when he is now still angry.
I'm still just in such a shock because he left me so unexpected with nothing negative between us. We were really happy together until he saw a glimpse of an old connection with is wife again. :-(
I said that I'm just so tired and didn't ment to offend him in any way just trying to orientate myself in this hard situation. He told me that it frustrates him when I keep calling to talk about it and that if I wanna know at the moment his choice that it isn't really in my favor. He really wants to give it a try with his wife and with me just keep only necessary work conversations and nothing personal anymore. I said that I really would like to keep a good relationship with him and be able to get along with each other. He said that he knows that this is hard for me and that I'm in pain but have to get myself together. Several times I tried to ease the conversation up and at the end I said that I wont call him again. After that I still sent him an apology and wished him a good weekend. He wished me a good weekend too and to get good rest.
I really needed to call him those time since it was such a shock for me that he just left me like that. I needed to put the pieces together even I knew its not the meaning to call anymore. Now I can't do anything anymore, he is in contact with her every day and doesn't contact me at all. This is exactly what he said 2 weeks ago and first he felt my support and understanding but now I made him angry with my directness.
Is there any advice how can I make this still OK? So he won't be upset with me anymore? I know I lost him definitely for now because he want's to try if there is any chance with her again, but I don't wont him to be angry with me or hate me.
At the end he said that he doesn't want me to think that he is playing with me or that it isn't hard for him and that he thinks about me more than I realize even when he is now still angry.
I'm still just in such a shock because he left me so unexpected with nothing negative between us. We were really happy together until he saw a glimpse of an old connection with is wife again. :-(
D
Deleted member 16771
This guy is a fucking mong.
biwaly
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I thought I made it clear for you about what you shouldn't do to him yet you did and many more actions that have no point of return now. As how I realized, he realized that you are the wrong person for him so he doesn't want a future with you. He being without you is best for him.
Janas
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he left me from one day to another and as I suffered I really needed to get some things more clear. I needed to look for my health too. So you think he wil not forgive me? He made this decision 2 weeks ago which was very hurtful to me. All I dit was that I needed some clarity and I didn't even ask him anything he talked always out of himself about it. I always started about work or different stuff that I need to discuss and that we both said to each other that we sleep very bad and are very stressed. Yes he knows I'm very direct and I don't even remember how I said those things but I was just saying it very calmly and normal just like and inner though to try to understand it. When you really love somebody then this can't be such a problem to the point of no return?! What he did to me is mo much worse and really devastating for me. Will it hell to give him space now and communicatie as we agreed?
biwaly
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Your mistake is expecting an INFJ to decide on anything by using Fi and Te. They use Fe and Ti instead which these functions with Ni make an INFJ realize what someone will do and why 10 steps ahead. Since he knows you enough to even once considered a future with you, he can write a book about what will you do and why until you die. It's no rocket science or superpower but for an INFJ it's so easy since we can easily think about possible future related to anyone. Once you get the fundamental pattern behind human and learn how to read their mood you can easily predict what will they do and why.
I didn't write these to show off or something. I wrote these to make a point that what you might do stressing him more than what you actually do. He perhaps even worrying about one day you will grab a shotgun and kill his wife. For such possibility, he tries to keep you sane for you, for himself and for his wife, even for society itself, et cetera.
Before you learn what you should do about him, you gotta learn what was your mistake so you won't touch the fire again. Who was right or something nor what's your excuse doesn't matter now because what happened is done already. What matters is the future only.
Your mistake was you didn't get the seriousness of the situation. Dealing with work is easy because they teach you how to work better and you can easily have experience. But for personal matters, no one teaches you anything about it. Sometimes life puts you in a situation you never had experience before no matter your age, knowledge, et cetera. It's always hard to make a decision when it involves a lot of people, especially when you have to choose between multiple options that are equally wrong. But about work, you gotta choose the standard right one. In his situation every decision is wrong. For example, he chose his wife over you is wrong for you but it would be wrong to his wife if he had chosen you. The fact that either decision is wrong is what makes him torn apart. A Fi user cannot get this but this is how it's. Fe function makes you care about what's wrong and right for others too. But Fi users only care what's wrong and right for them, not others.
