People leave INFJs

[Eventhorizon]

I find I get bored with people to include friends. No I dont care about football. It was more interesting to play than watch etc. Oh by the way what do you think of the latest scientific theory that we are a computer simulation? (Crickets) Ummm ok how about the idea our brains are tuning us in but we are really as large as the universe. (Again crickets) " Ummm is your friend alright? Does he live in reality? " And this is of course the problem. I do live in reality its you who dont.

So temper my conversation. Try to keep it about sports, work, the weather all while I fight the urge to scream "you have no clue whats going on around you! Your all zombies!"

So yeah I dont know. Im not sure how to get along in the world. All I know is that I am glad that I am not dead like the vast majority of the world. So not dead, just mostly alone.

 

[Artisan]

"... You know you're an INFJ when little, to no people stay in your life for very long, because they don't understand you, your feelings, 'nor your intensity. "

Saw this in a forum and easily related to this.
Are we THAT complicated to even stick around for or are we just destined to be loners?

Its true. I don't know why people don't stay in my life long, I don't know why people never try to befriend me either. Everything always has to come entirely from me. But hey if someones needs someone to talk to they suddenly remember me. funny how that works.

I dunno why people don't even attempt to connect with me, not even shallowly. I ain't ugly, im clean, kind, and can put most of the 7 virtues as my characteristics. I aint boring either, cause people cant conclude that without talking to me. I feel well and truly alone in the world. Even started my own blog about it.

Know what the weirdest thing is though ? As an INFJ guy, no matter who'm I befriend on the internet, even other INFJ's that are like omg you are the first person i feel truly understands me, even they don't keep contact with me. perhaps people take INFJ's for granted. I Dunno. It's not just me who's dealing with exactly this stuff though. I read it all over the place. But the other people Who deal with this, never try to connect to me. They don't start conversations with me as often as I do with them. It's weird. I feel like there is an invisible force that prevents people from thinking of me, about me, or considering me in any way, shape or form.

Worst thing is people who come up with some sort of crappy advice thinking they can help with it. As if I never try...


Imagine, I cannot even make real friends... its like you say, no1 stays in my life long. Out of sight out of mind... How the hell am I ever gonna get a wife? hahah... being alone sucks.

 

[INFJok]

[MENTION=11651]ArtFirst[/MENTION] Yeah, for example, I'll talk on these forums and people respond, but people hardly go on my page, HOWEVER if I go to their profile pages, the whole damn forum is having a party over there with pics and memes and jokes.

At the end of the day, people have favorites;popularity contests and it totally defeats the purpose of the website. Aren't we supposed to "support" everyone on here because we are all deemed outsiders!

The next time people ask "us" for an ear, lets just walk away.
They may think its rude, but so are they. People like getting treated like crap anyway.
Otherwise why would they only vent to us and despite how they feel, go back to the people who don't consider their feelings?
Their minds are mangled, but they'll be mangled without me!

 

[Delta]

Infjok - obviously I can't judge you as it is certainly important to state feelings - but don't you take inspiration from others doing well? I have looked at pages of more popular persons here and simply feel inspired by them living authentic lives.

I would say the phases in life seem to lean into something greater but the end process you speak off seems too counter productive. Can you really live with that? Don't you feel a sense of camaraderie here, like at all?



Stepping back (and in that time working on oneself) can be good but stepping out altogether is a bit extreme, no?

 

[Artisan]

[MENTION=11651]ArtFirst[/MENTION] Yeah, for example, I'll talk on these forums and people respond, but people hardly go on my page, HOWEVER if I go to their profile pages, the whole damn forum is having a party over there with pics and memes and jokes.

At the end of the day, people have favorites;popularity contests and it totally defeats the purpose of the website. Aren't we supposed to "support" everyone on here because we are all deemed outsiders!

The next time people ask "us" for an ear, lets just walk away.
They may think its rude, but so are they. People like getting treated like crap anyway.
Otherwise why would they only vent to us and despite how they feel, go back to the people who don't consider their feelings?
Their minds are mangled, but they'll be mangled without me!

Tell me about it =_= ! compare our two profiles for example, yours is like its Christmas compared to mine... xD

Infjok - obviously I can't judge you as it is certainly important to state feelings - but don't you take inspiration from others doing well? I have looked at pages of more popular persons here and simply feel inspired by them living authentic lives.

I would say the phases in life seem to lean into something greater but the end process you speak off seems too counter productive. Can you really live with that? Don't you feel a sense of camaraderie here, like at all?



Stepping back (and in that time working on oneself) can be good but stepping out altogether is a bit extreme, no?

I just feel more and more alienated when I see that even among people who complain about similar problems, They seem to be in the shape that I wish to achieve. Even The original poster of this thread seems to be at a stage that I can only dream about, and shes even complaining....

