Love.

[Gaze]

People also use the word "love" so liberally not realizing that it has different meanings depending on feelings or perspective. Many people also define love by feeling more than action, while others define love by action more than feeling. Example,

• If you love me, you would do or show A
• I love you which is why I did A instead of B
• Why would you do A instead of B if you love me?
• You don't love me if you do A because love is only true if you do B

 

[Gaze]

They will be too busy queuing up outside the door of people who are comfortable with themselves or even people who love themselves in a vain way

Ideally, why would someone who has a healthy self esteem chase after someone who is vain? Wouldn't a healthy person think a vain person doesn't deserve the time of day?

 

[muir]

Ideally, why would someone who has a healthy self esteem chase after someone who is vain? Wouldn't a healthy person think a vain person doesn't deserve the time of day?

I'm not saying a person with good self esteem would chase after a vain person

I'm saying many people are not healthy in themselves and need to do some inner healing

The vain person needs to do some inner healing and the people who pursue vain people need to do some inner healing

But if you want to put what i'm saying to the test then get someone who is down on their luck and feeling de-energised and hopeless and then get an arrogant wealthy vain person and put them into a social situation and see which one leaves with someone at the end of the night

The REALITY is that because our society is so messed up even the vain people do well at attracting people

 

[Gaze]

I'm not saying a person with good self esteem would chase after a vain person

I'm saying many people are not healthy in themselves and need to do some inner healing

The vain person needs to do some inner healing and the people who pursue vain people need to do some inner healing

But if you want to put what i'm saying to the test then get someone who is down on their luck and feeling de-energised and hopeless and then get an arrogant wealthy vain person and put them into a social situation and see which one leaves with someone at the end of the night

The REALITY is that because our society is so messed up even the vain people do well at attracting people

So, leaving with someone at the end of the night is what people should strive for to demonstrate that they love themselves enough and are worthy of a mate/partner? If that person ditches me at the end of the night, am I better off because "at least" I got someone to sleep with me rather than not having someone show interest at all?

 

[Zelotex]

Well my fella, I also think about loving yourself makes you love others and indeed that's fact. Yeah, your right. It is love.
However, what I supposed to say is "Greater Love", that is, willing to take a risk no matter what it takes even if they 'cut my head off' for the sake of others. By that, I can apply the word "Sacrifice". That makes me who I am, and that makes me The Protector, for I am Infj (or even others can do it).
Let's say:
Becoming the 'Queen', I can be a formidable & I can save the entire pieces. But, I humbly choose the 'Pawn', to be the sacrificial piece.
They play in different
way but in one goal. Queen don't likely to be sacrificed, but rather the lowly pawn usually.
That's what I choose for. In that way, somehow they would recognize me.
Finding NIMO

 

[muir]

So, leaving with someone at the end of the night is what people should strive for to demonstrate that they love themselves enough and are worthy of a mate/partner? If that person ditches me at the end of the night, am I better off because "at least" I got someone to sleep with me rather than not having someone show interest at all?

I was using that analogy to prove my point about vain people being more successful at attracting people than a person who is down on themselves

Once again i was not talking about my perception of an ideal

I am talking some hard truths about how things work in our society

if you want to talk about 'love' then it might be best to first define it because there seem to be different versions if you like

For example one poster has mentioned 'god' in relation to love which raises the spiritual version of love. All mystics say that 'love' underpins all because when in altered states of consciousness they lose themselves into a realm of infinate possiblity devoid of judement or conditions (the source of all) and they describe the feeling as love

Then there is the love that a parent has for their child, the love between friends and the love between partners etc

They're all related but i think we all understand that there are different things going on

For example relationships are often conditional; friendships are often less conditional and so on

often people confuse lust with love and sometimes people choose partners because of how they perceive that person to validate their own self image in the eyes of others!

But if a person wants a partner to love and be loved by they are more likely to attract someone if they are out living their life and radiating warmth; a person who is down on themselves is less likely to be putting out welcoming signals or to be out and about meeting lots of people

 

[muir]

Well my fella, I also think about loving yourself makes you love others and indeed that's fact. Yeah, your right. It is love.
However, what I supposed to say is "Greater Love", that is, willing to take a risk no matter what it takes even if they 'cut my head off' for the sake of others. By that, I can apply the word "Sacrifice". That makes me who I am, and that makes me The Protector, for I am Infj (or even others can do it).
Let's say:
Becoming the 'Queen', I can be a formidable & I can save the entire pieces. But, I humbly choose the 'Pawn', to be the sacrificial piece.
They play in different
way but in one goal. Queen don't likely to be sacrificed, but rather the lowly pawn usually.
That's what I choose for. In that way, somehow they would recognize me.
Finding NIMO

So you're saying you want to be our sacrifical lamb?

Nemo is 'no man' above the physical realm

 

[Eventhorizon]

Love in my mind is safe. It is comfort. Love is the person you cant wait to tell when something really awesome happens. Love is the person you worry about more than yourself. Love is the person that no matter where you are in the world, if they are there you are home.

