IME, when someone claims nobody sticks around because they don't get the intensity / emotionalism / hard to understand nature / depth / etc
...it usually just means they're a self-absorbed, annoying mother fucker with poor social skills.
yep, this is the correct answer.
I'm not sure this is an accurate depiction of the INFJ experience (typically coming from non INFJ's)
INFJ's process information in a different way to most other people; as a result they are also interested in different subject matter to most other people
They like things that their Ni can work with; these explorations of subject matter can appear 'deep' to other people who can't relate to the places the INFJ is going to in their mind
But the INFJ is just letting their brain do what it is wired to do
Also pacing is really important socially. Even comedians will tell you that pacing is really important. But you can only pace at the speed that your mind can pace at. If you are second guessing everything then you are not going to be able to keep up with someone who isn't!
Some comedians like robin williams used cocaine to speed up the pace of their brain activity and as a result the pace of their delivery
I find my brain works a certain way....its good at some things and not so good at other things; i accept this....i have come to terms with that but other people aren't always so accomodating
An example would be that when i am around my mainly extroverted sensor extended family they are all very chatty and the conversation moves along at an incredible pace! In fact it moves so fast that by the time i have thought of what i'm going to say the conversation has moved on and i can't say what i want to say because it would be out of place!
So am i slow?
No...i have lightening fast reflexes. I've won prizes for physical activites and i'll smack a table tennis ball faster than your eye will process
So my brain isn't slow...yet i can't keep up with the chat. This means that besides that group i appear 'slow' or 'unsociable'. One even joked that i was on the autism spectrum!
But its my belief that i process things slowly but deeply....which is often described as being 'reflective'; this is perhaps why INFJ's are often more comfortable writing than speaking because it suits their pace
I got round this problem when i was younger by drinking alcohol. This seemed to shut off the part of my brain that was reflecting and i became much more chatty and fluid in my speech; i was even said by many to be 'funny'...heck i used to have tables of people in stitches of laughter....but the problem with alcohol is that it robs you of your judgment (and health) so i got myself in trouble sometimes and sometimes made a tit of myself after drinking too much...so that was not a sustainable solution to the problem
Smoking too used to help my brain speed...i swear i stopped being as funny when i quit smoking lol. Perhaps the nicotine was stimulating my brain activity
When i eventually sobered up (i'd been drinking a lot and had a number of circles of friends that i mixed with for different reasons) i realised i had absolutely nothing in common with the people i had been partying with all that time
Of course i didn't....i'd been using a variety of drugs to change my personality and to be more extroverted sensor
Despite the amount of socialising i wasn't happy because i wasn't being authentic
Some sort of balance needs to be struck and although at times i've felt close to achieving that i wouldn't say i am where i'd like to be at the moment!
But i just want to make the point that telling INFJ's just to 'liven up' and stop being so 'deep' and 'complex' is not really fair because their brain is wired differently
Unfortunatly in a pseudo-culture that prizes infantalised, facile, souless and meanignless things the INFJ is always going to be on the fringe due to the depth that they like to process things to
Is it the INFJ's fault? No more than its the fault of a fish to swim in water
Nowadays i appreciate extroverted sensors for their social skills...their ability to grease the social wheels. I can sit and enjoy it and i'll throw the odd joke in whilst letting others keep the conversation flowing; but to 'fit in' i have to avoid being myself in so far as discussing things on the level i would like to discuss them at...because to those processing things differently it would appear 'weird'
In social situations the appreciation really only flows in one direction...which is maybe why many INFJ's express themselves through art
INFJ's can be appreciated but perhaps often only from a degree of removal (eg someone enjoys a novel written by an INFJ) which is sad but i think it will be a common thing for as long as we allow our culture to be so fucking stupid lol