How to date an INFJ perspective.

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eloquent_leo

Community Member
MBTI
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I found this link out of curiosity. To see if it matched the way I am in dating, and found it pretty accurate. I will post a bit of it on the thread, and share the link. I'm curious on other opinions. Sorry if this was posted beforehand. I haven't had the time to go through all the posts on here.

http://modalitiesofexistence.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/infj-dating-bible-or-how-to-date-an-infj/

■For most INFJs, omitting or distorting information is equivalent to lying, and at the very least will rouse their suspicion. INFJs have an acute sensitivity for stories which don
 
eloquent_leo said:
■For most INFJs, omitting or distorting information is equivalent to lying, and at the very least will rouse their suspicion. INFJs have an acute sensitivity for stories which don’t quite fit. At the same time, INFJs also like to assume the best and can be extremely gullible.
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Guilty of gullibility and sometimes wanting to see the best in people when they redeem themselves, no matter how many times they contradict it.
■INFJs are adept at nonverbal communication (eye gaze, touching, body language, etc.). Just because they’re not speaking doesn’t mean they’re not saying something.
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I'd say we're better at interpreting clues than putting them out.
■INFJs have an extremely complex internal value system. An INFJ will see if you ‘fit’ into their world, and they’ll bend their own rules if they really like you. INFJs tend to have very high standards, but are also very accepting once they trust you and know you’re safe.
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I feel like this is more infp in a sense of having a "values system". I'd reword this to say that infjs, in general, have a very thick shield but will let it down once they feel safe, which can take some time (perhaps forever).
■INFJs can be pretty intense emotionally. This isn’t to say that they can get into a heated argument, in fact INFJs avoid conflict, however they are easily hurt and feel very deeply. It’s not uncommon for INFJs to cry if they feel something very deeply.
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Agreed that we feel very deeply but we can be very good at hiding it.
■INFJs are weird / odd / strange / extremely rare and they very much know it. They yearn to be understood and want to be accepted as they are (as most people do, of course). An INFJ is incredibly complex, so complex they confuse even themselves. They almost always feel misunderstood and ‘hidden’. They will be offended if you pass them off as ‘simple’ or ‘average’. Getting to know an INFJ takes work, so be prepared for that. A lot of gentle enquiry is required.
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I don't really like the elitism that comes with this statement but it is frustrating when people think they can get to know you or break down your shield in three weeks.
■INFJs can often mimic other types.
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Yes but there are also people who aren't infjs who will use this to justify being an infj who acts like somebody else.
■INFJs are typically better in writing than in verbal communication. If you want to know an INFJ’s true feelings, ask them to write out what they think and feel.
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I definitely identify with this. I can't articulate very well on the fly in a conversation. I like to chew over my words for a while in order to feel good about what I write.
■INFJs don’t typically engage in casual relationships. Most of them will become too attached for it to be possible. If your intentions aren’t serious then you should probably steer clear of an INFJ unless it’s very obvious beforehand that they aren’t interested in a serious relationship.
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Not always. I'm not looking for anything serious right now.
■An INFJ’s allegiance is no trifle. If an INFJ wants to stick by you, it means they really like you. Do not violate that gift.
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This is true. Although, of other types as well.
■INFJs consciously choose the people that are close to them. They would rather have a few very close friendships as opposed to numerous superficial ones.
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True of introverts everywhere.

Interesting post. Just thought I'd put my two cents in.
 
There is a good amount of truth in those...

This one made me laugh:
INFJs are typically better in writing than in verbal communication. If you want to know an INFJ’s true feelings, ask them to write out what they think and feel.
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In the early phases of our relationship my (now) husband and I would send wall-of-text e-mails to one another after/before spending the weekend together. For the longest time, that was the only way I felt comfortable communicating much of the "deeper" or more unsettling stuff to him. (Now, of course, we actually have conversations about such things on a regular basis. *gasp!*)
 
One issue I've had for the past year with my INFJ ex that we've discussed again and again and tried but failed to fix, was that he keeps feeling like I'm "not listening" or "not paying attention" to him somehow. He claims that it's unrelated to the language barrier we have, as well as my body language. He really has no suggestions for how he expects me to fix this, he's admitted. At best he makes a weak suggestion based on different circumstances with each time it resurfaces. I think it might just be something particular to him because none of my other INFJ exes and friends have had this problem with me to my knowledge.

I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks he's a good communicator and/or I should be able to read his mind... But I know that my other INFJ friends do tons of weird shit like making up words on the spot to explain concepts, or going off on tangents that most people's train of thought wouldn't be able to follow. For some reason I alone out of my group of friends am almost always able to grasp what the INFJs are trying to express, but everyone else is just like "WTF are they trying to say/do this time??"

All in all though, I seem to agree with the ideas you've come up with here. The first point about the lying is an interesting point that I'd never thought about before but really is true now that I've thought back on past experience. INFJs and I tend to gravitate towards each other like flies whether for friendship or romance, and I'll probably keep dating the shit out of INFJs throughout my future.
 
niffer said:
One issue I've had for the past year with my INFJ ex that we've discussed again and again and tried but failed to fix, was that he keeps feeling like I'm "not listening" or "not paying attention" to him somehow. He claims that it's unrelated to the language barrier we have, as well as my body language. He really has no suggestions for how he expects me to fix this, he's admitted. At best he makes a weak suggestion based on different circumstances with each time it resurfaces. I think it might just be something particular to him because none of my other INFJ exes and friends have had this problem with me to my knowledge.

I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks he's a good communicator and/or I should be able to read his mind... But I know that my other INFJ friends do tons of weird shit like making up words on the spot to explain concepts, or going off on tangents that most people's train of thought wouldn't be able to follow. For some reason I alone out of my group of friends am almost always able to grasp what the INFJs are trying to express, but everyone else is just like "WTF are they trying to say/do this time??"

All in all though, I seem to agree with the ideas you've come up with here. The first point about the lying is an interesting point that I'd never thought about before but really is true now that I've thought back on past experience. INFJs and I tend to gravitate towards each other like flies whether for friendship or romance, and I'll probably keep dating the shit out of INFJs throughout my future.
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Sounds like he has yet to accept his internal outcast. I often have feelings of loneliness even with a girlfriend I love greatly, I have always had those feelings and ultimately it seems to stem from being a fairly complex person with so many facets, our personalities are so fluid they seem dense. But that also makes them hard to pin down, not just for other people, but ourselves. And then having a vision of every person you know constructed into your head might even make us seem a little schizo at times because we have so much info in our heads were trying to decipher. Either way, as I said, thats something he will need to come to grips with on his own, once he does he can start focusing more on appreciating what he has while he has it. Which is hard for some INFJs to do, I had to learn the hard way to do that.
 
Seems pretty accurate.
 
Excellent find, eloquent_leo! I can see this being useful when trying to explain myself to someone who's on such an intimate level- albeit a version modified to suit me more closely.
 
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