INFJ Females: How do you show interest

Princess Anastasia said:
yeah
i already expressed and interest was rejected within a week of sriracha showing up here
already over and done with
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mama.jpg


Even if I was available and you were being serious, there is something about a man calling himself a Princess that is a deal breaker.
 
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PeaceSeeker said:
I hope you'll meet your match one of these days.
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I already have!

But if you mean it in the sense that you hope I meet someone as awkward as me who also happens to try to ignore their crushes, than you, sir, are cruel.
Such a match could never be!

Anyway, I was being serious.

I suck at flirting.
I can't do it without tripping or stuttering or knocking something over... so the next best course of action for me is to try to maintain my cool.
With a little encouragement, I start to mellow out and become capable of having a conversation with someone I'm attracted to. That is basically what I meant. I guess I should have gone to the trouble of explaining it earlier.
 
acd said:
I already have!

But if you mean it in the sense that you hope I meet someone as awkward as me who also happens to try to ignore their crushes, than you, sir, are cruel.
Such a match could never be!

Anyway, I was being serious.

I suck at flirting.
I can't do it without tripping or stuttering or knocking something over... so the next best course of action for me is to try to maintain my cool.
With a little encouragement, I start to mellow out and become capable of having a conversation with someone I'm attracted to. That is basically what I meant. I guess I should have gone to the trouble of explaining it earlier.
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Oh good, I was a little worried that you might be 'playing hard to get' just to make the guy chase aimlessly after you.
I actually like to see a little nervousness when flirting :) I think many guys like it as well ....
 
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To be fair there are actual neurological differences in the male and female brain. Think of it this way separate but equal. Men are more apt to use grey matter while women are more apt to use white matter.

"parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, were larger in women [source: Hoag]. In men, the parietal cortex, which is involved in space perception, and the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, were larger [source: Hoag]."
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You also have to acknowledge that although that may be true, brain 'sex' can differ from male to female. For example, I am biologically female, but the 'sex' of my brain is balanced between the male and female sex and on occasion with a slight male inclination, and therefore I do not think in the ways stereotypical of females.

Being that I assume you have not tested the brain sex of the individual in question, it's totally inaccurate and biased to be giving information base on that when it's unconfirmed.

FURTHERMORE, although brain sex can mold how we process things and think, it does not dictate how we act upon our thoughts. Just because someone has a brain sex of female or male does not mean that if they are interested in someone they will do x y and z because everyone is different and has had their own experiences and reacts differently, EVEN IF they have the same personality type and the same brain sex...they will not react identical to each other and a generalization is too far from accurate to be even remotely helpful.
 
@Bill Cosby

Okay, as I see it, she is waiting for you to initiate physical touch, and send shivers up her spine. Have you tried brushing your hand against her arm, or any such mannerisms? Also, did you nag her, and beg her to come to the movie? Otherwise I feel she would have used an excuse to get out of it. We can feel guilty saying no to people.

I don't play hard to get, personally. If someone ignores me back I assume there is no interest, or they've lost interest, and I move on. Also, if they seem heavily interested in someone else I will move on.
 
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I'm an INFJ myself, so I'm comming from my own experience and tendencies to overthink things here...

INFJs, as I'm sure many know, tend to be experts at reading the mood and letting other people's emotions really sink in. Something in our minds just lets us click with the way people respond and react to creatin things and situations. That being said, we are extremely (I pray that this is the correct word) sympathetic towards others and their emotions. This is because we strive to connect with people on a deeper level and have the best interests of others in our minds. But I digress.

The point is, an INFJ would take care to think about your emotions before reacting to them. In other words, even if she doesn't feel the same, it is highly probable that she would not want to stop being close with you for that reason. Love is an emotion to be treasured, not rejected. INFJs have the insight to know that.

