[INFJ] Why do ENFPs like us?

As an INFJ who has been in an eleven year long relationship with a clearly ENFP I do love this thread. The most interesting thing is that he keeps telling me that I am his only friend. I "pssh" that because he has a ton of friends. He means close friends. But I still can not help but wonder if he says that to hold me close (as in on a leash.) He is very manipulative with his words. He is very dependant in love.
But I have been wondering for a decade what he likes about me. They use the same functions in the same order, but reversed. Oh, how very different we are. I control the big picture, like finances and college savings. He cares for day to day things and maintaining relationships with outsiders. We use our opposing strengths. But we fight more often than I would like. Usually over misunderstandings. Or because I can't possibly give him enough affirmation of my love. The man is so needy.
He liked me at first because I was so different. Why he stuck around I think pertains more to his neediness than my personality.
 
ENFP gone "bad"
manipulative, needy, desperate, follower, vain, anger-management problems..
How can I help a damaged enfp mature? Think childhood abuse. That is his problem. Abandonment issues can be a b!tch.
 
I didn't know this, perhaps I have not met an ENFP.
 
The way you describe every type you mentioned seems backwards to me, but I have a feeling that it might just be because the adjectives you use mean something different to me than they do to you.


I would agree with your first sentence.... but everything after that has me scratching my head.


ISTJs have to be some of the least mysterious and unusual people out there.
Are you sure your friend is a ISTJ?

ISTJs are very mysterious and unusual...they are not mysterious in a childish way, like INFJs are...ISTJs have mysteriousness and originality, but along with will power and maturity. A typical ISTJ male will be the lone wolf, respected by people but rarely understood.
So, I'm not sure your friend is a ISTJ, who dresses "very eccentrically and dabbles in alternative lifestyles". That's very unlikely for ISTJs.
They are rational people, serious, with capability for long-term decision making, with regard to practical matters. They are by no means not given to silly things like wearing eccentric clothes.
or to explain myself better, stuffs like "pop" whatever (music, movies, movements) does not interest the typical ISTJs, and also ESTJs. Its because they can see right trough that. Those are serious people, mature, strong and stoic, traditional.
they are the introverted version of ESTJs...imagine that.
Also ISTJs are very rare, from my experience, much more rare then INFJs (but with respect to this, its just my opinion, against MBTI, who says INFJs are "rare")

But even the most "weird" ones are quirky in a way that's very predictable if you know them. They're still Si doms, creatures of comfort and habit, even if their individual patterns don't conform to the norm. They're the ones I'd describe as "simple," in the sense that they're generally straightforward and easy to figure out.
i don't think any man is "easy to figure out", and least likely a ISTJ.


ENFPs, I wouldn't really describe as simple, but I think we may just have different ideas of what that means. ENFPs tend to find a lot of joy in simple pleasures and can have a childlike sense of excitement. If that's what you mean by simple, then I agree.
no, I mean simple in the sense of a person's influence, strenght of personality, rank in society, potential to influence people, to awe people, to make people fall into their influence and leadership.


But they can also be extremely emotionally convoluted and have severely low self esteem. When in this state, it's nearly impossible to predict what will send them into hysterics, and you have to walk on eggshells around them, but the most innocuous thing can set them off.
I already said that ENFPs, as far as I know in my experience, are not the kind of people who are worried about self-esteem things.
There are several reasons for this:
Firstly, they are from the "Gamma" group in Socionics. This group, who is composed of ESTJs, ISTJs, ENFPs and INFPs, are the most mature types in all typology (like really mature, in the sense that they make decisions like adults and have responsabilities like a adult would have).
Secondly, all the gamma group has a "serious" approach to life...not in the sense that they do not have fun or laugh, but in the more deeper sense, that they advance and learn in life with all seriousness, not just with regard to knowledge, but also with regard to action, and taking the most ethical and beneficial decisions for the human good (that is te coupled with Fi). They are also the most ethical group.
That is because they are traditional people, they stick to rules, and respect authority.


It's the dreaded Fi-Si loop. Something as seemingly ridiculous as saying the word "yellow" can set them off. "I was wearing a yellow shirt the day I got a rejection letter from my top college! Yellow is a reminder of what a failure I am, please never bring it up again!" Okay, that's an extreme example, but you get the point. :P The Fi-Si loop causes them to associate (often negative) feelings with the circumstances under which those feelings were felt, even if those contextual details were not the cause of the negative feeling. Emotionally, for Fi/Si users, if there is one sour grape in the bunch, it often ruins the whole bunch.
I think ENFPs are one of the few types who have naturaly a healthy self-esteem. Of coursem there are exceptions, but in general, as a type, ENFPs have a sense of self-esteem, and they advance slowly but surely in life (because they are also bug dreamers, like INFJs are)


