Love.

Eventhorizon

Eventhorizon

Permanently relocated
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MBTI
INTJ
My opinion is that no one ever really knows someone else fully. You can get to know them though in a way where what you know of them you love. Its a process though of weighing the good to have more value than the bad. Of over looking things you dont like or understand. Does love necessitate being able to look past what you dont agree with or does it instead allow you to accept the things into your life that you normally would not? Has anyone who has been in a relationship with someone they believed loves or loved them believe that person loves EVERYTHING about them?
So for you to accept that you are loved do you have to believe your partner loves everything about you or are you ok with them loving you more and that being an offset for what they may not. If you find something about your partner you dont love do you try to change them into something you can love more easily potentially changing them in the process?
 
Its funny the other day I formulated a thought that has been jumping around in my head for a long time. What type of person am I, who do I see myself as being and whoever that is, why have I not found the love I am after in life? I realized that I see myself mainly as my accomplishments and what I can do in life. For a personality though..Im not sure what that is. I think part of what I am or was hoping to find is someone saying they love me and for them to tell me why so I can get a clearer picture of myself.
I have to suppose thats sad. Im really kind of hoping something changes at this point because otherwise its going to amount to point a to point b just for the sake of point a to b...
 
I like this topic- I've been thinking about this too.

I always believe that love is about taking a person in, despite their downfalls. You can't change a person at all, and shouldn't expect someone to change for you. Mind you, there is always give and take, and of course individual and relationship evolution...but overall, you should be with someone for who they are, not who you want them to become.

With that said...I'm terrible at letting a fault ruin someone for me. I think it's because I become idealized with the situation and individual, and then when reality hits, it's like "ooo...well....that's not what I was expecting"

I also think the same issue happens with me in reversal. I believe they must have some kind of idealized version of me, which I can never live up to.

I don't know why some people find love so easily, and others don't.

If you figure that you, please let me know!
 
[MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] I wonder if part of it isnt about accepting that you yourself are human and in doing so are able to accept others in the same capacity.

This isnt directed at what you said. Just an idea on the general subject. So if this were true perhaps others fall in love more easily because they are more in tune with their own faults and as a result more forgiving of others.
 
Eventhorizon said:
[MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] I wonder if part of it isnt about accepting that you yourself are human and in doing so are able to accept others in the same capacity.

This isnt directed at what you said. Just an idea on the general subject. So if this were true perhaps others fall in love more easily because they are more in tune with their own faults and as a result more forgiving of others.
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I imagine so.

I think a lot about finding love with another, is finding love within.

Knowing when you deserve more. Knowing when to be kind to others. Seeing value in yourself, another, and what you have together.
 
I think loving or the act of loving in a romantic relationship works like a mirror. There are qualities we attract in a partner that will oppose what we are used to or what we thought we preferred. The question becomes then how do we deal with our own "expectations" or "preferences". How does our own preferences affect our ability to love another individual; especially if we do not like or enjoy these opposing qualities. From being in a committed relationship for 9 years and still going; I have learnt that the true essence of loving another is loving them despite their shortcomings. And it works vice versa. Wouldn't you want another to love you despite your shortcomings or qualities that maybe deemed undesirable? Isn't that the highest form of respect we can bestow on another without judgement?

Just loving another requires flexibility. Fixated expectations create discontent. Fixated preferences and expectations also reveal where an individual is rigid and need introspection. The same qualities that we may not like are the same qualities we harbor within. Hence relationships works like mirrors of self development and those who can stay flexible and learn from each other tend to enjoy deeper bond and commitment. Fixated preferences and expectations also prevent people from forming deeper bonds; because of the need to meet these standards. It creates stress and unnecessarily affects the self esteem of the individuals involved.

As for changing your partner; it will not work unless you also change as well. It works like a symbiotic relationship. If one partner tries to change the other than it is simply a form of power play. Then it lends into control mechanisms dues to various issues (usually derived from the parents relationships), abandonment issues, psychological trauma from the past and negative correlation with past partners all play a role in a person's desire to change their partner. Not to mention the "expected" roles and image people wish to portray to family, friends and society in general. All these layers of roles prevent real spiritual bonding.

Real unconditional love requires the sacrifice of your personal ego desires. Seeing your partner for their spirit and their ability to give you joy and love is what is important. Because of this; true love is indeed rare. To learn to see your partner beyond his or her job, education, ethnicity, money or whatever role they play and just rejoice in who they are. I mean that is why you were attracted to them in the first place. That "thing" which attracts people to each other; that mysterious "thing".
 