Another aspect of why it was a mistake is you were being selfish. To me you meant he was indecisive just because you tried to manipulate him by guilt-tripping so he would choose you instead. He was actually decisive enough. He choice his wife because she is his wife while you are just a coworker he had affair with. In that regard you thinking he was indecisive indicates you don't let go off him, you don't get perhaps he will never return to you, you don't get this time he may live with his wife happily ever after, etc. which is another reason for him to feel torn apart. Since you can't move on he feels like he left you behind by choosing his wife over you. He'll choose his wife anyway but since you cling to this impossible relationship with him he feels sad for you. It will be better for him if you finally get what you want may never happen so you keep it a professional relationship in work but personally being a friend with him. But for it stop asking about his wife and whatnot. Forget about it. Let him open the subject and just listen to him. Don't ask questions.
What you said to him would anger an INFJ for sure because it also means you don't know him enough therefore you are not a person who would have a great relationship with him. Also it's not nice when you judging him on top of all of these and seem like you mocking him. He has already torn apart for thinking he may making mistake because his situation with his wife ain't clear which is the source of stress for him yet you pouring salt over his wound by judging him like that and constantly keep asking about the situation. In which he probably realized you are no good for him so he doesn't want a future with you because you are not good enough but love is stupid. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Since he is a Fe user, he cares about you as to how I would care about my employees. That's the other aspect of your situation. A woman like you may sue him for raping and whatnot just because you felt so worthless therefore wanted to get revenge if you get angry which is another reason for him to make sure you are ok. Other than that he already set his mind about he choose his wife so what do you expect? Just put yourself in his shoes. Imagine you have a husband with whom you had a long history but he wants to leave you but it's a maybe situation because both of you made mistakes so you blame yourself for it. So in the meanwhile you meet some man you fall in love with very much. Imagine you love both men. While you were having fun with this new guy you fix your relationship with your husband enough to try again. Would you choose your husband whom you had a very longs history or the new guy? What would you choose doesn't matter because this situation is about him, not you. You ain't the sun in this situation. His wife is the sun, he is the earth while you are the moon. Earth cannot revolve around the moon because the moon's gravity is below Earth's gravity. For an INFJ people have gravity too and relationships work as how the universe work but let's drop it here. He chooses his wife but he doesn't want to have a bad relationship with you because it would be rude since he has feelings for you. But it doesn't mean he won't door slam if you push too hard.
Yes. You already pushed him too hard by constantly bothering him and judging him. He'll come and say when there is something worth mentioning. Just leave the guy alone and don't add dead weight on his shoulders. After all, you ain't the one who has a wife so your decision is so easy but his is a nightmare but in comparison yours is just like someone stole your candy. Yet even though your situation ain't so serious and hard you still make the all wrong decisions. Go get a new candy if you can.
First, realize that this situation may continue for years at the same level. The stolen candy may never found in this huge world. Don't expect a change any minute. The whole police force doesn't just look for candy thieves. Continue to live your life. Realize that your relationship with him ain't stopped. It's over. But it doesn't mean when he left his wife he won't return to you. He may be an INFJ but no one can see what exactly will happen so he behaves according to that. Only you got stuck in the past while he and his wife talk about you like "ha ha she still thinks you will return like I would let you" - his wife, while he is probably like "don't mock her. it was my fault". - him. Live your life as if he died. It will be better for you. From the start, you shouldn't start such a relationship but I know — Love is stupid. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, read my previous message again. Perhaps you will get different useful meanings out of it since your mistake was written there too as well as what you should have to do to avoid it. Even though I don't know you really I easily predicted this would happen therefore I kinda wrote it according to anything bad that may happen about him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Janas
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thank you for you long response. It hurts me so much to read it though. I got divorcer just to start a clean relationship with him since my relationship was not ok anymore. I considered to write him one apology message just to let him know my feelings and that I respect his decision and all. Is that also a stupid idea? I just though to let him know that im really feeling very bad for it.
