need ManSpeak help

[MENTION=1939]Stu[/MENTION] is psychic!

He called. We were all wrong. His girlfriend broke up with him and he has been drinking nonstop for a month. He wasn't mad at me. He was mad at women.

See? ManSpeak, people.
 
Psychic no, but i do speak manspeak.

caveman-diet.jpg
 
sprinkles said:
When someone says something like "No, I want you to throw it" that is often derisive sarcasm. He probably then says "forget it" because your friendly quip missed the mark and he maybe thinks you don't get it.

That exchange really looks like he had no patience for you at the time. As to how it got that way I cannot really tell from one short conversation.
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Good point. This might have been true for other people I talk to. He is intellectual and serious. I am the sillier one.
 
say what said:
I'm clueless.
Why do we think he's angry?
Is the only basis of this an emoticon?

I honestly don't see anything there to worry about!
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Sorry I missed this. We had a respectful, professional and friendly relationship. He cut off contact for about a month after that and ignored a vm. He had never done that longer than a few days before in the past year. If I contacted him by phone, he knew that was a big deal. He apologized for being a tool. He said he knew I would be upset but he did it because I remind him of his girlfriend. Ex girlfriend. Either way, I am cooling with him for a while. He intentionally hurt my feelings and if I remind him of his ex, he might take out more anger on me.
 
Superlative said:
Sorry I missed this. We had a respectful, professional and friendly relationship. He cut off contact for about a month after that and ignored a vm. He had never done that longer than a few days before in the past year. If I contacted him by phone, he knew that was a big deal. He apologized for being a tool. He said he knew I would be upset but he did it because I remind him of his girlfriend. Ex girlfriend. Either way, I am cooling with him for a while. He intentionally hurt my feelings and if I remind him of his ex, he might take out more anger on me.
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I guess when people like this come into my life, I don't really give them my time. If someone just hurts you, for no reason, and is petty and manipulative with little daily dialogue, they seem like too much work/effort. I don't think you want my opinion, but I'll give it anyways- I would not give him the time of day, other than to be professional with him. It's not respectful, professional, or friendly to take your personal life out on someone. If this is a work-related relationship, it is even worse that he would do that too you, and I would be worried about his professionalism in the future.

Given your age difference, and his apparent immaturity, I don't know why you would want him in your life...perhaps he has a golden 8-pack of abdominal muscles?

Tbh, it just seems very highschool-level, and not the type of behaviour one would want to engage in at work.
 
say what said:
I guess when people like this come into my life, I don't really give them my time. If someone just hurts you, for no reason, and is petty and manipulative with little daily dialogue, they seem like too much work/effort. I don't think you want my opinion, but I'll give it anyways- I would not give him the time of day, other than to be professional with him. It's not respectful, professional, or friendly to take your personal life out on someone. If this is a work-related relationship, it is even worse that he would do that too you, and I would be worried about his professionalism in the future.

Given your age difference, and his apparent immaturity, I don't know why you would want him in your life...perhaps he has a golden 8-pack of abdominal muscles?

Tbh, it just seems very highschool-level, and not the type of behaviour one would want to engage in at work.
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I can understand your point and it would be safer to follow your advice. I thought about the fact that he is going through a terrible breakup after losing his mother. I wouldn't cut him out of my life because of this one minor lapse after a year of friendship, especially during a period of emotional upheaval. That type of black and white rigidity is not my style. Also, it doesn't matter to me how much younger he is or what he looks like. I like his shy, quiet intelligence and will wait patiently until I see it again.
 
Manspeak:

[video=youtube;NKHyqjHqQLU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKHyqjHqQLU[/video]
 
I may have a copy of "Specific Book No One Normal Would Know", being not normal. If he borrows it and doesn't return it, I'll sail it over to you.

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Superlative said:
I need help decoding some ISFP manspeak. I swear we are not even in the same conversation sometimes when we talk to each other. Please help me understand why he is mad at me.

