Is there a 'right' way to feel?

[KazeCraven]

Okay, didn't know where to put this, but it's pretty closely related to some descriptions I've heard of about Fi, so I'm putting it here.

Anyway, I've read a couple of descriptions about Fi-dominant types that say something like "I see what I'm feeling, then compare it to what I'm supposed to be feeling, then try to reconcile the difference if there is any."

I might be able to find them with a little searching, but this struck me as a little odd. Any comments on this issue?

 

[IndigoSensor]

I think any function could do this. Hell, I do it all the time. If the emotion I feel is unwarrented for what ever reason, I attempt to will it away. Half the time it works, the other half... Well, let's just say that it's quite problamatic for my psychology.

 

[DoveAlexa]

Yeah, I guess the best way to explain this is with an example: You could, for example, believe it is good or proper of you to feel happy when your long-time flame marries your best friend, but of course you feel betrayed and angry. You then feel guilty for being out of sync with your values, and try to adjust how you feel, or at least mentally scold yourself.

However, it doesn't really go on this way in your head in that order. Its more like: Feeling betrayed and angry --> feeling guilty because you realize you should feel happy for them --> try and change how you feel, but scolding yourself regardless of success.

Shit no, thats Fe fighting with Fi. I think, because the first feeling is the feeling betrayed and that because you have the value that people should not betray you like that.

Crap, I'm lost now. HELP ME RES, HELP MEEEEE.

 

[Gaze]

Yeah, I guess the best way to explain this is with an example: You could, for example, believe it is good or proper of you to feel happy when your long-time flame marries your best friend, but of course you feel betrayed and angry. You then feel guilty for being out of sync with your values, and try to adjust how you feel, or at least mentally scold yourself.

However, it doesn't really go on this way in your head in that order. Its more like: Feeling betrayed and angry --> feeling guilty because you realize you should feel happy for them --> try and change how you feel, but scolding yourself regardless of success.

Shit no, thats Fe fighting with Fi. I think, because the first feeling is the feeling betrayed and that because you have the value that people should not betray you like that.

Crap, I'm lost now. HELP ME RES, HELP MEEEEE.

Ok. Just breathe. Now, what's up?

 

[KazeCraven]

Yeah, I guess the best way to explain this is with an example: You could, for example, believe it is good or proper of you to feel happy when your long-time flame marries your best friend, but of course you feel betrayed and angry. You then feel guilty for being out of sync with your values, and try to adjust how you feel, or at least mentally scold yourself.

However, it doesn't really go on this way in your head in that order. Its more like: Feeling betrayed and angry --> feeling guilty because you realize you should feel happy for them --> try and change how you feel, but scolding yourself regardless of success.

Very interesting. Yeah, maybe it's not at all related to Fi per se, but I know what this is talking about now. I'm not sure whether I do this a whole lot, as for me it is often the case that I would be more concerned about what I should do about my feelings rather than how I actually feel about it.

To expand upon the example, I feel betrayed and angry, then realize that I'm feeling something I didn't expect to feel, then find a way to retreat so that I can work through my own emotions. Hmm, I'm not even quite sure anymore, but I do know that I often make a distinction between what I am feeling and what I should do about that feeling, which perhaps is just a more complicated way of saying that I'm doing the same thing without, perhaps being overly concerned about the fact that I'm not feeling what I ought to feel.

 

[Trifoilum]

Shit no, thats Fe fighting with Fi. I think, because the first feeling is the feeling betrayed and that because you have the value that people should not betray you like that.

Crap, I'm lost now. HELP ME RES, HELP MEEEEE.

Kiiinda. I got a feeling that I'm now proposing as a theory that going a level under; the values we have also affected the order / how we 'feel', at least in terms of which values was being fulfilled / crossed. For example, someone who'd thought that betraying is an okay thing to do wouldn't feel what the others would feel...but I don't think I'm being relevant here?

Anyway, I've read a couple of descriptions about Fi-dominant types that say something like "I see what I'm feeling, then compare it to what I'm supposed to be feeling, then try to reconcile the difference if there is any."

It's quite hard because I believe that what I'm feeling is connected to the values I have both conscious and unconsciously like DoveAlexa's example. Rather than Fi and Fe fighting; I'd rather see it as them switching place from the 'shown' and the 'hidden'

say; case of an old flame marrying my best friend.
Order 1 : With an inherent understanding of one shouldn't betray a friend and so on (Fe), I get angry (Fi)
Order 2 : With an inherent understanding of myself being angry (Fi), A value comes out, telling that one should be wishing for their happiness instead (Fe)
And they both goes into a dance as far as the 'feeling' goes.

To expand upon the example,
(After breaking an expectation, value, standard, goal, or Ni of mine / Background Fe*) I feel betrayed and angry / Foreground Fi,
(After feeling a feeling of anger / Background Fi) then realize that I'm feeling something I didn't expect to feel / Foreground Fe,
(using an expectation / standard to work through one's emotions, or going a level meta, that one should work through one's emotions / Background Fi) then find a way to retreat so that I can work through my own emotions. / Foreground Fe

*I consider value to be a background Fe because you get values from 'outside', even when the 'outside' is only our head and insights.

..sorry if I didn't make much sense, tho.

 

[DoveAlexa]

Ok. Calm down, i'm right here. Just breathe. Now, what's up?

MBTI monster was under my bed again XD

 

[magister343]

It sounds more like a conflict between Fi and Fe, which would make sense in Fi dominant type since Fe is their opposing role.


I more commonly see a conflict between my lack of feeling and the knowledge that I'm expected to feel something.

 

[Faye]

Most Fi dom people I know don't put much effort into the second part unless they aren't feeling so good. Still, that takes maturity, and is the ideal for Fi.

 

[Morgain]

I more commonly see a conflict between my lack of feeling and the knowledge that I'm expected to feel something.

that makes a lot of sense. I can't imagine how that must be like! What do you do then? Pretent that you feel something, must be hard

I have the stated conflict all the time. It is like I'm always feeling something that is not appropreate. Always fighting between concidering myself and concidering others and it is hard to find the balance.