Warning: I'm bitter and depressed today, and this post is all over the place.
I've dated a lot, many different types of guys, and am still single - very unlucky in love. When I try to assert myself in a relationship and get what I need or call the guy out on his bad behavior and say I won't stand for it, he BOLTS. He immediately gives up - no attempt to compromise. Usually these guys seemed perfectly fine and compatible at first but they could only sustain "the boyfriend act" or their interest in me for 3-4 weeks and then they were done. Any attempts to "act in need of rescue" as other posters noted or attempts to appeal to a guy's emotions have only hurt my chances with men, not helped. Despite all my imperfections, I know I'm a good catch. I know I'm good enough for better, but as a result I am alone. Either the guys don't feel I am good enough for them, or they don't feel they are good enough for me or for any serious relationship.
Frankly I'm sick of having to explain why women act this way or that way... what about the men? Why do so many act like assholes and idiots? Because they can. There doesn't seem to be enough incentive in this day and age for anyone to act better.
In my opinion there are not enough emotionally available guys who put themselves out there for a real relationship, who actively pursue it and are willing to work on a monogamous relationship involving kindness and respect. The attractive (inside and out) women just plain outnumber the men. There are frankly not enough guys who are good catches to go around, so we end up settling and making concessions with guys who we know are probably only going to be good for a fling or some temporary fun. Sometimes we fall for them anyway and hope they will change or come around to see the benefits of a real relationship and get their act together. But it never works. No one wants to be treated poorly, but frankly sometimes I get lonely. And then I'm forced to make a choice between fling or nothing.
Sorry if this all sounds harsh. I'm really not that picky, and I only go for guys who are in my league. I don't require chiseled abs or loads of cash. In fact, the last guy I dated was a broke, illegal Mexican immigrant- I paid for almost everything when we went out! (where did that get me? no where). But no matter how "nice" you are, I won't be interested in you if you are very unfit, if you have no life, no confidence, very little in common with me, if our values in life don't match, etc. I can still usually find plenty of guys I am interested in, but getting them to return the interest and then sustain it is a losing battle lately.
To echo DoveAlexa: If you're convinced you're an awesome guy and you want a girlfriend then *put yourself out there* Come to the places where we are, talk to us. Don't obsess over 1 girl for years at a time. Don't focus on girls who might be out of your league. Meet as many people as possible and be willing to do the work to initiate a relationship and keep it going. You're not working on your relationship skills when you're playing video games all day at home.
Generally speaking, people don't pick up on all the subtleties that quickly, actually.
. But when you find one, you know you've found one for sure. Dicember, you're right about that fact that as INFJs we should be intuitive enough to be able to know the difference...at least that's the case for me. I intuitively knew tht I had to be very careful in choosing my first boyfriend because it'd either make or break me and I made a good choice...
