Merkabah

[Roses In The Vineyard]

 

[Kgal]

Sitting on the back porch sipping coffee as the morning sun rises I hear what sounds like a thousand birds singing their world in to Being. Amongst the cacophony of sound I also hear Crows calling to each other from the trees across the forty acres.

I imagine one over on this end near me hollering "Hey Frank! Ya got anything over there?" and I hear Frank over in the west pasture holler back "Yeh! It's gonna be good hunting over here!" Then I hear another one way over down past the southwest section holler "You guys come visit me here over at my place when you're done. I've got beer!"

Hahahahahaha.....

I think of you often and send you lots of love and laughter from my heart to yours.

@Skarekrow

 

[Wyote]

@Skarekrow

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

The lower realms which is basically hell by most interpretations.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/20/Untitled_painting_by_Zdzislaw_Beksinski_1984.jpg

 

[acd]

@Skarekrow hope you are doing well dude!

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

Some late night reading if anyone is interested.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_...yo_son_broke_character_and_talked_to_me_like/

 

[Kgal]

Some late night reading if anyone is interested.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_...yo_son_broke_character_and_talked_to_me_like/

This was GREAT! Thank you.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

 

[Skarekrow]

No need to go through all that work to see the obvious. Sensors!!

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https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2019/10/marlene-winells-religious-trauma.html

Yooo hoooo @Skarekrow

Where you at?
Hoping you and the family are doing well.
Enjoy All Hallows Eve!
There is a rumor going 'round that this 2020 Samhain will be ripe with rich energy, not only the new, but ancestrial richness; may you all have a happy, healthy and fruitful new year. ♡
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I couldn't resist sharing this icy photo with you. The signs are all around us, ehe.
Take care♡

Something to watch for those going through another round of covid lockdowns.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80998853?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=more

@Skarekrow

Just to wish you and your family a very happy Christmas if you are checking in here occasionally. I hope you are well and managing to keep on top if things.

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Hello my friends!
I know it's been a while...I've been quite busy trying to make myself helpful to those who may be in need here.
Not always succeeding, but that's okay.