biwaly
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An apology doesn't matter when someone doesn't get their mistake. An apology doesn't matter when you love them anyway because then there is nothing to forgive. Just don't annoy him again. He already knows you are sorry. Don't try to find an excuse to be with him, talk to him, et cetera. He'll be annoyed when you bother him for trivial matters.
Janas
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actually i was busy writing message (didn't send it) as an apology and acknowledging his feelings and decisions and that I go on with my life wishing him all the best and also that I will just continue our communication at work as agreed. So kind of a goodbye apology message so I can for the last time express me feelings, thanking him for all good and wishing him all wel so I can get some closure with this. Or is nothing really better than such a message?
biwaly
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Sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action because anything you'll do will ruin it further.
INFJs don't care what you say to them. They only care about your actions, who you really are, et cetera. For example, you may meet someone who begs you, says they will never leave, promises you on that and sincerely means it but they leave no matter what they said. Words don't mean anything. Only actions matter. Sometimes no matter what the outcome is inevitable therefore some people cares more about the outcome therefore they don't care about your words.
I know sending such a message will make you feel be in peace but it may ruin his mood further like how he was upset for you judging him. I won't call it being selfish (it doesn't matter even if it's so anyway) but don't do it just for yourself since he matters to you too. When you are in a relationship, what you do should be for mutual benefit yet he feels you only care about your own benefit. The worst is you assume it would benefit him too. He feels betrayed when he tries to do what benefits you too yet you seem like you don't care.
So just be the person you should be for him and prove your care with your actions and it will be enough for him. Really words don't matter, especially when actions matter more.
Also I know my messages are long but I'm not just writing these for you. I also wrote for any person who is ENTJ like you and looking for help with their INFJ. So for example people from 2035 may read my messages and, I don't know, it may be useful for them and after they read my message they may get into their flying car to go talk with their INFJ and make things right or something.
Janas
Newbie
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Sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action because anything you'll do will ruin it further.
INFJs don't care what you say to them. They only care about your actions, who you really are, et cetera. For example, you may meet someone who begs you, says they will never leave, promises you on that and sincerely means it but they leave no matter what they said. Words don't mean anything. Only actions matter. Sometimes no matter what the outcome is inevitable therefore some people cares more about the outcome therefore they don't care about your words.
I know sending such a message will make you feel be in peace but it may ruin his mood further like how he was upset for you judging him. I won't call it being selfish (it doesn't matter even if it's so anyway) but don't do it just for yourself since he matters to you too. When you are in a relationship, what you do should be for mutual benefit yet he feels you only care about your own benefit. The worst is you assume it would benefit him too. He feels betrayed when he tries to do what benefits you too yet you seem like you don't care.
So just be the person you should be for him and prove your care with your actions and it will be enough for him. Really words don't matter, especially when actions matter more.
Also I know my messages are long but I'm not just writing these for you. I also wrote for any person who is ENTJ like you and looking for help with their INFJ. So for example people from 2035 may read my messages and, I don't know, it may be useful for them and after they read my message they may get into their flying car to go talk with their INFJ and make things right or something.
Ok, thank you. I didn't send the message to him I deleted it. What he asked from me is to keep minimal contact as colleagues and see how it goes from there. I really care so much about him even when he did what he did to me. Look I left me marriage to have a clear start and he started with me during his marriage with this turn of events which even his brother doesn't understand since that marriage was really bad for a really long time. But crazy enough I understand if he feels like he needs to try and see if the marriage can be saved, he must do it, otherwise he would be always in doubts and regrets.
