It is very helpful for an INFJ to be explicit with an INTP about feelings and expectations. For the former, it's because we just aren't wired to understand feelings, at least not in our natural state, untutored state. For the latter, don't forget, we're "P's" and we don't have a great need to finish things or stick to a schedule.
INFJs and INTPs
- Thread starter Jill Hives
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It is very helpful for an INFJ to be explicit with an INTP about feelings and expectations. For the former, it's because we just aren't wired to understand feelings, at least not in our natural state, untutored state. For the latter, don't forget, we're "P's" and we don't have a great need to finish things or stick to a schedule.
whytiger
Community Member
- MBTI
- INTP
I have an INFJ friend who says I'm an INTP. I like the INFJs I know but find their Fe way of communicating with me to be difficult to process. Most of them seem to vanish very quickly after communicating with me or not know how to respond to me at all. I have never really "clicked" with one.
Edit: I tend to be able to get closer to INFPs. I'm not sure if that means something about me or them.
Edit: I tend to be able to get closer to INFPs. I'm not sure if that means something about me or them.
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That's not a reference to me is it?
Don't worry, I find people in general unattractive (including myself). That's why I look inside a person for their true qualities.
Interesting, I tend to repel INFP's or we end up debating and sharing ignorance. I made a poll on the INTP forums with some interesting results. Most of the INTP's voted to be able to get along with the following; INTP, INTJ, INFP followed by INFJ and ENTP which received equal votes.
- MBTI
- INFJ
That's not a reference to me is it?
Don't worry, I find people in general unattractive (including myself). That's why I look inside a person for their true qualities.
Nope your actually rather warm for INTP.
Am I? Most people I know in person say I'm quite cold.
- MBTI
- INFJ
Hmmm well online at least your not too bad. Granted I can tell right off your a T. But your not too standoffish or anything.
Do you find INTPs and INFJs to be compatible as friends or romantic partners?
I almost got into a relationship with an INFJ girl, but neither of us were ready for one... looking back, I'd call it an almost-not-quite. In a romantic sense, I don't know if I'd be able to match her emotional needs. As friends, though, she is an incredible person and I love her with every bone in my body. She gives me a fascinating perspective on life and I've learned so much from her. My only real concern is giving back in a way that doesn't overwhelm her.
What have been the largest hurdles in your relationship or what do you think would be?
Again, I would need to be very aware of her emotions and of subtleties, and be careful not to overwhelm her. Honestly, sometimes they remind me of deer: too much stimulus and they withdraw, gotta be slow and careful until you have their trust.
I almost got into a relationship with an INFJ girl, but neither of us were ready for one... looking back, I'd call it an almost-not-quite. In a romantic sense, I don't know if I'd be able to match her emotional needs. As friends, though, she is an incredible person and I love her with every bone in my body. She gives me a fascinating perspective on life and I've learned so much from her. My only real concern is giving back in a way that doesn't overwhelm her.
What have been the largest hurdles in your relationship or what do you think would be?
Again, I would need to be very aware of her emotions and of subtleties, and be careful not to overwhelm her. Honestly, sometimes they remind me of deer: too much stimulus and they withdraw, gotta be slow and careful until you have their trust.
whytiger
Community Member
- MBTI
- INTP
I get along with INTPs ok but have never actually had an INTP friend. (I'm undecided on my I/E but more sure of the P. I have been told by others that I am an ENTP.) The types I've been able to get close to are INFP, ISTP, ESTP, and ENTP. I usually don't debate topics unless I know enough about them to destr-enlighten my opponent
. The INFPs I've been close to are still somewhat distant---because they're introverts---but I tend to connect to them instantly. It might be because my mother is one, and I know what they're like.
- MBTI
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
Well the reason I ask is actually because I am married to an INTP (at least he is one as far as I know, he tests as one). We've mostly had a pretty good relationship but there are problems surfacing that I feel confident could be fixed if we understood each others communicative styles and motivations better. Amusingly enough a lot of our problems seem to stem from the fact that we are extremely similar. Sometimes far too much alike for interactions to be harmonious all the time.
I definitely have noticed that I can overwhelm him with emotional outbursts at times, even when I am trying very hard to control myself. I have an intense need to hash things out and get to the bottom of things when we have issues, but he prefers to withdraw for a while. This is something I've taken some time getting used to.
If I can generalize from myself: Emotional outbursts really are overwhelming to us. We just don't know what to do about them. If you can check yourself and express your feelings in a measured, calm manner, even though they are intense and powerful, your INTP may be able to handle your emotions more easily. Sometimes, the emotion comes at us too hard and we can't process it fast enough. So, we get overloaded and have to escape, or we lose control and start yelling. This is the way it used to be between my INFJ and me, but we got used to each other years ago and it's been much easier ever since.
whytiger
Community Member
- MBTI
- INTP
I tend to get really quiet if confronted with intense emotions and sometimes need a day or two. They require a lot of processing.
Gaze
Donor
- MBTI
- INFPishy
I like the idea of planning ahead.
