Understanding the INFJ Doorslam

ClevelandINTP said:
I also know I’ve reversed the doorslam before so let’s not act like all doorslams are equal and some can be reconsidered. But now you’re saying that’s being disrespectful. But if I didn’t re-engage it would have never been re-opened
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If everything is on your terms, and people just respect it without compromise, then it goes back to my original point of the slam being one-sided
 
ClevelandINTP said:
If everything is on your terms, and people just respect it without compromise, then it goes back to my original point of the slam being one-sided
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The fact still remains that you don't like when another person has agency of their own. In essence, you are a control freak but you deny it as a possibility because you espouse freedom for all.
They chose to leave you, you can't do anything about it. That drives you mad. It should.

If you've been so irritating and annoying and pervasive as to cause somebody to revert their doorslam, you've behaved in a way that is quite frankly disturbingly stalker like.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Tell me my point
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Sales is emotionally driven in the same ways that our connection to others is.
We go through the sales process in forming relationships and sales itself is about forming relationships, which is why the best sales people don't give a fuck about anything aside from forming good relationships. When you market yourself well, you sell well. They are highly intertwined. In the age of social media, marketing yourself well is essential.

There is a lot to this topic. I'm not gonna get deep into it. Suffice to say, forming really solid relationships has a lot to do with time management because we have greater access to a greater number of like minded people.
 
Wyote said:
The fact still remains that you don't like when another person has agency of their own. In essence, you are a control freak but you deny it as a possibility because you espouse freedom for all.
They chose to leave you, you can't do anything about it. That drives you mad. It should.

If you've been so irritating and annoying and pervasive as to cause somebody to revert their doorslam, you've behaved in a way that is quite frankly disturbingly stalker like.
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I am pro agency. I don’t like being unheard or misunderstood though. Same as you. And yeah, if I think a flawed perception is used in the determination it sucks. Same as you. I’m totally cool with whatever the decision is, though
 
Which would suggest to approach them, right

Using the same logic

And same as you could tell your ex wife she’s beautiful today or if you ever did during those twenty years
 
@ClevelandINTP I can understand after a couple of days of this conversation why you have a problem. You keep digging in the same hole even though it's not getting you anywhere. This shouldn't be about who's right or wrong, but how you form and sustain relationships and you are damaging your chances of forming any friendship relationships here, for example. I can appreciate that what has happened to you is hurtful, but unless you let go of the feelings of injury and hurt pride you will never get to any kind of resolution. Being "correct" and on the moral high ground won't make you any more loveable and can only push people even further away. You aren't going to get anywhere by arguing that INFJs as a type owe you anything. Like I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with finding yourself incompatible with particular types - just avoid trying to build intimate relationships with them if they keep hurting you. I can understand you are drawn to INFJs but if it's like a moth to a candle flame then it's doing you no good, for you or for the people you are interested in.
 
I’m not here to gain relationships—I appreciate the thought. I don’t care who’s right. I don’t think anybody owes me, personally, anything. Let alone an entire group of people. Being heard is more important, which ironically, is what the doorslam is about

I do like to debate, though, and it doesn’t always lead to something, is what’s going on. As I mentioned, I am okay with sharing perspectives and not thinking any more or less of someone for it. No matter what it is
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Which would suggest to approach them, right

Using the same logic
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No. I went from love to not giving a crap about her feelings or well being. I'm saying it's possible that has happened to you and you should not approach, because clearly this person isn't interested at the moment.
 
That’s fair, but there’s a bunch of threads here about INFJs wanting to reach out to people that they’ve been hurt by, etc, but are too afraid to, so it’s hard to know. Which will either lead to tremendous regrets or having avoidant behavior enabled

Now, I was really trying to see what my options were. In the back of my head, I know that for this to actually be a good relationship and move it forward, she needs to reach out. I’ve put in too much effort as-is and she needs to get her head on straight. So it’s already imbalanced. She can put on her big girl panties which she has yet to do in the right way

Having gone through the slam before and who should reopen it, it should be the INFJ regardless of who was right. However, sometimes they just won’t do it on their own even though they want to, so things slip into oblivion. From my experience, they don’t seem to have the strength to endure tougher emotions. I get it. And it’s not that we don’t understand or respect it, but we also have needs for emotions, efficiency or clarity or whatever that’s being “disrespected.”

But really I’d advise going against the doorslam unless you really, really want the person because it’s going to be a giant pain in the ass and you are going to create an imbalanced relationship. Even if you convince them, you have have set yourself up for issues. Hence, the doorslam is one-sided. My original point
 
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Just curious, it is clear to everyone that there will likely be no resolution to this, right? There will be no, "oh, now I get it!" moment here. The debate is the point, I'm pretty sure.

Cool if people want to participate, just wanted to say it out loud.

I participated because it felt good to say my peace. Now I'm at peace.

Peace out.
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