[INFJ] INFJ Inner Circle

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?

1. My inner circle has included INFJ, INFP, INTP, INTJ, ENFP, ESTP, ESFP, ENFJ. Mostly the introverts though, because I don't like going out unless it's some outdoorsy activity when the weather is ideal.
2. Mainly I look for people who don't judge me unfairly or unkindly. I have to feel like it's somewhat of an equal exchange in the relationship.
3. I think once I feel comfortable that they understand where I'm at in life and I understand where they are at, if we've formed a healthy connection at that point and can feel a good sense of equality then it's pretty likely to just happen naturally.
4. Sure. Probably too much. Compromise is the foundation of any good relationship. If you're in my inner circle it's pretty hard to get out unless you just start being an asshole. Even then I'm usually just like ok gtf away from me until you sort shit out.
 
ESTP, ESFP

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Cool thread!

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

I'm easy going and get along with pretty much anybody, but most of my inner circle consists of very even-keel and chill personalities. MBTI type is not relevant.

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

Every single person in my inner circle is incredibly self-aware and compassionate, and challenges themselves... and challenges me. I can always count on their support or expect Grade A advice. We all have something unique to offer to one another and there's just a... click. Even though we have different perspectives, we get each other. We want what is best for each other. We can make each other laugh. We have great conversations. We can talk about and troubleshoot problems openly and I feel like I can wholly be myself around them. It's a certain level of trust.

3. How do they become your inner circle?

Apart from a great connection and a mutual interest in holding up the same level of friendship and interaction, I also look for people who rejuvenate my social battery rather than drain it. The rest is just a matter of building up that bond through time and shared experiences, which takes time.

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?

All friendships and relationships include compromise. If you really click you don't need to compromise as often, though.

^^^^ This.
 
I read somewhere that INFJ tend to keep things to themselves and choose only selected few to come to their inner circle.

As an INFJ myself, I can totally relate to this.. But I'm just wondering if it's the same with everyone else..

So, here's the questions:

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?

1- As others here have stated...those who make it in aren't numerous enough to form a circle. As to "type", I find it unforgiveable if a new acquaintance cannot keep their word, are openly hypocritical, dishonest, or cruel in any way. They will never make it to the level of friend. True to my INFJ personality, the door slam happens easily with these people.
2- Qualities? What many others look for...honest, reliable, kind. Also able to discuss things beyond the weather or what they had for dinner.
3- They are let in when they have consistently demonstrated the above qualities. I am getting better at weeding them out early on...before having invested significant time and effort in forming a relationship only to find a hidden dark side that finally shows itself.
4- If I think the person holds potential I am extremely patient and I see that as something of a compromise. You will get more than one chance to prove yourself a decent human being, possibly multiple opportunities. I don't give up easily as a rule. However, when I have stated boundaries yet still pushed repeatedly, we're finished.
 
1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?

1) My inner circle is me and... me. I don't care what the personality type is, as long as they meet the criteria.

2) Someone who believes in scientific evidence based decision making whilst being aware of real world practicalities. Failing that someone going through similiar life experiences I can banter with without judgement.

3) Talk to me and show they're happy to discuss calmly and rationally even when differing opinions occur

4) Nope.
 
1- As others here have stated...those who make it in aren't numerous enough to form a circle. As to "type", I find it unforgiveable if a new acquaintance cannot keep their word, are openly hypocritical, dishonest, or cruel in any way. They will never make it to the level of friend. True to my INFJ personality, the door slam happens easily with these people.
2- Qualities? What many others look for...honest, reliable, kind. Also able to discuss things beyond the weather or what they had for dinner.
3- They are let in when they have consistently demonstrated the above qualities. I am getting better at weeding them out early on...before having invested significant time and effort in forming a relationship only to find a hidden dark side that finally shows itself.
4- If I think the person holds potential I am extremely patient and I see that as something of a compromise. You will get more than one chance to prove yourself a decent human being, possibly multiple opportunities. I don't give up easily as a rule. However, when I have stated boundaries yet still pushed repeatedly, we're finished.

Wow, am I typing this.. lol

Paging @SpecialEdition

Edit - Might be a bit late to the party on that one

So many great answers!

Not sure about if we're talking about the same circle though..
 
