INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

I can't even begin to explain how beneficial this thread has been to me right now. This forum is incredible and I couldn't have discovered it at a better point in my life.

My entire life I've felt weird, different, and alone. I tried to have friends, but I never felt like I "belonged" with them. I always felt so angry and frustrated that I couldn't find anyone who was "like me". I wasn't even sure what that meant. I just knew that everyone else was NOT like me, and it made me feel terrible.

I can completely identify with so many of the posts in this thread- especially the lost feeling, as though you're dreaming or watching yourself live in your environment from the outside, as though you'll wake up at some point and all of it will disappear. To this day I get this feeling. I'll be out shopping or sitting at my desk and suddenly I'll go, "Hey, here's that feeling again, that this isn't real." It always creeped me out and not being able to find anyone else who felt it made it worse.

I remember shortly before marrying my husband, I had a terrible lonely episode. I cried and cried, telling him how alone I felt in the world, even when he was with me. No matter who I talked to at work or where I went to try and make friends, the alone feeling never went away. I, too, felt like I "got" everyone around me but they simply didn't have the ability to get me. Part of my developing an eating disorder surely had to do with stuffing down emotions that no one could help me validate, to try and blend into the landscape around me and reduce the pain of never feeling quite right.

Being in my eating disorder treatment program helped me to find several people I could identify with (one being a fellow INFJ) and it has made a huge difference. But I still have that aimless, floating, lonely feeling as though something huge is missing from my life, and I'm still frustrated because I don't know what it is.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.
 
NekoLove said:
I can't even begin to explain how beneficial this thread has been to me right now. This forum is incredible and I couldn't have discovered it at a better point in my life.

My entire life I've felt weird, different, and alone. I tried to have friends, but I never felt like I "belonged" with them. I always felt so angry and frustrated that I couldn't find anyone who was "like me". I wasn't even sure what that meant. I just knew that everyone else was NOT like me, and it made me feel terrible.

I can completely identify with so many of the posts in this thread- especially the lost feeling, as though you're dreaming or watching yourself live in your environment from the outside, as though you'll wake up at some point and all of it will disappear. To this day I get this feeling. I'll be out shopping or sitting at my desk and suddenly I'll go, "Hey, here's that feeling again, that this isn't real." It always creeped me out and not being able to find anyone else who felt it made it worse.

I remember shortly before marrying my husband, I had a terrible lonely episode. I cried and cried, telling him how alone I felt in the world, even when he was with me. No matter who I talked to at work or where I went to try and make friends, the alone feeling never went away. I, too, felt like I "got" everyone around me but they simply didn't have the ability to get me. Part of my developing an eating disorder surely had to do with stuffing down emotions that no one could help me validate, to try and blend into the landscape around me and reduce the pain of never feeling quite right.

Being in my eating disorder treatment program helped me to find several people I could identify with (one being a fellow INFJ) and it has made a huge difference. But I still have that aimless, floating, lonely feeling as though something huge is missing from my life, and I'm still frustrated because I don't know what it is.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.
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I think this stems from Ni and possibly Fe they can combine to be very negative and are often focused extremely inward. Thus causing these bad feelings.

Its very frustrating and I don't know anyone who has found a full proof way to deal with them.
 
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NekoLove, you will feel a kinship here and it's wonderful. I really had given up on finding my own kind lol when I discovered this group. I was in shock when I read some of the posts!
I could relate to everything you said in your post. I think over time we make friends with that lonely or isolated feeling. But it sure is nice to know others feel it too.
 
I have nothing great to add.. this is just how I feel right now.
 
dneecey said:
I have nothing great to add.. this is just how I feel right now.
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Yeah.

It's weird how loneliness from not knowing eventually turns into loneliness from being aware.
 
Sometimes I still feel alone and 'separate' from people, but I no longer feel lonely anymore. Socializing and keeping in touch with people come more naturally to me now, thankfully.
Also, I feel lost at times because there is just so much going on, and I feel kind of very small. People also say my neutral facial expression looks lost as well...perhaps that is a subconscious reflection.
 
