Straight INFJ Males

[shapeshifter]

The straight male INFJs in my life IRL tend to be perceived by others as either closet gays or closet perverts. I wish this was a joke, but it really isn't. The common denominator here is that people sense that they are secretive (the closet!) and kinda sexually frustrated, so it's gotta be either of these things. It gets kinda tiring to be asked by people continuously even after knowing them for years, "Is he gay? Really, he isn't?? Are you sure?" or "Omg why is he such a pervert? He seems so quiet and creepy." Then back on the receiving end with the INFJs, it gets them feeling kinda frustrated all the time, and wishing they could "man up". It almost makes me want to bang them so it would just end. That might be what those crafty bastards have been shooting for with this all along, though.

I've had a similar experience. I'm a bit of a wild card when it comes to how socially in-the-zone I am on any given occasion so I'll either come across as gay because I'm good looking, well groomed, and very expressive or I'll be quiet, observant, and, in short, awkward (creepy). I think people look at behavioral inconsistency as a potential threat because unpredictability may signify the potential for deviant behavior. This may work in favor of gay males because lets face it homosexuality is deviant but hurts straight males (especially white middle class ones) because it moves too far outside the expected character of this social group.

On a personal level, I very rarely consider matters of my gender. I very clearly identify as male, but I have almost no self identity in terms of masculine or feminine. I seem to be a rather fluid amalgamation of the two - I have both strong and weak masculine and feminine traits. And I don't think this is just because I am against gender stereotypes, but rather because I grew up in a home environment where I was free to create my own identity.

I remember worrying about issues of gender when I was a young teenager mostly due to social awareness and peer pressure, but that seemed to fade away once I had facial hair. It seems that having a beard is so masculine that you can really get away with a lot of other feminine traits and still come across as masculine. Right now I have fairly long hair (which I think is quite pretty =P) and I've even painted my nails pretty flamboyant colors on occasion (I like pink and purple, you can see my profile for that >.>), and no one seems to think I'm gay or effeminate. I do have a fairly quiet and analytical demeanor most of the time, however, and that rigidity probably adds to the masculine image.

I relate with you about gender and masculine/feminine identification. I play the role of the "man" for society when it is necessary but when freed from these restraints I am a lot more fluid in my expression.

 

[Infjman]

Straight INFJ male here, although I have been speculated to have been gay due to my pretty boy look. I think if youre a guy and you express emotions a lot of people, men and women, will think you are gay, or just weird. I think this societal belief scares men from understanding their emotions. It's unfortunate, emotions run a lot deeper to the core than thoughts do, and if ignored people can be ignoring the greater portion of their being, never really knowing themselves, and never really having anyone love them for their entire being.

 

[Renaissance]

Straight INFJ male here, although I have been speculated to have been gay due to my pretty boy look. I think if youre a guy and you express emotions a lot of people, men and women, will think you are gay, or just weird. I think this societal belief scares men from understanding their emotions. It's unfortunate, emotions run a lot deeper to the core than thoughts do, and if ignored people can be ignoring the greater portion of their being, never really knowing themselves, and never really having anyone love them for their entire being.

Great post; Thanks..R

 

[CuriousINTJ]

INFJ males are without a doubt the rarest group of MBTI type. Two thirds of INFJs are females. Many INFJ males are gay (possibly a majority), which further reduces the numbers of straight INFJ males.

Due to the differences in perspective based on gender, I'd really like to have as many straight INFJ males (that don't mind revealing their orientation as such) check in on this thread, with the intention of possibly creating a user group with the intention of discussing the condition of being a straight INFJ male, and to see how much we have in common with one another, as well as discuss the differences we may have with INFJ females.

While this might seem like gender bias or even sexism, I've noticed that straight INFJ males do tend to have some significant personality differences from INFJ females and even gay INFJ males, who (and I mean no offense when I say) often share many female perspectives.

Actually, INTJ females are the rarest personality type, followed very closely by INFJ males.

My bf is an INFJ male, he is straight. He has grown up with boys his whole life until his teenage years, where his best friends have been females. He has a lot of male characteristics, but also has a fair few female ones. We chop-and-change gender roles in our relationship. He has never been mistaken for being gay, ever.

 

[Brodskizzle]

I had a dream about Jason Derulo once after seeing the music video for "In My Head", but I'm generally a straight INFJ male.

 

[ImpureHedonism]

Actually, INTJ females are the rarest personality type, followed very closely by INFJ males.

How do you verify this to be true? INTJ may very well be the rarest type, period - it's just that females appear that way less often due to cultural stereotypes. Lots of people who give their type rarely know what the cognitive functions are.

 

[jimtaylor]

I am straight.

