[PAX] "Men Need Sex"

There are so many things we need, and some of us need things more or less than others Many different types of needs can bne al;most guessed by mbti and such: even helps explain our differences and likes./
This song comes to mind:

 
We men are predators. Just like in the animal kingdom, it's in our genes. Without this, the human race would not exist. Plain and simple. "And that is the double truth...ruth".
 
invisible said:
I've heard people say many times that "men need sex". Is this true?

If so, what are the consequences of men not having sex?

If not, then how are some men able to do without sex?

What other implications does this question have?
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1) Afraid not. What -is- true, however, is the fact that men are:
a) bombarded more with sexual images than women (this is particularly decreasing, but SLOWLY)
b) having much more availability towards sexual content (porn and pseudo pornographic images; ads, videos, films...)
c) fed more with sexual messages
d) conditioned much much more to be a sexual creature or "need sex"
e) trapped within a patriarchal society to have their worth / strength judged by the sex they got.

So!
2) This question becomes null because the matter is becomes individual preferences. Some men (and women, and everyone else not trapped within binaric gender system) crave sex, others don't. Those who crave sex (or romance, or intimacy, or anything) will certainly suffer without it. Those who don't, won't mind it.

BUT!
If we are phrasing it as "What are society's consequences of men not having sex"; we can expand things further.
Society-- western society at least-- tend to judge men who do not have sex as..lesser. Weaker. Beta. You name those. At best they're just there, at worse they're like an affront to (toxic) masculinity or something.
The connection seems to be that lack of sex means you're a wimp.
But even this has lots of caveats. A feminine guy, even when he's having a lot of sex, will still likely to suffer prejudice and mockery due to how he dress / act.

3) Because men aren't a monolith. Some have much more sex drive than others. Some also are more susceptible (whether they admit it or not) to peer pressure, social pressure, social conditioning, marketing tricks, etc, etc. Some also are more confident in themselves, and therefore less likely to be bothered about What Others Say.

4) Generalization and assumptions that only men / masculinity is sexual. That is not true at all.
 
In general, I think people need sex in order to be healthy and happy, male and female alike. Even if the typical male libido is higher than the typical female one, and I'm not sure if that is truly the case under ideal social conditions, it sounds very patriarchal to me to suggest that males require sex while females don't. Seems like a good excuse for forcing women to be subservient towards men and to focus on giving rather than receiving pleasure. The fact that in certain cultures men are legally allowed to rape their wives seems to support the notion that the needs of men are traditionally prioritized over the needs of women. I think men want to convince everyone that they need sex more than women do as a way of pressuring women to accept their role as second class citizens who aren't entitled to being satisfied and valued and are expected to put aside their sexual needs in order to service their master. It is all very convenient. And I think often women don't demand sex in the same way that men do because not only do they feel they don't deserve it as much, but also they become disillusioned since many men are selfish in the bedroom and don't really know what the fuck they are doing. So women often have to choose between no sex, or bad sex. And sometimes they prefer no sex because if they aren't going to enjoy it, why even bother getting sweaty? Bad sex is depressing.
 
invisible said:
I've heard people say many times that "men need sex". Is this true?

If so, what are the consequences of men not having sex?

If not, then how are some men able to do without sex?

What other implications does this question have?
Click to expand...

I think that it is true that men need sex.
Several consequences such as the population could go down, stress would go up, a previously sexual relationship (such as marriage) would be strained/end.
I assume they jack it. There maybe something on the other side where your situation requires your energy and attention to go into other areas. For instance in basic training/AIT I didn't jack it or get laid for a long time. I didn't even have time to think about it.
One implication is the conclusion of what we find here. Some women may get upset that men may want sex and the woman may not. Some of these women will not want this type of "problem" to affect their relationships. 'Men should just control themselves', well of course, they have no choice. Unless they decide to have relationships elsewhere.
 
Scientia said:
You didn't say people need sex. You said men. It implies that men need sex more than women and that dangerous things happen when men don't get sex. No one says women who don't get sex are dangerous or carefully controlled. Now why is that? Culturally, that statement perpetuates the idea that dominant men are carefully controlled forces of sex. Necessarily, that implies that women are less dominant, weaker and uncontrolled recipients. Have you met many lesbians? I would say the two I know have stronger sex drives than any of the men I know.

I say we are all human animals who like sex but don't need it for personal survival, regardless of being male or female. No one ever died from lack of sex but it can be a strong driver of behavior in humans in general.
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I believe that the male sex drive (collectively) from a biochemical standpoint is significantly higher then that of females. In no way am I suggesting that the female sex drive isn't important or lesser, I'm just saying that it drives behavior at a much higher level in males.