Maybe it's individual? Someone can be perfect on paper, and you like them, and very attracted, but not love. You can meet the most imperfect person based on your preconceived standards and yet love them with everything you are. Go figure. Love is complicated. It's not simple and easy, and obvious. Some things come easy, other things are tougher to handle. Qualities you hate can make you question whether you love, and whether you should continue to love, and whether the person is worth loving because of these traits. It's a ongoing process, love. That's probably one of the biggest things we don't stress enough, that it's not one time simple decision to love or not to love. It's a take it one day at a time, because one day I may love something about someone, but next find it very annoying. We're constantly defining and redefining the nature of love in our lives and relationships from the beginning to the end of that relationship. Love is a thing that has to be lived and rethought as the relationship progresses. Things you hate now, you may love later. Things you love now, you may hate later. Or maybe you realize the things you thought were necessary to love are irrelevant as time goes by, so you redefine what you think it means to love. Love is a lived experience. Predefining what it is ahead of time can lead to disillusionment or disappointed expectations. Based on my experience so far, love cannot be decided before both people have a chance to figure it out for themselves and together. It's a negotiation. You may get one thing you want but not another? Can you live with that? You may not get a major thing you want on your list but does it matter if they have other great qualities which are important for developing a good relationship? Some things that seem like really big deals before you fall for someone, can seem almost unimportant once you do make that leap to love them.


Personally, traits that are good to have, although not be necessary to feel love for someone are,
  • Caring about the person (emotion of love)
  • Caring about the person (concern for their welfare, best interest)
  • Caring for the person (how they feel or think, what they need or want from their own perspective)
  • Caring about their sense of self worth
  • Caring about how you make them feel (making someone feel loved or cared for)
 
love is probably more about interpersonal chemistry than about the objective traits of either person. you have to click with them, physically and psychologically, your energy has to complement theirs. otherwise they won't be attractive to you, no matter how objectively good looking, smart, successful or funny they are. this is true about any relationship really. people always gravitate towards those places and people that harmonize with their nature.
 
Umm well, I don't love everything about my spouse. I just deal with those things that aren't so appealing (as does he mind you.) LOL

I'M A REALIST DAMMIT!
 
If you Love God and you don't accept your neighboor, you don't love him.
Same as you don't accept your partner as they are, you don't love him.
Progress...
 
Love over time is not the same as being in love. Being in love is that all-consuming, chemical response, cannot be apart, I will do anything to have contact feeling that takes over your whole life. It doesn't last long if your partner has too many qualities that you consider undesirable. Over time, however, if those qualities are ones that you can live with, that is when actual long-lasting love develops as the adrenaline rush subsides.
So, in my opinion, long-lasting love is being able to morph that in-love feeling into something that lasts, warts and all. It is key that the warts are ones you can abide by. What I personally did not expect is that my partner's warts would suddenly change to ones I could not accept after being the same for decades. That one threw me for a loop and still does.
 
If I have a partner with a warts, I will say
"Warts is nothing to me because I really love you, for warts can be change, but my love will never change." :p
 
I think you need to love yourself first

I don't mean in a vain, checking yourself out in the mirror kind of way but rather in a self-acceptance and comfort in your own skin kind of way

I think people can tell if you have love for yourself and if it is lacking they will likely steer clear because they will not want to expose themselves to what ever it is that is haunting you

Love yourself and the rest will fall into place

Stop looking without for answers and begin to look within. Heal that and your new found stability and gravitas will then be expressed into the world and people will gravitate towards you
 
Love God as you love yourself. If you love others, you love God, then you love yourself.
Love is like a triangle (not love triangle), connected with each other. It is you, people, and God. Love is selfless and readily to sacrifies itself. That's how I view Love, and that's how love myself. I don't need to prioritize myself IMO.
 
Love God as you love yourself. If you love others, you love God, then you love yourself.
Love is like a triangle (not love triangle), connected with each other. It is you, people, and God. Love is selfless and readily to sacrifies itself. That's how I view Love, and that's how I love myself. I don't need to prioritize myself IMO.
 
Zelotex said:
Love God as you love yourself. If you love others, you love God, then you love yourself.
Love is like a triangle (not love triangle), connected with each other. It is you, people, and God. Love is selfless and readily to sacrifies itself. That's how I view Love, and that's how love myself. I don't need to prioritize myself IMO.
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What is god? (to you)
 
God to Me? Simple. God is Love. And frankly, I don't trust people's quotations. NIMO
 
muir said:
I think people can tell if you have love for yourself and if it is lacking they will likely steer clear because they will not want to expose themselves to what ever it is that is haunting you

Love yourself and the rest will fall into place
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Nice thought but not always true. If you love yourself, do it for you and no one else because you can love yourself and still others may not love you. Also, if no one loved another person unless they had perfect self confidence or self esteem, we wouldn't have love at all. If you only love someone when they are well, can you really call it love?
 
Zelotex said:
God to Me? Simple. God is Love. And frankly, I don't trust people's quotations. NIMO
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'Nimo'? Don't you mean 'nemo?'

If god is love then by loving yourself you are loving god and therefore will be in a better position to love others
 
pics said:
Nice thought but not always true. If you love yourself, do it for you and no one else because you can love yourself and still others may not love you. Also, if no one loved another person unless they had perfect self confidence or self esteem, we wouldn't have love at all. If you only love someone when they are well, can you really call it love?
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I'm not saying what the ideal is i'm giving some people a reality smack upside the head

if you haven't got your shit together don't expect potential partners to be queing up at your door

They will be too busy queuing up outside the door of people who are comfortable with themselves or even people who love themselves in a vain way

Once someone is in your life then the love develops but you have to have them in your life to begin with
 
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