As for the "no responce" situation--INFJs are introverted, obviously. Some people more than others, sure. That's why you can never be sure about how she may feel back. Even if you manage to put yourself out there, she may be too scared or cautious to put herself out there to you. Because INFJs are so aware of the treachery that can reside in people's hearts, they can be EXTREMELY cautious about opening up. Even when you think we've opened ourselves up and shown you our deepest, most precious secrets and emotions, we probably haven't. We're just lookingout for ourselves.

BUT!

Once you can get her to respond to you on that intimate level and finally bring down that last wall, there's a lifetime of love, trust, and connection there. It's well worth it.

Hope I helped without confusing you...
 
CONSTANTLY_THINKING said:
I'm an INFJ myself, so I'm comming from my own experience and tendencies to overthink things here...

INFJs, as I'm sure many know, tend to be experts at reading the mood and letting other people's emotions really sink in. Something in our minds just lets us click with the way people respond and react to creatin things and situations. That being said, we are extremely (I pray that this is the correct word) sympathetic towards others and their emotions. This is because we strive to connect with people on a deeper level and have the best interests of others in our minds. But I digress.

The point is, an INFJ would take care to think about your emotions before reacting to them. In other words, even if she doesn't feel the same, it is highly probable that she would not want to stop being close with you for that reason. Love is an emotion to be treasured, not rejected. INFJs have the insight to know that.

As for the "no responce" situation--INFJs are introverted, obviously. Some people more than others, sure. That's why you can never be sure about how she may feel back. Even if you manage to put yourself out there, she may be too scared or cautious to put herself out there to you. Because INFJs are so aware of the treachery that can reside in people's hearts, they can be EXTREMELY cautious about opening up. Even when you think we've opened ourselves up and shown you our deepest, most precious secrets and emotions, we probably haven't. We're just lookingout for ourselves.

BUT!

Once you can get her to respond to you on that intimate level and finally bring down that last wall, there's a lifetime of love, trust, and connection there. It's well worth it.

Hope I helped without confusing you...
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I also agree with this.
 
I'm an INFJ female who has a tendency to be the first to express interest. I just flat out say how I feel. After years of over thinking I've discovered how freeing it is just to spill it out and say what's going on inside. If I'm interested, the person I am interested in is going to know it.
 
ItsASecret said:
I'm an INFJ female who has a tendency to be the first to express interest. I just flat out say how I feel. After years of over thinking I've discovered how freeing it is just to spill it out and say what's going on inside. If I'm interested, the person I am interested in is going to know it.
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you see what the fuck i've been saying? INFJs are craazzzy yo.... each individual INFJ can take on a different range of behaviors than any other INFJ.... that's why they can really surprise you and it's hard to nail down too many behavior patterns for this type in general. some things r constant. exactly what someone does when they're interested in someone is not one of those things!
 
I hate indecision or waiting to know what's going to happen - any kind of uncertainty whatsoever I find completely torturous - and I also care a little less about what men think of me than women (always been very, very comfortable when it comes to intimacy and very, very uncomfortable when it comes to friendship) so I have no problems at all just telling the person. I mean, I guess it would depend. If I had to work with them or they were part of my friend group, then it matters. In that case, I would tend to show interest by...hm...how do I do it? Just inviting them to things I guess, trying to get to know them. Actually, you know what, in the end I just take the risk anyway, thinking about it. I'm risk averse in every other sense but when it comes to this - easy. I am an odd fish. I live my life in fear of rejection from everybody except men I fancy - I guess I'm arrogant. If they say no, I'll probably find someone else. Besides anything, not knowing would kill me. I need closure STRAIGHT AWAY! So that I know what I'm dealing with.

As for if someone told me their feelings. I'd feel bad about it if I didn't like them back, guilty I guess. Then I would stop hanging around with them so that I didn't feel I was leading them on. Sorry. Honest answer! If I was interested I'd probably take my clothes off.
 
CONSTANTLY_THINKING said:
I'm an INFJ myself, so I'm comming from my own experience and tendencies to overthink things here...