Thanks for all the wonderful, kind, and funny messages that everyone has left.
Just to update anyone who may be wondering...
I've still been hosting and running a support group...it really took off, which is great.
When I was no longer working in the OR, it really created a gap in my internal desire to help those who may be suffering.
I think/feel it's essential for someone who has suffered and made it through, to help guide others in whatever large or small capacity they can.
I've been much more at peace with myself...at peace with the pain...at peace with life in general.
My meditation practice is going strong.
I have successfully made my biphasic sleep pattern into a habit...this has allowed me to get enough sleep to function properly and has really helped many aspects of life in general.
I usually go to sleep around 12-12:30am...get up at 4:30 because the pain doesn't allow me to remain in bed...go sit in a comfy chair...put the XL heating pad on my back, and lean forward arching my back while putting my face into a large inflatable pillow with an opening cut out so I can breathe properly, lol.
I will put on binaural beats, white/brown noise, sometimes rain or river sounds and meditate...sometimes here and there I will drift back to sleep in this position, but mostly I just maintain a quiet and peaceful focus until my back stops aching enough for me to go lie back down...which takes around 3 hours.
Then I lie back down for my second half of the biphasic sleeping pattern for 2.5-3 hours.
The second half is great, as it is quite often filled with lucid dreams or at least very vivid dreams!
I read a study recently talking about frequent meditators having more lucid dreams...which only seems to make sense...if you are more aware of the self, and present...that it should carry over somewhat into dreamland.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6490164/
I've been able to wake from a dream and then reenter it (should it be one I want to), and maintain lucidity at least 30% of the time.
There are a few tricks I've taught myself that seem to really work well for me.
My second sleeping block is something I look forward to everyday now...had some very profound and crazy dreams...some that seem like they would be impossible to have emerged from my mind alone...but who's to say?
Anyhow...finally after several years of struggling to get enough sleep, I have worked out a pattern that accomplishes that.
The pain is still there...I don't imagine that it is ever going to be gone...at least until they have robot spine available for purchase...but I've been able to accept it and not direct hatred and anger toward it (which is only directed at me in actuality lol).
It is much more under control as far as how much of an impact I allow it has on my life, emotional state, and time spent in conflict with it.
I am still working with psychedelics...but only once or twice a year as more of a maintenance type dosage.
It's good to see them becoming more and more acceptable and less stigmatized.
Of course, nearly any substance can be helpful or detrimental depending on ones intentions or usage...for example foxglove is a beautiful flowering plant that can be deadly to those who aren't careful, but it can also be a fantastic heart medication (digitalis) when used properly...the same can be said of substances in the psychedelic family (though the majority of these have few physiological effects and are generally much more safe than drinking alcohol or taking Tylenol)
Anyhow, it's good to finally have medical/psychological/pharmaceutical science backing up those claims and taking them out of the realm of purely anecdotal and subjective experience.
Like I mentioned, the group I was giving lectures through ended up asking me to host a monthly support group...working with psychedelics to change our perceptions of chronic pain and it's associated issues in order to suffer less.
What I find really fascinating is how much the physical pain can be reduced by lessening the emotional and mental pain.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record...I just have to say that after a lifetime of depression which had no real source - it was just my baseline level...after trying so many various medications, antidepressants, pain meds, sleeping pills, biologic meds, even some antipsychotics when the anxiety was totally out of control...nothing worked for me until I began to work with psilocybin.
I didn't know what it was to NOT be depressed until I wasn't.
All it really took was a shift of perspective that is difficult (but not impossible) to induce by oneself.
I won't keep beating that dead horse though...I'll describe it in more detail if anyone is interested.
This lead me down some really fascinating roads...I now have people calling me and emailing me for advice and counseling on how to get the most of out their own work with chronic pain and the depression/anxiety that comes with it...which is far more fulfilling to me than where I was for several years.
Met some really cool people...including one who worked doing research at the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research Lab (PEAR Lab) running experiments into Psi, mind over matter, precognition, etc., and working with some very well known researchers in the field (many articles in this thread came from there or those working there!).
He was in a nasty car accident and now is partially and painfully paralyzed from cauda equina syndrome...we've had some great discussions.
I feel more free than I have in a long time...I'm less angry, less angsty, less negative, less judgmental...it's taken a lot of heavy lifting though...it's unfortunately something that we can only do for ourselves...no one can do that work for you - as nice as it would be lol.
That's something I have to constantly reiterate to those seeking a reprieve from chronic pain...there is no magic bullet...magic mushrooms or pain pills are not going to fix your problems or your pain for you, it's still something that one has to do themselves.
All it can do is offer a person a new perspective and a push from a place of stagnation...they can give you the momentum and motivation to change...but that change still has to be fought for and worked on.
Anyhow...I definitely have missed everyone here...I still think of everyone quite often and I apologize that I haven't answered messages sent to me!
If your've sent me a message then I will try my best to get back to you shortly...it will take a little bit of time.
Much love to everyone...I hope to chat with you all more very soon!

 

[jkxx]

Just wanted to say I'm really happy to see you post here and to learn you have been having a good time spreading the word and helping people

The connection between emotional and physical pain, yes, very important to consider whichever manifestation pops up surface level.

 

[John K]

Good to hear you are OK @Skarekrow - I was fearful for a time that your pain had got the better of you, but then a little bird told me you were OK, so I guessed you were getting more drawn into the pain management scene. What you are doing is brilliant - this is real superhero stuff imho!

 

[Skarekrow]

@Skarekrow
I'm so glad you are still here and its so cool you've kept this thread going!

I'm very sorry to hear that you are still experiencing so much pain. But that is amazing that you are doing lectures and sharing information. All your time, research and critical thinking and open minded exploration is important and I'm glad its helping people.

That article you shared about anxiety, ptsd, depression and adhd was interesting. My daughter is experiencing all those at the moment and I know its because of life experience. I read a very useful book called 'The body keeps the score' that talks about ptsd and adhd as survival mechanisms. It highlights fight, flight, freeze and fawn as 4 possible survival responses to repeated trauma and how this can permanently change the brain. The author discusses a range of treatment modalities that are helpful according to his clinical experience including edmr, neurofeedback, ifs, yoga, mindfulness, movement, drama and mdma. My daughter is currently doing neurofeedback and it has made such a huge difference! The doctor and psychologist wanted to put her on antidepressants and ritalin which I could not personally be ok with. And after the neurofeedback therapist started to understand the pattern of her brain waves he came to the conclusion that antidepressant would definitely have made her symptoms of anxiety worse. I cant believe how remarkably effective its been but the major downside is that its very expensive and requires many sessions.

Im also seeing a therapist who is trained in 'the alexander technique'. Its focused on reconnecting mind and body which is important because i'm disassociated. I also really want to try neurofeedback and edmr.