[MENTION=2743]whytiger[/MENTION] why do you think this is?
Shaz
Community Member
- MBTI
- iNfj
I was with an INTP for two and a half years and it was a great relationship. He's still pretty much my best friend and we have great conversations.
I like talking to him because he's very different from me, yet understands. With my INF friends it's always kind of the same thing, even if it's great.
Funnily enough when we were together I never had a problem with him being distant - we lived together and I greatly needed my space and time off too. He was quite affectionate, I think his Fe was quite well developped because his mum is an ENFJ and they have quite a close relationship.
Regarding his handling of feeling, I went through six months of clinical depression when we were together and he handled it well. He couldn't relate to what I was feeling but was always there to listen and hug me to sleep. It was a dreadful period and I was always afraid that I was going to overwhelm him with my sadness but he never really got affected by it, lol. He said it made him feel good somehow to be able to be there for me and not collapse under the depressive side. In that way I think his emotional distance helped.
The other thing that was great is that he was always so confident and balanced my obsessive perfectionism with his constant lack of care for finishes. He made me more confident in my ability to do something good without it needing to be absolutely perfect, and I pushed him to follow through his best ideas more thoroughly. Great exchange.
I think INFJs and INTPs can really help each other grow in a very positive fashion. We have a great deal to learn from each other
I like talking to him because he's very different from me, yet understands. With my INF friends it's always kind of the same thing, even if it's great.
Funnily enough when we were together I never had a problem with him being distant - we lived together and I greatly needed my space and time off too. He was quite affectionate, I think his Fe was quite well developped because his mum is an ENFJ and they have quite a close relationship.
Regarding his handling of feeling, I went through six months of clinical depression when we were together and he handled it well. He couldn't relate to what I was feeling but was always there to listen and hug me to sleep. It was a dreadful period and I was always afraid that I was going to overwhelm him with my sadness but he never really got affected by it, lol. He said it made him feel good somehow to be able to be there for me and not collapse under the depressive side. In that way I think his emotional distance helped.
The other thing that was great is that he was always so confident and balanced my obsessive perfectionism with his constant lack of care for finishes. He made me more confident in my ability to do something good without it needing to be absolutely perfect, and I pushed him to follow through his best ideas more thoroughly. Great exchange.
I think INFJs and INTPs can really help each other grow in a very positive fashion. We have a great deal to learn from each other
Artsu Tharaz
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- infj?
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Well, there's a flow from the INTPs Ne to the INFJs Ni which is good, and some matching with the Ti. Also the fact that you are both introverted is good - creating a level of identification, as well as meaning you both have a sufficient amount of space. They are certainly compatible, but the bonding will be limited.
In a relationship, the INFJ may not feel they are able to exercise their Fe properly, and this can be a source of stress. Also, the INTPs Ti will not get enough validation in the relationship, and so he will need time to withdraw into intellectual pursuits. Nonetheless, they make a great set of parents, with the INFJs Fe feeing through to their children and maintaining harmony, while the Ti takes care of various technical aspects of family life.
Compatible, moderate bonding, great parental unit.
In a relationship, the INFJ may not feel they are able to exercise their Fe properly, and this can be a source of stress. Also, the INTPs Ti will not get enough validation in the relationship, and so he will need time to withdraw into intellectual pursuits. Nonetheless, they make a great set of parents, with the INFJs Fe feeing through to their children and maintaining harmony, while the Ti takes care of various technical aspects of family life.
Compatible, moderate bonding, great parental unit.
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Mmm... Well, when you talk he needs to listen, that goes without question. Be careful about how much emotion you hand him, or else he WILL shut down. Take your need to has things out, and work out your case logically first. Once the framework is established, you can start slowly releasing emotion. Try the Socratic method to help him understand where you're coming from... it's usually best if we can form our own opinions.
I'm Charming
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- INTP
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- 5
I'm an INTP male who had a relationship with an INFJ female. To put it simply, the other relationships I've had were dull in comparison. No one has made me feel like that before. I've never put that much thought and feeling into an individual before. I'm not a talker, but I could talk to her for hours. It ended after I found out something happened between her and someone else, I was shocked and it fucked with my head for a long time. I still talk to her sometimes but I'm not sure what to think of her. Another relationship with an INFJ would be quite interesting though. The connection was deep, and we even said we might marry one day. I've heard of some INTP/INFJ relationships that boast remarkable chemistry.
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I am an INFJ male and suprising or not, I don't get along with other XF's for the most part. Most of my best or good friends are T's and one of my best friends growing up was an INTP. I like the logical approach to things and the strait forward ness of INTJ's, INTP's and those sorts. I just don't get along with overly expressive emotional people and get along best with people who are not afraid to call me out when they think I am doing something wrong. I like deep emotional conversations with people but not with people who get hurt easily if you don't support their every emotion. That of course is more of a insecurity issue than type issue and there are emotionally insecure T's and F's so it all depends. I do like INTP's though and really enjoy the conversations we have.