Anyway

 

[muir]

Love in my mind is safe. It is comfort. Love is the person you cant wait to tell when something really awesome happens. Love is the person you worry about more than yourself. Love is the person that no matter where you are in the world, if they are there you are home.

Anyway

Ok so going back to your OP

lets say you develop a love with someone where you feel comfortable with them and you want to share life's experiences with them

You always put them before yourself and you always feel that wherever they are is home

But one day you find out they are a man; being a straight person this then complicates things a bit

Do you try and change this about them or do you accept it?

(i don't know...maybe they were a thai ladyboy or something)

What do you do EH?

 

[Zelotex]

So you're saying you want to be our sacrifical lamb? Nemo is 'no man' above the physical realm

Well, NIMO here is misunderstood. Sorry for my personal vocab. Ok, I asked you: Can you do it?NIMO = NIce MOment (I frequently used it as a personal mark when somethin new exp in my life.) sounded like imo( in my opinion).

 

[muir]

Well, NIMO here is misunderstood. Sorry for my personal vocab. Ok, I asked you: Can you do it?NIMO = NIce MOment (I frequently used it as a personal mark when somethin new exp in my life.) sounded like imo( in my opinion).

Oh ok i wondered if it was some esoteric misquote after you'd been speaking about god

NEMO is a qabalistic term for the no man who has transcended the 'abyss' on the tree of life

The name of the fish 'nemo' in the film 'finding nemo' will be a little in-joke in hollywood which is awash with kabbalah

So is that a personal quirk or is it a commonly used thing like 'imo'?

In my experience i am usually behind the mainstream in these sorts of things!

 

[Zelotex]

Oh ok i wondered if it was some esoteric misquote after you'd been speaking about godNEMO is a qabalistic term for the no man who has transcended the 'abyss' on the tree of lifeThe name of the fish 'nemo' in the film 'finding nemo' will be a little in-joke in hollywood which is awash with kabbalahSo is that a personal quirk or is it a commonly used thing like 'imo'?In my experience i am usually behind the mainstream in adopting these sorts of things!

Haha! first I used imo, then nimo. When I found out you misinterpret it (Nemo?, No Man?) then to make some fun, how about 'Finding Nimo'. Say, it would be funny if 'Finding No Man' was used, for how can you find a man doesn't exist really?. I never thought 'no man' was the used term for the ascending beast from the bottomless pit.In my experience (or IME) I don't really have a profound experience about heavenly things.So, Finding Ime?

 

[Delta]

I think true love probably isn't really under our full control, such as what lust and romantic love are.

I recognise it now as a force between people but there is a path towards it and I reckon people get matched according to their level of love. The hardest parts for me have been points where I have realised that in all my efforts I was yet only aspiring to love. I wasn't really loving at all.

I have had glimpses of what I call ecstatic love but this has been linked to my faith. Those are deep experiences beyond this current sphere, that is pure absolute love, which I think I am made of. I would like to think we all are but must admit to doubting this, though I can regard people as such, mostly.

In terms of my children and husband I can say little else but that we are actually connected by our love although mostly we don't feel it openly. It guides us, tempers us, pulls us together as somehow, I'm not sure it is a natural state for us to remain in for too long, although we aspire to it often.

Love is hope, peace, fun, full vision, a gentle passage through what seems insurmountable but mostly, I think it is a form of truth which takes in different forms of relationships; brother, friend, lover, neighbour, outcast, stranger, mother etc.

I guess I am still learning but it remains at the top of my list. Really it is my list in many regards and has served me well as I try to serve it.

Oh, feelings too! Taste, touch, scent a smile can all be conduits of love. I guess this is why experience is so vital for us.

 

[muir]

Haha! first I used imo, then nimo. When I found out you misinterpret it (Nemo?, No Man?) then to make some fun, how about 'Finding Nimo'. Say, it would be funny if 'Finding No Man' was used, for how can you find a man doesn't exist really?. I never thought 'no man' was the used term for the ascending beast from the bottomless pit.In my experience (or IME) I don't really have a profound experience about heavenly things.So, Finding Ime?

It's more a way of describing a state of being where a person has burnt off all of their worldy attachments. The abyss contains your personal demon, the thing that you are most afraid of, which sabotages your life

A person who faces and defeats their demon and transcends the abyss passes through the fires. As i say these are all words to describe processes that people attest to

So when you have burnt off all your wordly attachments then you are no longer 'Zelotex' you are no man (nemo), just as God is beyond 'no-thing'; it is that which cannot be described in words...the ineffable...much like love in that sense

 

[bionic]

I have a girlfriend of mine who is a hot mess... but deep down she's a good person. Her boss is verbally abusive towards her and so were her parents growing up. So she has a very low self-esteem. She always told me how much she envies that I'm in a loving, committed relationship with my boo and how she wants what I have so bad.

So she's been approaching it ALL the wrong ways. She throws herself onto guys and then when they reject her, she drowns her sorrows in alcohol. A lot of these guys don't treat her with respect or they just expect sex from her. Then she gets really sad when it doesn't go further. There have even been instances where she'll get jealous about their ex hookups and then act really manipulative about it in return. So she uses alcohol and sex to get away from these feelings of insecurity and "wanting to be loved"... which only makes the cycle worse. The common denominator among all the guys she's been with the past few months are that they're all insecure themselves.