I just end up writing bout it when I get that way, or I go for a drive. usually tho, I think that other types just call a friend, when yr INFJ, it's harder to do that because we know we won't be as understood as we need to be. I tend to hold on to that awareness that I am different like it's some precious gift and kinda like it's my secret because if anyone else really knew, it would feel as tho I'd given probably the deepest most inner core of myself. I think that would actually suck.
 
Loneliness, boredom, depression and frustration. The big 4 for me!
 
Everything you described above I've always felt but without a doubt it was all felt stronger when I was in my 20's. Honestly, once you get through your twenties things start sailing smoother.
If I was offered the chance I'd go back to being in my thirties but I wouldn't touch my 20's again with a ten foot pole!
I look back on it as a very testing time.
 
Well it's good to know I've got 10 years of suffering a head of me!
 
LOL! Yeah, but don't worry, there will be shining moments too! You'll have to create those for yourself though!
 
Blind Bandit said:
I think this stems from Ni and possibly Fe they can combine to be very negative and are often focused extremely inward. Thus causing these bad feelings.

Its very frustrating and I don't know anyone who has found a full proof way to deal with them.
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developing Ti really does help
 
I'm not going to dramatize it. Externally my friends treat me pretty well. They don't make a lot of effort to include me, though. I don't feel like we a "truly" connected. I always sort of feel like a 5th wheel, unless I really exert myself. Maybe I'm asking for too much...I have one friend that looooves me but she can be very manipulative and a little bit disrespectful so I avoid her. She likes to give me lots of attention so that is good, but we have different "standards" persay...I'm not into the whole "settling" thing, but maybe I just should just take what I can get.

I have lots of friends, but I can't really bond with them.
I feel more "disconnected" than any of the other things.
 
Yes...it's like, no matter how hard you try to BE yourself...to be comfortable..something is always lacking. It's like there is this ideal in your mind of how others are interacting "how normal people interact" that you cannot seem to accomplish. I guess it's because we set this ideal...or maybe it is because INFJ's are different. I know exactly how you feel. I've always tried to be comfortable and just "free" but no matter how hard I try...I feel like I'm not "one of them"-- as in other friends. One on one I may feel fine but usually in groups, not really. It really sucks sometimes!
 
lydia22_99 said:
Yes...it's like, no matter how hard you try to BE yourself...to be comfortable..something is always lacking. It's like there is this ideal in your mind of how others are interacting "how normal people interact" that you cannot seem to accomplish. I guess it's because we set this ideal...or maybe it is because INFJ's are different. I know exactly how you feel. I've always tried to be comfortable and just "free" but no matter how hard I try...I feel like I'm not "one of them"-- as in other friends. One on one I may feel fine but usually in groups, not really. It really sucks sometimes!
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precisely. I feel the same way. thats why I like to have alone time regularly. so I dont have to feel that.
 
Yield said:
Loneliness, boredom, depression and frustration. The big 4 for me!
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Yes very true they seem to forge into a nice fellow of self hate.

sumone said:
Everything you described above I've always felt but without a doubt it was all felt stronger when I was in my 20's. Honestly, once you get through your twenties things start sailing smoother.
If I was offered the chance I'd go back to being in my thirties but I wouldn't touch my 20's again with a ten foot pole!
I look back on it as a very testing time.
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I hope so I really do.

rainrise said:
developing Ti really does help
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I agree I've found Ti is also good for keeping Fe in control some what.
 
I can feel utterly lonely at parties, even with old friends, I don't understand why they talk about the things they do. I find their topics shallow and have sat many times waiting for the conversation to steer into the fields that I find interesting and important.

I just don't have anything to contribute to conversations about where they get their hair done or what colour scheme they are gonna have in their living room.

So I tend to be silent...and if I do say something...they often stare at me because I have added something to the conversation that they think was out of the blue or too deep or too convoluted.

Like if they discuss colour schemes I will bring up what psychological implications different colours have..."blue is calming, yellow is activating" - to me these things are totally connected and interesting since they have to do with how we function as human beings.....still I get that look that says "What are you on about".
 
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