I don't think I have a type as such. .it's a feeling and/or the vibe the person gives off. people just end up there, don't really think it is a thoughtful process. perhaps it should be, but right now it isn't. they get close by a combination of sharing and trusting. .and I will do anything for them. . until they cross a certain line, then they are out and may never get back in. . I know that's vague, but I guess I don't think about it
This speaks to me.. This is my default, too. <3

I had reflected on a couple of things during the last year and will try to answer a bit more in depth trying to make it concrete as possible what it is like from my end..


1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?
I came into contact with MBTI really late, so it never affected my friendships consciously. What I mean is, to me it is not a friendship filter.


2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

Genuinity
- you can translate that also as honesty, trustworthiness, openness, (no games)
Communication - you can translate that as an individual interest in understanding (understanding others and being understood), putting some work into it and meaning it (a bit of fairness and tact isn't bad to have)
Creativity & Weirdness - this isn't conscious, but I just happen to click a lot easier with people who have quirks and any kind of creative side that I happen to get a peek of - it just gets my attention easily, I guess. Plus, seeing oneself as a bit weird usually comes with lots of tolerance and understanding of feelings of being different and misunderstood, which I don't think is type related.
Calmness & Patience - in the sense that they don't expect me to serve and entertain them regularly but just enjoy when we share and have high quality time whenever that is again. People who don't pressure me, push me, or try to overly persuade me, and who enjoy taking a casual walk and explore something in nature, or just sit together with a cup of tea and talk about ...everything upside down and inside out. Sometimes just exploring an idea, and not understanding it necessarily as stating my point. (Meaning that I prefer open exchange over dispute.)
Inner Child Connection - I just.. really feel comfortable when people are silly with me, where we can fill a moment with wonders, play, excitement and interests, where it isn't about ego, power, prestige or being right and all this nonsense that is taken too seriously all too often


3. How do they become your inner circle?
This is not only how they become part of the inner circle but probably also how we stay in the inner circle..

They usually have a genuine vibrant glow, without any "other agenda" shade about them.
They invite you in and they are not afraid to be invited in either. Sometimes that has happened during a situation where a mask or wall had crumbled, one way or another, and there is actually starting to be vulnerable sharing (both ways get-giving).
I won't bother if there is A LOT vibe that is there in order to mask, distract or overly self-protect, in the sense that it is like a sign "don't approach". I might give it a soft try maybe but basically I will respect that (no matter if they emit it consciously or unconsciously) until the emission changes.
When they get at least a part of me right, and they don't react with distrust or freak out when they see kindness, hear genuine compliments, or when they realize I might have gotten a part of them right too. (This is also basically the "don't approach" sign.)
When they don't get bored or upset on the long run because I'm not extraverted enough or when my mind jumps all too often to more inconcrete layers, and when I don't get bored or upset on the long run either. (Basically if nothing of 2 is too much of a problem for us and we feel safe to confront conflict.)


4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?
Yes and no, I guess. I've been told to be too kind (over-compromising) and I'm working on boundaries and bringing more of myself in but also to get active before any conflict builds up too much in order to prevent door-slamming and crossing-a-line scenarios, and let people know how to treat me as soon as I figured it out for myself. People who get that I am an imperfect being constantly trying to figure out how to be a better friend.



I must say though that this is more of a core that might have still some circles within it that differ from each other. The most inner inner circle is my husband/best friend/partner in crime. <3

There have been opinions of others that I were hard to get to know as well as that (in my more extrovert moments) to them I seem to "know everyone" (but usually these I would call acquaintances outside of the circle, because I have superficial energy for more people but prefer 1 on 1 interaction that is depth oriented). I would still be genuinely happy to see them and I would still be curious about their ideas if I happen to sit next to them, but I'm also a lazy often withdrawn passive bum, and a lot of friendships have probably never had a chance to bloom because of that. (Not fishing for anything, just trying to say it mildly. :sweatsmile:)

So I guess there is always a piece of timing and life circumstances involved, though time is relative.. Like..you could get a message from a friend from yeeears back, and it's up to you then. You know?


....this might sound like I know very well but this has been hell of a lot of work for me nevertheless. Despite all this, I don't sit there and do a checklist or something.. it just happens naturally as David wrote it. So basically I would go back to the very beginning of this convoluted post.
 
