INFJ, The Manipulator?

Helpful Elf said:
I wouldn't say this is manipulation. It's influencing. You're simply using your strengths to guide people in a certain direction, which is presumably positive, if you're being to to your nature.
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I like this way of looking at it.
 
Wow. This is really a trait I do not think I share. On one hand I don't value it, as others here have spoken to, but in addition, I don't think I have the talent or skill to manipulate others behavior.

The closest I could come in my mental examination was that I do scan people closely and I think I have a good sense of people and what style of interaction they may respond to more favorably or negatively to. I do choose an interaction style I think will be more likely to be received positively, and I do this for others comfort, but mostly for my own comfort. However, I don't think this would have any significant effect on another person's behavior other than perhaps leave them a bit more receptive to what I may have to say than if I chose a communication style that was more adversarial.

I very much value people's autonomy. I think I may go out of my way to disguise my own desires when interacting with others so that they are NOT influenced by what I may want the outcome to be and are free to choose their own path without my influence. If I want my perspective considered, I will express it directly and ask them to consider it, but also make it clear that I will respect their decision if in the end after considering what I offered they choose otherwise. I do not think I have an omnipotent view of what is the "greater good" and I may not have the best picture. Honestly the more I consider the harm I could inflict on the world by trying to influence the world to my vision of "good" without respecting the varying perspective's of "good" in the world, I shudder.

No. I do not think I am manipulative.

I did ask for external feedback on my internal assessment and received back that at least in this one external source's eyes, my assessment was not incorrect.
 
I don't really think I manipulate people like how most people would think. I suggest things to others, like new ideas or actions, but I really don't think it's manipulating. When I make a suggestion, I give people the choice to use it or ignore it. Plus, I see manipulative actions as leading to benefits to the manipulator. My suggestions... well they never lead to back-pay for me haha.

However, I think I could manipulate people if I put the right effort forward. I just choose not to :m145:
 
IMO ExFx's are the masters of emotional manipulation Unhealthy female ExFx's are the most likely people to be labeled with so-called "Histrionic Personality Disorder" (while at the same time manipulative, attention-seeking males become president and get caught screwing an intern, though a certain Alaskan governor shows that manipulative, attention-seeking women can get on the politics act, too...)
 
The more I think on it, the more I feel that i've become very cynical. Sometimes I need to make people do things I need them to for my/their/others benefit, and I have to problems with doing it.

I'm very nice to people I like...everyone else can piss off!
 
I often find myself in situations where it would be easy to manipulate people, but I don't think it's right. I couldn't give a time where I willingly manipulated someone to gain something.

I can tell when someone else is doing it though, and there are very few things that piss me off more than a manipulator.
 
I have used manipulation through quite a large portion of my life. It was actually nesscerry to survive for a part of my life.

The only times I use it now are for school when I need to (but who hasn't done this?). Or, if someone is infairly restricting me from doing something. My dad tried to stop me from coming out to montana and I ended up pulling a very large series of manipulations to get what I wanted. I am not going to lie I am very good at doing things like these (I have an inate abillity with it, and I have also had alot of pratice with it). However I never use it for personal gain when it harms someone else in anyway.
 
On second thought, I'm full of shit. I manipulate people a lot, but it's for generally benign things like getting extra credit in a class so I don't fail it.
 
I agree with overainbows I think that this is kind of scary.

Or were you expecting me to say that?
 
I don't know where the line goes but I think I can be manipulative. Withholding information, taking advantage of the confidence I've achieved, "baiting" to get snippets of information. Sounds awfully manipulative right?
But I only do this when I think the person won't be harmed.
 
Ortorin said:
The more I think on it, the more it seems to me that it is less of manipulation, and more of a deviation from my core persona. I learned that being nice all the time doesn't get you wwhat you want with everyone. Maybe it's just a diffrent side of me, more of an extrovert side, that takes over for the people you can't "kill with kindness", and my natural "good doer" side just sees it as being bad and manipulative?

Sometimes, it's just really hard for me to tell what part of my personality is working when, makes me feel increadably Bi-Polar.
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I get that a lot. I seem to have two personalities, all the time. They are both pretty manipulative. I am definitely INFJ, and I notice absolutely everything that goes on within my hearing range, (which, considering how rubbish my eye sight is, is a little further than normal). Sometimes, it's really annoying, but both sides of me register the information for later use. One side, which I'm almost certain is INTJ always knows how to use this information to my advantage, but the other side, my pure INFJ side, knows how to use it to help other people.
By the way, how many of you do people come to with problems and stuff? How many of you are the shoulder to cry on?
Also, do any of you find yourself acting in such a way that is definitely not you, but a made up person, that you know will please someone you're close to?
 
I'm not going to lie, I'm very good at manipulating when I need to. I don't necessarily enjoy it, and I don't do it so much for personal gain as to kind of...lubricate a situation? Sometimes, in order to make a situation as painless as possible, you have to use a bit of manipulation -- in that sense, I don't think it is necessarily "bad," since it's being used for constructive rather than destructive purposes....but I still don't view it as a good thing, either.

Although sometimes it scares me how good I am at lying or hiding something or using someone's personality, even face-to-face. I try not to when I can.
 
I used to manipulate my sister and brothers quite a bit at one time. We'd all be lounging around watching tv and I'd feel like a drink but feeling lazy I didn't want to bother. I'd look over at my sister and say, "Hey! Didn't you hear Dad calling you?? Better go now! Oh and hey while you're up there could you grab me a glass of juice?" hehehe
I never manipulated them to do anything bad though.
 
Well said Onyrica and well thought out! I wish I had been as insightful at 21. You're absolutely right, we have a gift for putting in our two cents and getting the group to go our way without them even realizing it. This worked well for me as an IT Project Manager but when I was your age, I was a little older than you I was accused of being manipulative. So I quickly put changes in place to control my "power."

As I grew older, I unleashed that power only as needed for the greater good. Even then it was tightly controlled. No wonder they call us Counselors! :m032:
 
I have noticed that when threatened with a stressful situation I will find myself lying through my teeth in order to get out of the stressful situation, even though I personally abhor lying. It is something I've been talking about with my psychotherapist recently.
 
I can kind of see his point because I can see that side of me. I can definitely manipulate people and situations and it's something that I'm actually quite ashamed of and wouldn't really admit to many people irl. I don't think I do it in a negative way anymore though and really try to monitor myself in that regard. Since pulling myself out of the negative situations in my life and becoming more self aware I haven't used it maliciously, unconsciously or otherwise in a long time.
On the flip side though it is an ability and part of me so I try to use it to benefit people around me.I kind of make a distinction in my own mind, the word manipulation certainly has negative connotations for me so I don't look at it like that when I'm trying to influence those I care about or make them see what I think they need to see. I tend to refer to this as 'interfering', a word which is not entirely positive because I think it's good for me to remain aware of the fact that I'm affecting someone's life without their expressed consent. I really only do this though with the people close to me and in situations where I can monitor and react to the outcome.
I suppose now that I think about it though the motivation is pretty selfish all the same because i like harmony and that's generally what I'm pushing towards.
 
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