INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

laurie said:
It might be something to do with the INFj's high standards for people. Like, you expect people to understand you because you understand them or treat you how you treat them. But it has to be taken into ccount that everyone is different and has different value systems. I have found that people are at first intimidated by me because of my quiet exterior (I think I'm actually quite loud, but I've been told I talk slowly and quietly) and I do tend to hold back around strangers, as I've heard is the INFJ way.
Maybe you need to practice giving responses through expressions or body language (though I think body language is a silly theory) as you said someone commented on that. It can scare people when others don't react the way they expect. Imagine telling a joke and someone staring at you, straight-faced. It's uncomfortable.
But then, those who are not prepared to get to know you past your exterior are probably not worth knowing.
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the part about standarts was really insightful.

now the part about a joke and someone staring at me blank faced is just too funny.
 
I'm happy it was helpful ^^" Another of my weird examples comes to light. I also speak from experience. Someone not laughing at your jokes is embarrassing ;_; Hehe, I really mean about the standards thing. My sister and I had to talk to each other about us both expecting too much of the other ^^" we also both expect too much from our friends, though she's and INTJ so she's a bit more obvious with her dissatisfaction than me (e.g. being sarcastic, angry and kicking them ^^").
 
I don't feel misunderstood. I feel ignored and forgotten. Being misunderstood would be a step up because that would mean people care enough to try to understand.
 
I've often wondered if it is worth it to be understood by others (outside of family and friends). Do you think it is worth one's time and effort?

Even with family and friends, there are bound to be misunderstandings. I wonder if there is some personality basis to misunderstandings. Example: someone says something. An INFJ interprets it one way, and INTJ another, an INFP another, an INTP another, etc. Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each other?
 
sedna said:
I feel misunderstood on a board full of other INFJs.
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he that's right. I will never EVER be understood, and it has always bothered me (it's something different everyday. I feel like I'm speaking the wrong language).

Today's example: trying to explain my gym teacher I'm sick without making him think I'm being mean (seriously, I near shoot myself everyday thanks to these f*cked up teachers)
 
Azure_Knight said:
I've often wondered if it is worth it to be understood by others (outside of family and friends). Do you think it is worth one's time and effort?

Even with family and friends, there are bound to be misunderstandings. I wonder if there is some personality basis to misunderstandings. Example: someone says something. An INFJ interprets it one way, and INTJ another, an INFP another, an INTP another, etc. Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each other?
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I would say no, it's not worth it to 'expect' to be understood by others. Then, when the odd person comes along who does understand it's a very nice surprise.
I'm a lot older than most of you here and I can tell you when I finally lowered my expectations of people I started getting along with them a lot better.
 
I have never actually been understood by others ,except maybe some of my close friends but even from them I get remarks like 'your wierd ' or stuff like that. I am ok with this however .To me it's not very important to be understood by most people ,but to get along with a few people who seem interesting and important to me.
Also ,over the years I have learned to lower my expectations of other people .This has spared me from a lot of suffering .
 
Ha ha, someone said that to me once as well "You're weird!". Thanks!
 
i've gotten so used to that, now i find myself saying "yeah, i'm complicated" when i see a "you're weird" comment coming my way or variations of that look that means just about the same thing.
 
I just laugh :) There's nothing wrong with being weird so long as people don't bring you down for it
 
I tend to feel lost and isolated because of the way I relate to people. I cannot ever fully make sense of people, but am fascinated by them. I think and relate quite differently in certain ways which makes it difficult to form friendships in the here and now. I was just reading posts on another forum where a lot of people are upset, misperceive each other's comments, and express distorted thinking. I often step back and look at people and feel badly for them to be so invested and confused. I'm not sure how to approach them and at times am hesitant to because of how invested and upset they become. Each individual lens has its unique distortion. I think I do have moments of being focused and invested, but it doesn't persist. Certitude is a place I visit, but not a place that I stay for long.

I guess I tend to step back too far and get lost in the big picture and forget how to connect with others in an immediate way. It's really hard to zero into that singular shared viewpoint with someone else that connects the two of you and sets you apart from the rest of the world.
 
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I've only been called weird once, that I know of. Probably because no one has the balls to say it me anymore. But I anticipate being called weird many a times when I go to Uni. Oh joy...
 
Take it as a compliment!
 
I think all INFJ understand that feeling of lonelyness. Heck we're only 2% of the population here!

I too feel lonely...more lonely mentally though. In high school I was a cheerleader and naturally surrounded by extraverts. I smile and play along but its really tiring to pretend you're hype with huge crowds when you're a INFJ. There only a few people who I can have deep converstation with.

Now its time for college next month and all my 'friends' are going their seperate ways. As ironic as it is out of the many people I hanged out with I only have 2 friends i can connect with mentally/emotionally. But we all go to different colleges.

I'm in a contempt point in my life...I have a supporting family, a wonderful guyfriend( not boyfriend), excited for school, and yet something is missing...i have no idea what is...even with all these wonderful things with me I'm missing something and lonely without it :/ I can't pinpoint it
 
Azure_Knight said:
I've often wondered if it is worth it to be understood by others (outside of family and friends). Do you think it is worth one's time and effort?

Even with family and friends, there are bound to be misunderstandings. I wonder if there is some personality basis to misunderstandings. Example: someone says something. An INFJ interprets it one way, and INTJ another, an INFP another, an INTP another, etc. Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each other?
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I don't think its worth it to make yourself be understood by others. It takes tremendous amounts of energy for a cause you might now even care for. Now that being said if someone expresses interest in knowing more about you and opens his or herself up to you I say 'open yourself up'. It takes less energy and that person is taking the effort to make it easier..

It's not that ' Perhaps common misunderstandings come from differences in type or expectations for each '. It IS how misuunderstanding arise from differing personalities/expectations. With that in mind we all can get along with one another if we are willing to be open with each other and come to agreement with the differences.
 
Lady_Ai said:
I think all INFJ understand that feeling of lonelyness. Heck we're only 2% of the population here!

I too feel lonely...more lonely mentally though. In high school I was a cheerleader and naturally surrounded by extraverts. I smile and play along but its really tiring to pretend you're hype with huge crowds when you're a INFJ. There only a few people who I can have deep converstation with.

Now its time for college next month and all my 'friends' are going their seperate ways. As ironic as it is out of the many people I hanged out with I only have 2 friends i can connect with mentally/emotionally. But we all go to different colleges.

I'm in a contempt point in my life...I have a supporting family, a wonderful guyfriend( not boyfriend), excited for school, and yet something is missing...i have no idea what is...even with all these wonderful things with me I'm missing something and lonely without it :/ I can't pinpoint it
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Its hard to deal with that feeling. From what I know INFJ's have this feeling of something missing / being lost and its very hard to get rid of. I've never managed to force it away completely.
 
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