I am curious, have you been in a relationship with another INFJ, is all of this coming from experience? I hope you realize I haven't been trying to attack you in any way, I just hope that you would never break it off with someone over something so small as MBTI.
I would never in a million years break off anything with anyone because of MBTI, in fact if anything I feel that I have a better understanding of types because of MBTI. I appreciate the different types now more than ever. Before I might've written off an ISTP or ISTJ, but as I have been on this journey I see the merits of all types. But that doesn't change my own natural predilection and dating history.
No, I've never dated an INFJ, but I know that I have never been attracted to one. I am always attracted to NTs typically. I do have two friends who are INFJs, and I have learned a lot from my relationship with them. #1 is my best friend and we have the greatest relationship ever imaginable- we get along great, we have awesome conversations and never miss a beat. The only downside is that she gets down a lot and questions things a lot, like the nature of reality, or what happiness really is- something I don't know if I could deal with in the long run with dating because I am also like that, and I might think we'd end up being down all the time if we were together. #2 is substantially younger, and we constantly have misinterpretations- she will read into things way too much, and say things that hurt my feelings, or she will do something that is somewhat embarrassing but then hermit away for a really long time- it's very on-again/off-again I'd like to be closer to her, but due to maturity or lack thereof it's very hard to be her friend. #1 and #2 are helplessly co-dependent, and have (in my opinion) relationships that would make me claustrophobic.
Both of them are very similar to me, I exhibit similar patterns- of being depressive, of reading into things, of kind of disappearing from my social scene, of letting my emotions kind of take a hold of me, of being more dependent of relationships. I know that I wouldn't be able to tolerate seeing my weaknesses in others, and in fact sometimes I am harder on my INFJ friends than other types because I expect more out of them. These friends also have many strengths, and I do appreciate them a lot.
But, that being said, I have never met an INFJ male in real life. They might be somewhat different just because of gender roles? If I met an INFJ male in real life I would probably be his friend. Usually I don't try to type people unless I've known them for awhile, or if it comes up- otherwise I just try to look for Fe or Te to establish how to build rapport and that's about it- I don't spend all of my time analyzing people.
Typically when looking for a significant other, I only look for long term partners that carry my same goals. An INFJ male would probably meet that criteria. But I don't know if an INFJ male would be independent enough for me. The other issue is that since I deal with so many emotions, being overwhelmed by all the emotions that INFJ male would feel.
Reasons why it wouldn't work:
#1 We'd become completely dependent on each other, emotionally/psychologically, therefore no longer being able to maintain outside relationships, or independent identities.
#2 We'd get wrapped up in each other's theories and lose the ability to be objective or maintain perspective. We might create this kind of fantasy that we'd live in, I could see visions of never leaving the house, getting out of touch with what's going on in the world. This seems particularly unhealthy to me (and I have seen this in other INFJ relationships).
#3 Fights would be horrible, and I know this having been in fights with these two friends, they say things that hurt me worse than what anyone else could say. I would prefer to be in a relationship where I don't feel that my feelings are completely in the hands of the other person. And since we both would want to avoid conflict we would probably skirt around the issue for months, and the fight would be that much more intense. People with Te on the other hand will always say what needs to be said, even if it is hurtful and then work to resolve it. Speaking from experience, sometimes when I am upset, I let it sit and sit and sit, and then read into it way too much- by being with someone who addresses things right away I am able to kind of let go, let it out, think about it and move on.
Because I am the kind of person to think about all of these different nuances that is why I am typically not drawn to other people with Fe & Ti- I can appreciate them from a distance, I might even admire them or have feelings with them, but I would never choose to date someone with those preferences because every time I even come close to thinking about dating somebody, I usually imagine what the relationship would be like, what the break up & fights would be like.
As a caveat, I do want to mention that all relationships have cycles, and that plenty can be said about INFJ/INTJ couplings like the one I am in now. There can be stuff said about ENFP/INFJ couplings, and INFP/INFP couplings. Each different coupling will face a different issue. It's just choosing which issue is tolerable and which issue wouldn't be tolerable that is part of being in a relationship. For me in relationships I would not be able to tolerate emotions and fighting, volatile situations bring out the worst in me. One close friend of mine is an ESFJ and we have the most volatile relationship. But sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's not. For other people the positive sides of dating an INFJ while being an INFJ might be worth it. For me, I can stand to have that kind of volatile friendship, but to be in a relationship where there was the potentiality of feeling all of those feelings is frightening for me- I think it would make me anxious.