INFJs, as I'm sure many know, tend to be experts at reading the mood and letting other people's emotions really sink in. Something in our minds just lets us click with the way people respond and react to creatin things and situations. That being said, we are extremely (I pray that this is the correct word) sympathetic towards others and their emotions. This is because we strive to connect with people on a deeper level and have the best interests of others in our minds. But I digress.

The point is, an INFJ would take care to think about your emotions before reacting to them. In other words, even if she doesn't feel the same, it is highly probable that she would not want to stop being close with you for that reason. Love is an emotion to be treasured, not rejected. INFJs have the insight to know that.

As for the "no responce" situation--INFJs are introverted, obviously. Some people more than others, sure. That's why you can never be sure about how she may feel back. Even if you manage to put yourself out there, she may be too scared or cautious to put herself out there to you. Because INFJs are so aware of the treachery that can reside in people's hearts, they can be EXTREMELY cautious about opening up. Even when you think we've opened ourselves up and shown you our deepest, most precious secrets and emotions, we probably haven't. We're just lookingout for ourselves.

BUT!

Once you can get her to respond to you on that intimate level and finally bring down that last wall, there's a lifetime of love, trust, and connection there. It's well worth it.

Hope I helped without confusing you...
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Mmm bingo.


My two cents:

INFJs, We create world inside our minds, and we're not about to let just anyone in. We yearn for deep human connection (our auxiliary Fe) and yet we are overtly cautious. When things are off we put up walls, and this tends to happen sporadically making us seem unstable and indecisive. This is also brought about by our conflicting Ni and Ti functions as we are prone to second guessing ourselves. Perhaps your lack of 'playing on the offense' has made her even more unsure. We make all these minute little calculations in our heads, come up with each possible outcome, and decide (or not) which would be the most beneficial for everyone. And just from personal experience and observation, I find that N's (especially Ni dominants like Miss INFJ here) tend to be less aware of the physical/obvious since we live in our heads so much.

All in all, we move in mysterious ways. But play your cards right and you could be on to something great. When INFJs open up, even just a little, you know you're doing something right.

Mind you, when I say 'we' I do not mean to generalize. This is just to get my point of view across.

I hope things work out!
 
These last two posts were really helpful. Basically what I need to do is turn the heat up, make my intentions a little more clear and see how she reacts. got it.
 
Hey Bill Cosby,
I think she likes you. That's a big deal when you make advances (albeit incremental) and she doesn't cringe or move away.
Keep it simple. There are all kinds of things that could be going through her mind. You can wait until you think you can figure it out or you can just ask her.
Good luck.
 
I seem to have a habit of being very quiet around the person I like, I never look them in the eye and god forbid I NEVER hug them or anything like that. I puke if I do, for real.
 
As an INFJ female I guess I can do a couple things to show interest. If I'm talking to someone regularly and I feel that there's chemistry and I think the guy I'm into might possibly be into me, then I'll tell him. I used to just clam up and not say a word about how I was feeling and would hope that the guys would make their feelings known first, but that just doesn't work. In my opinion holding back on telling someone how you feel about them is wasting your time.

But as a few people have said, all INFJ's are different and you never know what you're going to get out of them. They might surprise you. But for me, yeah, I'll just tell someone I'm interested and if they like me too then that's great. If not, I move on.
 
sandra_b said:
As an INFJ female I guess I can do a couple things to show interest. If I'm talking to someone regularly and I feel that there's chemistry and I think the guy I'm into might possibly be into me, then I'll tell him. I used to just clam up and not say a word about how I was feeling and would hope that the guys would make their feelings known first, but that just doesn't work. In my opinion holding back on telling someone how you feel about them is wasting your time.

But as a few people have said, all INFJ's are different and you never know what you're going to get out of them. They might surprise you. But for me, yeah, I'll just tell someone I'm interested and if they like me too then that's great. If not, I move on.
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You are so brave. I never make the first move.
 
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