It is taking a toll on me just because he really was very thorn about what to do and with who to be. He said literally that this is not the end with us but it just can't go on like this anymore, that he needs to solve his situation first. So it never was a goodbye. Yesterday he said that he feels a duty to try it. I don't know how their marriage will go, he keeps on saying that the chances for succes are really minimal.
All I want is that he wont be angry with me and to know what is the best that I can do to don't push him away from my any further. All I can think of now is to don't contact him and only politely answer when he contacts me at work.
During our call he told me that with me he sees the bright future together and can't think of anything really negative while with her it is very uncertain how things will go. He gives me those hints himself, I'm not asking for it at all. That is for me very confusing and keeps me very unsure of what to think of it. If he really clearly wants his wife and forgot about me already, then I see no logic in his talks about me. It would be much easier if he just told me its over, definitive and no chance for anything even if their marriage wont work out for example. But he does the exact opposite.
It is so late and Im so tired so I hope I'm still making some sence.
biwaly
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Nah you make perfect sense don't worry. When I was young I was dealing with really stupid people who can't even talk straight.
Well what you say about him makes sense to me because he is the type who hopes even though he knows it's impossible to get it and it's better for him to give up on that. He has that man's pride which is a good thing. So don't expect him to be logical because he is an emotional person. Don't think logic is better than emotions. Logic and emotions are just 2 opposite aspects of the reality we humans perceive. You can't reach the truth with only one of them. Emotions matters as much as logic and vice versa.
Well good luck to all of you and may the best happens for all of you. ^_^
biwaly
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Janas, I randomly noticed you were checking "How can I gain an INFJ's forgiveness after fucking up in a major way?" therefore wanted to give you advice regarding it.
INFJs may dislike what you do but they never dislike you so there is no reason to ask for forgiveness. What they do however is emotionally ignore your existence from their mind in which no matter what you do they never forgive you because to them you are dead. When it happens, anything you do to make them forgive you will be considered as an attack, they will resent you for "you should have pay attention so it wouldn't come to this", "don't try to manipulate me". etc. therefore they may literally kill you to get rid of you.
There is a good reason why INFJs are very harmful when they really get angry. The only reason they get angry is when their Fe stops working so their shadow Fi takes over. This shadow Fi doesn't function as ordinary Fi like INFPs and whatnots have. This shadow Fi has no sense of right and wrong, morality, common sense, et cetera. Shadow Fi also makes Ti gone and in its place shadow Te takes over so shadow Fi + shadow Te makes INFJ do anything necessary to stop the source of hurt so they can easily hurt people who push them too hard. You may not think you pushing INFJ too hard but it doesn't mean INFJ doesn't feel like they are trapped in the corner like a rat. When they feel like a rat in the corner they transform into a monster that will destroy anything in front of it to move on.
What you should do is not repeating the same mistake again. There is nothing to forgive you because they don't hold grudges but they will never forgive what you did. In that regard INFJs can be like an elephant. After the door slam you are dead to them. Can you forgive a dead person? I can't. I won't. They don't deserve forgiveness because what they did was a crime you can't forgive as if it was like the ultimate sin for me. They shouldn't have crossed that line.
Being an INFJ is like being John Wick. INFJs can't forgive you for certain actions you did to them as how John Wick can't forgive people for they killed his dog. You can watch John Wick to understand how the darkside of INFJ looks like and why it happens.
INFJs may dislike what you do but they never dislike you so there is no reason to ask for forgiveness. What they do however is emotionally ignore your existence from their mind in which no matter what you do they never forgive you because to them you are dead. When it happens, anything you do to make them forgive you will be considered as an attack, they will resent you for "you should have pay attention so it wouldn't come to this", "don't try to manipulate me". etc. therefore they may literally kill you to get rid of you.