He is much younger than me by more than a decade. I am married with kids and he is single but seriously dating someone and we work in the same field. I met him at a conference last year. We liked each other immediately and exchanged numbers. We have talks about philosophy, ethics and methods but not much personal stuff. This was our most recent text conversation.

Him: Help with something plz.
Me: of course.
Him: Do you have a copy of "Specific Book No One Normal Would Know" I can borrow?
Me: Yes. Want to swing by and pick it up? I can leave it for you.
Him: No, I want you to throw it.
Me: lol! Sure. Catch!
Him: Forget it. (Insert mad smiley here)
Me: why? Do you need it?
Him: no thanks. I will get a copy somewhere.
Me: Dude.

He never responded after that and I cannot figure out what that was about. It was three weeks ago. We have texted every couple of days since we met last year. The longest time we went without texting or talking was a week. We only hang out at professional meetings but really clicked and have had great conversations. I know he is mad but why?

Oh and I left him a vm a week ago asking him to give me a call. Crickets.
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Okay. So this is my best understanding of the situation.

He felt it was inherently obvious that he wanted to come by and pick up the book, otherwise, why would he have asked for it to begin with. When you asked if he “wanted” it after he had already made that fact apparent he felt that you were being obtuse. He responded rather snarkily to let you know that he doesn’t find you funny, and wants to be taken seriously. When you responded with a joke, he interpreted it as you furthering your immaturity and obtuseness. He also felt that it was furthering the fact that you don’t take him seriously. He once again responded snarkily and you still failed to realize that he obviously wanted it or he wouldn’t have asked. By this time he has reached his exasperation and has decided to simply purchase his own. To which you once again responded jokingly.


So, yes, he was being rather immature, but not for the reason you think.

He desperately wants to impress you and to be taken seriously; the fact that you are both older and a mother only further this insecurity. Therefore, when you continue to speak to him like a child he gets frustrated and shuts down.
 
For future reference this is how the situation could have gone:

Him: Help with something plz.
Me: of course.
Him: Do you have a copy of “specific book no one normal would know” I can borrow?
Me: Yes. How would you like me to get it to you? ← something along these lines
Him: Thanks, please do xyz.
 
Would you appreciate your husband texting/calling a younger woman from work? :) The guy was into you. Plain and simple. And I think a part of you appreciated the attention from this younger man.
 
sprinkles said:
When someone says something like "No, I want you to throw it" that is often derisive sarcasm. He probably then says "forget it" because your friendly quip missed the mark and he maybe thinks you don't get it.

That exchange really looks like he had no patience for you at the time. As to how it got that way I cannot really tell from one short conversation.
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This is how I read it. He was being sarcastic and you missed it and then he threw a fit over it like an idiot.
 
SpecialEdition said:
This is how I read it. He was being sarcastic and you missed it and then he threw a fit over it like an idiot.
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agreed. which has nothing really to do with men or "manspeak," some bloke just happened to be the one to say it.
 
Zosavachia said:
Would you appreciate your husband texting/calling a younger woman from work? :) The guy was into you. Plain and simple. And I think a part of you appreciated the attention from this younger man.
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that seems to be jumping to more than one conclusion, none of which seems warranted based on the context.
 
Zosavachia said:
@rawr, the question still stands. Would that be appreciated? Most likely not.
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maybe, maybe not. It's a simple gesture with nothing (necessarily) attached to it beyond the favour itself. Not all partners are nervous/insecure/jealous about such things.
 
Zosavachia said:
Would you appreciate your husband texting/calling a younger woman from work? :) The guy was into you. Plain and simple. And I think a part of you appreciated the attention from this younger man.
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We both work with and text lots of people - it's not an issue for either of us. I would argue that there is no way this guy is into me. I am fifteen years older than he is. I think [MENTION=14108]bibliophile934[/MENTION] got it right.
 
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