Interesting video

All I see this as is an expression of emotions.

I think giving some of us, that can relate, comfort might even be what she was going for.
 
I was like that for many years, over half a decade. I had nobody to talk to and nothing to talk about. I still find myself in similar situations sometimes, and it feels horrible.

I was fortunate enough to end up receiving help, and toward the end of high school I was getting better. This is good too because I did want to kill myself that entire time.
 
I want to hug this person that made the video. Not because I think that somehow that will make all those years of abuse somehow wash away, but because they stood up and spoke out about it. I count myself lucky to have never gone through such an experience like this; I doubt I would be able to live like this for very long.

This is why I always stood up for the kids that got bullied in school. Why I don't tolerate it when people make fun of someone or alienate them for being different. Because no one should feel this way.

And I'm even sorrier to hear that there are people here that so strongly relate to this. My God, that makes my heart squeeze.
 
Reon said:
Idunno, the "You did this to me" vibe seems to outweigh the "I did some of this to myself too"
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I can see what you mean and I agree on the vibes.

Still, I have a feeling that just making that video and posting it on youtube can be a turning point for her.
 
mooseman said:
I can see what you mean and I agree on the vibes.

Still, I have a feeling that just making that video and posting it on youtube can be a turning point for her.
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Well thinking about it that way, yeah, I think it is probably a turning point for her. It helps other people who are feeling especially alone, as well, it even brought some feelings out of me (No tears though, I'm a man. ;_;)
 
Reon said:
Idunno, the "You did this to me" vibe seems to outweigh the "I did some of this to myself too"
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Not everything in life has to be taken so literally.
 
NeverAmI said:
Not everything in life has to be taken so literally.
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Thank you!!! All she did was make a video, believing that maybe somebody else could relate.
 
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Restraint said:
Thank you!!! All she did was make a video, believing that maybe somebody else could relate. Why do we need to psychoanalyze her?
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:hug:
 
Reon said:
I'm sorry. I'll stop participating now.
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No, continue posting. It's just that the focus is being placed so much on the person who produced the video, making her the issue when i think she posted because she was probably just trying to help others understand this better. She was just using herself as a point of reference to speak about it.
 
You know... as much as I sympathize with that video and want to give it's author a hug. I also want to slap them in the face and tell them that, of all the things to quit, quitting is the first thing on the list. So stop being such a quitter and stop expecting people to just do what you want them to do.

Harsh, I know, but half the reason I had this problem myself is because I expected people to want to be near me and help me out. The truth is, no one likes to be around someone while they wallow in self-pity and refuse to accept responsibility for who they are. That's for one simple reason: you can't help someone who thinks you're the problem.

That off my chest, I hope and pray that person realized that giving up only maintained the status quo.
 
Afrelen said:
Harsh, I know, but half the reason I had this problem myself is because I expected people to want to be near me and help me out. The truth is, no one likes to be around someone while they wallow in self-pity and refuse to accept responsibility for who they are. That's for one simple reason: you can't help someone who thinks you're the problem.
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This is most definitely the other side of the coin, and it is the hard, unforgiving truth. Unfortunately, when you're in a situation like the author of the video, taking the small part of your own responsibility for your situation is extremely difficult. When you're under that much pain, the last thing you want to do is pony up to your part in the situation. You also don't know where to begin. When you lack conversation skills, most likely, you're going to be knocked down more than half the amount of times you attempt to stand up; and that's going to be brutal on your already fragile self-esteem. And you need that self-esteem, that feeling of self-worth, to realize that you are worth standing up for. That you CAN change your situation. That's the whole key to change, is it not? Believing that you can?

If it really was that easy to "man up" and see the light, there would be a lot of therapists out of work... and the self-help industry would not exist.

I see the truth in what you're trying to say, but I'm also saying its easier said than done. Sometimes we do need the comfort from others to be able to stand up on our own two feet and fight. You have to have that taste of hope or, at least decide, by yourself, that this is what needs to be done before you can find the strength to change your strategy. That will isn't going to boomerang out of nowhere, after all.

Imagine, if you spent your whole life believing you're worthless and someone suddenly comes along and jabs the finger at you and says that you're a part of the problem, I'm not sure everyone's psyche would be able to process that raw information. Some of us are not just able to 'snap out of it.' We have different needs, different beliefs, different strengths. Comparing one person to another and saying, 'well, they did it, therefore this person can too...' isn't that cut and dry. Different circumstances, different individuals.

I don't doubt for a second that everyone can find their way out of a black hole; they just have to find what works for them.

