Review an INTJ: The Law of the Friend Zone

If this is how you choose to respond to a request of friendship, then you must not have truly cared for that person. This isn't about leverage, this isn't about being vindictive towards you, this is the attempt to salvage a relationship with someone you have no romantic feelings for. Just because you love and care for someone does not mean they are the right person for you romantically. There are many types of love in this world, and I believe friendship to be among the most important. I have been on both sides of the friend-zone and each time I have ultimately been thankful that I was. For each time in my gut something had told me they weren't the right person for me. What I need out of my friends and what I need out of my partner are two very different things. This is someone I'm supposed to have standing by my side through thick and thin to help me figure out this crazy thing called life. To do that I need someone who can do this on a mental, emotional, and physical level. Through not fault of anyone, not everyone can fulfill this. Much like I can't be this for everyone. No matter how much I may want them to be that for me or for me to be that for them. But that doesn't mean I don't want them in my life. Friends are wonderful because they don't have to fulfill every level for the relationship to still maintain meaning and be lasting. So stop complaining about why they don't want to be with you and turning this into some sort of power struggle and figure out why it may not be in your best interest to be with them anyways. Not out of malice to fix your ego, but of an attempt at growth. This is your chance to figure out what it is about them that drew you to them, what is it about them that would have ultimately caused the relationship to fail, what is it about them that could possibly be lacking that you may find in someone else, what levels are they fulfilling in this, why aren't they fulfilling others. The list goes on. Once you have done this. Pick up your pride, dust off your wounded feelings, be a friend, and try again.
 
Consider:
  • Your (friend-zoned) worth as a man or woman is lowered
  • His or her (friend-zoner) worth as a person is lowered
  • Changing the terms of the relationship is okay
  • Rejecting the new terms is okay too
  • Being friends is okay
  • And sometimes it isn't

Consider people's feelings and accept their decisions. Try to remember that your self-worth does not (and should not) hinge on one person.

Balance:
  • Being on the same page
  • Being on the same level of emotional maturity
  • Having equivalent options

Anything else is either selfish, negligent, exploitative, or abusive. But sometimes you can't help who you like.
 
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