Spanked until I was 9. When I was what I call 'laced with the belt', (big red/purple welts on my back, backside and legs), for a crime I did not commit, and the sheriff was called to my elementary school nurse's office because I could not sit down in my seat, I was never
spanked again.
To me that day was a beating and no where close to a spanking. We teach our young yes and no very early in life, often without realizing the desensitization we are inflicting upon them...physically as well as emotionally.
Back story is, my older sister, 14 at the time, took the money and pack of cigarettes off the kitchen table that my Dad had put there. He was working double and tripple shifts at work at the time and had just tossed the contents of his pockets on the table when he had come in from work. Upon waking to return back to work after only a couple hours, Dad noticed the items missing. He was pissed to say the least. He came in my room, turned on the light, and asked me where they were, while yelling my sisters name at the same time. My sister's room was off my room, meaning one had to walk through my room to get to hers. He was so angry he snatched my covers because I wouldn't get up. I hadn't done anything, so I assumed I was in the clear. Imagine my surprise when he snatched the covers and the money and cigarettes went flying in the air
After he retrieved his stuff, he snatched me by the arm, I started bawling and pleading my case, as he dragged me kicking and screaming downstairs. He took his belt and beat me until my mother grabbed his arm and said stop. They argued, he went back to work.
Later, I went to school. I wiggled in my seat on the bus, and tried sitting in class, but it hurt so much so that I could not. The teacher was angry, I cried hysterically, and was sent to the principal for disrupting class. The principal called his secretary in, they then called the nurse, and I went with her. When the officer showed up I was crying silently because in my mind I was in big trouble. Mom had to come to school and get me. The sheriff, two state troopers and two CPA people searched my room and home. My mom was very upset when another state trooper walked through the door with my dad.
I was almost removed from my home that day...however, back then folks didn't view corporal punishment in the same way they do today. Dad got a slap on the hand, promised never to do that again, and everyone went away...so did some of my pride and spirit.
I do not believe in hitting, not a child, nor adult. To me there is no sensible reason for it. I don't believe in yelling either. Young children, (and adults), do need dicipline. I believe childeren learn self-discipline and a sense of right or wrong when we set them down and explain why their behavior is unacceptable, and privledges outlined that will temporarily be taken away for an agreed upon time. This works well with kids age 2 and up, I believe babies should be allowed to be babies
. By the same regard, children should have it explained why when they behave well, that this is acceptable, praised and appreciated.
I firmly believe that many children do not know the difference between well-behaved and mis-behaved because they were not taught so when young. I also believe that many of the nerosis adults experience came from being hit and screamed at when young.
Childhood Schemeas are built between the ages of birth and 7 or 8. These schemas are used while an adult to problem-solve life experiences. These schemas also build an adult attachment style, which we use in the relationships we form in life. If all we see are our caregivers hitting and screaming, how then are we to grow into healthy adults and not settle our grievences with others without the hitting and screaming?? We teach our young people by example after all.