There is a good reason why INFJs are very harmful when they really get angry. The only reason they get angry is when their Fe stops working so their shadow Fi takes over. This shadow Fi doesn't function as ordinary Fi like INFPs and whatnots have. This shadow Fi has no sense of right and wrong, morality, common sense, et cetera. Shadow Fi also makes Ti gone and in its place shadow Te takes over so shadow Fi + shadow Te makes INFJ do anything necessary to stop the source of hurt so they can easily hurt people who push them too hard. You may not think you pushing INFJ too hard but it doesn't mean INFJ doesn't feel like they are trapped in the corner like a rat. When they feel like a rat in the corner they transform into a monster that will destroy anything in front of it to move on.
What you should do is not repeating the same mistake again. There is nothing to forgive you because they don't hold grudges but they will never forgive what you did. In that regard INFJs can be like an elephant
. After the door slam you are dead to them. Can you forgive a dead person? I can't. I won't. They don't deserve forgiveness because what they did was a crime you can't forgive as if it was like the ultimate sin for me. They shouldn't have crossed that line.Being an INFJ is like being John Wick. INFJs can't forgive you for certain actions you did to them as how John Wick can't forgive people for they killed his dog. You can watch John Wick to understand how the darkside of INFJ looks like and why it happens.
Janas
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Janas, I randomly noticed you were checking "How can I gain an INFJ's forgiveness after fucking up in a major way?" therefore wanted to give you advice regarding it.
INFJs may dislike what you do but they never dislike you so there is no reason to ask for forgiveness. What they do however is emotionally ignore your existence from their mind in which no matter what you do they never forgive you because to them you are dead. When it happens, anything you do to make them forgive you will be considered as an attack, they will resent you for "you should have pay attention so it wouldn't come to this", "don't try to manipulate me". etc. therefore they may literally kill you to get rid of you.
There is a good reason why INFJs are very harmful when they really get angry. The only reason they get angry is when their Fe stops working so their shadow Fi takes over. This shadow Fi doesn't function as ordinary Fi like INFPs and whatnots have. This shadow Fi has no sense of right and wrong, morality, common sense, et cetera. Shadow Fi also makes Ti gone and in its place shadow Te takes over so shadow Fi + shadow Te makes INFJ do anything necessary to stop the source of hurt so they can easily hurt people who push them too hard. You may not think you pushing INFJ too hard but it doesn't mean INFJ doesn't feel like they are trapped in the corner like a rat. When they feel like a rat in the corner they transform into a monster that will destroy anything in front of it to move on.
What you should do is not repeating the same mistake again. There is nothing to forgive you because they don't hold grudges but they will never forgive what you did. In that regard INFJs can be like an elephant
Being an INFJ is like being John Wick. INFJs can't forgive you for certain actions you did to them as how John Wick can't forgive people for they killed his dog. You can watch John Wick to understand how the darkside of INFJ looks like and why it happens.
Hi thank you for your message, if it is like that then it seems to me that its impossible to keep any relationship with any INFJ because everybody does mistakes at times and it shouldn't be black or white. I was too direct but the message was truth not bad or good just an observation of the reality. He said its not what I said but how I said it. At that time I was really exhausted from no sleep and have no idea I'm saying potentially hurtful stuf. I told it to him during our last call that I absolutely had no intention of hurting him that I would never wanna do that and I was sincerely sorry. He was having 5 years cisis with his wife and went over the border of respect as far I know. This was our first miscommunication, so no intentional and during a really extreme hard situation. So I think it is impossible to live a life without one single miscommunication or irritation, at least I don't know any relationship like that. I feel already so awful for this especially because I never ment any harm to him and that makes is so much painful for me. I explained myself and apologized and really did let him know I care about him very much and respect his choices and even believe that he must do this to be 1005 sure of what he wants. All I want to say that I hope he wil eventually forgive me because he knows it wasn't intentional and I'm really very sorry about it all. You know at the end he told me that he thinks about me more then I realize (so I guess inspite of his current anger :-(