INFJ kryptonite

Wyst said:
Any INFJs out there believe they are unlovable? Not in the 'cute, warm, and fuzzy way', I mean do you believe 'No one will ever choose/want me'.

Obviously this wouldn't be unique to INFJs. But given their propensity to isolate, spend time in thought life instead of the realworld, AND a hefty fear of rejection (as the rejector/rejectee) I think that feeling like you'll never be wanted/chosen would be especially tough for an INFJ.
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Absolutely. Also going through that right now. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and not having a plan for life.
 
Nobleheart said:
Absolutely. Also going through that right now. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and not having a plan for life.
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I think Nobleheart might be on to something here. Maybe the INFJ lacks confidence because they don't really know what they want out of life.

Or maybe they know what they want but they don't know how to get it. Since the Fantasia world they spend so much time in is 'better than reality' actually going for what they want could result in that dream ending and fantasia would never be the same without that dream.

Fear of losing something... that you don't really even have outside of your own thoughts? Ouch.
 
For me it is simply a feeling of not living up to my own idealism. If I don't want me, how in the world could someone else? And if my idealism is non-existent, I have no meter by which to measure myself, therefore I'm no good for anyone... as constantly reinforced by not being able to find anyone who can meet my own expectations (aka needs).

Ecton said:
Me, too, Nobleheart. I literally just go to bed I'm so tired now. It really is kryptonite. I'm hoping things will start looking up this summer. If you want to discuss how to make new plans, maybe we could have a think tank sometime.
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I might take you up on that.
 
Wyst said:
I think Nobleheart might be on to something here. Maybe the INFJ lacks confidence because they don't really know what they want out of life.

Or maybe they know what they want but they don't know how to get it. Since the Fantasia world they spend so much time in is 'better than reality' actually going for what they want could result in that dream ending and fantasia would never be the same without that dream.

Fear of losing something... that you don't really even have outside of your own thoughts? Ouch.
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When I read your prior post, the one about INFJs feeling unlovable, I thought, Yes! That's me! But I think I feel that way for slightly different reasons.

I am very skeptical of what I consider pure/true love to begin with. But, to the point, I don't ever really see myself ending up in a permanent relationship. It's not for lack of confidence; I would consider myself a pretty confident person. I also don't think it has much to do with knowing or not knowing what I want in life. I just don't feel that I have the qualities that men are looking for in a significant other. And I don't want to be the kind of girl that I convince myself that men are looking for.

I could expand, but what's going on in my head right now is sort of tiring me out. Every emotion I feel is paradoxical. That's another one of my weaknesses.

I guess I'll leave it at that.
 
Rakawi said:
Extreme isolation can lead to solipsism.
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Oh, yes, I wholeheartedly agree.

Wyst said:
Any INFJs out there believe they are unlovable? Not in the 'cute, warm, and fuzzy way', I mean do you believe 'No one will ever choose/want me'.

Obviously this wouldn't be unique to INFJs. But given their propensity to isolate, spend time in thought life instead of the realworld, AND a hefty fear of rejection (as the rejector/rejectee) I think that feeling like you'll never be wanted/chosen would be especially tough for an INFJ.
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Yes. I do think that I deserve to be loved just like everybody else on this earth but lately I've started to think that why would anybody bother really. I always have this feeling that I should accomplish this, this and that, change myself, in order to deserve the opportunity to be loved. That line of thinking is quite difficult to brush aside and unfortunately I can only see it becoming worse. I used to feel so full of love but now I can only feel it numbing, slowly vanishing.
 
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For me probably one of the worst things being INFJ is that people around me rarely meet my high expectations. I expect them to be responsible, serious, give their best, focused and determined. I expect them to be like me. And they are not. And it is disappointing me a lot. :m142: I get frustrated by the fact that in a group project I always give everything to do things in the best possible way, the most effective and rewarding way, but others are oh, so slow and ineffective, so I end up wasting my time and efforts. And really dislike wasting time and efforts. I wish I could live in a world full with people like me who all give their best all the time and aim for the most effective way of doing things. And ofc another weakness is that I have problems accepting that the world is not a fair place where justice and good prevail :m142:
 
Being too accepting of people...even when I know a person is dead-damn-wrong.
 
WellNoWonder said:
Being too accepting of people...even when I know a person is dead-damn-wrong.
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Yep. This is kicking in the butt right now. When you're too accepting, they want you to agree or support everything they feel, think, or say.
 
under skies said:
I agree with this one wholeheartedly. It's also a bit depressing when you wake up on Christmas morning and go, ... this is it?
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I think this is one of my biggest faults. This life never measures up to how it "should be". I am never in the present. I think that's one of the reasons I find myself attracted to ST types. They live in the present and can bring that out in me.

Wyst said:
Any INFJs out there believe they are unlovable? Not in the 'cute, warm, and fuzzy way', I mean do you believe 'No one will ever choose/want me'.
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I have a really hard time with feeling wanted. Things in my life that have led to me having attachment issues PLUS just being an INFJ makes me feel unloveable a lot of the time.
 
Wyst said:
Any INFJs out there believe they are unlovable? Not in the 'cute, warm, and fuzzy way', I mean do you believe 'No one will ever choose/want me'.