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I read somewhere that INFJ tend to keep things to themselves and choose only selected few to come to their inner circle.

As an INFJ myself, I can totally relate to this.. But I'm just wondering if it's the same with everyone else..
I have a resistance to the idea of an inner circle that I possess. I know exactly what you mean, but the ideas can segue from something that's OK to something that isn't without that being intended. I possess friends more like I possess my town, my country, my god - not like I possess my watch. This is an important distinction - there is choice, but there is no ownership, yet it's easy with this word to slip into a fallacy of ownership.

I'm not comfortable, either, with the idea that there is a boundary with more-OK folks one side and less-OK folks the other. Again, I know what you mean, it's just that your question has made me think more carefully about this, and it is something that I'm uneasy about as a result. I have affinities with people in lots of different ways, so if I had to talk in terms of circles, there would be lots of different ones. There's no-one close to me on most or all of these, and to that extent I am alone, but there are people who are closer on more than one of them and these I guess would approximate most closely to what is an inner circle. There are people, certainly, that I am more comfortable with than others and that's I guess where I would be closest to the idea of a circle boundary in the sense you mean. But I value people I'm less comfortable with just as highly - perhaps the differentiator is how comfortable they are with me, because I live in the moonlit shadow of many folks.

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?
I'm most comfortable with people who are introverted and are intuitive in either orientation. I appreciate sensors but it takes me a lot of effort to live in their world view and I tire easily in their company unless we are working together on something practical. Extraverted sensors drain me dry quickly - if you want to freeze me in the headlights, put me in a pub with a load of extraverts and suggest a game of charades. I just could not be a close friend with someone who likes that sort of thing - at the same time I think it's wonderful that folks do, and I'm very happy to watch from a safe distance.

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?
To be accepted for what I am, and to give me access to, and let me accept what you really are. This is an impossible ideal, but a good signpost.

3. How do they become your inncer circle?
Long association, shared joys and vicissitudes of life - a shared appreciation of each others self, being comfortable with each other just as we are. Each of us being willing to jump in and help without thinking when there is a problem.

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?
I used to, but less these days. It's easy to fall into inner boundary problems because INFJs internalise others and make their issues their own. This can be dangerous as well as noble - I'm heading into old age now, and I'm more wily, and have less energy than I did. It's better to keep our boundaries tight and intact and help others from the outside of them - better for us, and for them too. Many an INFJ brings others into their inner sanctum but can't keep it up without losing themselves - at best this leads to a nasty unplanned eviction, at worst it can lead to mental health problems all round.
 
I read somewhere that INFJ tend to keep things to themselves and choose only selected few to come to their inner circle.

As an INFJ myself, I can totally relate to this.. But I'm just wondering if it's the same with everyone else..

So, here's the questions:

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?

Yeah I also relate to that. I tend to keep many things to myself but that doesn't inclusively translate into how I choose my inner circle. For the most part I think infjs tend to search for the truth they want something real. We live in a reality where that realness is very hard to find, and the truth is often ugly. An ugly that most people aren't used to dealing with nor do they want to. We see through the distractions and facades and ask for the deeper meaning we want to analyze the ugly. And that makes most people uncomfortable when we see through them and see through society. To be close friends with an infj one would have to be willing to peer into the abyss and jump down the rabbit hole with them. And how many people are willing to be like Alice?

1.) Normally I don't look for friendships with a person of a certain type preference. The people who had mutually and naturally( as in I didn't know their type prior to engagements) become my good friends were an intj and an entp. On the contrary though the more I learn about types the more I realize the correlation between the people I would naturally avoid and clash with. Now knowing what their personalities are I can safely say it has helped me try to understand them and how they communicate but overall there are some that I am just more weary of.
2.) In my inner circle I expected them to be sensible, loyal, supportive, relatively thick-skinned and open-minded which they were.
3.) How does anyone become close to someone. You get to know them, see things you enjoy in a person and build a bond with said person.
4.) I didn't need to compromise a lot with them because we shared mutual views and were fairly understanding of each others needs. Would I compromise a lot for a person now?, well it really just depends on the context of the situation. If I feel like it's a reasonable compromise on both ends no problem.
 
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