 

[Delta]

Artfirst - what? so you don't feel inspired?

Do you think the answer is kind of in view from the name you have chosen? Do you choose your art firstly? Hope you get what I mean here. Sometimes we can continue to try to learn our lessons through adversity. Has adversity become your lens? Idk, sometimes we can just be wired like that for a time.

I ask this because I have gone through something similar but found it was partially about my choice of perspective. The potential for happiness, (not so much popularity in my case as that's not something I aspire to but can often come about unintentionally) but definitely happiness is really always present. It's just about where we are looking. Or do you think that's bs?

Sorry if I am off track. It just kind of stands out to me so I thought I would go with it.

We all have to start somewhere.

 

[INFJok]

[MENTION=11651]ArtFirst[/MENTION] This whole "post" is from 2 years ago and people just started replying!
And the reason my page "looks like Christmas" is because of that 1 person that cared. They don't even reply anymore and EVERYONE can click on that and see me publicly be thrown away; forgotten, or what have you.

 

[INFJok]

[MENTION=12070]Delta[/MENTION] If you want to respond to someone, type @ right next to their name.

 

[Artisan]

[MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION] I wasn't here 2 years ago. I saw this thread first time today, else I would have replied earlier.

[MENTION=12070]Delta[/MENTION] Really? you really think its my randomly chosen nickname that has a repelling effect on people? fine I will go with DeeDee next time :/

 

[Delta]

[MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION] I wasn't here 2 years ago. I saw this thread first time today, else I would have replied earlier.

[MENTION=12070]Delta[/MENTION] Really? you really think its my randomly chosen nickname that has a repelling effect on people? fine I will go with DeeDee next time :/

[MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION] - thanks
[MENTION=11651]ArtFirst[/MENTION] - I suppose I don't see things as being at all random. I used to want to be more random and felt frustrated that I couldn't do this as others do. If that is the viewpoint you are holding whilst observing others, yes I can see why you would feel out of sorts. I would still assert it as being counter productive if you consciously decide to opt for a non connective end on your part. That was my interest. It is something I contemplate but not often do - being one to open every door presented to me, at very least in my mind. I find myself a little disappointed now as I had finally found another INFJ who is an Aquarian. I have been wondering about this mix. Maybe there are cultural differences as well as age differences at play?

Overall, I don't see the profile pages of others as very random here, nor the action of how we come to hold the perspectives and perceptions we carry. Also there is much within a choice of a name but that's my interest in the subconscious mind there rising.. still, vent away. I think often this is the way things go until there is a definite desire to create a new meaning, which can only come from oneself. I'm not sure if you are fooling yourself into thinking you really are trying very much.

Practically speaking the answer cannot change from idk, putting oneself out there a bit more, as can be managed, learning how to challenge others sensibly if there is a sense of distance and showing talents to strengthen healthy links with others. I don't see the benefit in pursuing links I perceive as negative, hence my post to look deeper at where this perspective has come from.

 

[Artisan]

[MENTION=6623]INFJok[/MENTION] - thanks
[MENTION=11651]ArtFirst[/MENTION] - I suppose I don't see things as being at all random. I used to want to be more random and felt frustrated that I couldn't do this as others do. If that is the viewpoint you are holding whilst observing others, yes I can see why you would feel out of sorts. I would still assert it as being counter productive if you consciously decide to opt for a non connective end on your part. That was my interest. It is something I contemplate but not often do - being one to open every door presented to me, at very least in my mind. I find myself a little disappointed now as I had finally found another INFJ who is an Aquarian. I have been wondering about this mix. Maybe there are cultural differences as well as age differences at play?

Overall, I don't see the profile pages of others as very random here, nor the action of how we come to hold the perspectives and perceptions we carry. Also there is much within a choice of a name but that's my interest in the subconscious mind there rising.. still, vent away. I think often this is the way things go until there is a definite desire to create a new meaning, which can only come from oneself. I'm not sure if you are fooling yourself into thinking you really are trying very much.

Practically speaking the answer cannot change from idk, putting oneself out there a bit more, as can be managed, learning how to challenge others sensibly if there is a sense of distance and showing talents to strengthen healthy links with others. I don't see the benefit in pursuing links I perceive as negative, hence my post to look deeper at where this perspective has come from.

the only thing that I said was random is my nickname. it is random because I use this nickname no-where else.

Specially for you I will give you some insight into my random nickname. I do a Game Art related study. As someone with dyslexia, if I don't read carefully, it says Artist ;P But using Artist would make me feel like i'm trying to be some wannabe Donatello. Thus. I played with the name. First Also relates to First person shooter. Which is the genre I hope to someday make characters for. Thus my randomly chosen nickname, is a lot more personal then you seem to conclude, the randomness, is that this is the only place where I have used a nickname that relates to this aspect of myself. For every Registration where a nickname is required, I come up with something completely new. thus it is random. I am sorry if you felt offended by my randomness, felt like I was ridiculing or making light of a matter of importance to you. But please do not misunderstand, personal profiles are very serious matters to me, so are nicknames. Though I understand Sarcasm is sometimes lost on people or misunderstood when written.