I think I've self medicated and gone on healing journeys through my life using mainly weed, sometimes mdma and mushrooms and occasionally lsd. Ive stopped using these substances completely about 6 months ago because i committed to a specific kind of healing program and my god ive been in a world of pain. I do believe these substances have enabled me to cope with my trauma and pain for a long time as well as opened many doors to self discovery and healing. But I also think in my particular case it numbed me to things i needed to face and release from my life. I guess there is a time and place for everything and a big difference between use and abuse. That line gets blurred when pain and trauma make you want to curl in a ball and give up though. I've been prescribed antidepressants, valium, temaze and codeine. I havent touched the antidepressants and am scared to use any of other others but have had to on a few occasions. That shit is bad for my gut and my body and cbd and thc is not. I'm genuinely scared of pharmaceuticals and substances i can get addicted to and have withdrawals from. I really really want to have a smoke to ease my pain and go on a mushroom journey to get a deeper insight into my situation! But I'm trying this program where I really experience and accept and release my pain and trauma for a while to see if I can change some of my life circumstances.

Anyway...much love to you and blessings. You're an Angel. I hope today is a good day for you

And that article about the universe being like a neural network...absofuckinglutely it is!

Nice to see you too!
I hope you're still around since this message was from a little while ago.
Sorry!!!!!

That's a very difficult situation...I'm really happy though that the neurofeedback seems to be working for her...it's also great that you advocated against the antidepressants...of course they are very helpful and lifesavers for some, but I am definitely of the mind that they give them too liberally and to people who are too young, as well as not providing the proper support and monitoring that someone really needs when taking them.
It was that very thing when I was 19 that created the manic state of mind where I attempted suicide (Paxil).
Of course they all have warnings not to give them to teens and young adults now for that very reason...but it was not so well known in the mid-90's.
I've heard of that book...I'm sure that there are definitely correlations between trauma and chronic pain and certain conditions...not always, but frequently enough that there should be more research done in those areas.
For myself, there was no reason for the depression...unless it was related to my life in utero and the epigenetic theories of passing down trauma and whatnot from parent to child.
Same with the ankylosing spondylitis...the triggers for the process to begin could have been stress related for sure....I was working a very stressful job in the ER at the time and when it first started to hurt I had just finished a round of CPR on someone.
Still, I know people who have worked with their past trauma only to have chronic pain disappear, as well as those who have stretched out areas of their bodies only to have powerful emotions bubble up to the surface.
Is there any way you can do the neurofeedback at home? I know there are various type of neurofeedback machines that you can find for purchase online...from blood pressure and HR, to brain waves and everything in between.
The Alexander technique looks very interesting...I just briefly looked at it but will have to delve deeper into it sometime soon!
In what ways do you feel disassociated?
Yes...such substances can indeed be very healing, but should also be taken with the proper mindset and intentions.
They can be harmful or detrimental if one is using them for the wrong reasons as I'm sure you know....that was my relationship with marijuana...it was incredibly helpful with the pain at first, but then it became a vice and a way of just numbing myself from the reality of the pain and the feelings that the pain brought up.
And of course there is a big difference between recreational use and therapeutic use.
I ended up just stopping smoking weed one day (actually after a mushroom session), and didn't touch it for over a year...I have a tincture now that I will occasionally use when the pain is really in my face, but I don't use to numb myself or my emotions anymore.
That's great that you are trying a new program..it would be nice to hear if it worked for you or not...again, I'm very sorry that it's been a while since I've been here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner!
Yes, it was the psilocybin that actually allowed me to separate the physical pain from the emotional triggers that it set off...and vice versa....the emotions that would trigger the pain.
It was incredibly intertwined....the neuropathways that chronic pain travel eventually begin to alter the physical brain structure...these are the regions of the brain that contain the seat of the ego (so it is believed), as well as the area of the brain where rumination occurs...eventually the pain signals alter it enough that depression and anxiety begin to emerge independently and are then physically built into the brain and constantly reinforced....this causes thoughts to become contaminated by erroneous signals and brain pathways that they must travel to get from A to B.
For myself, it was really quite a stagnant place that only reinforced the negative over and over...the rumination was totally out of control.
There was no amount of logical reasoning that would make it stop.
That why I ended up trying things like Seroquel (antipsychotic) because it was just unstoppable.
Not that it helped...it just made me very tired on top of already being tired...and then I really felt bad.
The anxiety was so bad I couldn't open the mail if it was from a bill collector or something of that nature.
The mushrooms thank goodness were able to bypass those pathways, let me get out of the rut I was trapped in...but then it was up to me to maintain it and fully flush it out with meditation and other healthy modalities.
Now I can feel the pain as a sensation and have little to no emotional response to it...or if there is some kind of emotional response, I am very aware of it and it cannot gain traction.
I sincerely hope that things have improved for your daughter and for yourself...please let me know if you would like to discuss it more, I would certainly be happy to!
Much love to you and yours!

