Story of my frickin life. Nobody gives what I give. I mean I have tried so hard with so many people. An it's just that I end up either exhausting them, or sensing that they don't want to talk and I just leave them alone for a bit. I might send one or two messages but I try not to "beg" someone to talk to me. I know I have value that goes beyond what other people really can see. It ay annoy some people. in fact I know it does. I can be annoying. But I know it's special the way I love. And if its too much for them, then its their loss. With very few people have I cared about so much that I have been that vulnerable, to beg or continue to annoy them just for a message or a few lines back... but those are special occasions, and it just so happens a couple of them are here on the forum lol. But in real life lately, if I sense that unwillingness, I let it die. Then if they ask why, I say the truth. I wasn't always this way, but I find I like having my dignity more than a one sided friendship.I am being mindful of it all the time. It has been really insightful trip to start noticing how much I actually fantasize about ordinary things.. And this applies on every aspect of my life! Nowadays it is far less dreaming and more seeing things as they are. But I still like my pink colored glasses though.
Then thing is a bit like Aneirin wrote. As an INFJ I am quick to reply when someone reaches out for me. But very often when I reach out for them, It can take days before I get a reply. That seems so weird to me.. Like I thought we were having a mutual sharing of things and then suddenly it stops. You feel like they the ones who are inviting you but then they are not. Very confusing.
No, I am glad you did. Now, I don't feel so... stupid? Alone? I don't feel like it's just me that has that problem. I get so frustrated, because its like, I put myself out there to so many people, and it's like trying to pull teeth like David said... to get something real in return. What it brings to mind is like fishing with exquisite bait, that only a certain amount of fishies have that refined taste to appreciate. You use all the bait, and it just gets spit back out and sinks to the lake or ocean floor, until that one fish that actually likes your bait comes along and gobbles it up. But even that one rare fish gets tired of the same fancy dish... he wants a dirty worm every now and then. LOL I know, I am strange. But its like that. You exhaust yourself... for absolutely nothing. Sometimes, I just want to give up. It hurts to want to connect and talk and socialize with people that just... don't wanna do it with you. </3I understand that people have their own lives and things going on. I am a busy guy too running my company and taking care of my kids.
My initial wondering was if an INFJ can be perceived as “too open” by others who don’t actually understand the place where we communicate from. Or it does not necessary need to be a INFJ thing. It is more about expressing yourself as you are instead of managing the myriad versions of different kinds of social and personal masks that we are programmed to wear in order to not “come out too hard”. Like if someone asks you “How are you doing?”, the person is not expecting you to actually tell him / her what is truly going on but prefer you to follow that accepted script by saying, “I am fine. How are you?”
This is where I am struggling. I find the way most of people interact with each other more and more fruitless. I am absolutely not an anti-social person. But i prefer to socialize in a meaningful way where we actually share something true which each other. I don’t mean I am expecting to bleed when I am having a conversation. I just want to talk something that is real.
By common sense my opening up is not too much in any way. I am not showing any wounds or strong emotions. I am just saying real things. But I guess being “real” is not what people nowadays expect when it comes to social interactions.
Sorry for the rant.. Haven’t been on this board for awhile so I guess I opening up a bit too much, again.
very well put. it gets old sometimes, putting myself out there, but with some people I'll keep trying. . even after telling myself to stop. I think. . just one more. .
lol!
Its that desire for real connection driving us!
definitely. .
Oh, well. I guess I'll give it up then. Darn.
Why do you 'need' them?Oh, well. I guess I'll give it up then. Darn.
Lol Jk my friend. I appreciate the concern. I do. I did mention that most of that is in my past, I said lately that I don't really do it anymore. There are a couple on here that I talk to even when they don't message me back, but I wait several days even weeks in between, and even then I don't beg them to talk to me. But that is on here. In real life, I don't do this at all anymore. Fuck that, I got better things to do, like focus on myself. My school. My daughter. I'm not wasting my energy crying over people who don't want me. Maybe it sounds cynical and I'm mad about it. Well... yeah. I am cause I know my worth and if they don't, like I said, their loss. That might sound a bit harsh and arrogant or selfish or...something negative that I can't put my finger on. But, honestly, I think its because I have been worn down so much, that I just can't anymore. After you give so much and nothing is reciprocated, when do we learn that its not working? To stop doing the same thing and expecting different results. I know this doesn't sound like me. But right now, this is how I feel. <3
Now I will say a couple of girls that I truly connect with in real life... I do often say hi to, but it is few and far in between and I suck at keeping up with those relationships. But most of them, a couple of INFPs and and INFJ... and most recently, an ENFP, they always are excited to talk to me and we do have conversations, often meaningful. But like I said, I suck at maintaining, yet I need them. I'm so weird!
Oh, I am fully aware that I can't force people to like me. Nor do I think people owe me anything. Just so everyone's aware. Actually, that kinda stung a little, if you say that you must think something along those lines of me at least in this moment... But no worries, you can't help how you feel.
Don't be daft, April, I like you.
Lol.. I'm not trying to be daft, its just well you're one of those people I bug a little extra if you don't respond. (And you know that I don't do it that often! I'm not constantly in your inbox but I do send you messages every now and then Lol...) and your opinion means a lot to me! I look up to you, like, a lot. As I am sure many people here do. I know you like me! If you didn't you wouldn't fool with me lol.
For the record, I don't see this is a fault in me. I see it as a strength. Because it allows me to see all (well most) perspectives and if I think everything that is me as a fault, then how can I see myself a beautiful person? I just refuse to see something that is a part of my entire core as negative. (Well, this part anyway, lol) I mean... it is so hard to explain but its really a gift as I see it, that others hardly ever can understand. I think a lot of people here do, though. And that very thing is the reason I love it here. I don't feel so misunderstood, and I know others are often that thing that I describe as contradictory as well. I wish I could find a way to describe it in a more positive way other than being contradictory, because the connotation of that word is often negative, and implied as "wishy washy" and "unstable". Oftentimes I've been unstable, but it's a separate thing entirely.
April, I can be a lazy bastard when it comes to that.
April, you are loved, but what I say next is a bit challenging:
I know, you are very right on that. I will admit that I do have flaws in this area. I do overwhelm people. And silly, I hope you know that I am not at all miffed that you haven't gotten back to me on that, I can tell that it's because you don't have the energy and the priority isn't there. It doesn't make me feel less valued because as I said, I know you'll get back to me on that concept of whatever it was we were discussing, and I am patient. You'll get to it when you want to, if you want to, and if not, I won't be hurt, and I won't dislike you. It doesn't however, mean that I won't message you about other things in between. Less deep and less energy things, I mean lol. I hope you don't think any of this was due to that! I swear that one thing wasn't even on my mind at this moment!