The point I was making was shrouded in a sarcastic remark. the point being: There is no way it can be my nickname because I only use it here, not in real life. And thus my loneliness is not only on this forum. It's in every plane of existence, And whilst I actively pursue an end to my loneliness, I highly doubt my name or nickname here are the reason that it has been a 120 degree climb so far. Else i'm getting a name change TODAY

I hope we've cleared our miss-communication, I am willing however to talk more about the main topic or whatever else you would like to talk about in PM.
If you like, you can ask me any questions you want. Perhaps you will see, that whatever negative image my post(s) has(have) imprinted on you is not right.

 

[Verdant]

I have dumped, and have been dumped. Both numerous times. Same goes for the small number of INFJ's I know in the real life sphere.

 

[sprinkles]

If you dwell on being left and rejected, people will tend to leave and reject you.

When you dwell on it, it makes you awkward. It will seep into your actions and perhaps you start trying too hard. People can sense complex and many are put off by it so in a way it is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway. Never been 'left'. I've done all the 'leaving' pretty much.

 

[Delta]

If you dwell on being left and rejected, people will tend to leave and reject you.

When you dwell on it, it makes you awkward. It will seep into your actions and perhaps you start trying too hard. People can sense complex and many are put off by it so in a way it is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway. Never been 'left'. I've done all the 'leaving' pretty much.

Same. Them not wanting to leave has been a past issue of mine.

My issues kept going until I accepted I am the perfect girl. This is not meant pigheadedly either; I am in love with perfection and proximity to it's details must somehow rub off. I see this in many of the women here too. All I know is that shit is potent and can work against a person when too visible.

 

[Walter Williams]

Sounds like you all need to get hobbies.

 

[Profoundhappiness]

It's funny to think that a single letter defines the whole trait of a type. Maybe that alertness comes from our 'Ni'?

good with intent... but bad with boundary to giving. its just so natural.

 

[moongazerlily]

Its true. I don't know why people don't stay in my life long, I don't know why people never try to befriend me either. Everything always has to come entirely from me. But hey if someones needs someone to talk to they suddenly remember me. funny how that works.

I have never really posted here but after a whole day of trying to make "friends" (online, which is pathetic I know -- I am not just a loner but suffer from social phobia and pretty bad anxiety)... I am then reminded of how it's always me looking/searching though. It is rare for someone to befriend me, contact me first, etc. and most of the time when I contact people, they don't respond anyway. I also have dubbed this "if someone needs someone to talk to they suddenly remember me" as my being a "friend of convenience". They are only around when it's convenient for them or when they need me. This happens with every one who has ever called themselves my "friend". They know I'll always be around or there for them, so they are able to go about their life and forget about me, until they need something from me. In my times of needing someone to talk to or for someone to simply be there, they are nowhere to be found or unable to be reached.

 

[PiMom]

I found that by adding a TON of people on social media that share my interests; and weeding out the ones who I just don't want anything to do with; I've been able to have perhaps not close relationships; but the friends I've made that way are probably as close as it gets to real friends. They are supportive; hilarious, intelligent, thoughtful and interesting; and I'm not as likely to keep quiet online as in person, which makes being social easier.
Also; if you really just need to get something off your chest; write a blog... it works.

 

[Huia Kaimanawa]

IMO, we just have to find the right people to share ourselves with.

Here, here.

So I guess we're meant to be lonely, eh?

I've met an INFJ who sang this song and the reason she was lonely was because of the way she was (and it wasn't INFJ related, it was just her). I'm not at all unsympathetic to what you're saying, but my advice would be to take a long, hard and honest look at yourself and the people around you. You might find that there are things you can improve about yourself that will help your situation. You might find that in actual fact you're just fine, but the people around you are selfish or self-centred and are just using you for your Fe then abandoning you when you need a friend. I've found that certain places I've lived have made a difference to how lonely I have or haven't been - I don't understand it, but some towns/cities seem to be a little harder to crack into socially than others... It could be any number of things, but it won't be 'destiny' or 'the way it is for INFJs' and I wouldn't recommend ascribing to that belief - you'd only be setting yourself up for a life unnecessary loneliness.

 

[Alomoes]

IME, when someone claims nobody sticks around because they don't get the intensity / emotionalism / hard to understand nature / depth / etc

...it usually just means they're a self-absorbed, annoying mother fucker with poor social skills.

Or everyone else is an elitist nazi. >:/

Those who are left: Wagner.

Those who leave. Myself. I don't have any really good analogs for myself, but good enough.

All three are cool people.