 

[Skarekrow]

Good to hear you are OK @Skarekrow - I was fearful for a time that your pain had got the better of you, but then a little bird told me you were OK, so I guessed you were getting more drawn into the pain management scene. What you are doing is brilliant - this is real superhero stuff imho!

Thank you John!
You are always filled with kind words.

Yes, it's a new path for me to travel...it's been frustrating at times but also very fulfilling.
That gal I wrote about a while back here who was in a terrible state has now started to emerge from her misanthropic shell...she didn't even realize how far she came until I referred here to some earlier conversations we had with one another.
It's good to be able to help folks without killing myself physically like I once did.
How is everything with you and the family?
All vaccinated now I hope?
Hope to talk to you more very soon!
Much love!!

 

[Skarekrow]

Something to watch for those going through another round of covid lockdowns.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80998853?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=more

Found this on a reddit spirituality thread and has a lot on the usual topics if anyone is interested, loads of ebooks and it took ages to download it all 41.2gb of it.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/18XvWPlOL4rMKSuu0aUGtGOqbi8Ozkyp-

The lower realms which is basically hell by most interpretations.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/20/Untitled_painting_by_Zdzislaw_Beksinski_1984.jpg

Some late night reading if anyone is interested.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_...yo_son_broke_character_and_talked_to_me_like/

Hey man!!
Those are all awesome posts!!
Thanks!!
That Google drive file is magnificent...I can't wait to dive in!
I am actually familiar with that artist...and I feel like I've been to one of the lower realms myself on one or two occasions.
When I went cold turkey from the huge amount of pain meds that the doctors had me on several years ago, I had an incredibly intense dream/nightmare/?
It was a place very much like the imagery Beksinski conjures up...there were other people there who were trapped...some had even started to corrode into the environment just like some of these paintings.
There were places there that I can only describe as places of old magic and power that once held everything together but were no longer functioning.
It was very vivid and frightening...I felt like I could have gotten trapped there as well.
I woke up pouring sweat...what was really strange though was Sensiko telling me that there was banging on the walls and the bedroom door slamming shut right as I escaped!
Pretty bizarre stuff.
I hope you are well and everything is going okay with you?
I look forward to catching up further!
Much love!



Edit: I watched the Netflix series and enjoyed it quite a bit...I wish there were a few avenues that they explored more though, like the commonalities between experiencers!

 

[Skarekrow]

@Skarekrow

Rad picture man!!
How are you doing?!
I've missed exchanging songs and pictures with you!
Hope to talk more soon...glad to see you are still hanging around here
Much love to you my friend!

@Skarekrow hope you are doing well dude!

Thanks!
Same to you too!!
Things are moving along for the most part.
Everything okay with you and yours?
It's really great to talk to you and the others after not being here for some time!
Hope to catch up more very soon!
Much love!

 

[Sandie33]

I've still been hosting and running a support group...it really took off, which is great.

I've been much more at peace with myself...at peace with the pain...at peace with life in general.

It's good to be able to help folks without killing myself physically like I once did.

It's great to see you back and hear of all the wonderful things you're doing!
I had sent a couple texts, but reckoned you were busy with your new path. It's exciting to read your success story.
Looking forward to more sage discussions. ♡

 

[acd]

Thanks!
Same to you too!!
Things are moving along for the most part.
Everything okay with you and yours?
It's really great to talk to you and the others after not being here for some time!
Hope to catch up more very soon!
Much love!

Doing pretty good can't complain!

It was really good to read your update and about all of the pain management work you are doing to help others. Glad to hear you've made some new connections and so glad to hear you are doing well and finding peace!

 

[Skarekrow]

It's great to see you back and hear of all the wonderful things you're doing!
I had sent a couple texts, but reckoned you were busy with your new path. It's exciting to read your success story.
Looking forward to more sage discussions. ♡

Hey there!!
Great to see you too!!
Sorry I don't think I got your texts...I ended up getting a new phone so I'll have to give you my new number.
I sincerely hope all is well with you?
Much love!

 

[Skarekrow]

Doing pretty good can't complain!

It was really good to read your update and about all of the pain management work you are doing to help others. Glad to hear you've made some new connections and so glad to hear you are doing well and finding peace!

Thanks very much!
I hope all is well with you and yours?
Anything new and exciting?

 

[Skarekrow]

Happy to see you fine people!

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