need ManSpeak help

[bibliophile934]

[MENTION=12050]Superlative[/MENTION] Thank you. Happy to help.

 

[bibliophile934]

Would you appreciate your husband texting/calling a younger woman from work? The guy was into you. Plain and simple. And I think a part of you appreciated the attention from this younger man.

[MENTION=14021]Zosavachia[/MENTION] To an extent I would agree with you. He was into her. But there are different levels of attraction and being an INFJ we should know this all too well. He was attracted to her mind as someone to which he could be viewed as an intellectual equal. INFJs have an uncanny way of breaking the boundaries set by issues of "rank" and he was attracted to that. Could it easily develop into more? Yes, but only if physically encouraged. Romance is not his objective. To be understood is. And who better to give that to him than us?

 

[t56hg2bv]

I need help decoding some ISFP manspeak. I swear we are not even in the same conversation sometimes when we talk to each other. Please help me understand why he is mad at me.

He is much younger than me by more than a decade. I am married with kids and he is single but seriously dating someone and we work in the same field. I met him at a conference last year. We liked each other immediately and exchanged numbers. We have talks about philosophy, ethics and methods but not much personal stuff. This was our most recent text conversation.

Him: Help with something plz.
Me: of course.
Him: Do you have a copy of "Specific Book No One Normal Would Know" I can borrow?
Me: Yes. Want to swing by and pick it up? I can leave it for you.
Him: No, I want you to throw it.
Me: lol! Sure. Catch!
Him: Forget it. (Insert mad smiley here)
Me: why? Do you need it?
Him: no thanks. I will get a copy somewhere.
Me: Dude.

He never responded after that and I cannot figure out what that was about. It was three weeks ago. We have texted every couple of days since we met last year. The longest time we went without texting or talking was a week. We only hang out at professional meetings but really clicked and have had great conversations. I know he is mad but why?

Oh and I left him a vm a week ago asking him to give me a call. Crickets.

Ok, I read through the complete thread. Many introverts tend to limit the number of strong relations they have in their life. I suspect that you were one of the people that he chose to be part of his inner-circle. Now, introverted men don't generally let women in close unless they want to get closer (excluding homosexuals). As an introverted feeler he choose to discuss philosophy (existential dialogue) and other important topics that were very relevant to his life.

Later we found that his mom died and he's texting you from the wake. So, we have a man who has allowed you into his circle, suffering from a possible existential crisis (and you're not there), there's a break up with his girlfriend, and he's drinking (so would I).

The request for the book probably had no significance. He wanted to connect with you and you wouldn't make yourself available. So he was sarcastic and lashed out.

What we don't know is how his mother fucked him up as a child. (and every parent does this in some way - gods little gift). There could easily be some unconscious transference of feelings about good ole mom to every woman during that time.

Hope things are better now.

When looking at behavior I like to look at three areas of a person. Personality, Love Language, and past trauma. Personality temperament gives the framework, love language shows what is valued, and trauma will help predict the uncertainty and exceptions (sometimes dramatically) to the previous two. If only we could wear it all on our sleeves - Ha!