TL;DR:

The moral of this story is that you must respect yourself before anyone can respect you. You need to believe in yourself, accepting who you are, love who you are, know your values, and stand your ground when your boundaries are pushed. What is even more difficult, is loving yourself when no one around you will.

You attract what you put out in this world. If you think you deserve less, you will get less. There are other unhealthy, insecure people out there who will prey on you and not give you anything but heartache.

It's up to you to be that person who is worthy of love.... it starts with you.

For those of you looking for love... just stop looking and focus on loving yourself from the inside & out. That light of yours will shine and you'll attract great, warm-hearted people who are willing to treat you like gold.

 

[Eventhorizon]

I have a girlfriend of mine who is a hot mess... but deep down she's a good person. Her boss is verbally abusive towards her and so were her parents growing up. So she has a very low self-esteem. She always told me how much she envies that I'm in a loving, committed relationship with my boo and how she wants what I have so bad.

So she's been approaching it ALL the wrong ways. She throws herself onto guys and then when they reject her, she drowns her sorrows in alcohol. A lot of these guys don't treat her with respect or they just expect sex from her. Then she gets really sad when it doesn't go further. There have even been instances where she'll get jealous about their ex hookups and then act really manipulative about it in return. So she uses alcohol and sex to get away from these feelings of insecurity and "wanting to be loved"... which only makes the cycle worse. The common denominator among all the guys she's been with the past few months are that they're all insecure themselves.

TL;DR:

The moral of this story is that you must respect yourself before anyone can respect you. You need to believe in yourself, accepting who you are, love who you are, know your values, and stand your ground when your boundaries are pushed. What is even more difficult, is loving yourself when no one around you will.

You attract what you put out in this world. If you think you deserve less, you will get less. There are other unhealthy, insecure people out there who will prey on you and not give you anything but heartache.

It's up to you to be that person who is worthy of love.... it starts with you.

For those of you looking for love... just stop looking and focus on loving yourself from the inside & out. That light of yours will shine and you'll attract great, warm-hearted people who are willing to treat you like gold.

Great stuff. However I am getting older and that along with other things has not worked. So I either believe thats simply the way its going to be or try to find answers in places I have not looked yet.

Your girl friend needs to believe in herself. A boss thats verbally abusive? There are laws against that. How she throws her self at guys is her business but yeah... she needs to see who she is.

 

[muir]

Yes but what about the ladyboy?

 

[La Sagna]

Love in my mind is safe. It is comfort. Love is the person you cant wait to tell when something really awesome happens. Love is the person you worry about more than yourself. Love is the person that no matter where you are in the world, if they are there you are home.

That is exactly what I am looking for and what I am wanting to give...for me love is a safe place to be yourself and to go through the ups and downs of life...unconditional support.

 

[nosferatu]

Ok so going back to your OP

lets say you develop a love with someone where you feel comfortable with them and you want to share life's experiences with them

You always put them before yourself and you always feel that wherever they are is home

But one day you find out they are a man; being a straight person this then complicates things a bit

Do you try and change this about them or do you accept it?

(i don't know...maybe they were a thai ladyboy or something)

What do you do EH?

Aaah I have a story to share actually. I knew this one guy who was a cosplayer and his sister lives in Japan-- he plays in his sister's band in Japan sometimes. He cosplays a woman on-stage while playing music, and is a cross-dresser off stage too. So many guys fall in love with him, even though when he speaks it sounds male. They're still okay with the fact he's really a guy, even though he dresses as a woman all the time. They have sex and the guys are even more in love.

So many men really mistake him as being a woman though, and apparently his personality is still a woman to the men who fall in love with him.

 

[muir]

Aaah I have a story to share actually. I knew this one guy who was a cosplayer and his sister lives in Japan-- he plays in his sister's band in Japan sometimes. He cosplays a woman on-stage while playing music, and is a cross-dresser off stage too. So many guys fall in love with him, even though when he speaks it sounds male. They're still okay with the fact he's really a guy, even though he dresses as a woman all the time. They have sex and the guys are even more in love.

So many men really mistake him as being a woman though, and apparently his personality is still a woman to the men who fall in love with him.

Hey if it works for him then great!

Life's too short to worry about that stuff...people should do what they want as long as they aren't hurting others

The point i was tryin to make in that post is that we all place conditions on relationships

For example a straight person wants someone of the opposite sex and a gay person wants someone of the same sex.....well that is a condition right there

Then people want to be intimate with their partners...and thats's another condition

So even before a person approaches someone else they have already created conditions in their head and once they get together more conditions will follow

So relationships are often heavily conditional which subverts the idea of unconditional love

It can exist as a layer behind everything else but i think on a day to day basis things are usually about whose turn it is to cook dinner and whose going to do the washing up and so on

Hollywood doesn't cover that stuff

So instead of that hollywood burning passion i think love is the thing that sustains people through the day to day minutiae and the trials and tribulations of life; if amongst it you can have plenty of good times then you've got it cracked