I quit

You young ladies please do not give up yet. Opportunities and challenges....
 
Blind Bandit said:
Different people deal with situations differently.

Some of us aren't T remember?
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Don't define yourself by your type...it is unhealthy to get hopes up after a first date. Excitement and the like is very natural, fun, and healthy, but having commitment to this person after one date is not.
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
The third boy to run away from me in the past year just happened. I now quit and resign myself to a live of cats.
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There's no need to quit. Just emmigrate. You know a "nice" aussie boy who is willing to settle down with a nice INFJ canadian girl* who is cute and cuddly and has cats.






*in exchange for dual canadian citizenship
 
Duty said:
Most males, as most people, are underdeveloped, and sexually underdeveloped men tend to be looking for little more then sex. Have you been dating underdeveloped men and not giving them a chance at sex? If so, then consider dating more developed men.

Developed men are generally looking for more important things in a relationship: a woman with nearly the same intellectual level, similar values, similar interests and a woman with flaws they can put up with. The last one is what trips a lot of women up: they often have flaws that are nearly intolerable (we call this "baggage"). Traditionally my problem with finding women has been (besides my own shyness) similar interests/intellectual level. I love cognitive science and philosophy (to a lesser extent anymore) and I am very intelligent...it's hard to find women (or people in general) that share those traits.

So if you have been dating men you think are more developed, and they're running from you, consider why. Maybe you're smarter then them and they feel intimidated, maybe you just don't share similar interests or values. Maybe you just haven't found the right one. There is a lot of possibility here, just keep your mind open, stay open to self development, and be patient with the dating game. :)
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Very good point.

rep for you! :m027:

just me said:
You young ladies please do not give up yet. Opportunities and challenges....
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Its not just women its both sides of the fences.

Duty said:
Don't define yourself by your type...it is unhealthy to get hopes up after a first date. Excitement and the like is very natural, fun, and healthy, but having commitment to this person after one date is not.
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duty I will define myself how I feel comfortable in doing so.

Again people are different. So let them deal with issues in a way they need too.
 
Hmm yes. +1 for Duty.
Dating usually seems hopeless. I'd say it's best not to focus on it, but to concern yourself with other things that fulfill you more on your own conditions, that is--not other people's treatment of you.

Even when you're dating someone and it's going well, it's best not to put your eggs in one basket.. but to have a myriad of other hobbies and interests and activities to focus on. Focus on actualizing your talents and enjoying the other good things in life. It's inevitable that you'll end up with someone worthy of you someday.. The odds are in your favor.
 
alt ctrl del said:
Hmm yes. +1 for Duty.
Dating usually seems hopeless. I'd say it's best not to focus on it, but to concern yourself with other things that fulfill you more on your own conditions, that is--not other people's treatment of you.

Even when you're dating someone and it's going well, it's best not to put your eggs in one basket.. but to have a myriad of other hobbies and interests and activities to focus on. Focus on actualizing your talents and enjoying the other good things in life. It's inevitable that you'll end up with someone worthy of you someday.. The odds are in your favor.
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And that is why we should all, at the very least, become polygomists.
 
Blind Bandit said:
duty I will define myself how I feel comfortable in doing so.

Again people are different. So let them deal with issues in a way they need too.
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That's fine, I'm just pointing out it's generally not healthy to put a lot of commitment into a relationship after the first date. Romantic relationships are high on intimacy and passion, but generally low on commitment. It takes time for it to develop into a consummate relationship where all 3 factors are present.
 
Duty said:
Don't define yourself by your type...it is unhealthy to get hopes up after a first date. Excitement and the like is very natural, fun, and healthy, but having commitment to this person after one date is not.
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Getting excited after what seems like a good first date is normal. Being hurt and disappointed when it turns out the other person lied to you and couldn't take the responsibility to say how they really felt, and then went as far as setting up something they had no intention of following through on is also completely normal. I doubt she's crushed because she envisioned marriage in her near future, it just sucks.

And I know this because I went on a first date with a girl a few weeks back who was half making plans for a next date near the end of the date, and went as far as to double check if I wanted to see her again. And then after I got excited about it, she started ignoring me halfway through the week.

Dishonesty and lies hurt, being led on hurts even if there is no commitment yet, and I for one think it's silly and a bit self-defeating expecting people to not be excited when they're going out with someone new. Isn't that kind of the point when you want to see someone again?
 
