Send Help! INFJ/INFP Communication Trouble

Gist said:
And some high heel shoes are pretty big, and some . . . a bit small?
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You can wear boots if you like. Don't let a filthy man like me tell you what to wear.

Gist said:
Could you be more disconfusing
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ruji said:
You can wear boots if you like. Don't let a filthy man like me tell you what to wear.



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Filthy? *kinky is more like it*

If I get boots, can I get spikes on them? Please, pretty please, please? :m200: I won't stomp too hard, I promise.
 
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infpwonderer said:
INFP, here. I'm crazy about this INFJ in my life. We've spent over the last nine months getting closer and closer. We have the most intimate conversations I've ever had with another. A few months ago, I shared with him that I was developing strong feelings for him and was trying to navigate them. He had an immediate physical reaction and seemed surprised, although I said that if he was honest with himself then I didn't see how he could be surprised. He left, things were strange, and I thought everything we built was ruined.

Fast forward a month or so, our relationship seems back to normal and I anticipate having to suppress my feelings in order to keep our friendship.

A few weeks ago, we were spending time together and he tried to kiss me. I stopped it from happening. Why? Because he's actually in a relationship with another. It's an unhealthy relationship in my eyes and one that shouldn't be, even if I weren't in the equation. But I've never expressed that. I explained to him that I wanted to kiss him more than anything, but that I couldn't while he was with someone else. And that I would never want him to regret doing that with me. And that I wouldn't want it to taint what we have, which is incredibly special. He tells me, via text, that he often wants to touch me - to hug me, to hold my hand, to kiss me. And that he feels shitty to say that. I tell him he needs to figure things out for himself and that I'll give him the space and time to do that

Fast forward an awkward week, and he tells me that he has things that he needs to say, but wants to do it in person. But, he comes over and says nothing... Fast forward another month and nothing has been said about the almost-kiss or feelings of any kind. He knows I'm about to explode from the ambiguity, but has done nothing to clear his end up. But we continue to spend time together.

So I guess my questions are these:
INFJ men, does this situation seem to mirror any you've been in? Can you give me any insight as to what his mind might be doing?
INFJ/INFP relationships, can you give me any hope or insight?

I'm losing my mind over here.

Sincerely,
Lingering INFP
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@Scientia @ruji @CindyLou

This is the cops.. Place your hands on your head and walk away from the keyboard !! There have been some very anti men comments made on this thread so far.. I like a joke, but really ? All men.. ? I will accept that men, generally need to work on their relationship skills. And how to not pee on the bathroom floor.. but this is an INFJ guy, and the OP seems very keen on him. I do wonder what you would think if a group of men on the forum were discussing women like that ?

I think the very sad truth is that relationships are complicated, and not all of them work out, even if we love people and they love us. I don't want to be harsh @infpwonderer but when you shared how you felt, you knew he was already in a relationship. Are you honestly surprised that things have developed this way? I can only say an INFJ man (who has not turned to the dark side) is unlikely to want to hurt, lie to, or damage anyone. Including his current partner, even if she is the worst person in the world.

However difficult things are, I think the only way forward is to talk to him about everything you have expressed here, and see how things go. If how you describe things are accurate, then I think there is a real chance he will end his current relationship and be with you. I think if he doesn't, it will be very difficult to maintain a friendship, without this being an issue. I think you must have known all that, when you decided to speak up about how you felt. I hope things work out for the best for all of you.

If he turns out to be a bad guy @ruji seems keen to stamp on his sensitive parts, and will be able to round up a 'posse' to help do that quite easily. I would say more, but I have to go to to the bathroom and pee precisely into the facilities correctly, with no accuracy issues, unlike those unreliable women @Milktoast Bandit ? Sheesh, the mess they make..

James
 
Sorry for the thread derail @infpwonderer There's been some great advice on this thread so far, so I don't want to pretend to improve on it. One thing I will say is that don't let waiting for him stop you from looking out for you. Regardless if he is interested or not, his actions should speak louder than his words. If he's not taking any action to be with you completely, and still on the fence, then that's not fair to you. But if he's really serious, he would have stepped up. You shouldn't have to settle for waiting in the wings. You deserve someone who says they really want you to treat you as if you're the prize, not the consolation on the side. Sorry for my really bad analogies/cliches :D.Wish you the best.
 
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James said:
@Scientia @ruji @CindyLou

This is the cops.. Place your hands on your head and walk away from the keyboard !! There have been some very anti men comments made on this thread so far.. I like a joke, but really ? All men.. ? I will accept that men, generally need to work on their relationship skills. And how to not pee on the bathroom floor.. but this is an INFJ guy, and the OP seems very keen on him. I do wonder what you would think if a group of men on the forum were discussing women like that ?