One reason ENFPs might be drawn to INFJs is because we are usually more understanding and patient with people than other types. When ENFPs are under stress, they can't help but feel what they're feeling very strongly, even when they know they're being irrational. Rationalizing won't make their emotions go away, and knowing that their hypersensitivity is a nuisance to others just makes them feel worse. So it makes sense that they'd be drawn to natural counselors like INFJs.
I understand and I respect your opinion, but I disagree.
reason being because ENFPs are not in need of counselors, unless they are psychologicaly sick, but that is usualy very rare for ENFPs.
Secondly, a good counselor would have to be himself psychologicaly sane and healthy, and usualy INFJs are not like that, especialy in the Western society, because of the pressure that is being put up on this type. So I don't think INFJs are "counselors", and I also don't think ENFPs seek friendship with INFJs because they need a "natural counselor".

When I said INFJs are not sane and healthy, I meant a great majority of them of course, not all of them.
 
I asked him. "Confidence" was his answer in a nut shell. Apparently, I walked different than most women he knew. Whatever that means.
 
I still don't know any INFJ that up close to know what would be the perfect match between us, but I guess it has to be with the Ne-Ni
(I know several INTJs and we hit it off instantly !) and your Fe is honey to our Fi
 
I've observed a pattern with ENFP developing depending on how healthy their circle of friends are. They tend to transform and let other people's values influence them too much if they themselves haven't defined their values and embraced healthy Fi. Sometimes I think they see INTJ and INFJ as pillars of strength that they can fall back on and recharge until they feel strong enough to get back up and fight to win in life (especially if they share common goals or values with the INTJ/INFJ). Not all ENFP may be like this, some I've known have been loners living like monks, or have found their causes early in life and will fight mercilessly for these causes just because they know it is the right thing for them to do.

It could be they draw strength from your presence. It could be they secretly want to mess with you. Maybe they just genuinely enjoy communicating with you.

I myself let the more introverted types come to me so I can gauge their synergy with me on their terms. I really do not like invading people's privacy.
 
EN is naturally attracted to IN, and I think ENFP's enjoy INFJ's because the functions are EXACTLY OPPOSITE, and they find this curious, because both types are idealists in the same quadrant.

ENFP: EN IF ET IS (Champion)
INFJ: IN EF IT ES (Counselor)

NO MATCHING FUNCTIONS = How does that work?

Short term EN IF is intuitive experience driven, which is why most ENFP's are hilarious and thrive in a world of constant idea generation which all INFJ's find really fun, but ENFP's are not used to seeing the world through a long term internally driven IN EF framework which is delayed and indecisive; that's foreign land. Perhaps ENFP's enjoy seeing an introvert get out of their shell, and live in the moment as they do. Both are performers, but the approach is very different; ie Robin Williams (ENFP) vs. Daniel Day Lewis (INFJ). Also, ENFP's are smart if not geniuses, and enjoy being around those that can follow along, match wits, and deepen the intelligent silliness of the conversation.

I also think they can easily get bored with each other, as I'd suggest ENFP's get along better with INTJ's, and INFJ's get along better with ENTP's. INFJ's don't like IF as it's ungrounded and selfish, and ENFP's don't like IT because it's ungrounded and experimental, whereas INTJ's are ET thinkers and ENTP's are EF feelers, which I think makes for even stronger connections for the ENFP and INFJ.

My roommate in college was an ENFP and it was the best roommate experience of my college life because we had an excessive amount of common interests for uniquely different reasons, were both loners, and got good grades. Harmonious is how I'd describe it.
 
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I am a female ENFP and my fiancé is a male INFJ. I've dated extroverted types and never been satisfied; they are exciting externally but lack substance. I have never been more fascinated by a person than I am by my fiancé. Since I was a child, I have been drawn to mysterious individuals. I typically am great at figuring people out; the INFJ tendency to be reserved is intriguing as they seem to be the only people I cannot truly read. On the other hand, my fiancé feels that I am the only person who has ever truly understood him.

Additionally, I believe my fiancé (INFJ) is the only person who has seen beyond my bubbly personality. A lot of people assume that because I am an extrovert that I am not thoughtful. As a person with OCD who masks her anxiety with optimism, I am constantly deep in thought. INFJ's are the only people who have noticed this about me. I think ENFPs and INFJs get along so well because both personality types feel misunderstood; however they feel misunderstood for different reasons, which keeps things interesting.
 
Because you guys are like sparkly and mysterious unicorns. We want to break you out of your shell and figure you out (and we will never will 100%.. But that's what keeps us going and going ;) ).
 
lawd Jesus just take me now

Sure thing. Step into my vehicle.

Jesus_c03f54_2271895.jpg
 
Ha :) I love reading what other types think of ENFP.

Just as it is the case that to fully understand INFJ, you need to feel, experience and understand introverted intuition, to really understand an ENFP you need to understand extroverted intuition.