So in this case, I think a bit of sympathy might go a long way. Practicality can come in after a bit of validation and worth has been realized... gently, and carefully.

But thank you for standing up and saying whats on your mind. I hope people do not take it the wrong way.
 
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Afrelen said:
You know... as much as I sympathize with that video and want to give it's author a hug. I also want to slap them in the face and tell them that, of all the things to quit, quitting is the first thing on the list. So stop being such a quitter and stop expecting people to just do what you want them to do.

Harsh, I know, but half the reason I had this problem myself is because I expected people to want to be near me and help me out. The truth is, no one likes to be around someone while they wallow in self-pity and refuse to accept responsibility for who they are. That's for one simple reason: you can't help someone who thinks you're the problem.

That off my chest, I hope and pray that person realized that giving up only maintained the status quo.
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According to MBTI theory, some INTJs and INFJs require a time of self-pity when they are experiencing their Inferior Fi... or at least it looks like self-pity to some other types. It's actually allowing the Fi to be expressed so that one can return to normal again. What is most useful to an INJ in that situation is empathy and validation. They WILL climb out of the hole because they're not typically wallowers when they are in their right balance. Being slapped upside the head or being told to snap out of it is rather harmful as it just sends the Fi spiraling further downward... from my own personal experience.
 
Here is her answer to the question of responsibility.
http://pristinewaters.blogspot.com/

Friday, October 09, 2009
The ridiculously simple solution


I finally realised... the ridiculously simple solution - to a ridiculously simple problem in essence.

Why was I so bad at talking?

Because, no one would... bother to talk to me seriously. No one would bother to have a real conversation with me. They knew I didn't have much talking skills, hence they didn't bother. They thought that too much work was required on their part to talk to someone as reclusive as me.

Well ok. So there I was. Oh, so you want me to go learn talking skills before I can talk to you? Well, sure. Ok, so... how does one acquire talking skills? By talking of course! ... But oh wait - I just said that no-one would talk to me unless I gained some talking skills...

Despite looking like a Catch-22, the answer was ridiculously simple.

It was to have someone... who will endure you. Someone who will talk to you seriously. Someone who could perservere with you; someone who could tell you that you were fine; someone who talked to you without that ridiculous pre-condition of pre-learnt talking skills.

And I am a fast learner.

When someone was actually willing to talk to me - seriously -
I learnt the art of conversation pretty quickly. The art of empathy.
It was just that...
I just needed someone to... actually talk to me.

And I look back -
Why did I have such bad conversation skills?
Because, I never, in my life, had a chance to engage in proper conversation!
Conversation is a 2-way thing - yet if the other person is unwilling, how would one ever practise conversation skills?

I finally realise

Why...

Patience and perserverence are such wonderful virtues - especially when it comes to interpersonal matters.

All I "needed"... was someone to "endure" my lack of skills. Someone who wouldn't be turned away by that -someone who would give me a chance. A chance, a chance, a chance... - a chance to practise, a chance to engage, a chance to converse, a chance to talk, a chance to listen, a chance to empathise...

The ridiculously simple answer -

The key to learning conversation skills is...
By actually having conversations. ("Proper" ones though - in the sense that the other person takes it seriously.)

It's amazing.
When someone actually offers you a chance -
What you can do.

It's amazing -
What change you can make to people's lives
By simply talking to them - talking to those whom society deems "unworthy to talk to", because they have "no social skills".

Don't give up. Persevere. Find beauty in them. Reward them - provide positive feedback - when they start creeping out of that shell, however tentative and "amateur" they may be. When they offer empathy to you, when they're making those tentative steps at conversation and emotional expression - provide reinforcement! Embrace them! Love them! For those small things are a glimpse of great things ahead - but what they critically need is encouragement. They need affirmation that those steps matter to someone. That their voice does not pass unheard. Offer them pointers. Offer them a hand.
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TheDaringHatTrick said:
...
You have to have that taste of hope or, at least come to the realization that this is what needs to be done before you can find the strength to change your strategy. That will isn't going to boomerang out of nowhere, after all. Especially if you spent your whole life believing you're worthless.

So in this case, I think a bit of sympathy might go a long way first and foremost.

...
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Exactly.
 
I think this video is hard for people to relate to that lack Fi.

It is inner conflict, it isn't resignation, it is an observation of facts.

It is the constant inner struggle to move forward despite your crazy mind taking you in 15 different directions at once.

This probably still won't make sense, but it makes perfect sense to me.
 
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