All you have to look at is the self destructive nature men (and other male animals) will undergo for sex. Males will fight each other sometimes to the death for it. Men rape woman (and even kill them) much more frequently (than vice-versa) because they feel they need it. Males are biologically programmed to spread their seed. They make VERY irrational decisions to get sex - and most woman know this. So, yes people have died from a lack of sex - sometimes self destructive behavior (and they get executed) and other times victims who have fallen to that violent behavior.

I'm sure people have also died directly from reproductive issues as well - more likely females who will have procedures done to afford them the opportunity to reproduce. I'm sure males have as well, I just think it's more common for females (not really sure) to die from it.

I seriously doubt you will see that kind of behavior from an INFJ male because the level of compassion and empathy is higher BUT I wouldnt rule it out!! Like you said we are animals.

I bet there are studies that prove what I'm saying. If you are pationate about it then I will look deeper to see if I can find some. Of course, most all of what I'm saying is hypothesis based on education and observation.
 
cvp12gh5 said:
Oh geez, lol. I don't think it implies that at all. He is a man who likes men. And I feel that his questions are directly related to something going on in his life, hence the wording.

But since we are on the topic, there usually is a significant difference between men and women and how they express sexual repression (if that's what we are talking about here).

When a woman doesn't get that release, she can usually handle it better because there is no build up like there is for a man (aka blue balls). There is real physical pain. The sperm will continue to build up if it is not released. The more build up the stronger their need becomes. Which could present as sexual aggression (and/or other forms of aggression if not dealt with properly).

I think the best way to help a woman understand is to compare blue balls with lactation. Any woman who has had a child knows the pain of swollen breasts due to milk build up. If that breast milk is not expressed, it can become unbearable. You desperately want/need that release to function properly. And once you get that relief you can finally relax. This is something a pregnant woman's body physically needs when she has this problem. It needs to be dealt with. Do you see the connection?

So does that mean that men need sex? Not necessarily. But I think it is an important ingredient in any healthy relationship (and health in general). Intimacy can heal a person. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. Bonding with another soul in such a way can affect you in ways you never knew were possible.

I also think that pent-up sexual repression can quietly fester in ones mind and eventually present itself as mental illness. Our bodies need certain things. Denying yourself such a basic yet necessary need couldn't be healthy.

@invisible I hope that answered some of your questions. :)
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I think behavior plays a big role in determine the answer to some of the questions posed by @invisible. I addressed som of the behaviors I thought were indicators of a need for sex.

Now, I had an opportunity to talk with my SO (a Psychiatrist) who sees patients about all kinds of mental and behavioral issues. I asked the question, "who brings up the most complaints about not getting sex; men or woman?" Now this is not scientific and there are medications that affect patients libido regularly, but the response was men (70% / 30%). For what it's worth.
 
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dang said:
In general, I think people need sex in order to be healthy and happy, male and female alike. Even if the typical male libido is higher than the typical female one,
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I think this is true. When I am in a relationship I don't not appreciate being with someone with a healthy sex drive, but can also cope with celibacy when single. I don't think of myself as having a lower sex drive as a female, just maybe different. I know there are differences between individuals and cultural gender stereotypes also dictate behaviour and attitudes about sex.
 
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All of the sudden I feel like I should put on a skanky leather outfit and chain up my hubby and and say "listen you little bitch I want this, give it to me now!!!!" Lol could you imagine? I bet he'd be so shocked and so turned on I wouldn't get any kind of sex because he would explode before I got the opportunity to spank him.......I don't know where the thought came from or why, but there's a good laugh.
 
I'm not a man...
But it's interesting to read how many men say no they don't need it here. People find other outlets for that energy if they aren't sexually active. Maybe some people really aren't very sexual and it truly is not a need for them. I think it depends on the person.
 
FreeSp1r1t said:
I believe that the male sex drive (collectively) from a biochemical standpoint is significantly higher then that of females. In no way am I suggesting that the female sex drive isn't important or lesser, I'm just saying that it drives behavior at a much higher level in males.

All you have to look at is the self destructive nature men (and other male animals) will undergo for sex. Males will fight each other sometimes to the death for it. Men rape woman (and even kill them) much more frequently (than vice-versa) because they feel they need it. Males are biologically programmed to spread their seed. They make VERY irrational decisions to get sex - and most woman know this. So, yes people have died from a lack of sex - sometimes self destructive behavior (and they get executed) and other times victims who have fallen to that violent behavior.

I'm sure people have also died directly from reproductive issues as well - more likely females who will have procedures done to afford them the opportunity to reproduce. I'm sure males have as well, I just think it's more common for females (not really sure) to die from it.

I seriously doubt you will see that kind of behavior from an INFJ male because the level of compassion and empathy is higher BUT I wouldnt rule it out!! Like you said we are animals.

