Why don't INFJs fit into society

grapefruit said:
I keep reading articles all over the Internet saying that INFJs are known for being outsiders and not fitting into society. However, I can't figure out why. I believe I accurately match the type description, but I don't understand how any of the qualities in the description could make me not fit in. So, using the basic description, could someone please post exact reasons why we don't fit in to society, provide concrete examples involving real-world situations to better explain each reason, and provide some solutions for what we can do to the long better. I am tired of reading these doom and gloom articles that only give a pronouncement with no reasons and no solutions. I do believe the pronouncement is true, but I can't understand why.
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Another example is of one of my best friends. I never knew she was an INFJ, all along I had been with her, and only when she did the personality test it was kind of this "Shit, that's why we get each other so well". So, growing up she was extremely shy. But I admired her so much, because I remember her sitting alone at breaks (before I joined her) and she was just so brave, to be herself. She didn't mind sitting alone and eating, because she kind of knew she "didn't" fit anywhere and didn't want to force it. And, she was too introverted to go out in search of friends. She was usually really quiet, and kind of mystic, but she always stuck up for her opinion. And she was so empathetic and understanding.

Using her as an example, I think she also realized she was very different from everyone else (being INFJ) and because we INFJ's are like 1-2 % of the population, it's more difficult for people to relate to us exactly, as we feel we might relate to them. But she wasn't afraid of sitting alone or doing things, that people at that age (we were quite young) might have perceived as her "being a loner" and "being boring". She didn't really fit into society, and still today, both of us really don't. But when we're with each other (and our close friends) we find we can be open, and belong somewhere (even though it is so hard and sometimes very fleeting this feeling of 'belonging'). Hope this helped :)
 
I'm a former "shy" INFJ who has (mostly) successfully combated not "fitting in." How? By being rebellious and refusing to feel afraid. Going places along and giving zero fucks what others think about me Takes time, but 20 years later I can be quite outspoken and I am no longer shy or afraid of people.
 
I am sorry you feel that way INFJ's.
 
Happy Phantom said:
I'm a former "shy" INFJ who has (mostly) successfully combated not "fitting in." How? By being rebellious and refusing to feel afraid. Going places along and giving zero fucks what others think about me Takes time, but 20 years later I can be quite outspoken and I am no longer shy or afraid of people.
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No. The tables have turned.
 
I don't fit into society, I break society by not giving a toss and being so outrageously defiant and combative that I leave it in a bloody pulp on the street because it tried to infringe on my style and finesse, so I broke it's face in comprehension and due respect that was well deserved. Take that society, take that, take it like your just reward and compensation, you god damn liar. Liars, all of you, god damn liars, this dastardly conniving, scheming and fraudulent atrocity that is society I show you what it's like in prison.


I honestly feel and think this a fair amount, but I had this realization and epiphany not too long ago that I think I almost like feeling this way, I like having something to rebel against, and I like having authority figures to challenge and rules to break. I am just such a terrible and bad person, I just want to riot, plunder and cause disorder, and take part in risky behavior, casual sex with strange women, all of it! I am just a terrible person. So pretty what I am saying is that it is partially my fault, no matter what society I live in I would probably be unhappy because I am a terrible person.


The one thing that really bothers me the most is that we don't really have enough democracy, or representative government and choice in our lives due to this. It's really frustrating, I think that mostly it's the alienation that many people are describing when they say things like "I don't fit into society" is basically the product and result of things being that way. But then the problem is that a lot of people are really herd-minded and when we are ever given a choice, on a whole, collectively, it usually degrades more or less into what we have now, or worse even and some kind of a dictatorship. I've tried to under stand this phenomena and I feel like when I got into politics a bit and meant people who were equally interested, I started to notice certain things. I feel like what it comes down to, a lot of people cannot see clearly in a sense that is hard to explain, they cannot see the entirety of what is going on, and they are almost blind in some instance or another. I don't think it's intelligence really, something else entirely, like they don't want to see reality and avoid personal accountability, responsibility and the like and that's why I've come to think that to some degree Christianity is right in it's views on humanity. "Third eye blind" call it what you will, I will try harder to define it for myself in the future but there's something to it.


