What do ISTJs want from INFJs?

What is shallow talk? I dont think im good at it.
 
the said:
What is shallow talk? I dont think im good at it.
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sorry i didn't mean actual shallow talk, just from what I've seen he enjoys talking about simple stuff, i guess more accurately, not 'deep' when communicating-- with infj's anyway. But maybe it's just him, or he just likes talking about breakfast and videos and those things.
 
ODyssey said:
sorry i didn't mean actual shallow talk, just from what I've seen he enjoys talking about simple stuff, i guess more accurately, not 'deep' when communicating-- with infj's anyway. But maybe it's just him, or he just likes talking about breakfast and videos and those things.
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What is it about breakfast and video conversation topics that bother you? Video conversation can be pretty deep. A lot can be said about a good breakfast.
 
the said:
What is it about breakfast and video conversation topics that bother you? Video conversation can be pretty deep. A lot can be said about a good breakfast.
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I'm not sure.. if I really want to get to know someone more, talking about 'vegemite being better than nutella and peanut butter with jam tops the list though' is not how I would go for a dep conversation~ don't get me wrong, i find it cute, but all the time? we're just different I guess, but like I said, he's very strong in making things right between us :m129:
Apparently INFJ's and ISTJ really just have a whole different image of the world.
 
Surprisingly Lucy jr has the most accurate insight in this thread - inspite of his poor communication skills.

Besides me of course.
 
the said:
Surprisingly Lucy jr has the most accurate insight in this thread - inspite of his poor communication skills.

Besides me of course.
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here is another "insight": you are not a ISTJ.
 
Blood
 
Sriracha said:
My husband is an ISTJ. There are many attributes that they all have in common, but there is also a matter of learning/maturing over time in how they relate to others (especially an INFJ). How we relate to others is something WE ALL learn over time. He will never be able to read you. If you have a problem with something, simply tell him.

In reference to what you have pointed out, be aware that ISTJs live on the surface. There are no hidden magical meanings to them. They see things at face value. If an ISTJ sees a problem with something, they want to correct it. If he tells you there is a pot missing from the kitchen ... he means: there's a pot missing from the kitchen; NOT: "you must have used that pot, got it all dirty, didn't clean it right, maybe broke it and is hiding it from me." I believe they also tend to think out loud. So where he might have said "there's a pot missing from the kitchen", he never directed it towards you to begin with ... he's merely stating an observation.

The attitude of an ISTJ can come off as arrogant or maybe like an elitist. You have to know, that this attitude is NOT their intent by any means, they don't see it. They are natural leaders and people take notice in them immediately. The issue is that if they do not talk to you, it's not b/c they think they are better than you ... it's just that they simply have nothing to say or cannot find common ground for conversation. What ever emotion is displayed by them on the surface, they have a tendency to want others to feel it. If they are excited and elated, they want you to be that way too. If they are pissed off about the issue in the kitchen, they want you to feel it too. REMEMBER, they do this unknowingly. It's just who they are.

To be quite honest, and INFJ/ISTJ roommate situation is ideal. They can make great business partners or make a great team. Both being highly organized and productive to meet an end result ... each can give each other a different point of view they might have never noticed before ... especially when it comes to dealing with conflict. INFJs tend to get too wrapped up in the hidden meaning of things that they forget things are sometimes really NOT that complicated. My husband often says to me: "You spend so much time trying to figure out the meaning of life and forget that you are living it now." It's who I am. He doesn't understand it, he's not wired to understand it ... but he has learned to respect it.

So what draws an ISTJ to an INFJ in my opinion? I can only give you an answer about love relations: Foremost, probably b/c the INFJ will never reveal their core self to anyone ... so that mysterious part of them is what keeps the ISTJ entertained and curious. I believe I know everything about my husband. He is still learning things about me after nearly 18 years of being together. I think an INFJ provides a spark to an otherwise dull routine. What does the ISTJ do for an INFJ? Foremost, they ground them emotionally and provide stability that so many of us seek. The ISTJ is dependable, loyal and honest. The main negative to an ISTJ/INFJ relationship is that an INFJ can meet all the needs of an ISTJ; however the ISTJ cannot meet the emotional needs of an INFJ (the INFJ will have to get that "feeling" from elsewhere.)
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This, this, this and this some more! Perfect explanation. I too am married to an ISTJ and actually compliment one another in a lot of ways. Both of us possess different strengths and weaknesses that the other may not have and it's made us wonderful business partners as well as parents. Literally, as a team, we can do it all. People have often commented on our successes and resourcefulness. The biggest problem for us and it sounds like for you too, is communication. ISTJs are absolutely surface value people. I used to read into everything my husband said. Now, we understand one another better and have improved our communication over the years. And I must say too, I don't know about your roommate, but I get a huge kick out of my husband's humor. It's dry, sarcastic and critical and I happen to find it hilarious. We often negatively joke about things and make each other laugh. You could be amongst someone who has the potential to be a great friend and you're missing the opportunity. That's probably why he hovers around you. INFJs can be great loyalists too.
 
selcouth said:
This, this, this and this some more! Perfect explanation. I too am married to an ISTJ and actually compliment one another in a lot of ways. Both of us possess different strengths and weaknesses that the other may not have and it's made us wonderful business partners as well as parents. Literally, as a team, we can do it all. People have often commented on our successes and resourcefulness. The biggest problem for us and it sounds like for you too, is communication. ISTJs are absolutely surface value people. I used to read into everything my husband said. Now, we understand one another better and have improved our communication over the years. And I must say too, I don't know about your roommate, but I get a huge kick out of my husband's humor. It's dry, sarcastic and critical and I happen to find it hilarious. We often negatively joke about things and make each other laugh. You could be amongst someone who has the potential to be a great friend and you're missing the opportunity. That's probably why he hovers around you. INFJs can be great loyalists too.
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Totally just realized this is from forever ago! Lol

I need to pay attention to dates!
 
selcouth said:
Totally just realized this is from forever ago! Lol

I need to pay attention to dates!
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Even though my MBTI type has changed, I re-read the statement I made above and it still rings true. There are many similarities between ISFJ and INFJ. :)
 
Sriracha said:
The main negative to an ISTJ/INFJ relationship is that an INFJ can meet all the needs of an ISTJ; however the ISTJ cannot meet the emotional needs of an INFJ (the INFJ will have to get that "feeling" from elsewhere.)
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Actually, INFJs are just as anti-social to the ISTJ as they seem to us. They tend to enjoy talking about past events while we tend to enjoy dreaming about the future. My wife says stuff to me like, "I had to work two shifts yesterday." and wants to start a conversation about .... how rough that was for her? Honestly I don't know how that kind of stuff becomes conversations for ISTJs but it does. They also love to talk about manners. They use conversations about manners in order to gauge their Fi (expecting all people to naturally be Fi like they are) This helps them choose their wording for future interaction. They love to talk about this stuff and when us INFJs cannot join, we actually are being very unaffectionate, cold, and rude, to them.
 
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