Obviously this wouldn't be unique to INFJs. But given their propensity to isolate, spend time in thought life instead of the realworld, AND a hefty fear of rejection (as the rejector/rejectee) I think that feeling like you'll never be wanted/chosen would be especially tough for an INFJ.
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I did believe that no one will ever choose/want me, but not because I was not good enough, rather because I was too good.
Yeah, sad enough, I've always had a lot of admirers around me but .... well, I often heard the words "You're just too good for me, you deserve something better".
Hearing this so many times from people who were in love with me but changed their minds as soon as they got to know me better ... hm, sad.
But there he is, my lovely INTJ hubby, who chose me and wants me. So no, I don't believe it anymore. Though I realize that I am just difficult to live with, but impossible to live without :m027:
 
Wyst said:
'No one will ever choose/want me'.

Yup

And for me, being in a room full of people I don't know (church is a good example or a party)
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Pretty much what everyone had said applys to me. I'm so tired of it all.

I feel like I fell into a pile of kryptonite and I can't manage to crawl out.
 
Well, my only comment at this point is to beware the concept of "attachment issues". This term is biased against INs.
 
CoffeeShopDiva said:
I think this is one of my biggest faults. This life never measures up to how it "should be". I am never in the present. I think that's one of the reasons I find myself attracted to ST types. They live in the present and can bring that out in me.


I have a really hard time with feeling wanted. Things in my life that have led to me having attachment issues PLUS just being an INFJ makes me feel unloveable a lot of the time.
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Alright - this is probably my biggest hang up. I'm certainly glad I'm not the only one that deals with this. But I'd like to get at a possible root for WHY INFJs do this/feel this. I hate using "Because I'm an INFJ" as my cop out excuse...

LadyINFJ said:
Yeah, sad enough, I've always had a lot of admirers around me
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This is/has been my case too. I've got people that always are like, "Wyyyyyyst!" Whenever I show up to places, bummed when I leave, and mad when I don't show up at all. In the past year there've been 3 girls that wanted to date me.

So I know that this whole business of "unwanted/unloved" is invalid.

Here's what could be my issue. I feel that I somehow must earn acceptance from people. Why? Because people must earn my acceptance. For someone to just readily accept me, especially if they don't know me well, I usually write it off as "not legit".

So on one hand I must earn people's acceptance. But on the other hand, I'm constantly disappointing myself and not meeting my own standards/expectations. How could I ever meet anyone else's expectations/standards if I can't meet my own?

Conclusion: Even though I have people in my life that want me to be part of their life, want to be intimate with me, and miss me when I'm gone, I will deny the truth of it because I stubbornly want be perfect... so that they must accept me no matter what...

See how this doesn't make sense? I'm working so hard to gain what I already have.
I am my greatest kryptonite.

Or kraptonite.
 
LadyINFJ said:
For me probably one of the worst things being INFJ is that people around me rarely meet my high expectations. I expect them to be responsible, serious, give their best, focused and determined. I expect them to be like me. And they are not. And it is disappointing me a lot. :m142: I get frustrated by the fact that in a group project I always give everything to do things in the best possible way, the most effective and rewarding way, but others are oh, so slow and ineffective, so I end up wasting my time and efforts. And really dislike wasting time and efforts. I wish I could live in a world full with people like me who all give their best all the time and aim for the most effective way of doing things. And ofc another weakness is that I have problems accepting that the world is not a fair place where justice and good prevail :m142:
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oh that is so me
 
Kryptinfjonite: all of these things (and some others) interfere with my happy, peaceful interior life intuitive life.:

* Emotional bombardment - occasionally women who are both angry and crying will come and bombard me with all their rage and sadness. Often times there is nothing I can do to help or comfort them. This can make me feel like death.

* Information overload - this was more a problem when I was in undergrad and postgrad study. Some short papers had such extensive reading requirements that I thought I might go bonkers - plus the excess of information put me into my shaddow mode, which resembles a crabby ESTP.

* Seeing values or ideals trampled - will put me in a heap for days.

* Seeing other people unfairly trampled - similar to seeing values trampled, except I my anger will sometimes goad me into vengance.

* Unmaterialised ideals - (as above) sometimes the world is depressing.

* Close/intimate relationships - I am easily hurt and I don't think my ideals give people a fair chance, so I don't let people get too close to me.
 
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Cute girls with some junk in their trunk. :3

I start spouting corny jokes and generally turn to butter.

Oh, you mean the bad kind of kryptonite. Doing something that goes against my values is draining and demeaning, like my job, for instance! People harassing my loved ones is something else I will not tolerate.
 
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Wyst said:
Any INFJs out there believe they are unlovable? Not in the 'cute, warm, and fuzzy way', I mean do you believe 'No one will ever choose/want me'.

Obviously this wouldn't be unique to INFJs. But given their propensity to isolate, spend time in thought life instead of the realworld, AND a hefty fear of rejection (as the rejector/rejectee) I think that feeling like you'll never be wanted/chosen would be especially tough for an INFJ.
Click to expand...

I feel this almost everyday. I can play along for a while, and pretend I'm somebody that I'm not, so that people will get along with me, but as soon as I reveal my real self, people shy away from me, and I'm left feeling rejected. I cannot imagine anybody ever wanting me, ever really liking me.
 
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