Nails! Nails! Nails!


Jesus Christ is considered to be the most famous person in the world.
https://www.thetoptens.com/most-famous-people/jesus-christ-144781.asp
 
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Darc said:
I don't fit into society, I break society by not giving a toss and being so outrageously defiant and combative that I leave it in a bloody pulp on the street because it tried to infringe on my style and finesse, so I broke it's face in comprehension and due respect that was well deserved. Take that society, take that, take it like your just reward and compensation, you god damn liar. Liars, all of you, god damn liars, this dastardly conniving, scheming and fraudulent atrocity that is society I show you what it's like in prison.


I honestly feel and think this a fair amount, but I had this realization and epiphany not too long ago that I think I almost like feeling this way, I like having something to rebel against, and I like having authority figures to challenge and rules to break. I am just such a terrible and bad person, I just want to riot, plunder and cause disorder, and take part in risky behavior, casual sex with strange women, all of it! I am just a terrible person. So pretty what I am saying is that it is partially my fault, no matter what society I live in I would probably be unhappy because I am a terrible person.


The one thing that really bothers me the most is that we don't really have enough democracy, or representative government and choice in our lives due to this. It's really frustrating, I think that mostly it's the alienation that many people are describing when they say things like "I don't fit into society" is basically the product and result of things being that way. But then the problem is that a lot of people are really herd-minded and when we are ever given a choice, on a whole, collectively, it usually degrades more or less into what we have now, or worse even and some kind of a dictatorship. I've tried to under stand this phenomena and I feel like when I got into politics a bit and meant people who were equally interested, I started to notice certain things. I feel like what it comes down to, a lot of people cannot see clearly in a sense that is hard to explain, they cannot see the entirety of what is going on, and they are almost blind in some instance or another. I don't think it's intelligence really, something else entirely, like they don't want to see reality and avoid personal accountability, responsibility and the like and that's why I've come to think that to some degree Christianity is right in it's views on humanity. "Third eye blind" call it what you will, I will try harder to define it for myself in the future but there's something to it.


Nails! Nails! Nails!


Jesus Christ is considered to be the most famous person in the world.
https://www.thetoptens.com/most-famous-people/jesus-christ-144781.asp
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I'd agree with the Jesus part :)
 
I think our heads are just too deep in the deep.. or too high in the clouds.. we are lost in thought.. lost in our own heads so often.. it is such a lovely place to be, after all.. that we feel soooo out of touch. So... different.. I think it is a good thing to be awake and alive. I feel like we walk amidst sleeping people so often.. Count me amongst the awake, anyday.. head in the clouds, weird, or not.
 
I think I already posted in this thread. Oh well. I used to not fit in, then I discovered I'm pretty good at adapting to people and situations. Now I fit in everywhere, even when I don't...
 
Happy Phantom said:
Is that what has happened!? EH you are very wise.
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Now instead of you being shy and afraid, people are shy and afraid of you. It seems so young padawan.
 
Milktoast Bandit said:
I think I already posted in this thread. Oh well. I used to not fit in, then I discovered I'm pretty good at adapting to people and situations. Now I fit in everywhere, even when I don't...
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That's your chameleon mode milk..
 
grapefruit said:
I keep reading articles all over the Internet saying that INFJs are known for being outsiders and not fitting into society. However, I can't figure out why. I believe I accurately match the type description, but I don't understand how any of the qualities in the description could make me not fit in. So, using the basic description, could someone please post exact reasons why we don't fit in to society, provide concrete examples involving real-world situations to better explain each reason, and provide some solutions for what we can do to the long better. I am tired of reading these doom and gloom articles that only give a pronouncement with no reasons and no solutions. I do believe the pronouncement is true, but I can't understand why.
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I am an infj female. I'm 31 and I teach senior English. I am the odd one in my department and I am frequently misunderstood. I offend people without trying because I am too honest and I don't sugar coat things. I love being social but my disregard for social norms gets me into trouble. I have been told I am abrasives honest and open. I also like to tease others occasionally which gets me into more trouble. I wish I was more conforming but I get bored with it and I feel like a liar when I'm not my authentic self. The struggle is real. I don't care if people think I'm weird but I hate offending people which happens more than I like and really stresses me out. I'm actually going to try withdrawing for a bit and just detox from social interactions.
 
charlatan said:
This is very simple -- in traditional dichotomies theory, society values extroversion and pragmatism. INFs are hyper-introspective idealists. Not hard to imagine at all.