Eniko said:
Getting excited after what seems like a good first date is normal. Being hurt and disappointed when it turns out the other person lied to you and couldn't take the responsibility to say how they really felt, and then went as far as setting up something they had no intention of following through on is also completely normal. I doubt she's crushed because she envisioned marriage in her near future, it just sucks.

And I know this because I went on a first date with a girl a few weeks back who was half making plans for a next date near the end of the date, and went as far as to double check if I wanted to see her again. And then after I got excited about it, she started ignoring me halfway through the week.

Dishonesty and lies hurt, being led on hurts even if there is no commitment yet, and I for one think it's silly and a bit self-defeating expecting people to not be excited when they're going out with someone new. Isn't that kind of the point when you want to see someone again?
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Point taken...the lying is unnecessary, and does hurt a bit, especially when coupled with the natural disappointment that comes with the excitement being unfulfilled.

This is what makes me suspect an underdeveloped male being the culprit. If that's the case then all that needs to happen is a search for more developed men. Finding developed people is tough, and finding people interested in self development is even harder, so the search isn't always easy, but they're out there...only you can look and find them. I promise you're not doomed to cats!
 
I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Its hard not to do though when someone shows interest in you, and its entirely their idea to set a second date. And then they go MIA. I'm disappointed, but mostly pissed off. Regardless of how much "baggage" I have, or how undesirable someone may find me, I don't deserve to be lied to.
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Its hard not to do though when someone shows interest in you, and its entirely their idea to set a second date. And then they go MIA. I'm disappointed, but mostly pissed off. Regardless of how much "baggage" I have, or how undesirable someone may find me, I don't deserve to be lied to.
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Hellll no you don't deserve to be lied to. And it's only natural to get your hopes up. Who doesn't? I always do, despite my advice. I'm a romantic, I can't help getting my hopes up either.. and it's painful when it doesn't go as expected.. That's why I've devised a few strategies to deal with the disappointment, and they work for me when I focus on those instead of rejection.
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Its hard not to do though when someone shows interest in you, and its entirely their idea to set a second date. And then they go MIA. I'm disappointed, but mostly pissed off. Regardless of how much "baggage" I have, or how undesirable someone may find me, I don't deserve to be lied to.
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You're absolutely right. You don't deserve to be lied to. Trust me though, there are great guys out there, don't give up. We all need positive relationships in our life, sometimes it can just be hard to find them.
 
Duty said:
You're absolutely right. You don't deserve to be lied to. Trust me though, there are great guys out there, don't give up. We all need positive relationships in our life, sometimes it can just be hard to find them.
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I hope one day I'll find someone worth my time. But, for now I feel like I can't take another one of these disasters. Its just going to make me more damaged for when the right person does come along.
 
Eniko said:
Getting excited after what seems like a good first date is normal. Being hurt and disappointed when it turns out the other person lied to you and couldn't take the responsibility to say how they really felt, and then went as far as setting up something they had no intention of following through on is also completely normal. I doubt she's crushed because she envisioned marriage in her near future, it just sucks.

And I know this because I went on a first date with a girl a few weeks back who was half making plans for a next date near the end of the date, and went as far as to double check if I wanted to see her again. And then after I got excited about it, she started ignoring me halfway through the week.

Dishonesty and lies hurt, being led on hurts even if there is no commitment yet, and I for one think it's silly and a bit self-defeating expecting people to not be excited when they're going out with someone new. Isn't that kind of the point when you want to see someone again?
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pretty much said what I was thinking but was to stressed to say out loud. rep

Asking a human being to not feel hope and excitement with a new person is not realistic.
 
Also, never mind cats. Who was it here who said getting a grey parrot and living as a hermit would be ideal? I'm so close to doing just that (birds and I, it just works) it's not even funny.

Trust is a huge thing, it really is. Having shared so much with my ex, deep dreams, even dreams together, thoughts, feelings, inner world, and he's now treating me like I'm the lowest thing he's ever seen. And after I've helped him through so much, guided him as best I could, loved him irrevocably...

it's a big deal after a while. It just builds. I'm pretty sure it screws up potential other mates, too, since the baggage becomes way too much for some of us to carry after a while (correct me if I'm wrong).
 
You choose to hang onto baggage. You can either lug it around and mope around about your disappointments or heal your way out of them, baggage free. It's all totally up the the person. We make ourselves slaves to unwanted feelings and events when really, with a little analysis, we should be able to let it go and learn more about ourselves in the process.
 
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