[INFJ] Opening up, too much?

[April]

Oh! @John K you too with your gentle wisdom, you've got a special place in my heart too! Gosh, people keep liking this and I see their name and I realize how many people truly I have to thank. <3

 

[Ren]

I'm not where I want to be, but I am not where I was.

Are you on the way to where you want to be?

You've returned to studying, done well, even taken English Lit classes more recently—that's already a lot and you should be proud.

 

[John K]

Oh! @John K you too with your gentle wisdom, you've got a special place in my heart too! Gosh, people keep liking this and I see their name and I realize how many people truly I have to thank. <3

Hey April

I've found that there is no-one out there who can give the deep understanding some of us crave. It has to come from within - that's where we will find our worth, who we really are, and then we realise that it was there all along. It's one of those paradoxes in life that if you can find your own value within and just care for others with the confidence that comes from that, without craving their understanding, or anything else from them, you will attract people to you. I suspect there's loads of opportunity to explore this in your nursing profession. It's best to take it slowly if we do meet someone with a depth of soul that resonates with us - for example lots of INFJs seem to struggle with the wounds of life and are very cautious about starting new non-trivial social entanglements. Be interested and caring without expectation or too much investment up-front and let things develop slowly with deep HSP folks. Of course I'm not talking about totally unconditional caring - we can do without being dumped on as well, so intuition is important here.

You have a great heart, April - that's your gift and you don't need constant feed back to tell you that, if only you can see it yourself too

 

[David54]

Hey April

I've found that there is no-one out there who can give the deep understanding some of us crave. It has to come from within - that's where we will find our worth, who we really are, and then we realise that it was there all along. It's one of those paradoxes in life that if you can find your own value within and just care for others with the confidence that comes from that, without craving their understanding, or anything else from them, you will attract people to you. I suspect there's loads of opportunity to explore this in your nursing profession. It's best to take it slowly if we do meet someone with a depth of soul that resonates with us - for example lots of INFJs seem to struggle with the wounds of life and are very cautious about starting new non-trivial social entanglements. Be interested and caring without expectation or too much investment up-front and let things develop slowly with deep HSP folks. Of course I'm not talking about totally unconditional caring - we can do without being dumped on as well, so intuition is important here.

You have a great heart, April - that's your gift and you don't need constant feed back to tell you that, if only you can see it yourself too

As always, eloquently spoken wisdom.

 

[April]

Hey April

I've found that there is no-one out there who can give the deep understanding some of us crave. It has to come from within - that's where we will find our worth, who we really are, and then we realise that it was there all along. It's one of those paradoxes in life that if you can find your own value within and just care for others with the confidence that comes from that, without craving their understanding, or anything else from them, you will attract people to you. I suspect there's loads of opportunity to explore this in your nursing profession. It's best to take it slowly if we do meet someone with a depth of soul that resonates with us - for example lots of INFJs seem to struggle with the wounds of life and are very cautious about starting new non-trivial social entanglements. Be interested and caring without expectation or too much investment up-front and let things develop slowly with deep HSP folks. Of course I'm not talking about totally unconditional caring - we can do without being dumped on as well, so intuition is important here.

You have a great heart, April - that's your gift and you don't need constant feed back to tell you that, if only you can see it yourself too

Aww, thank you John, you give the best advice! Hugs!! I'm trying to do just as you say! <3

 

[April]

Are you on the way to where you want to be?

You've returned to studying, done well, even taken English Lit classes more recently—that's already a lot and you should be proud.

Yes! And I am proud! <3 Thanks, Ren.

 

[TheFool]

Thread took a turn while I was gone. Great to see honest input here!

I like how many of you give honest answers. This is what I meant when I was referring to being honest. So often we tend to cover our intents with sugary words. An internet forum like this takes off that sugar coating.

In addition to this board I have friends with whom I can truly talk about things that really matter to me. Our bonds are so tight that I don’t have to be afraid to say what I think or feel whether it is about me or them. Also since I am interested in mythology, astrology, psychedelics and have a background of doing stuff that most never do in their lives. I have a squad of dear friends and everyone of them is very different but with whom I share same kind of interests and history. This enables me to open up about different parts of me. I can’t talk about how much acid I took last weekend with all of them but I have friends with whom I can do that. I have a special kind of bond with each of them and every relationship gives me unique kinds out- and inputs.

It hasn’t always been like this. I used to feel very isolated and was never truly able to express my unique interests with people around me. But few years ago I decided to go out there and reach out to people with whom I felt this weird intuitive connection. It was scary but as I took the risks I have found a dozen wonderful friends. Not all of them are super close because of the geographical distance between us but I feel same tribal connection with all of them.