Both S and T relate to pragmatism, and E relates also to mingling well with others. Society is HUGELY based on pragmatism, not idealism, because it after all is a "whatever works for most people" thing rather than some ideal of absolute purity.
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QFT.

I'll add that SJs tend to get along great in society because many people value stories, and SJs tend to be the best at relating events from their past in a detailed, well-structured and entertaining manner (Si).

For INFJs, Ni compels them to identify future outcomes. So in conversation, an INFJ may have an insight about the future and the first question from someone else (for argument's sake let's say a common sensor type, maybe ESFJ) is "how do you know that?" Since the subconscious nature of Ni means that the INFJ often won't be able to clearly articulate what led to their own insight, this makes it tough to communicate and thus challenging for others to take seriously.

Point being - your strongest/lead/most comfortable function is difficult for 80-90%+ of the rest of the population to understand. People tend to want simple, uncomplicated, explainable, familiar. Their loss, to be sure, but it's the truth.
 
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Kgal said:
Firstly - INFJs are considered change agents and catalysts. People are never happy whenever their world is changed by us and they tend to shy away making us feeling on the outside.
Secondly - the Introverts think differently than the majority of people in western societies. It has been shown using brain imaging equipment the INxx's use more areas of the brain than the other types.
Let's face it - we are different than most. I'm not saying better....just different.

I've lived a pretty long and amazing life. All throughout those years I have felt different and like I didn't "fit in". But I haven't let that stop me from finding aspects of people to love and admire. I focus on those qualities when I'm with them and it becomes easy to hang out with them. These days everyone I meet is glad they ran in to me. Everyone I know wants to talk with me.

I focus on the fact we all want to be free to express out innate creative selves....we want to be able to love who we want to love in freedom and joy....we all want to feel safe to live our lives and enjoy our loved ones.

Don't despair about being the odd one out. Seek new and different experiences to expand the functions. Put your self in awkward situations. Notice what happens and store it for future reference. You are developing all of your abilities.

I firmly believe All types are needed and are treasured in this teeming mass of humanity.
Namaste'
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I agree. Just being me,despite often feeling like I don't fit in, I do what I want for me and most people tell me that they respect that about me and look up to me because I don't seek others approval and try to always fit in. I'm not selfish or conceited about it. I'm just confident and comfortable with who I am.
 
grapefruit said:
I keep reading articles all over the Internet saying that INFJs are known for being outsiders and not fitting into society. However, I can't figure out why. I believe I accurately match the type description, but I don't understand how any of the qualities in the description could make me not fit in. So, using the basic description, could someone please post exact reasons why we don't fit in to society, provide concrete examples involving real-world situations to better explain each reason, and provide some solutions for what we can do to the long better. I am tired of reading these doom and gloom articles that only give a pronouncement with no reasons and no solutions. I do believe the pronouncement is true, but I can't understand why.
Click to expand...

Everyone fits. I imagine most INFJ's who talk about not fitting in are just those who having found meaningful connections with other people. I am willing to bet that most people who know INFJ's would not say they didn't fit in. I know plenty of INFJ's who are fully integrated into day to day society. How they personally feel about it may just be different than how it looks from the outside in.

Most people I know who say they don't "fit in" with society just say that because they don't feel personally aligned with most people's values and how they spend there time. I can see how they might have the perception that there's this whole ocean of people that are operating one way while they are operating on a different frequency. We're all a part of the same fucking ocean.

The way that I think about INFJ's or any other type is that they're all functioning as part of a whole. Each type of person is required and plays a role. They're not born to be outsiders - that's absurd. They bring value in a different way than other people do. It's up to them to find their place in the world instead of pretending to themselves that they somehow innately don't belong.
 
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