Perceptions of "unattractive" people

(INFJ here) I would guess FJs are the least likely group to isolate or judge someone based on looks. Aren’t we all about going deeper?

I think regardless of the topic, humanity in general tends to make surface level judgments at first. It’s up to the individual to go further than that. I think personality has a lot to do with the way people treat you. I can think of a dozen celebrities and regular Joe’s who aren’t super model status in the looks department, but they have something else about them that makes them attractive to people.

I don’t exclude people personally based on their looks. I hate seeing people suffering on the side lines, and I do see them. But using an extreme example of some thing I’ve probably encountered with someone that might be considered “ugly,” a situation in which I would avoid that person is if their perception of themselves was so negative that they put out a kind of negativity themselves that would push others away and overwhelm my ability to convince them that I did care about them on a personal level. Which of course I would. That’s a strong vibe I wouldn’t want to absorb, as an INFJ is prone to do.

Sadly, sometimes people find themselves in a situation where the inner message they’ve developed through actual circumstances or their perception of people’s thoughts about them, can make a person so ugly on the inside, that it’s impossible to come back from.

Always be kind anyway.
 
MsLonelyHearts said:
(INFJ here) I would guess FJs are the least likely group to isolate or judge someone based on looks. Aren’t we all about going deeper?

I think regardless of the topic, humanity in general tends to make surface level judgments at first. It’s up to the individual to go further than that. I think personality has a lot to do with the way people treat you. I can think of a dozen celebrities and regular Joe’s who aren’t super model status in the looks department, but they have something else about them that makes them attractive to people.

I don’t exclude people personally based on their looks. I hate seeing people suffering on the side lines, and I do see them. But using an extreme example of some thing I’ve probably encountered with someone that might be considered “ugly,” a situation in which I would avoid that person is if their perception of themselves was so negative that they put out a kind of negativity themselves that would push others away and overwhelm my ability to convince them that I did care about them on a personal level. Which of course I would. That’s a strong vibe I wouldn’t want to absorb, as an INFJ is prone to do.

Sadly, sometimes people find themselves in a situation where the inner message they’ve developed through actual circumstances or their perception of people’s thoughts about them, can make a person so ugly on the inside, that it’s impossible to come back from.

Always be kind anyway.
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Been there. Putting up that boundary is a huge gift. Props to you for that.
We’ve definitely all been subjected to the same circumstance of comparison and it destroys any sense of compassion and self awareness.
Perhaps diving in too deep into helping others can definitely have this affect, though we all have our preferences that are personal to our experience, fears, or lack of care. Finding a contrast to that for ourselves is definitely a part of our own journey in life.
 
People associate success, kindness, intelligence and all good things with attractiveness subconsciously. We're more likely to believe someone is any of these positive things when they're also beautiful.

Personally I can say for sure people treat you differently when you're more attractive, but it also has to do with general sexism, whether it comes from men or women. A woman might tell another woman ''oh you lost weight'' but less likely to say that to a man. A guy's belly pooch is cute, a pretty girls belly pooch is cute, but an unattractive girl's belly pooch is disgusting. Fatphobia is alive and well, and predominantly directed at women. And god forbid you have a crooked nose, or not perfect hair on top of being fat.

I had a friend in college, a fairly attractive girl, who dyed her hair pink one day. The unsolicited comments about how hair previous hair color was so much better were too many to count. She quickly gave in and dyed her hair blond again, but soon after I dyed my hair bright orange. I think people were more weary telling me the same things they said to her, but some did. Funny how usually these kinds of comments rarely come from what you'd call a traditionally attractive person, or a person with a good sense of style that has any personality. It's usually the bores, the tasteless and the scorned - men or women - that can't handle you not being super hot, yet having the nerve to feel yourself and do whatever you want with something as silly or ephemeral as hair. They'd rather bully you than face the discrimination they have suffered themselves and see how systematic and prevalent it is. It's easier not to.
 
niar said:
People associate success, kindness, intelligence and all good things with attractiveness subconsciously. We're more likely to believe someone is any of these positive things when they're also beautiful.

Personally I can say for sure people treat you differently when you're more attractive, but it also has to do with general sexism, whether it comes from men or women. A woman might tell another woman ''oh you lost weight'' but less likely to say that to a man. A guy's belly pooch is cute, a pretty girls belly pooch is cute, but an unattractive girl's belly pooch is disgusting. Fatphobia is alive and well, and predominantly directed at women. And god forbid you have a crooked nose, or not perfect hair on top of being fat.

I had a friend in college, a fairly attractive girl, who dyed her hair pink one day. The unsolicited comments about how hair previous hair color was so much better were too many to count. She quickly gave in and dyed her hair blond again, but soon after I dyed my hair bright orange. I think people were more weary telling me the same things they said to her, but some did. Funny how usually these kinds of comments rarely come from what you'd call a traditionally attractive person, or a person with a good sense of style that has any personality. It's usually the bores, the tasteless and the scorned - men or women - that can't handle you not being super hot, yet having the nerve to feel yourself and do whatever you want with something as silly or ephemeral as hair. They'd rather bully you than face the discrimination they have suffered themselves and see how systematic and prevalent it is. It's easier not to.
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Layin down some real shit. I like it.
 
Wyote said:
Layin down some real shit. I like it.
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That's a high compliment, thanks.

mintoots said:
When my crush posts a shirtless photo on facebook and i'm like, yeah, too good-looking. You can't be my crush anymore. :expressionless::unamused:
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:laughing:
I'm gonna assume you mean they can't be your crush anymore because they're too good looking not to be egotistic aholes, not because you're not lovely yourself. :smirk:
 
niar said:
That's a high compliment, thanks.



:laughing:
I'm gonna assume you mean they can't be your crush anymore because they're too good looking not to be egotistic aholes, not because you're not lovely yourself. :smirk:
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Right?! Best post of the day, right there!
 
mintoots said:
I like ya already
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mintoots said:
Hahahahahahah :tearsofjoy: I definitely like you. You remind me of @QuirkyLemonFlower, who I miss actually but hasn't been around forever.
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Uh huh. I'm sure it's nothing to do with me telling you you're lovely. :wink:

How's Blades and Lovely Whatnots? I like it.

Rit4lin said:
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I regret everything, fuk
@mintoots halp, they're fe'ing on me D:
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My perception of raindeer kittenses' attractiveness has been cemented in that past hour or so. Too late yo.
 
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