I bet there are studies that prove what I'm saying. If you are pationate about it then I will look deeper to see if I can find some. Of course, most all of what I'm saying is hypothesis based on education and observation.
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Interesting points... But when it comes to rape, what if it's more about power and violence? Men rape the severely disabled and elderly. Is that an attempt to instinctively spread their seed? Or what about men raping children? Men rape other men. So I don't think rape is the result of an instinct to reproduce.

I just don't see most men as potential beasts willing to rape and murder because they aren't getting laid enough. It's way more complicated than that. I don't buy that that mentality is just part of the male condition because we are animals.

The problem with saying Men Need Sex is that it implies that someone else must supply that need. Then we get into weird territory. People should have sex because they want to, not because they feel pressured to for the health of a relationship or someone else's physical/mental health.
 
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The junk food analogy seems right. I think the thing is some attach a psychological value to it, whereas others just view it as fun.
I think it's probably the same as romance -- some are psychologically attached to the idea, so it becomes more of a need. Others (like me) aren't at all attached to the idea of it. That doesn't mean I can't have the feelings, it just means if a cool philosophy or physics idea came about, and I'm already feeling fulfilled, I don't think I'd feel I need it.

Now let's be clear -- fun stuff can be addicting. Whether that be video games or junk food or whatever. You might just keep returning to it -- that fact doesn't imply a need, in that if you acclimate to some other addiction instead, you might just move on.

The truth is I think so much of society is centered on sexuality and relationships nowadays that many sort of have attached a psychological value to it.
 
acd said:
People should have sex because they want to, not because they feel pressured to for the health of a relationship or someone else's physical/mental health.
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Why wouldn't you want to improve your relationship or someone's health? Pretty shitty comments there acd.
 
acd said:
Interesting points... But when it comes to rape, what if it's more about power and violence? Men rape the severely disabled and elderly. Is that an attempt to instinctively spread their seed? Or what about men raping children? Men rape other men. So I don't think rape is the result of an instinct to reproduce.

I just don't see most men as potential beasts willing to rape and murder because they aren't getting laid enough. It's way more complicated than that. I don't buy that that mentality is just part of the male condition because we are animals.

The problem with saying Men Need Sex is that it implies that someone else must supply that need. Then we get into weird territory. People should have sex because they want to, not because they feel pressured to for the health of a relationship or someone else's physical/mental health.
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There is never justification in such behavior ever @acd. It was merely one point that men have a higher desire/ drive for sex than woman. Yes, it is animalistic but don't just look at the human species, look at all of them. The drive (based on behavior) that male animals will initiate highly exceeds that of female animals. I don't believe the conversation was about rape and violence but instead about showing behavior as it pertains to sex as a means to understanding drive.

Perhaps, rape and violence in a more modern sense is about power, control, and mental dysfunction, but I don't think that has always been the case. There was a time when the strong survived and those were the ones that reproduced. Force (in that time) was about reproduction. And females desired the strong because it meant their offspring would be strong. Even today woman like men that are strong and can protect them and their children for that reason.

And no, I don't want to make this into a religious discussion.
 
acd said:
Well I'm a shitty person. So there.


I don't know if you can improve a relationship by forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do. You can't force intimacy.
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If you look at the 5 love languages then it would be counter to what you are saying. Some people get really hot (feel loved) by things that make no sense to others.

Some feel loved by touch, others by affirmation, and then there are those that want acts of service. For example, there are woman that get actively turned on by men washing the dishes or mowing the yard, while this seems very foreign to most men.

So some men feel loved by getting more sex (and vice versa) and some woman feel loved by acts of service (and vice versa). So, sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things that make those we love feel loved.
 
FreeSp1r1t said:
If you look at the 5 love languages then it would be counter to what you are saying. Some people get really hot (feel loved) by things that make no sense to others.

Some feel loved by touch, others by affirmation, and then there are those that want acts of service. For example, there are woman that get actively turned on by men washing the dishes or mowing the yard, while this seems very foreign to most men.

So some men feel loved by getting more sex (and vice versa) and some woman feel loved by acts of service (and vice versa). So, sometimes we have to force ourselves to do things that make those we love feel loved.
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Maybe this is turning it into another topic, but sex is not comparable to mowing the lawn or doing the dishes. Maybe I see it that way because I am an idealist. It's the ultimate act of intimacy in a relationship. You are not making yourself completely vulnerable to someone when you cut the grass. To fake it just seems damaging. Sure, one person may be satisfied but how does the other party, the one forcing themselves to service their partner not end up resentful? Maybe there are deeper issues behind one person not wanting to have sex. Maybe their partner isn't treating them nicely, maybe they are stressed or tired or sick? I still just disagree that anyone is ever entitled to sex in a relationship or marriage. I know it's an important part of an intimate relationship. But that's just my stance.
 
The fastest way to end up with a repulsion to sex with your partner/spouse is to force yourself to have sex when you don't want to out of some sort of obligation or service. You can do that once or twice but but do it for longer than a couple weeks and you're in trouble.
 
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