To get an INFJ, you need to feel what it feels like to ponder the deep and infinite well of mystery inside, to connect myriad facts and observations and feelings from the inner cosmos and craft profound meanings.

To get an ENFP, you need to feel the pure and unadulterated joy of soaking in millions of facts and impressions from the outside world (people, environment, articles, books, movies, conversations, etc.), cooperating with your subconscious mind to triangulate incredible patterns, narrative threads, understandings and meanings ... It is the feeling of growth, connection, building, learning with no judgement or harshness.

So here we mystify each other. The INFJ is awesomely aware of the possibility in life that we also cherish so, so deeply.

And, being who they are, they can express both negative and positive emotions outwardly (we feel foolish being too negative or grumpy, thinking such expression is best saved for the inner world, and we also think brooding moodiness can squash possibilities in the outside world and can be socially hindering. Can seem shallow to other iNf, but you gotta see we still feel the depth but keep it to ourselves, and our hearts are somewhat private).

And also, as a feeler we perceive a certain organic warmth about you, not quite as distant and mechanical as some thinker types like INTJ or ISTJ (our complete opposite). So that is something with which we can relate.

And finally, your J organization and balance makes you seem calm, trustworthy, reliable. We often withhold judgements because we feel like applying personal rules and structure to an organic thing taints its natural expression in some way. We want to dive in and experience the world as it is, naturally, purely, playfully. But our Perception can get us carried away and feeling ungrounded.

So basically INFJ are wonderful balances to our traits, and we take a certain loving happiness in drawing you out of yourselves.
 
ENFPs are passionate and they don't hold back in expressing it. INFJs are passionate but may hold back from fully expressing it. I find that ENFPs and INFJs hold similar ideals and morals but have different ways of expressing it; which can work in complimentary way. ENFPs enjoy bringing out INFJs out of their shells; usually in a very lighthearted and playful manner which helps INFJs feel more relaxed and open. ENFPs are very gregarious bunch and they bring lightheartedness for the serious INFJs. But even thought they are easy going; they also hold a deeper side to them which INFJs can help assimilate. They work very well together and create an interesting dynamic. It should be experienced to fully grasp the type of relationship that can exist between the two.
 
Mistyped ENFJs, our comparatively similar type? Mistyped ESFPs, our semi duals? I could see ENFPs as being friends, but both are leadership types. ENFPs would win more times than not, being more charismatic, and this would frustrate the INFJ. I ought to pretend to be an ENFP one day. But we both know we exist, and are interested in each other. When there is no opportunity for a leadership role, IE, when we are along, we become equals. This is quite easy, because being introverts, we tend to speak to people one at a time to make sure this isn't a problem. The ENFP's oppinion of this? I do not know. He'd probably prefer us as subordinates, I'd think.

I also disagree with Mark Twain's typing, but have done quite literally no research into it, and thus would not know. I do know he was friends with Tesla, but so was everyone at the time. http://www.teslasociety.com/famousfriends.htm
 
they can also be extremely emotionally convoluted and have severely low self esteem. When in this state, it's nearly impossible to predict what will send them into hysterics, and you have to walk on eggshells around them, but the most innocuous thing can set them off.


It's the dreaded Fi-Si loop. Something as seemingly ridiculous as saying the word "yellow" can set them off. "I was wearing a yellow shirt the day I got a rejection letter from my top college! Yellow is a reminder of what a failure I am, please never bring it up again!" Okay, that's an extreme example, but you get the point. :P The Fi-Si loop causes them to associate (often negative) feelings with the circumstances under which those feelings were felt, even if those contextual details were not the cause of the negative feeling. Emotionally, for Fi/Si users, if there is one sour grape in the bunch, it often ruins the whole bunch.


One reason ENFPs might be drawn to INFJs is because we are usually more understanding and patient with people than other types. When ENFPs are under stress, they can't help but feel what they're feeling very strongly, even when they know they're being irrational. Rationalizing won't make their emotions go away, and knowing that their hypersensitivity is a nuisance to others just makes them feel worse. So it makes sense that they'd be drawn to natural counselors like INFJs.

eggshells. yes. this.
 
I’m an INFJ and my mom is an ENFP! We’re like best friends but me being an introvert, I’ll sometimes feel like I desperately need space, but my mom will be like “don’t leave me! I’m bored” lol
My mom also tested as an INFJ, and I thought it was strange that we both had the same personality type, but is actually an ENFP and she has PTSD
so it may have made her a little more similar to an INFJ.
I guess it would depend on the person, but I feel like we kind of have a lot of the same opinions and qualities, morals, and are concerned about what others think of us, so we are careful not to offend, and it’s easy to relate to each other in a lot of ways. Being that we’re introverted and they’re extroverted, it’s also easier to hold a conversation without having a lot of silence or both people wanting to talk over each other.
 
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