Did martial arts in the football off-season for two years. Otherwise I did bowling, football and basketball most of my life. I never thought much about the macho stuff, I just enjoyed it. I still play basketball every weekend with friends of mine. I have always had a wide range of friends but for the most part I do get along a lot more with my own gender as far as friendship goes. I am just too nervous around girls my age, I forget how to talk!

I got in a lot of fights growing up but I never really felt bullied because normally I would become good friends with those kids who I fought. Strange, I know.... There is an advantage to my size and it is that normally people did not want to fight me and it seems like I always had one person or another standing up to defend me. For example, 4th grade, I was crying for whatever reason and this one kid was making fun of me so two of my friends (one boy, one girl) walked over and basically told the kid how I am awesome and the other kid sucked. It is something I have noticed that happens in my life quite often, people get very defensive of me and in return I am protective of them. A common trait of all these individuals is they are also those macho macho alpha male types that for whatever reason take me on as their wingman. My best friend since 4th grade has always been that ladies man, player type and we have always gotten along great and balance each other out. He got me my first date and helped me where I was lacking, socially.

So it is almost like my natural sensitivity has drawn people to me, my whole life. I know there are some who have thought me gay but it really didn't matter because I knew I was straight and on top of that my friends defended me even to girls. If a girl mentioned something negative about me they would quickly correct her and every girl they planned on introducing to me, they would talk very highely of me but also warn that I was a bit "different" than most. I, for the most part of my life have just been happily oblivious to these things. My energy and worry was directed on very different things than most my age so I was out of the loop most of the time as far as what people said about me. I had good friends and that was enough most of the time. It was only when events like school dances and such rolled around that I actually felt that it might be nice to have a girlfriend.

 

[CuriousINTJ]

How do you verify this to be true? INTJ may very well be the rarest type, period - it's just that females appear that way less often due to cultural stereotypes. Lots of people who give their type rarely know what the cognitive functions are.

Because when this has been discussed in all of the books on the subject I have ever read, this is what their studies have shown. *Shrug* Maybe they are wrong, but this is what the studies have shown. I just noted it because it was interesting... its of little consequence who is the "rarest"

 

[Shaqie]

Dude ...

... I am so straight, that no one can ever curve me.

 

[knight in battle]

All my male friends (IRL) are straight.

 

[Renaissance]

My experience; Straight INFJ Men, love women; We are Romantics. This, doe's not-escape the notice of quite a percentage of women out there (society). We are- any way you look at it; a minority. Neither doe's it escape the notice of other-men, in general, that; Their women (wives, girlfriends, notice-us (straight INFJ Men). We have- some qualities very appealing to them- and their Men, notice, them, noticing, us. Their Men, also, are aware at least, to some degree, that they are not blessed (also, maybe cursed), with watever those unique gifts are which we posess, that has their Women noticing us. IMO this is one, just one of the social dynamics that cause us INFJ males to not only be misunderstood but slandered, miligned for being "different". It's not easy. In my experience, it takes patience and a refusal to give up on life by many of us (straight INFJ males in this- context) so that we then have a chance to get to know and trust ourselves, our gifts, and a few confidants who will learn to know us as we really are, and as one other poster put it "love us, for who we truly are". I am one of those straight INFJ Men who's had a very difficult start in life. How about you? Stick around, or you'll miss what happens next (-=

 

[ColubridKing]

I'm straight, but I have minor qualities that could be taken as gay. I love light slip-on shoes like Toms, I have never been "manly" in any way (technical skills, interests, etc), I like to shop and have an amateur interest in fashion.

 

[hstcl]

Straight male here. I've never wondered about it, but a lot of my friends are gay. Go figure.

 

[_Alex_]

Straight INFJ here. Never thought much about it but I probably can come off as gay to some people in some situations, talking about feeling etc. Qualities that a lot of males lack. A gay friend of mine did hit on me once thinking I might share some feelings but I never been asked if being gay other then that time. I also always dress nice and care about my image, which among males that doesn't do it or lack skill to do it, comes off as gay. Strange world we live in.

 

[Napoleon]

My experience; Straight INFJ Men, love women; We are Romantics. This, doe's not-escape the notice of quite a percentage of women out there (society). We are- any way you look at it; a minority. Neither doe's it escape the notice of other-men, in general, that; Their women (wives, girlfriends, notice-us (straight INFJ Men). We have- some qualities very appealing to them- and their Men, notice, them, noticing, us. Their Men, also, are aware at least, to some degree, that they are not blessed (also, maybe cursed), with watever those unique gifts are which we posess, that has their Women noticing us. IMO this is one, just one of the social dynamics that cause us INFJ males to not only be misunderstood but slandered, miligned for being "different". It's not easy. In my experience, it takes patience and a refusal to give up on life by many of us (straight INFJ males in this- context) so that we then have a chance to get to know and trust ourselves, our gifts, and a few confidants who will learn to know us as we really are, and as one other poster put it "love us, for who we truly are". I am one of those straight INFJ Men who's had a very difficult start in life. How about you? Stick around, or you'll miss what happens next (-=

^^This!!