Despite that I have managed to connect with all of these wonderful individuals, I still sometimes feel that I am opening up too much. BUT after I have contemplated on this now few days I have realized that the strongest bonds I have, are with those people I truly and purely feel accepted as I am AND I have been able to give the needed energy, patience and time to nurture and evolve the relationship. None of the bonds were made overnight. We have gone through a lot together before our relationships evolved to the state they now are.

So the original problem seems to be, for me at least, semantics while communicating through letters. It takes time before you get to know someone and they to know you and your style to communicate. Only very few people have actually been able to understand what I mean with the stuff I say. So every time I write “without a filter” I take a risk of that person giving his / her support or withdrawing. It is an invitation and it feels scary since I could have misinterpreted the vibes and that invitation ends up being rejected. I guess my opening up process during the past years have been about overcoming that fear of rejection and creating my own tribe.

What a wall of extrovert feeling this post became! I guess I needed a little chat with me and myself.

 

[bcrwz]

 

[Tim dao]

I dont dislike any of you.

 

[April]

I dont dislike any of you.

I don't dislike you either. I mean I was wondering if you truly wanted relationship advice after saying you're not looking for a girl, and then asking me if I was a single mom then when i said i was in a relationship you asked what I like about my man, so I told you, and you said that it sounded like you. You can see how I thought that might be weird right? No hard feelings right? Do over? Lol

 

[Tim dao]

I don't dislike you either. I mean I was wondering if you truly wanted relationship advice after saying you're not looking for a girl, and then asking me if I was a single mom then when i said i was in a relationship you asked what I like about my man, so I told you, and you said that it sounded like you. You can see how I thought that might be weird right? No hard feelings right? Do over? Lol

Im not even mad. I assumed you had wisdom I could learn from and was eager to gather data.

 

[April]

Im not even mad. I assumed you had wisdom I could learn from and was eager to gather data.

Well that makes sense. It's okay. Just so you know it's hard to trick INFJs in general, lol. But welcome and I apologize.

 

[Tim dao]

Well that makes sense. It's okay. Just so you know it's hard to trick INFJs in general, lol. But welcome and I apologize.

My father told me to not eat free food from strangers when you go over seas. I have obvious weaknesses that can be exploited.

 

[BritNi]

I used to do that. But I think the few years I have spent on this forum and around the more confident people... have taught me that I don't have to do that. It isn't the type of friendship I want anyway, so why pursue that? If I have to beg now, what will it be like later? Nah, I'm good, thanks. I really do have this forum to thank... a few of the more confident people like @Wyote and @Deleted member 16771 you too, lol. And @BritNi and @sassafras and a couple others... in different ways... yeah they have taught me so much and I have grown so much as a result of their interactions.. it's truly something to behold.

I wish I had words right now.... You're beautiful, April. Thank you so much!

 

[David54]

I wish I had words right now.... You're beautiful, April. Thank you so much!

for one with no words, you spoke them beautifully

 

[larcipelago]

I understand that people have their own lives and things going on. I am a busy guy too running my company and taking care of my kids.

My initial wondering was if an INFJ can be perceived as “too open” by others who don’t actually understand the place where we communicate from. Or it does not necessary need to be a INFJ thing. It is more about expressing yourself as you are instead of managing the myriad versions of different kinds of social and personal masks that we are programmed to wear in order to not “come out too hard”. Like if someone asks you “How are you doing?”, the person is not expecting you to actually tell him / her what is truly going on but prefer you to follow that accepted script by saying, “I am fine. How are you?”

This is where I am struggling. I find the way most of people interact with each other more and more fruitless. I am absolutely not an anti-social person. But i prefer to socialize in a meaningful way where we actually share something true which each other. I don’t mean I am expecting to bleed when I am having a conversation. I just want to talk something that is real.

By common sense my opening up is not too much in any way. I am not showing any wounds or strong emotions. I am just saying real things. But I guess being “real” is not what people nowadays expect when it comes to social interactions.

Sorry for the rant.. Haven’t been on this board for awhile so I guess I opening up a bit too much, again.

Uhm. Put that shield back again my friend. Do more digging than opening up. I find it more fun, than standing naked in front of a newly met. Get to the point where the other side tells: "Omg why am I telling you this?" (I intentionally poked you dude, inside my heart). Ups bad advise sorry, I played chess too much. I love it when people cant guess me but I can guess them.