[INFJ] post first date situation

BlackHorse said:
@slant My childhood was amazing, never had any issues whatsoever.
Yeah I've had same problem with ''trying even harder'' .. but relationship with my first bf taught me a lesson and I never did it again. If they don't reply I'm done, ofc that doesn't mean I don't obsess over them.. Working on that part still.


I noticed I get drawn to people that have what I want or what I wanna be.
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That happens to me, too. The root of that for me i discovered was low self worth and low self esteem. I have had to build a relationship with myself and only until it got solid was I able to really start to date. I can feel the difference, too. The quality of people I date has improved and I don't find myself dealing with as many problematic people.

Anyway I sympathize. I hope you're able to better care for yourself in a way that attracts people who are good for you.
 
Thank you @slant, it's nice to hear you're doing great :smiley: That's definitely root problem for me too, but I'm proud of my small steps.. I mean, at least I'm not running after every douchebag :grimacing::tearsofjoy:
 
BlackHorse said:
And don't get me wrong, some people are interesting.. for a day or two.
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If you feel a good vibe with someone on Tinder, I think it's advisable to suggest going on a date after 1 or 2 days max. This is precisely so that the conversation doesn't end up losing steam. It's a constant risk with Tinder. It's better to agree on a date, exchange numbers, and then give each other a few days without texting (until the date) to preserve some excitement and mystery.

I understand it's not easy when the guy doesn't ask out, since usually it is men who do.
 
Ren said:
If you feel a good vibe with someone on Tinder, I think it's advisable to suggest going on a date after 1 or 2 days max. This is precisely so that the conversation doesn't end up losing steam. It's a constant risk with Tinder. It's better to agree on a date, exchange numbers, and then give each other a few days without texting (until the date) to preserve some excitement and mystery.

I understand it's not easy when the guy doesn't ask out, since usually it is men who do.
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I just don't feel the excitement to meet them even when conversation is nice.
Also I don't have anyone (except few weirdos every day) near me for the past month on tinder so I'm more or less done.. I live in a city with about 20k people.
Maybe I will go out again (after 10 years) when this pandemic is over.
 
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Ren said:
Miss BlackHorse is certainly picky :tongueout:
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I'm the same .. but I like to call it "discerning" :tongueclosed:

@BlackHorse - stick to your guns I say. It's lonely sometimes. I feel for you even if I'm in the same position. :flushed:

I really want someone that I can connect with. It just seems that a lot of people are looking for something different. That's just the way it is, and you need to accept that whatever you're looking for that it might take time to find.
 
JustPhil said:
I'm the same .. but I like to call it "discerning" :tongueclosed:

@BlackHorse - stick to your guns I say. It's lonely sometimes. I feel for you even if I'm in the same position. :flushed:

I really want someone that I can connect with. It just seems that a lot of people are looking for something different. That's just the way it is, and you need to accept that whatever you're looking for that it might take time to find.
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Nothing wrong with being picky... or discerning ;)
 
BlackHorse said:
Am I picky or am I just specific about what I want? :smirk:
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Specific, and that's good.

For what it's worth, I went on a lot of Tinder dates last year and none of them worked out either.
 
Ren said:
Specific, and that's good.

For what it's worth, I went on a lot of Tinder dates last year and none of them worked out either.
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It's good in theory.
How do you handle that? The worst thing are expectations... and when something doesn't work out I can't deal anymore. I need weeks just to get back on track.
Some people date all the time. ... how :neutral:
 
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