My really good friends give my hell all the time for being more effeminate than your average dude, and a lot of guys probably look down on me or are threatened by how I can be if they take the time to really and get to know me. But they better not bring their girlfriends around if I'm in that type of mood, or a little drunk!

I would never steal someone's girl away from them, but it's fun to mess them. This happens a lot when friends bring their female "acquaintances" around me. If I ever start talking and relating to them, I can almost instantly steal the attention away from these types of macho "alpha" guys. Don't get me wrong, I would describe myself as sort of an alpha, but in a much, much more subtle way. The greatest part is the "look" I get from some of these girls when some my unique charm starts to shine. It's like they've found something completely new in life that they don't know what to do with. A sort of bewilderment if you will. Oh, and other guys do take notice to what I'm doing. I think they see how quickly I can make a connection with their girl. The same connection that may have taken them days, possibly even weeks to make I can sometimes build in a matter of hour or so. It's a lot of fun, but I can only pull it off in a real low-pressure environment, meaning I already know she's with someone. It terrifies the hell out of me when she's a very single girl.

 

[E5150]

Straight INFJ male. As far as coming off as gay, I've never thought about that. I will say that I don't subscribe to this whole arrogant, macho alpha-male ego crap as it reeks of insecurity and douchyness. There's nothing that pisses me off more than some loud, obnoxious frat-boy that think he's tough.

 

[Renaissance]

Straight INFJ male. As far as coming off as gay, I've never thought about that. I will say that I don't subscribe to this whole arrogant, macho alpha-male ego crap as it reeks of insecurity and douchyness. There's nothing that pisses me off more than some loud, obnoxious frat-boy that think he's tough.

These are the bully types who hide (attempt to, anyway) their fear of themselves and everybody else, behind bravado and feel threatened by anyone else (guys) who are not stereotypical males,which causes them to feel inadequate due to their own- lack of understanding peolple well at all- and so- they try to deal with their discomfort by pulling the "gay card". They tend to be miserable little morons-if the context be that of true "character", which is something rare these days, causing for it to have the ability to really scare those not possesing any of it. These bullies also, need not necessarily be only- male, either. Really feels good to say it the way I know it is. Look out, though; don't give them a free chance to hurt you, cause they will, if it makes them feel safe (remember the fear, they operate under)..Better to guard closely, confidential matters and learn to choose carefully those you can trust (not many)..but those- will be the one's that have- character..(-=

 

[E5150]

These are the bully types who hide (attempt to, anyway) their fear of themselves and everybody else, behind bravado and feel threatened by anyone else (guys) who are not stereotypical males,which causes them to feel inadequate due to their own- lack of understanding peolple well at all- and so- they try to deal with their discomfort by pulling the "gay card". They tend to be miserable little morons-if the context be that of true "character", which is something rare these days, causing for it to have the ability to really scare those not possesing any of it. These bullies also, need not necessarily be only- male, either. Really feels good to say it the way I know it is. Look out, though; don't give them a free chance to hurt you, cause they will, if it makes them feel safe (remember the fear, they operate under)..Better to guard closely, confidential matters and learn to choose carefully those you can trust (not many)..but those- will be the one's that have- character..(-=

Oh, I do. There are very few people I trust in this world. I actually had a "friend" who fits that description but as of late, I severed ties with him before he could really stab me in the back. He was a compulsive liar and his personality wasn't much to speak of. I have no time for people like that.

 

[ChadKarding]

I'm a strait INFJ, I've never doubted my sexuality.

 

[abeautifulheartandmind]

If I may, as I am female but I have read through a lot of the posts. What is coming through is the "feelings" part of the INFJ. In our society, we have tried to peg men as unemotional and lacking in any feelings. If they do show feelings they are to be labeled either weak or gay. Neither of which is true. I keep control of my feeling side- that doesn't make me less feminine or even more masculine but none the less, it is society that has coined this. I think it is perfectly acceptable for a man whether straight or gay to show any emotion as long as they are not just using it for their own gain (such as manipulators). The other part is that we are extremely intuitive and able to feel what others feel- such as their emotions so it takes a lot and I mean a lot of control to not feel everything from everyone all of the time. I would actually believe that more INFJ males would counteract that with more of a masculine demeanor by warding those feelings off. I tend to go for Extroverts as opposed to Introverts because I need that buffer to the world and I enjoy being the background so I am thinking that Extroverts perhaps are seen as more masculine which is not true either- they are just more outgoing. And as Introverts- we need this- it's something we admire. Ok- so I have rambled enough. Just throwing that out there as food for thought.