Honestly, I dont really care to argue my hunch with you beyond the elaboration that this kind of thinking is dangerous (and similar to that of a potential rapest) in that you are overriding or refusing to acknowledge someone’s plain refusal to be involved with you on the grounds that in your personal opinion, they don’t know what they want.
I don’t care if you worked with rape victims. I’ve known domestic violence experts who were ironically, glaringly chauvinistic against women, (unconsciously emulating the abusiveness that scarred and motivated them to entering the field in the first place) which is just one example of why I don’t put much stock in people touting their professions in the context of online debates.
I see that you tagged me in another thread where I mentioned that I have shut people out due to my own immaturity. I’m not running from that at all, but aside from the fact that I am not INFJ (and not your dating partners) I think that you are still fruitlessly searching for ammunition to aid you in your proxy battle against people you know in real life via INFJs in general. You are just playing out that lack of closure in an online format, and for what?
Anyway, this is clearly a debate that is not going to have a productive end and currently looks like a battle for the last word. If nothing else, take cues from the INFJs in the thread who tried to help you understand and then gradually melted out of the discussion. They were able to see the incompatibilities a mile away and because of that they withdrew. It seems like a sensible choice to me, and that very intuition may have been a factor in some of what you see as doorslamming in real life. They may have made the correct choices for themselves, and they are under no obligation to spell it out to your satisfaction in order to be characterized as mature adults.
I am now going to try to wise up and take the same cues as the others and will do my best to exit the discussion here without getting further entangled.