[INFJ] INFJ Inner Circle

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Is the term inner circle static? Like some exclusive club, VIP only and doors locked?

I would rather think of it as something in motion, that is in exchange with all layers, and that people change the layers with a burst of energy.
 
Hardly anyone.. But I have few. They are very different kind of people than me but they all have one thing in common. Integrity.

I hold those close whom I can trust. They are my rocks, the steady ones. I have many friends but not all of them are within the inner circle. Only the ones who are always there when you need them. Not meaning that I cling to them and far less than often I’m in touch with then when I’m feeling off, but I know for sure that if things got very ugly, those are the ones that would be there for me.

It is a fucking lonely way to live. I don’t like it and I wish I wasn’t as picky of a cunt that I am but the mess I have gone through when someone “unworthy” has entered my inner kingdom is just too much nowadays.. I rather feel lonely than wrecked.
 
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Impact Character said:
Is the term inner circle static? Like some exclusive club, VIP only and doors locked?

I would rather think of it as something in motion, that is in exchange with all layers, and that people change the layers with a burst of energy.
Click to expand...

I notice my inner circle changes a little bit based on availability. My wife is really the only one that doesn't change. People can tend to float in and out as life permits. Once I have a close bond with someone I usually let them right back in when we reconnect.
 
Panfan said:
I read somewhere that INFJ tend to keep things to themselves and choose only selected few to come to their inner circle.

As an INFJ myself, I can totally relate to this.. But I'm just wondering if it's the same with everyone else..

So, here's the questions:

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?
Click to expand...

1) I don't really think in terms of personality type when trying to make friends, but introverts and "N" types seem more prominent.
2) I've noticed the people in my inner circle tend to have a cool head, are easy-going in their lifestyle(not hardcore partiers, but people who can sit back in a coffee shop or a restaurant etc and just chat about life), tend to like nature, and are usually goal oriented in some way.
3) It takes a long time. I'll usually see them with others in a group, but I''ll end up hanging out with them alone more often eventually.
4) Sometimes. I guess we all do in a way, but the idea is that you don't really have to compromise yourself too much, because they understand you, and are on a similar wavelength. I think when you can just BE with a person, you've found a good match!
 
Daustus said:
I notice my inner circle changes a little bit based on availability. My wife is really the only one that doesn't change. People can tend to float in and out as life permits. Once I have a close bond with someone I usually let them right back in when we reconnect.
Click to expand...

Yes, I think we understand each other! Here too, really.
One of my best friends told me a while ago about another friend of ours. We talked about this difference, that a few people are not bound to time and will reconnect openly whenever and create new intimate moments (we hadn't seen each other for a long time and were catching up and enjoying being together), and others are very bound to time and consistancy, and close the door on past and future if there isn't a frequent now (she had trouble with that friend who didn't show much understanding and was tense and demanding).

But also it makes you think about the availability part because at some point it makes you reflect alot on that weird focus on being or looking strong. It casts some sort of wall, distance or unreachability, while openess and vulnerability is more inviting for connection.
 
Impact Character said:
But also it makes you think about the availability part because at some point it makes you reflect alot on that weird focus on being or looking strong. It casts some sort of wall, distance or unreachability, while openess and vulnerability is more inviting for connection.
Click to expand...

I guess people tend to mirror each other in any relationship.

I found it’s easier to let my guard down when someone is being honest and sincere with me. But when someone doesn’t have time for me, I just feel the impulse to be “too busy” for them. Which may not the nicest thing to do sometimes..
 
My circle is rather small, three people. I never thought so much about this in terms of selection or criteria, though - reflecting now, I'd say it is mostly a combination of honesty, mutual trust and understanding, respect, integrity. Access is allowed to those people with whom I feel I can be my true self, and be fully valued and accepted as such. It goes vice versa of course, and I would usually do anything for them...
I don't think this process is so much thoughtful; mostly I just trust my intuition and how I feel interacting with the other person (and, I learned early on from experience to trust my gut when it gives me this weird sense of cautiousness while around someone).
If it happens however that this person steps over my boundaries, they are usually out and for good (even if we might have to interact in some way, perhaps through our social circles, I consider them deleted)
 
Panfan said:
I read somewhere that INFJ tend to keep things to themselves and choose only selected few to come to their inner circle.

As an INFJ myself, I can totally relate to this.. But I'm just wondering if it's the same with everyone else..

So, here's the questions:

1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle?

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle?

3. How do they become your inncer circle?

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle?
Click to expand...
I’ll give this more of a reply if I remember. I wanted to say something relevant though, as introverts it’s hard to be extroverted. We are at our BEST when we are able to be our intuit self AND our extroverted feeling self, meaning we really must interact with others and share with others in order to make our best decisions. It’s absolutely necessary to engage with others.

for me, INTJ, INFJ, although some become my rivals, ENTJ and INFP

I care about authenticity, the ability to understand complete issues and loyalty.
 
beaze said:
I’ll give this more of a reply if I remember. I wanted to say something relevant though, as introverts it’s hard to be extroverted. We are at our BEST when we are able to be our intuit self AND our extroverted feeling self, meaning we really must interact with others and share with others in order to make our best decisions. It’s absolutely necessary to engage with others.

for me, INTJ, INFJ, although some become my rivals, ENTJ and INFP

I care about authenticity, the ability to understand complete issues and loyalty.
Click to expand...
In my life, I will not make the compromises I’ve made again for anyone. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an Infj or because of trauma, but I can tell you I compromised the wrong things.
 
1. What personality type that you normally let into your inner circle? Generally other introverts, I've noticed that I tend to attract those who have similar values or interests to me.

2. What quality that you're seeking in this inner circle? Like myself, my inner circle are just up front honest people, but I seem to be the tougher one and they're all nice so to speak.

3. How do they become your inncer circle? Through immense trust. I need to see the loyalty and also vibes, if I feel uncertain about someone I stay away or cut off.

4. Do you compromise a lot for the people in your inner circle? In any kind of relationship you need to have some compromise to make it last. But don't go above or beyond. I've noticed within myself I give as good as I get, I don't know if it's a bad trait to have or not.
 
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