I think the very sad truth is that relationships are complicated, and not all of them work out, even if we love people and they love us. I don't want to be harsh @infpwonderer but when you shared how you felt, you knew he was already in a relationship. Are you honestly surprised that things have developed this way? I can only say an INFJ man (who has not turned to the dark side) is unlikely to want to hurt, lie to, or damage anyone. Including his current partner, even if she is the worst person in the world.

However difficult things are, I think the only way forward is to talk to him about everything you have expressed here, and see how things go. If how you describe things are accurate, then I think there is a real chance he will end his current relationship and be with you. I think if he doesn't, it will be very difficult to maintain a friendship, without this being an issue. I think you must have known all that, when you decided to speak up about how you felt. I hope things work out for the best for all of you.

If he turns out to be a bad guy @ruji seems keen to stamp on his sensitive parts, and will be able to round up a 'posse' to help do that quite easily. I would say more, but I have to go to to the bathroom and pee precisely into the facilities correctly, with no accuracy issues, unlike those unreliable women @Milktoast Bandit ? Sheesh, the mess they make..

James
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What are you talking about? Where are the anti-men comments? We defended the guy. Where are you guys reading anything anti-men?

Are you guys trolling?
 
CindyLou said:
What are you talking about? Where are the anti-men comments? We defended the guy. Where are you guys reading anything anti-men?

Are you guys trolling?
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@CindyLou I did mean that in a light hearted way, as I do this post. I thought you knew me better. Is it fair to say there is a little trace of that in this thread ? If not I apologize. We are talking about an INFJ guy, and there are not many of us around. The few I know, are all good guys. The only bad one is me, and I am atypical. I completely understand why men get a 'bad press' it's mostly deserved. I do think if we take out any gender issues, the rest of what I said, I hope was fair.

I did know I'd take some heat for what I put, but I never thought it would come from you. I am going now to watch 'The Lake House' again. Not all men are like Donald J "Grab their ..... " Trump.
 
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James said:
@CindyLou I did mean that in a light hearted way. I thought you knew me better. Is it fair to say there is a little trace of that in this thread ? If not I apologize. We are talking about an INFJ guy, and there are not many of us around. The few I know, are all good guys. The only bad one is me, and I am atypical. I completely understand why men get a 'bad press' it's mostly deserved. I do think if we take out any gender issues, the rest of what I said, I hope was fair.

I did know I'd take some heat for what I put, but I never thought it would come from you. I am going now to watch 'The Lake House' again. Not all men are like Donald J "Grab their ..... " Trump.
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I wasn't giving you any heat. xx I'm sorry if my post came across that way. I was just confused asking for clarification because I thought everyone defended him and assumed he had good intentions. Lol, sorry

I agree with your advice btw

gotta grab life by the p*ssy, amirite?
 
CindyLou said:
I wasn't giving you any heat. xx I'm sorry if my post came across that way. I was just confused asking for clarification because I thought everyone defended him and assumed he had good intentions. Lol, sorry

I agree with your advice btw

gotta grab life by the p*ssy, amirite?
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@CindyLou I think I've liked all your posts, I gently tried to prod the 'guys are bad news' part, as this is an INFJ. I am biased of course. Lol.

@infpwonderer I hope you don't think I don't take your situation seriously, I really do. I will take a guess the INFJ guy is torn a thousand different ways right now, between his conscience, what he feels, and what he thinks is the best thing to do. For all of you. He will probably place himself last on that list. If you are hurting, he will feel it, and be hurting too. He probably is anyway. Even the kiss, or attempt, will have taken a toll on him. Whilst married (I'm separated) I wouldn't even place a "x" on a text or a card.

Given the right circumstances, I think he will open up and tell you everything he is thinking/feeling. It may not be easy for him, but he is probably desparate to do that. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Best Wishes,
James
 
@James I love men! I don't want anything to do with anything anti-men lol

If something I said came across that way I absolutely didn't intend for it to come across that way. I assumed the other comments in the thread that might have leaned that way were jokes.
 
CindyLou said:
@James I love men! I don't want anything to do with anything anti-men lol

If something I said came across that way I absolutely didn't intend for it to come across that way.
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You didn't lol, please excuse my over sentivity and 'leaden' hard to read humor. I guess I read the part (not from you) about stamping on their ......s and drinking their tears. Made me wince a little, as methaphorically I think that has happened to me recently. And yes I did watch The Lake House again... lol lol

I hope all is well with Abby and you. Take care.

James
 
James said:
You didn't lol, please excuse my over sentivity and 'leaden' hard to read humor. I guess I read the part (not from you) about stamping on their ......s and drinking their tears. Made me wince a little, as methaphorically I think that has happened to me recently. And yes I did watch The Lake House again... lol lol

I hope all is well with Abby and you. Take care.

James
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Your sensitivity is welcome here and completely understood. :)
 
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